Amelie1980 Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Hi guys How many of you have just left stuff at your exes and not bothered about it? I dont want him to have my new address really. But I wonder am I giving him a reason to contact me again if I leave it.
Goodbye Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Hi guys How many of you have just left stuff at your exes and not bothered about it? I dont want him to have my new address really. But I wonder am I giving him a reason to contact me again if I leave it. Just mail it to him and enclose a typed note that says "Do not contact me."
Goodbye Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Just mail it to him and enclose a typed note that says "Do not contact me." Oh, I misread...see it is your stuff. If it isn't of great monetary or sentimental value...forget it. If he contacts you, tell him to throw it out and don't contact you again. If you really need/want the stuff, ask him to mail it to a friend's address (with their permission of course). If it was an abusive relationship/ and or he is crazy...just forget the stuff regardless of its value and thank goodness you are out. 1
Author Amelie1980 Posted September 7, 2015 Author Posted September 7, 2015 Oh, I misread...see it is your stuff. If it isn't of great monetary or sentimental value...forget it. If he contacts you, tell him to throw it out and don't contact you again. If you really need/want the stuff, ask him to mail it to a friend's address (with their permission of course). If it was an abusive relationship/ and or he is crazy...just forget the stuff regardless of its value and thank goodness you are out. It is not of any monetary or sentimental value to me so I just decided to forget it. I have just left it there. I dont think he would have thrown it out, he probably just put it in a bag in his closet and forgot about it. It was one of those situations where he wasnt serious about me but pretended he was to get sex and attention. I have just decided to leave it there and forget it. But have I made it look like I want to or have given him a reason to contact me if he is alone and horny again one day.
Gus Grimly Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 I've already discussed my situation in another thread. But I had left a LOT of stuff with my Ex. Like thousands of dollars worth of possessions, I'm currently trying to replace it all. I consider all that stuff as a casualty of war. She has my cats too. :( I've moved on. She can keep it all. She recently sent me some of my posters I had framed, that pissed me off. hehe. I'm just glad it's over. I never want to see her or any of that stuff she's polluted with her filth again. Yikes, that was a bit mean .... wait, screw her. lol
Author Amelie1980 Posted September 7, 2015 Author Posted September 7, 2015 I've already discussed my situation in another thread. But I had left a LOT of stuff with my Ex. Like thousands of dollars worth of possessions, I'm currently trying to replace it all. I consider all that stuff as a casualty of war. She has my cats too. :( I've moved on. She can keep it all. She recently sent me some of my posters I had framed, that pissed me off. hehe. I'm just glad it's over. I never want to see her or any of that stuff she's polluted with her filth again. Yikes, that was a bit mean .... wait, screw her. lol If it was of significant monteray value, I would have got it back. I would have sent a taxi or something or asked a friend. I guess your ex was quite nasty. 1
Gus Grimly Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 I guess your ex was quite nasty. You're quite intuitive. Trust me when I say that it would have been a big headache trying to reclaim my belongings. I'm lucky she returned the diamond ring.
carhill Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 OP, my takeaway from the 'stuff' stuff: 1. Stuff can be replaced and, sometimes, it being gone can be healthy in itself. Less stuff 2. Leaving it can be a symbolic gesture of letting go of the past. 3. Any costs are paying forward the value of education in relationships, value which can be carried into one's future relationships. As to your quandary regarding giving him a reason for contact if leaving it, that depends on the person and how the relationship ended. If you eliminate contact pathways as part of NC, that potential will be terminated, regardless of how he might feel about it. Personally, I look around at some of the 'stuff' my exW left here from our M and find, and found, it unremarkable. It's just stuff, and the house she got in our D is full of my life's work, and I'm fine with that. The payoff is in the end; the ending. That's what has value. Peace. That's worth more than any stuff I can imagine.
Author Amelie1980 Posted September 7, 2015 Author Posted September 7, 2015 OP, my takeaway from the 'stuff' stuff: 1. Stuff can be replaced and, sometimes, it being gone can be healthy in itself. Less stuff 2. Leaving it can be a symbolic gesture of letting go of the past. 3. Any costs are paying forward the value of education in relationships, value which can be carried into one's future relationships. As to your quandary regarding giving him a reason for contact if leaving it, that depends on the person and how the relationship ended. If you eliminate contact pathways as part of NC, that potential will be terminated, regardless of how he might feel about it. Personally, I look around at some of the 'stuff' my exW left here from our M and find, and found, it unremarkable. It's just stuff, and the house she got in our D is full of my life's work, and I'm fine with that. The payoff is in the end; the ending. That's what has value. Peace. That's worth more than any stuff I can imagine. He is a notorious player. Uses people for sex. Hates being single. Even when single he isnt as he always has to have someone around. Even though I gave him HELL at the end, I wouldnt put it past him.
