I think I'm gonna be dateless all my life

[logan415]

I signed up on another site called Cougar Life and it still no luck. I get views and messages but only from those webcam girls who do live shows. I had one lady message me and she is 40 years old. She left me a email and I emailed her and it felt like it was all scripted. She said we can meet but had to go to this site where you had to enter credit card. I then knew it was a scam. I'm beginning to think all dating sites are a big joke.

 

Its hard to meet people in person so I went on the sites hoping to meet someone or least have one date. I tried POF and OkCupid and nothing. No messages I have few views on OkCupid but that is it.

 

I think I will hire a nice GFE escort. I feel that dating is a bull**** game and everyone online is fake. Least the escort will be more real than thr people I met online.

 

With all of this in mind I think I will remain dateless. I'm not sure what else to do. I'm not getting any younger. I'm 29 years old and will be 30 years old next year and never had a date or relationship. Its pretty muxh hopeless at my age. I feel that my only chance with a woman is paying a escort.

[d0nnivain]

Its hard to meet people in person so I went on the sites hoping to meet someone or least have one date. I tried POF and OkCupid and nothing. No messages I have few views on OkCupid but that is it.

 

Have a trusted friend of the opposite sex review your profile. You might not have the most flattering picture or your bio may be inadvertently off putting. there is an art to writing good copy that draws people in.

 

I had to write my bio for some business marketing thing. I thought it was OK. A friend of mine in marketing & advertising took what I wrote, plus what she knew about me & my resume and rewrote my bio. She gave it back to me & I was blown away by how impressive it was. It was my accomplishments but rearranged. Wow. What a difference

 

Since you say it's hard to meet people IRL, I have to ask what you are doing to meet people. You do have to make an effort. I recommend the following:

 

1. Smile & look around. Who is there every day when you get your morning coffee or buy lunch?

 

2. Go to business functions in your line of work & meet people.

 

3. Sign up to play on a co-ed sports team.

 

4. Join a gym.

 

5. Volunteer somewhere to serve for a cause you believe in.

 

6. Volunteer to work on a political campaign of your choosing. If you really hate all the candidates, pick an issue you care about.

 

7. Go speed dating.

 

8. Tell people you know that you are open to being introduced to new people

 

9. Go to a Meet-up group that does something you like

 

10. Attend a singles event that interests you. I went to a party; a wine dinner & on a hike called Leashes & Lovers because I could bring my dog. I also was looking into signing up for a thing where they partnered you with somebody to play golf; I figured I'd at least get 18 holes out of it even if I didn't get a love match.

 

11. Do something with an alumni association

 

12. Take or teach an adult education class that interests you. In those settings, there aren't prohibitions against students & teachers getting together.

[PegNosePete]

Have a trusted friend of the opposite sex review your profile.

Personally I found that some of the worst advice came from my trusted female friends. They meant well but they had no experience of what it's like to be a guy on OLD so their advice was extremely bad.

 

Better to have a trusted male who is experienced and successful in OLD review it.

[d0nnivain]

Fine . . .male or female. Have SOMEBODY review it.

[NVO]

I know what you are talking about. Same goes for me... Can't be lookong that ****ty.

[normal person]

I'm a 29 y/o male, very successful with OLD. I feel like I've got a better grasp of it than most people. Women frequently say my profile is the funniest/one of the best they've read. I'm happy to review yours for you if you want. I'm very honest.

[scooby-philly]

First off......don't be desperate!!!!

 

I know - trust me I know - dating is not easy. Rather than bombard you with advice let me ask you a few questions you can answer....

 

1. What was your parent's relationship like as a kid? Or if they weren't together the whole time, what was each one's dating like?

 

2. Did your parents support & nurture you, without being over-bearing, over-protective, etc.?

 

3. Did you have any siblings - older or younger? What was their early dating history like?

 

4. What was your family's dynamics like - were you guys open, secluded, "happiness at all costs"?

 

5. How did your parents handle your emotions - anger, sadness, hate, hunger, lust, etc?

 

6. How did your parents handle their emotions? What was their communication style like?

 

 

 

I ask all that because often we find ourselves repeating the mistakes one or both of our parents made or if we grew up in a somewhat unhealthy family, we pick up traits, world views, etc that limit our potential, skew how we see things, etc.

