The story on the Personal Trainer...

[ConfusedInOC]

Ok, you know I was interested in this personal trainer. A few weeks ago I sparked up a conversation and asked her if she wanted to get some coffee sometime. She said sure so I asked for her phone number, which she gladly gave me.

 

I waited a few days to call her and left her a message.

No call back.

Saw her in the gym a few times, she smiled at me but was busy with clients.

 

I waited a week, left her one more message.

No call back.

 

Hmmm. That's not a good sign.

 

Saw her at the gym last night. She was alone, walking to the bottled water machine as I was coming down the stairs. She looked at me and immediately looked away.

 

Weird.

 

"Hi Sarah" I said. "How's your day going?"

"Good" she replied and kept walking towards the machine.

I followed.

 

When she sensed I was behind her, she turned around on her heels and looked me square in the eyes and said "Look, I am very sorry for not calling you back, but I got back together with my ex. We've had an off and on relationship for the past year but we have a lot in common...."

 

I replied "That's fine. I figured something must be up if you weren't calling me back. But it's perfectly ok to call me back and let me know. It's all about mutual respect."

 

She agreed and was very sorry.

 

I laughed with her a bit, made a joke, made her see she missed out on a good catch (the time and poignancy was perfect) and she smiled.

 

The thing is, even though this one didn't work out, my confidence was boosted because when she started looking in my eyes, I could tell she is attracted to me. It also built up my self esteem as I spoke with authority, confidence and was calm and self-assured.

 

Oh, and I sparked up a conversation with a beautiful woman earlier that night. It's good practice for me to be comfortable around women and treat them as equals. It's doing a lot for me.

 

Great, great practice. I'm sure I'll hear a lot of "no's" before I start hearing yes a lot. It's all part of the learning process.

 

Talk about cramming for the test

[kellyp1]

I am happy for you. There are plenty of other quality women out there that will appreciate you. Good luck with everything!

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by kellyp1

I am happy for you. There are plenty of other quality women out there that will appreciate you. Good luck with everything!

 

Thanks. Granted, she could have been giving me a line, but I remained calm, confident and self-assured. It was a good expeirence to build on.

[alphamale]

don't you know COC that after two calls and no call back that a woman is definitely not interested?? she probably thought you were a creep for coming up to her and confronting her like that and lecturing her.

 

this is not how you make favourable impressions on females. geez o' pete!

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by alphamale

don't you know COC that after two calls and no call back that a woman is definitely not interested?? she probably thought you were a creep for coming up to her and confronting her like that and lecturing her.

 

Wrong, Alpha. She was embarrassed for not calling me. By not asking her, I would have allowed her to disrespect me. I had the sense of self-worth to go ask her. Many men would roll over in that situation. I have to see her at the gym. By not talking to her or looking at her every time I see her, it would tell her I was a wuss with no self-esteem.

 

When you have a problem, the best thing to do is resolve it right away. She gave me her reasons, I accepted them, we made up and I have not lost her friendship.

 

Win/win

 

this is not how you make favourable impressions on females. geez o' pete!

 

On the contrary, I set myself up for possible future success with her. Not everything is as black and white as you'd like it to seem.

 

Sometimes, alpha, even you can learn a new trick....

[alphamale]

Originally posted by ConfusedInOC

Wrong, Alpha. She was embarrassed for not calling me.

Actually she was embarrased cause you put her on the spot and did not get her hints.

 

By not asking her, I would have allowed her to disrespect me. I had the sense of self-worth to go ask her.

incorrect COC....the "alpha male" does not care whether or not she wants go go out or whether she calls back cause he knows to move on to the next woman. by going up to her and harassing her you basically said to her "wow, u didn't call back, you hurt me...what's going on, i've invested so much into you and u hurt me". the "alpha male" by not even acknowleding her dissing him basically says to her "f*** you, there are more fish in the sea and you are replaceable"

 

I have to see her at the gym. By not talking to her or looking at her every time I see her, it would tell her I was a wuss with no self-esteem.

the correct way to handle it would have been to not mention anything and pretend nothing happened and go about business as usual. that is what an "alpha male" would have done.

 

When you have a problem, the best thing to do is resolve it right away. She gave me her reasons, I accepted them, we made up and I have not lost her friendship.

she lied to you, there is no ex b/f she got back together with, this is the oldest line in the book for a woman to get rid of some dude she's not into. in addition, why u want her friendship. women are to f*** not to be friends with!! "alpha males" don't need validation from females!!

