Girl gets very Distant when things get rough for her. Completely cuts off contact.

[niceguy1847]

I honestly don't get this girl. When things get tough she shuts down, acts completely distant and gives me the cold shoulder. She did it to me after months of talking, she started blowing me off not answering. She found out some bad news about a family member and started working more. So she quit talking to me all together, when I asked what was up she told me she likes me a lot, but just wants to be friends and that I don't want to know what is going on in her head. So I figured it was over and moved on.

 

A few weeks later she messaged me again, asking how I was. She told me she had her up and downs the past few weeks. That day I told her what I was up to, which was I treated myself to a movie and dinner. She asked why I didn't ask her to go all flirty like. Well we talked a few weeks like normal. Well a day before she got all distant again, she was blowing up my phone. She saw I was out with friends, so she said she was sorry for bugging me when I was out. I told her not to worry about it you can text anytime. She says sorry a lot to me, she thinks she is bugging me a lot. doesn't text me sometimes cause of it. I don't know why she does that.

 

Well last week is has somewhat been ignoring me, she did tell me she was having a bad week because a few people quit at work so she had to pick up more shifts. She was working 3 14 hours shift in a row. I could tell she was stressed and unhappy when we were texting. The next day I sent two messages on facebook a supportive one in the morning tell her not to let work get the best of her (which she saw) and another at night hoping her day wasn't to bad. (which she clearly ignored, cause she been off and on facebook a lot). She still hasn't responded, it been close to a week. She has liked something I shared on facebook during this time, but didn't reply. I know she told me she has issues. Could she be afraid to get close? Is there another guy?

 

What do you think? What do you think I should do?

 

8h Should I text her, to show I am still here? Go no contact like last time? Should I call her out on it? Saying I have the feeling you don't want to talk. The way you been so distant and giving me the cold shoulder. I know I'm still just some random guy you aren't interested in.

[Toodaloo]

24 hours in a day.

She is working 14 of them = 10 left

Sleep takes up 8 = 2 left

2 hours to travel to work get chores done, answer calls from her Mum etc...

She has no down time at all.

 

Give her some space for a bit.

[Glitters]

Seriously, what are you going to call her out on ?

[niceguy1847]

I normally don't bug her when she is working those shifts. I may towards the end of it text her Hoping her day went well. Nothing she had to reply to, but she usually does. She only works a few of them a week, so she does have time to respond normally. plus she goes on Facebook durning them. Just with the increase in her schedule has got her more unhappy and stressed out. Which I believe when this happens she shuts down to me. She has done it before, which I left her alone for a few weeks, and she came back interested again. I feel if I leave her alone it might make things worst if she is really interested in me. I don't know. She might have meet someone else, maybe she looked at the messages and thought she would reply later. I don't know were her head is at. She really hasn't let me get to know her, she has always seemed interested but afraid to let me get close.

[Toodaloo]

Have you ever thought that perhaps she would rather you see her at her best rather than at her worst?

 

Who on earth would want to have a conversation with a potential beau when they are tired and cranky?

 

Calm it down and stop fretting. What will be will be.

[niceguy1847]

Not really call her out. Really just ask if she is really interested in talking, the way she got so distant and giving me the cold shoulder it feels like she doesn't. I would really like to tell her she should talk to me about things and I have been pretty badly depressed and unhappy for many years and learned to deal with it in different ways. Talking to someone about your thoughts and not keeping all in her head is one of the best things to do. Just afraid to tell anyone about it, I have kept it hidden for years. I think telling her would make her feel differently of me.

[Toodaloo]

Talking to someone about your thoughts and not keeping all in her head is one of the best things to do...

 

For some people.

 

For others they like to get on and sort out their issues and come with a clean plate.

 

If you hassle her she will find you clingy and needy. You will ruin it.

 

Just relax and calm down.

[niceguy1847]

Yeah maybe so. She does tend to hide most of her problems from me. She did tell me she has issues early on and needs a guy to be able to work with her with them. She just hasn't giving me much of a chance yet. Seems to be I am the type of guy she is looking for and every once in a while she hints or at least I think she does that she wants to give me a chance. She is always saying sorry if she thinks she is bugging me, like when I am out with friends. She says sorry when she complains about her day or bitches about something. Which shows me she cares about what I think of her. She tells me every once in a while she really enjoys talking to me. Which might be her way of showing so interest. Just seems right now all I am is a texting buddy. She doesn't like to talk on the phone and she makes it very hard to go on dates or just hangout. just with my history when a girl stop talking to me either not interested or there is another guy. it's just hard getting over that thought, cause it happens every time. Should I send a text message saying I hope you've been well just to show I'm still interested?

