schiller Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Hello everyone I have been reading a lot around this forum and there's lots of great advice here. I have been with my girlfriend for over 1 year and shes great in every way imaginable except for one. She wakes up earlier than me, and I like to sleep late because I also work late and I value my morning sleep. She gets up and gets ready and moves around and makes noise like she's the only in the house! You've heard of a bull in a china shop? That's what she sounds like. Opening and closing doors and drawers with a slam, walking on the hardwood floors with heels that sound like a race horse, you get the picture. Yes before anyone says it I have talked to her about this many times and she sweetly apologizes and maybe she's better for a day or two and then right back at it again. It's like she's oblivious! I need a strategy here to make her stop her morning craziness. - sleepless not in Seattle
mystikmind2005 Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 I think it is fairly normal? You have to remember that women get stressed out trying to get ready in time and not be late, and there are allot of things they need to do. A woman who is stressed for being on time is not going to be able to be quiet. What i do for noise - i bought an air purifier fan - the fan and air filter type, (not the ones that use water). The constant steady noise of the fan is very easy to get used to and is indeed quite therapeutic towards sleeping. Make sure you don't use any fan with a ticking noise that fans often do - that WILL drive you mad when your trying to sleep! (been there done that) 1
Author schiller Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 She's definitely stressed. 1
mystikmind2005 Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 She's definitely stressed. Yep, there you have it! lol,
preraph Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 I will tell you this. Everyone I've known who were early risers were banging around on purpose hoping to wake me up -- and I cannot put up with it. You need to stop telling her nicely and sit her down and tell her you're serious and do not want to be disturbed by her. She is probably making noise on purpose. You might also tell her that the more times she wakes you up making noise, the longer you will need to stay in bed to get your nap out. Just wait until you have kids -- then she'll use them to wake you up and act like she's got no control over it. So you need to get it straight with her before you have a family. 1
Author schiller Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 Just wait until you have kids That is never going to happen.
StBreton Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 My ex was like this. Hopeless situation. Try earplugs? 2
Author schiller Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 My ex was like this. Hopeless situation. Try earplugs? Last time I complained about the noise she handed me a pair. The type that are foam, you squeeze them and shove them in your ear then they expand to fill up the space. They were great at dampening the sounds..until they fell out while I was asleep and she woke me up at 6:30 am the next morning..
gaius Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 I've always gotten the vibe that a lot of women secretly want you up when they get up. Even if it's for no particular purpose, they just don't like your eyes being shut when theirs are open. Every woman in my family was like that. My girlfriend let's me sleep though. 4
StBreton Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Last time I complained about the noise she handed me a pair. The type that are foam, you squeeze them and shove them in your ear then they expand to fill up the space. They were great at dampening the sounds..until they fell out while I was asleep and she woke me up at 6:30 am the next morning.. Maybe get one of those headbands they make for cold weather to hold them in? I feel for you. 18 years of not sleeping past 5:30 a.m. I used to not be a morning person...now I can hardly sleep past 6:30 ... divorced last year still can't sleep longer:(
CarrieT Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 walking on the hardwood floors with heels that sound like a race horse Two things you can do: Buy area rugs and Buy her a pair of soft slippers and ask her to wear them in the house until she is ready to leave and put on her work shoes. 5
Author schiller Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 Two things you can do: Buy area rugs and Buy her a pair of soft slippers and ask her to wear them in the house until she is ready to leave and put on her work shoes. I've asked her not to wear her shoes around the house in the morning. She has comfortable slippers, she wears them only at night. You can see how far that got me. There are area rugs in most rooms but not the kitchen which is where she spends most of her early morning time. I can't get a break.
Httm Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Have an honest and serious talk about how it is affecting you and she is being inconsiderate. If she doesn't change, suggest less sleep overs and/or decide if this is a dealbreaker. Someone that inconsiderate is a problem. 1
Gloria25 Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Welcome to my hell... My mum does it all the time. She is rude and inconsiderate. I've even asked her to close her door before she sits in her reclining chair cuz she doses off and snores like a freight train and like clockwork, she leaves the door open. She even had th nerve to tell me that I cannot sleep on the couch and needed to move myself to the bedroom if I didn't wanna hear her. I got into several yelling session with her and it stops for a while, then begins. I've had relatives staying with me and "somehow" all of them, manage to get up, have breakfast, fix lunch and leave in the weeee hrs of the morning w/o disturbing me. Goes to show that when people give a damn, they put in effort to honor your wishes. I also had two roommates when I was in the military who did the same thing, now granted, I guess they were concerned that I was sleeping in too late cuz I was depressed, it still didn't give them the right to play rooster. I say retaliate with passive-aggressiveness. I'm sure she goes to bed earlier than you to get up so early, so when you com home late at nite and/or are up, make noise too. Turn up the TV, laugh out loud, call up your friends, do it all in the bedroom. Even get s hardon and "poke" her letting her know you wanna late nite hump. That'll teach her.. 3
Author schiller Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 Have an honest and serious talk about how it is affecting you and she is being inconsiderate. If she doesn't change, suggest less sleep overs and/or decide if this is a dealbreaker. Someone that inconsiderate is a problem. Good advice but I don't think less sleepovers is the answer. After being together 3 years I sold my condo and moved in with her a year ago. We're even domestic partners, I am on her health insurance and I save a bundle. So if I don't sleep over it's going to have to be a motel, and that's just not financially practical. Not a dealbreaker, just an annoyance. There's lots of good that makes up for it. I guess if it gets to the point that I'm a walking zombie I'll have to reconsider. I say retaliate with passive-aggressiveness. I would NEVER play the passive aggressive game. I'd end the relationship first.
