Gloria25 Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Realistically, and with so many marriages that barely last two years now a days, I just wonder.... When you made the decision to marry, did you make it realistically thinking that this person is the one you want to spend THE REST OF YOUR LIFE with? Or, did you marry for some other reason (ie, you've been dating for a while, figured marriage is the next step; pressure from family, friends, society; just wanting to see if you liked "married" life)?
d0nnivain Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Before I met DH I had set out to find somebody to settle down with. I was at a point in my life where I wanted to get married. I wasn't lonely per se. I had a great group friends & plenty to fill my time, including a FT job & 2 PT jobs. But I wanted to get married to have a partner, a built in playmate. I instantly fell in lust with DH. We got to know each other & in addition to being gorgeous he was smart, quick, sharp & funny. He was also of good character & reliable. Plus he seemed to fit with my family & friends. our relationship deepened. He proposed. We got married. I waited until I was in my 40s to get married. I'm beyond the selfish immaturity of my youth & I was prepared to make the compromises needed to sustain a relationship. 1
Woggle Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 After my first marriage I told my closest that if I ever get married again he is free to slap me but I met a woman worth marrying and I am glad I did. I still let him slap me because a promise is a promise. 2
dreamingoftigers Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Realistically, and with so many marriages that barely last two years now a days, I just wonder.... When you made the decision to marry, did you make it realistically thinking that this person is the one you want to spend THE REST OF YOUR LIFE with? Or, did you marry for some other reason (ie, you've been dating for a while, figured marriage is the next step; pressure from family, friends, society; just wanting to see if you liked "married" life)? I was 22 when we met and 23 when we married. Yes, I thought we would spend the rest of our lives together. In fact, even though things have been very rough, I still do think we will. Currently our second child is on the way. The first one is six and very precious to both of us. He was very wonderful to me for quite some time. Had a great repore. He was very interested in my dreams etc. and we worked incredibly well as a team. The only major conflict we had was over his addictions (which became apparent long after we married). For parenting, finances etc. the usual deal-breakers, things are relatively seamless. We both came from very troubled childhoods and were able to both articulate what we wanted to change for our own children. He proposed to me after 3 months of being together. We had spent almost everyday travelling together by that point. Looking back I am sure it could be described as foolish that I said yes. Frankly, I doubt that I would be able to replicate that kind of chemistry or understanding with anyone else. We are both very offbeat people. We married one year and one day to the day that we met. I don't regret it. I do think we would have benefited from dating longer. Well, maybe. I am quite certain I would have married him after two years or three years anyhow and been as happy as I was before his addictions came up and became an issue. It took him a long time to consistently deal with them, it was very rough. I didn't completely give up hope. But I was very scared that he would end up completely disappearing underneath that wave. His personality is so altered under the influence that it is difficult, if not impossible to reason with him. Now that he is away from that, he is every bit the man he was when we married and a great father. I saw a long-hauler in him all of those years ago and believe that's still right. Marriage is not always comfortable but I do love being married to him (as long as he is sober, otherwise forget it). I am also not willing to go through relapses etc. anymore. Not with another child. No way. I have no patience for that anymore, especially now that it is very clearly an active choice. But he hasn't given me any concern to fear that either. You might guess, I married for love. No one pressured me. In fact my father has actively tried to ruin and or interfere with every relationship I have ever had, due to possessive issues. It's ridiculous.
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