 

For myself, I've found that I'm okay when I'm own my own. I've managed to land a few gfs (though in retrospect 1 I would never date, 1 I would have been more up front about my needs). My parents didn't have the emotional maturity or energy to really guide/direct me as a child. So i grew up wanting too much attention, not focusing on myself, and not feeling like I could do/be/go where I truly wanted to. I'm 34 now and find myself stuck again because the choices I've made have put me back in the same position I found myself at 21, 28, etc.

 

I could be wrong - and please correct me and tell me how you see things - the issue sounds like you don't know how to tell yourself what you want and don't know how to go after it. Other people will give you advice on just getting out there, joining hobby groups, how to use OLD sites, how to write your profile. My point is perhaps before or as you do those things, sit down with yourself - find a safe spot, by yourself, no distractions, and go back to be 13 or 18 in your head - what do you want? What is important to you?

[smackie9]

Don't blame the dating sites or women in general for your lack of success. It all falls on you, your attitude and your lack of ability to present yourself as dateable.

 

If you are not a well rounded, confident, happy guy with a positive outlook and right mindset, future goals that would be suitable for a solid relationship, it ain't going to happen for you. YOU need to make changes/ self improvement. Even people who have had relationships and fail, do regroup and self improve to be ready for the next one.

[oberkeat]

Dont feel too bad about your lack of success through online dating. Very few people have much luck on those sites.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

and no matter how old the OP gets and is still single, people will still annoyingly tell him "it's never too late, better late than never, you have plenty of time"

[schiller]

Dont feel too bad about your lack of success through online dating. Very few people have much luck on those sites.

 

Except he hasn't had as much as one date, either on or offline.

 

At 29 years old, that's not good. In fact it's pretty bad.

[logan415]

First off......don't be desperate!!!!

 

I know - trust me I know - dating is not easy. Rather than bombard you with advice let me ask you a few questions you can answer....

 

 

 

 

 

I ask all that because often we find ourselves repeating the mistakes one or both of our parents made or if we grew up in a somewhat unhealthy family, we pick up traits, world views, etc that limit our potential, skew how we see things, etc.

 

For myself, I've found that I'm okay when I'm own my own. I've managed to land a few gfs (though in retrospect 1 I would never date, 1 I would have been more up front about my needs). My parents didn't have the emotional maturity or energy to really guide/direct me as a child. So i grew up wanting too much attention, not focusing on myself, and not feeling like I could do/be/go where I truly wanted to. I'm 34 now and find myself stuck again because the choices I've made have put me back in the same position I found myself at 21, 28, etc.

 

I could be wrong - and please correct me and tell me how you see things - the issue sounds like you don't know how to tell yourself what you want and don't know how to go after it. Other people will give you advice on just getting out there, joining hobby groups, how to use OLD sites, how to write your profile. My point is perhaps before or as you do those things, sit down with yourself - find a safe spot, by yourself, no distractions, and go back to be 13 or 18 in your head - what do you want? What is important to you?

 

1. What was your parent's relationship like as a kid? Or if they weren't together the whole time, what was each one's dating like?

 

My parents got divorced when I was 11 years old. They had problems constantly arguing.

 

 

2. Did your parents support & nurture you, without being over-bearing, over-protective, etc.?

My father was over protective but my mother was more relaxed on my freedom.

 

 

3. Did you have any siblings - older or younger? What was their early dating history like?

I have a sister who is 14 years older than me. My sister had several different boyfriends. But then she is a girl, much easier for girls than guys.

 

 

4. What was your family's dynamics like - were you guys open, secluded, "happiness at all costs"?

That was so and so. I guess somewhat off to ourselves

 

5. How did your parents handle your emotions - anger, sadness, hate, hunger, lust, etc?

A little mix of both sadness and anger. They would get angry if I got on their nerves.

 

6. How did your parents handle their emotions? What was their communication style like?

My mom was pretty calm but my dad had a temper when he get angry. My dad never was an ambitious guy and always settle for less and angry all the time. I think that is what led to divorce. After my parents separated I live with my mom.

 

I always wanted to have my own family one day but it seems like that is not going to happen. I did met a girl online who lives in Eastern Europe and been in contact. She said she would like to meet me in person and see how we connect. I'm considering of doing this since I don't really have much to lose at this point in my life.