Author schiller Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 Even get s hardon and "poke" her letting her know you wanna late nite hump. That'll teach her.. That would only reinforce her bad behavior because to her that would be a reward.
joseb Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 I've always gotten the vibe that a lot of women secretly want you up when they get up. Even if it's for no particular purpose, they just don't like your eyes being shut when theirs are open. Every woman in my family was like that. Yeah I tend to agree. I don't know what it is, but they can't seem to just let you lie in! So initially you said you were together one year, but not it sounds like it's four years (including one living together) is that right? At this stage this issue should have been well sorted out by now. Sounds childish, but have you tried making an equal amount of noise when she is sleeping, so that she might understand where you are coming from??!! If not that, then an honest serious conversation, including talking about options like living apart (saving some $$ isn't everything). 3
Httm Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Good advice but I don't think less sleepovers is the answer. After being together 3 years I sold my condo and moved in with her a year ago. We're even domestic partners, I am on her health insurance and I save a bundle. So if I don't sleep over it's going to have to be a motel, and that's just not financially practical. Not a dealbreaker, just an annoyance. There's lots of good that makes up for it. I guess if it gets to the point that I'm a walking zombie I'll have to reconsider. I would NEVER play the passive aggressive game. I'd end the relationship first. Why wasn't this solved years ago, then, when it first started?
Author schiller Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 Why wasn't this solved years ago, then, when it first started? I don't recall it being an issue back then. We've been living together for a year and it's gradually getting worse. As another poster suggested, it appears to be related to work related stress which definitely HAS gotten worse. She's been hitting the xanax more lately.
Author schiller Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 Sounds childish, but have you tried making an equal amount of noise when she is sleeping, so that she might understand where you are coming from??!! It doesn't sound childish. It IS childish. Won't go there. Although when she snores, I will occasionally nudge her with my body or gently squeeze her nose with my fingers but that's really another unrelated matter which she really can't control. If not that, then an honest serious conversation, including talking about options like living apart (saving some $$ isn't everything). I've tried the serious conversation- no effect other than she's more apologetic when I bring it up later in the day. We aren't living together to save $, and moving out is a bit extreme for that one issue.
DrReplyInRhymes Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Only time I've ever tried to purposefully wake someone up like that, and in a rude manner, was when it was discussed beforehand. A roommate had partied and crashed on the couch when it had been discussed in the coming days that my son was coming to visit and the common area would be used as I'm not keeping my son in my room on a rainy day until 4pm in the afternoon when he wakes up. I played "First of the month" on the TV quite loudly, and woke him up by first shaking (didn't work), then poking his forehead until he woke up. It resulted in a very angry wakeup which I did not back down to because it was already agreed upon that the living room would be clear. If he wanted to sleep, he could move his ass into his bedroom. Other than that, I find it incredibly rude to wake someone up in the morning. I'd wake up in a rage of fury if someone did that to me (other than my son). 1
StBreton Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 I don't recall it being an issue back then. We've been living together for a year and it's gradually getting worse. As another poster suggested, it appears to be related to work related stress which definitely HAS gotten worse. She's been hitting the xanax more lately. Ahhh...perhaps she's so "zoned out" from the Xanax she doesn't realize the extent of her bull in a china shop behavior?
Gloria25 Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 I would NEVER play the passive aggressive game. I'd end the relationship first. Awwww, come on, you're no fun..... No, I don't believe in game playing, but sometimes I like a little mischief; ) 1
joseb Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 I've tried the serious conversation- no effect other than she's more apologetic when I bring it up later in the day. We aren't living together to save $, and moving out is a bit extreme for that one issue. Well, it sounds like it's a pretty serious issue that's affecting you, you have explained that to her, and she still ignores your feelings on it. To me, that is worthy of a rethink of the whole thing. If she is refusing to change, then what can you do - either put up with it (ear plugs, etc) or make a change. That, coupled with her increasing use of drugs - I would not be too happy.
Author schiller Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 That, coupled with her increasing use of drugs - I would not be too happy. Well it's not THAT bad as far as the drugs go. She manages a department at work and things are rather hectic so I sort of get it. Hopefully things will settle down and she'll be less stressed and we can get back to normal. I guess time will tell. It's also not every morning. Maybe it's 2 mornings per week, usually if she's stressing. This morning she couldn't find important papers so she was flinging open cabinets even asking me if I had seen them while I was laying there asleep. It's an anxiety thing.
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