[Toodaloo]

If you want to text do it.

 

Just don't go sending loads.

[xcupid]

Should I call her out on it? Saying I have the feeling you don't want to talk. The way you been so distant and giving me the cold shoulder. I know I'm still just some random guy you aren't interested in.

 

 

You do that and you'll have absolutely NO chance with her. When someone is stressed they need support not chastising. It makes you look self-centered. If you're not happy with the way she's acting and responding then look for someone else.

[ExpatInItaly]

She's showing you that she's not able maintain consistency even on a casual level. Now's not a good time for her. Ignoring you when stressed or tired indicates she's not really ready to be anything more than friends at this time. I doubt this pattern of behaviour wil suddenly change so I wouldn't expect much. Do you really want to invest in a girl who blows you off whenever she's stressed?

[niceguy1847]

You do that and you'll have absolutely NO chance with her. When someone is stressed they need support not chastising. It makes you look self-centered. If you're not happy with the way she's acting and responding then look for someone else.

 

You're definitely right. I am not thinking things through to well. I have always tried to support her the best I can. I try my best to be there for her. She knows I am a very caring gentleman even though she really hasn't taken much of a risk of getting to know me.

 

Most likely I am going to message her next time I see her on facebook and feel like doing so.

 

Thinking about saying some thing in the lines that, I haven't heard much from her lately, I hope everything been going alright. I know you been going though rough time lately, if there is anything you ever need don't be afraid to ask me. No mattering what it is. Don't lose hope, things will change. Anyways don't be a stranger, text me sometime.

 

I don't want to completely give up on her, I have a good feeling about her, I don't know why. I think she is easily worth the risk and the time. It may take months or not happen at all. I know better then to invest all my time into her. I am still putting myself out there and talking to other people.

[niceguy1847]

I know better then to keep texting he with no response. No back to back messages without 3 days in between and after a few attempts spaced a week apart it is time to move on.

[dragonfire13]

I'm a bit like that...I have quite a turbulent family life and go through periods where things all get a bit much with work, friendships AND a budding relationship (a pattern in my life seems to be that everything seems to happen at once!). It's overwhelming at times.

 

Rather than put it on someone I've just started seeing, Id rather just deal with it on my own. Especially with the current dating scene where people are quick to cut you loose at any hint of a flaw. Like myself, she may have had guys walk away from a relationship from her because they couldn't handle her "baggage".

 

I can see how it's not really fair to the guy though, so your best bet is to talk to her about it. If you think you can handle it, maybe tell her she can talk to you about things (in moderation, you don't want her to become co-dependent) and doesn't need to shut down when she's going through stuff.

[niceguy1847]

I can handle it fine, If I know how interested she really is into me. We have talked for months, even went on a few dates (with one of them her asking me on) before the first time she did this. She even hugged me on the first date. The second time around she seem like she wanted to do things, but when I asked she said thanks for the offer wanted to stay home with family. Which was fine, just got me thinking the way she didn't give another date. I am not in no hurry, don't mind taking things very slow. I really prefer it that way anyways. Just need clear signs she interested and it is hard to tell over text. It feels like she has her walls up with me. It really has seem like she has self esteem issues talking to her. Which could be a reason why too. I know she was hurt pretty badly in the past. I wish she would give me a chance to show her how a real man treats a women.

[LostOnes05]

Be careful man. The most recent girl I was seeing said the same thing. She said guys in her past didn't treat her right, hurt her, and then walked out of her life blah blah blah. Turns out that was only a half truth. Sure the guys left, but I got a first-hand experience as to why they left and didn't look back. Just watch her actions much more than her words.

[niceguy1847]

Well I found out, that the family member she heard the bad news about. Is in the hospital now and doesn’t sound that great. Probably not much longer to live I take it, the way they are looking into Comfort care. I been trying to support her and say I am here for her, but all I get is a thank you. I have been giving her space really only texted once, when I found. May Text her again saying " I hope your grandfather is doing well. I know you probably want some space, but I am here for you if you need anything. Don't be a stranger"

[niceguy1847]

you have oneitis

 

I most likely do. Just can't get her out of my head. I have given up on her before, the first time she got so distant and stuff. I just let her be, but she came back.

I am still meeting and talking to other girls. I have found another girl I am interested in. I know to keep trying to find the right person, with my luck most likely this isn't going to work out. I would have given up already if it wasn't for all this stuff with the family member dying. I feel that is the reason is why she is this way, she is very close with this person.

I really don't know what is going on in her head. Maybe there is a another guy she is talking to? or maybe she doesn't even like me and Just messaging to be nice? Who knows.