[logan415]

Don't blame the dating sites or women in general for your lack of success. It all falls on you, your attitude and your lack of ability to present yourself as dateable.

 

If you are not a well rounded, confident, happy guy with a positive outlook and right mindset, future goals that would be suitable for a solid relationship, it ain't going to happen for you. YOU need to make changes/ self improvement. Even people who have had relationships and fail, do regroup and self improve to be ready for the next one.

 

While at some level is true but all the blame can't be on me. I'm a nice cool person. Its just society tells women to put me here. In all honestly I'm getting so tired of it. Its funny that I can connect with women well outside of the US like in Europe and South America. They have a different outlook on life. They want the simple guy. I'm not a complex and mysterious as what American women want. So that I'm nearing 30 years old I'm not looking overseas for a better mate. If I do succeed then I think I'm leaving the US. Women in the US are too picky. Some things you can change but trying to change your character, facial image and other traits just to become attractive just becomes too much pressure to impress. I was simple life.

[jakrbbt]

You're so young OP!! But I know, it's hard to be lonely and even harder to feel like every online dating site is a tedious nest of fraud and weirdness.

 

By far, the easiest time I (and anyone I know) ever had meeting anyone was in school. Especially graduate school. I don't even know how anyone meets good friends anymore, other than school, unless they work with people who really fit in with them.

 

Is school a possibility? If not, the point is, go where people seek friends, and through friends is the best way to find dates.

 

You're pretty unlikely to be date-less for life. It's just frustrating not to be able to see the future. But that's what makes it so fun when it happens!

[logan415]

You're so young OP!! But I know, it's hard to be lonely and even harder to feel like every online dating site is a tedious nest of fraud and weirdness.

 

By far, the easiest time I (and anyone I know) ever had meeting anyone was in school. Especially graduate school. I don't even know how anyone meets good friends anymore, other than school, unless they work with people who really fit in with them.

 

Is school a possibility? If not, the point is, go where people seek friends, and through friends is the best way to find dates.

 

You're pretty unlikely to be date-less for life. It's just frustrating not to be able to see the future. But that's what makes it so fun when it happens!

 

 

I went to a University and got a bachelor of science but never dated when I was going to school.

[mystikmind2005]

I dunno,,, online dating can be weird sometimes.

 

One minute i will find myself panicking to keep up with 6 dates in a week... then go for 6 months - NOTHING!

 

Bizarre.

 

If i was paranoid i would start thinking the Universe is an ant bully and likes to play games with puny human dating lives just for a laugh.

[Mrlonelyone]

OP it might be a better strategy to not online date. Online dating is, in the end, best for people who look good on paper. Not everyone looks good on paper or in a photo. Luckly relatioships don't happen on paper they happen in real life.

 

Do the following. Shower, shave, wear your nice club clothes, and go get a drink at the 5 nearest bars every Friday and Saturday night for the next six moths. Talk just talk don't ask out per se a variety of people. Go and have a good time. Be yourself while doing this and you will attract a woman who is into you.

 

The bar scene gets a bad rap but it worked, in some form, for at least six million years before online existed.

[logan415]

OP it might be a better strategy to not online date. Online dating is, in the end, best for people who look good on paper. Not everyone looks good on paper or in a photo. Luckly relatioships don't happen on paper they happen in real life.

 

Do the following. Shower, shave, wear your nice club clothes, and go get a drink at the 5 nearest bars every Friday and Saturday night for the next six moths. Talk just talk don't ask out per se a variety of people. Go and have a good time. Be yourself while doing this and you will attract a woman who is into you.

 

The bar scene gets a bad rap but it worked, in some form, for at least six million years before online existed.

 

I actually would like to meet women in person but I'm not good at striking conversations so I never say anything. When I go to work and I take the elevator and sometime when a woman is there I don't say anything. I do speak when they start saying hi or some other introductory phrase to me. If nothing is spoken I will keep quiet. I know I do have shyness still trying to overcome it but its a but of a challenge.

 

Sometime I feel uncomfortable of how I look based on my natural physical attributes. Its obvious I cannot change my face. But I guess my issue is I wish I can look like someone else. I do wish I was a White guy since I feel that women consider them more attractive than any other race. Even Chinese and other Asians like White people. I'm mixed race with Indian so I have a brown skin complexion.