 

On the contrary, I set myself up for possible future success with her. Not everything is as black and white as you'd like it to seem.

actually you looked somewhat like an idiot here

[Illusion24]

In some ways you showed her you're ok with "hey it's cool if you're taken" and all you wanted was a simply conversation or maybe a date or just go drink coffee, it's not like you wanted to marry the freaking girl, right?!

 

You did good I think. You didn't leave it in the air killing yourself and trying to figure out "why" she didn't call...Now you can move on and yeah you got let down in hopes of finding someone to date but not rejected. You made a friend, nothing wrong with that.

 

You never know, if things don't work out between them, she'll keep you in mind if she was really interested

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by alphamale

Actually she was embarrased cause you put her on the spot and did not get her hints.

 

No, she learned that I am have enough respect for myself that I deserve an answer.

 

incorrect COC....the "alpha male" does not care whether or not she wants go go out or whether she calls back cause he knows to move on to the next woman. by going up to her and harassing her you basically said to her "wow, u didn't call back, you hurt me...what's going on, i've invested so much into you and u hurt me". the "alpha male" by not even acknowleding her dissing him basically says to her "f*** you, there are more fish in the sea and you are replaceable"

 

I'm not an alpha male yet.

I did not "harrass" her, I simply made sure there was no "bad air" between us.

She did not hurt me, and I made sure she knew that.

 

 

the correct way to handle it would have been to not mention anything and pretend nothing happened and go about business as usual. that is what an "alpha male" would have done.

 

The correct way was the way I handled it. Period.

 

she lied to you, there is no ex b/f she got back together with, this is the oldest line in the book for a woman to get rid of some dude she's not into. in addition, why u want her friendship. women are to f*** not to be friends with!! "alpha males" don't need validation from females!!

 

The problem with you alpha is your making too many assumptions and generalizations, a very bad habit of yours.

 

actually you looked somewhat like an idiot here

 

The only thing I see that is idiotic is your assumptions that you have all the right answers.

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by NeverSayNever

In some ways you showed her you're ok with "hey it's cool if you're taken" and all you wanted was a simply conversation or maybe a date or just go drink coffee, it's not like you wanted to marry the freaking girl, right?!

 

You did good I think. You didn't leave it in the air killing yourself and trying to figure out "why" she didn't call...Now you can move on and yeah you got let down in hopes of finding someone to date but not rejected. You made a friend, nothing wrong with that.

 

You never know, if things don't work out between them, she'll keep you in mind if she was really interested

 

Agreed, that's the reason to clear the air. She was "embarrassed" for not calling me and I could sense that, but I put her at ease and she is comfortable with me.

 

Had I not done this the bad air would have just made us both uncomfortable. She respected me for clearing things up.

 

And again, it's good for building self-esteem and confidence. I turned a bad situation good and to me that means success, not failure.

[westernxer]

Sorry about the outcome.

 

I think the boyfriend story is a load of gumwad... excuses, excuses. You did what you could, though, and now you know her true colors.

 

I wouldn't have called her a second time. It's pretty clear she didn't want to talk to you when she ignored you at the gym (she smiled but didn't make time to come over and say hello). How convenient that she was "busy" with clients.

 

Next time don't bother "clearing the air." Let it go, into the vacuum of space, where it'll get sucked up by a black hole of some type or another. By brushing it off, she'll come to you, wondering what's up and all that jazz.

 

I know because I've done it, and it works. But I didn't go out with them again. The black hole ate them up.

[Illusion24]

Originally posted by westernxer

Sorry about the outcome.

 

I think the boyfriend story is a load of gumwad... excuses, excuses. You did what you could, though, and now you know her true colors.

 

I wouldn't have called her a second time. It's pretty clear she didn't want to talk to you when she ignored you at the gym (she smiled but didn't make time to come over and say hello). How convenient that she was "busy" with clients.

 

Next time don't bother "clearing the air." Let it go, into the vacuum of space, where it'll get sucked up by a black hole of some type or another. By brushing it off, she'll come to you, wondering what's up and all that jazz.

 

I know because I've done it, and it works. But I didn't go out with them again. The black hole ate them up.

 

That would work for a guy trying to holla at a girl for fun...But we're talking about CIOC, he's trying to get his game back...

 

Hey like Aaliyah once said "if at first you dont' succeed brush it off and try again"...

[ConfusedInOC]

Westernxer, you might be right. But the problem with the whole scenario is she was enthusiastic when I first approached her and interested. (Eyes don't lie). But since I have to see her at the gym, and since I am a communicator, I do not like "bad air."