Author Amelie1980 Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 Did any of you not bother to get your things back. I just left my things at his place and didnt bother to get my things back and there is no point now all this time later. it was new clothes though. I wonder if he will ask me some day if i want it back or just give it away.
mystikmind2005 Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Getting things back can be an opportunity for more drama depending on who/if anyone is motivated to do so? Such motivations can be revenge, closure, spite, breakup sex! Who knows?
mightycpa Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 I left my class ring with the first one. Five years later, her brother gave it back to me. I doubt your clothes will last that long. If you want them back, send somebody over with a bag or a box or something. No big deal.
makemineamac Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Yes get on it. Send a friend, do whatever you have to do. You spent money on this stuff, it has value. Get it. Now.
darkbloom Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 I just left it. The stuff was not equal to the pain involved in getting it back.
Blanco Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Is this still the same stuff you mentioned in the thread you started about this same subject two months ago?
Author Amelie1980 Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 Is this still the same stuff you mentioned in the thread you started about this same subject two months ago? Probably. I had completely and utterly forgetten id ever posted about this before. Haven't been here for a couple of months. You on the other hand need to back away from this site if you can remember what random people post about when they cant. if you're using the search facility again too much time on this site.
CT98 Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 She still has my Smiths boxset, it's been 14 months now, I think I'm going to have to buy a new one If you can I would get someone else to get your stuff.
Author Amelie1980 Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 She still has my Smiths boxset, it's been 14 months now, I think I'm going to have to buy a new one If you can I would get someone else to get your stuff. It's been 4 months.
CT98 Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 It's been 4 months. If you want your stuff back it's fine. It's your stuff after all. Like I said, I would ask a friend to get it.
Author Amelie1980 Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 If you want your stuff back it's fine. It's your stuff after all. Like I said, I would ask a friend to get it. Not sure it's worth creating drama or breaking NC for. He can wear my clothes :-) 1
Blanco Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Probably. I had completely and utterly forgetten id ever posted about this before. Haven't been here for a couple of months. You on the other hand need to back away from this site if you can remember what random people post about when they cant. if you're using the search facility again too much time on this site. Don't get so defensive. Yes, I checked your most recent posts to get some context on your relationship. I think that matters because some people will use stuff left behind as a potential line of communication. If these things are important to you, just have a friend go get them for you. If they aren't important to you, then assume he threw them away and they're gone. Just like he is.
Wewon Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Hi guys How many of you have just left stuff at your exes and not bothered about it? I dont want him to have my new address really. But I wonder am I giving him a reason to contact me again if I leave it. I have, but putting things into context: The items weren't particularly valuable or irreplaceable and not worth the drama of getting them back. Time #1: I left a couple that she borrowed. Neither of the books were expensive or academic. One was a novel that I had read and the other was some humorist book. The break up wasn't bad, but I knew that I had been obnoxious, going back for a couple of $10 books would have felt petty. Time #2: Sweatshirt, t-shirt and maybe some underwear. The break up was ugly and she was in another state. Again, not worth it. My point, if the items are valuable or otherwise difficult to replace or may be important to him, be a good person and send them back. Or have a mutual friend send them. Don't make this into a big thing, don't make him beg or humiliate him or otherwise twist the knife.
Author Amelie1980 Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 Don't get so defensive. Yes, I checked your most recent posts to get some context on your relationship. I think that matters because some people will use stuff left behind as a potential line of communication. If these things are important to you, just have a friend go get them for you. If they aren't important to you, then assume he threw them away and they're gone. Just like he is. That is so weird i cant even remember making that old thread!!!! I have had a lot going on in life though in the last couple of months and I haven't been on here in that long! Silly woman i am. What worries me is that he thinks I am using it as leverage. It was an on and off situation and he has even kept an umbrella of mine for months before. I had completely forgotten about my umbrella a I lose em all the time and he kept it for 3 months and then contacted me to ask if I wanted it back and it all started up again. i don't know.
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