[Buddhist]

Sometime I feel uncomfortable of how I look based on my natural physical attributes. Its obvious I cannot change my face. But I guess my issue is I wish I can look like someone else. I do wish I was a White guy since I feel that women consider them more attractive than any other race. Even Chinese and other Asians like White people. I'm mixed race with Indian so I have a brown skin complexion.

 

And here's the real problem. Not that you are Indian or have brown skin. But that you've bought the line that Indian men are undesirable. Yet there are roughly the same proportion of hot, ordinary and ugly men with Indian descent as there are white guys, asian guys and african, hispanic guys. There is no race on the planet that is prettier than all the others. But plenty of people (especially of Asian backgrounds) buy the line that there are. You need to work on this because absolutely nothing in your life will change until you do.

[logan415]

And here's the real problem. Not that you are Indian or have brown skin. But that you've bought the line that Indian men are undesirable. Yet there are roughly the same proportion of hot, ordinary and ugly men with Indian descent as there are white guys, asian guys and african, hispanic guys. There is no race on the planet that is prettier than all the others. But plenty of people (especially of Asian backgrounds) buy the line that there are. You need to work on this because absolutely nothing in your life will change until you do.

 

I think its just me undesirable. If even had some physical attraction I would least have some women approach me and say hi with some interest. People say confidence is all you need but I thinks its a lie. Women are like anything else they want someone who they are attracted to. If you have no good looking face then its over. Women say confidence but I truely don't. I do have confidence because I did not I would never been able to finish college. Then chase a career I want and go after it.

 

 

I know paying for a escort for company and intimacy won't solve everything but I feel it will least give me closure on want intimacy is like. I know I will never be there. I know my life to well. Guess drop couple hundred bucks on a escort that offers GFE service.

[Zippy2000]

Dont let online dating get you down. I ve have my fair share of stories from online dates. Even if you get a date its no guarentee they will stick with you.

 

Read the stories of no shows, (flakes), people being hot and cold or the people who ghost.

 

Ask people from real life than online.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

for a couple of months now, I have been using Greek Mythology's Hercules 12 labors as a sarcastic way of motivating me to take action, responsibility for my life and my results with women, since Hercules had to do those 12 labors.

 

 

 

 

"Think about it…the entire dating process puts the burden of taking charge on the man. Guys have to approach women, ask for their number and arrange the first date. Men are usually the ones who escalate to sex. Guys are the ones dropping to one knee and proposing.

When you pass off the burden of decision-making to your girl, you’re basically saying “I’m not cut out for this crap. You deal with it.”

And that’s not fair. Yes, women have their own opinions and wants and needs. But generally speaking, they want you to take charge. It’s a huge turn on. And of course, being a flip-flopping wimp is the complete opposite."

Tripp Advice said it right here in this article:7 Things Killing Your Chances with Women | Tripp Advice

[loveweary11]

Op: What girls are you trying to go for? Are you trying inside your race also?

 

If you are trying for white girls on ok cupid, it's no wonder you are stuck.

 

Those dating sites have a low response rate to begin with. I've found higher response rates on tinder.

 

Second, you're correct in that many white girls are not down with Indian guys, unless you're one of those really super hansome suave, smooth talking ones.

 

So... don't keep playing poor odds if you're going after white girls on ok cupid.

 

Start to play the odds in your favor. You're a smart guy. You have figured out a thing or 2 by observation.

 

Now try to think a little harder about where you might succeed, given those standard online dating sites stink.

 

Go for niches. Go for girls that will like something about you back.

 

it's actually as much a thinking game as it is confidence, money or looks, in my experience.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Wonder if the OP has ever seemed out a Dating Coach

[AdrianLee]

Well, Logan415,

 

Look to the bright side of thing, I don't think you should subject yourself to this sort of torture. I believe you can do it, you must be a confident of yourself, this will set a good impression for your date. But before getting a date, you have already lose your self confident, how do you expect yourself to go a long way. Stay positive, look confident. Don't focus on been negative. There are so many gals out there, you can go for it, I believe you deserve someone. Go Go Go...

 

 

Adrainlee