 

So my approach is to clear the air and make sure we both understand each other.

 

As a Christian, I am not looking for a "booty call" and I think she realizes that. I want a relationship. Maybe I am one of the few men that do.

 

NSN, I am glad you understand. Thank you.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by ConfusedInOC

Westernxer, you might be right.

WEST is right!

 

But the problem with the whole scenario is she was enthusiastic when I first approached her and interested. (Eyes don't lie).

she was interested initially but you did something to turn her off

 

But since I have to see her at the gym, and since I am a communicator, I do not like "bad air."

Southern Calif is the place to be for "bad air"

 

So my approach is to clear the air and make sure we both understand each other.

Why not just buy a ultra-low emissions vehicle instead?

 

As a Christian, I am not looking for a "booty call" and I think she realizes that.

Hiding your sexuality or emasculating yourself is the kiss of death. Women like sexual men who are not afraid of showing it.

[Illusion24]

NSN, I am glad you understand. Thank you.

 

No problem...Just trying to boost your spirits God knows you need it if you're going to break NC

 

Just remember to keep your dignity and pride in check, if you dont' respect yourself no will. If you don't give yourself the time to heal, you never will.

 

Enjoy your time alone and dating. Like you said, you're going to get 1,000 No's before you get 1 yes...So don't get down on yourself if a girl just wants to be friends. What's wrong with being friends? At least you have some NEW people to talk to and maybe find some cool things to do with them.

 

Anything to take your mind of your EX you have so high on a pedastol... and she doesn't deserve to be their...

 

Hey alpha be nice you naughty boy...

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by alphamale

she was interested initially but you did something to turn her off

 

 

 

Southern Calif is the place to be for "bad air"

 

 

Why not just buy a ultra-low emissions vehicle instead?

 

 

Hiding your sexuality or emasculating yourself is the kiss of death. Women like sexual men who are not afraid of showing it.

 

Alpha, you still have a lot to learn for a 40 year old man.....

[westernxer]

Originally posted by NeverSayNever

That would work for a guy trying to holla at a girl for fun...But we're talking about CIOC, he's trying to get his game back...

 

Hey like Aaliyah once said "if at first you dont' succeed brush it off and try again"...

 

Can't argue with that... I have to give CIOC an A for effort.

 

The setup is always exciting... sometimes they turn weird on you, regardless of how things were in the beginning. Hell, it might just happen to me. Again.

 

Think of it this way... her ignoring you is an acknowledgment that you exist.

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by NeverSayNever

No problem...Just trying to boost your spirits God knows you need it if you're going to break NC

 

Just remember to keep your dignity and pride in check, if you dont' respect yourself no will. If you don't give yourself the time to heal, you never will.

 

Thanks. And I will. I respected myself enough that I felt I deserved an answer.

 

Enjoy your time alone and dating. Like you said, you're going to get 1,000 No's before you get 1 yes...So don't get down on yourself if a girl just wants to be friends. What's wrong with being friends? At least you have some NEW people to talk to and maybe find some cool things to do with them.

 

That's a very healthy way to look at it. My goal isn't to slay the babes, it's to be with "the one." Now that I have experienced love at it's highest levels, I really am looking forward to being on that level again, but this time with the RIGHT woman.

 

Anything to take your mind of your EX you have so high on a pedastol... and she doesn't deserve to be their...

 

I agree.

 

 

Hey alpha be nice you naughty boy...

 

Nah, let him play. I don't mind alpha, and I am hardly intimidated by him. It might work on other people, but I don't mind putting him in his place when he deserves it

[browneyes22]

CIOC...I think it was a good idea to approach her the way you did. Whether she is trying to work it out with an old or new bf...who cares. From the eye contact business you mentioned...she seems a little interested. So, who knows in the future, right? But clearing the air is definately good. You basically let her know that the not calling back wasn't cool...and she admitted to it. So she has a little better idea of what type of person you are.

 

I do see some of the point these alpha male characters are making. I think over time if you are getting rejected a lot, you might start to think like them. I certainly have to some degree. But hopefully, your regections will be few and far between.

[Illusion24]

Nah, let him play. I don't mind alpha, and I am hardly intimidated by him. It might work on other people, but I don't mind putting him in his place when he deserves it

 

 

He just likes to get down and dirty !!

 

But CIOC, nothing is easy about love, NOTHING. But take your own advice when it comes to NC, I think right now you're still a little valnurable and any good/bad move from her can still break you.

 

Don't show her weakness but confidence but don't be cocky either, she might take at as "oh look what I did to him he's got his undies all up in a twist"..(.B!tch..Sorry )

 

The setup is always exciting... sometimes they turn weird on you, regardless of how things were in the beginning. Hell, it might just happen to me. Again

 

AAAAWWWEEE!!! wuz up west... Don't worry you'll find her too, unless you have one

[flower2]

Sometimes, you don't have to ask the question while eveyone knows the answer. It is not about being self-esteem all the time. "No calling back" is an answer. How do you think if you are being paranoid?

 

Many things, "show " don't "tell" maybe keeps some qualities, what do you think? Come on, we are adults.

 

Sorry, just have different opinion. In my case, I have e-mailed him on Sat, until now there is still no response . What should I do? I know 100% he got my e-mail. Shall I go visit him to ask , "Hey, why didn't you write me back, punk?" I bet that he will give me thousands of reasons, which still can not cover "no". If he wants to contact me, he will do in his time. Otherwise, there is an only answer "no".

 

To make everything completely clear, it probably is not necessary.

 

By not asking , it will give each of us space and time. Do you think?

 

Btw, you still did good because you had enough courage to find out.

[westernxer]

Originally posted by NeverSayNever

AAAAWWWEEE!!! wuz up west... Don't worry you'll find her too, unless you have one

 

I don't share the same plight as our esteemed colleague CIOC... I'm not looking for the one. Actually, I'm not even looking right now.

[Illusion24]

Actually, I'm not even looking right now.

 

To bad... Heeheee!!!

[Bronzepen]

Ahem...

 

 

That's fine, you want to be in a serious relationship and not just a "booty call" as you so eloquently put it.

 

But to get your foot in the door with any woman you have to have a "booty call" attitude.

 

It's all about attitude and confidence.

 

Women will constantly test you.

 

 

This is how you failed her 1st test.

 

When you called the first time. She purposely didn't call you back. This is a test.

 

You failed the test by calling her back again. Not just once but twice! You get an F minus for that and a trip to 80th and Lex, where the lonely guys hang out.

 

To pass the test you should have just called once and not call again. Then, when you see her at the gym, DON'T pay attention to her. Let her come to you. If she doesn't then you move on.

 

 

Your tactic just landed you in the friend zone. Sure you had closure and you got an answer but it wasn't the anwer you wanted.

 

 

You have little to no future with her in the physical department.

 

 

It's good that your ego wasn't bruised and your still confident.

 

Keep talking to women but not 1 at a time. Talk to multiple. Get more then 1 number.

 

Good Luck.

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by NeverSayNever

He just likes to get down and dirty !!

 

But CIOC, nothing is easy about love, NOTHING. But take your own advice when it comes to NC, I think right now you're still a little valnurable and any good/bad move from her can still break you.

 

Don't show her weakness but confidence but don't be cocky either, she might take at as "oh look what I did to him he's got his undies all up in a twist"..(.B!tch..Sorry )

 

I agree and I understand. I know what's going on and I have a handle on this. I am thinking with my head before I react and not my heart. Before, I would listen to my heart and it would just mess things up. It always does.

 

Over time, God will change my heart or hers. That's the only two possible outcomes. Either I get over her or she comes back. That's it. I am preparing for the former and will continue to do so. I want my bible back and being the Christian she is, she understands that.

 

I lost my cocky-ness years ago. I am much more confident and much less cocky. It took a long look in the mirror for me to figure that out. I am happy with myself. Just a few aspects of me need to changed (more bad habits than anything else.)

 

AAAAWWWEEE!!! wuz up west... Don't worry you'll find her too, unless you have one

 

Westernxer is a good guy and I know he'll find the right woman soon. I am sure of that. There are a few people here that I scratch my head at them being single. He's one of them (Merin comes to mind as well as you, NSN, and many others.)

 

I'm still screwed up and not really in a position to love or be loved. But I will one day.

[Illusion24]

He's only going to attract certain types of woman because he's NOT a player. He's a gentleman, though I do admit woman love a challenge and do like to be mistreated sometimes, that's not what he's about.

 

He is who he is, he shouldn't change but he can be more aggressive toward woman and more outgoing. Learn how to flirt, spit some cute lines to make a girl feel good but not to make her think you just wan to jump her bone.

 

The gym is a great place to start because it's obvious she's intersted in working out and so is he, so that's one foot in. Show your charm and do what you do best, you don't have to be a player and have some type of game (all the time) to get a girl.

 

What gets me is the way you flirt...that's what I like! I to flirt and damn it I do it well