lookin ahead Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 So I have learn today that her main complain is that he has too many female friends and these females friends know too much about his personal life. Like I said above, he's been single for a long time as well, he does have a lot of female friends he met through work and dating and through friends, just like I have a few male friends I would not part from. He has been through some very difficult stuff since the summer, lost his job, his insurance were denied, he had to move because he could not afford his rent, he got really really depressed and I was there for him every day to encourage him like a real friend would. This woman comes in last minute and says 'This Gaeta woman knows too much about you'. And he should discard me? Its not very comforting to know that your bf puts "our" personal business out there to people that don't know you just yet What impression will they get about you if they haven't even met you (Hence you calling her crazy without even knowing the girl). Every relationship specially when it is starting out has its issues but in a relationship no matter how new or old its kind of messed up that he puts his business out there to his female friends. You seem a bit jealous and defensive a bit that possibly she is taking up a bit of the spotlight now and is asking for you to back of a little which seems understandable yet your testing the whole alpha dog, "i was here first" kind of of thing. Just be a good friend, what a good friend would do is back off and be there when he needs you as a friend. Don't badmouth his girlfriend, be supportive.
Tayla Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Gaeta, Maybe I get where you are coming from and have friends that are male. None of them ever made it a choice when they were dating to cut our friendship. Partly because any gal who even suggested it was asked point blank, If this were one of my guy friends would you state the same? What do you know of her that you get to decide who my friends are? That usually stops any further coercion. Luckily any time there were concerns a brief coffee chat in meeting resolved that riff. If she isn't willing to be introduced , then we can fairly say where the concern lays. Explain to your friend that you'll respect his decision on what he considers respectable to both ladies. keep an open mind if you do meet her.
joseb Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 My guess is he talks about you A LOT, more than the others and she feels threatened by you. Well, he doesn't have to, as she snoops through his phone when he is in the shower! Now why people don't lock their phones is a total mystery to me.
frus69 Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 I wouldn't just call her crazy before I even met her. It's only one man's story so far. And I still don't find it comfortable that he shares so many details with you. I mean yeah, women do that a lot, to their girl friends. Men? Occasionally talk about issues with their guy friends. But you never see lots of guys talking relationship problems to their female friends?? Is he just really feminine inside? It kind of sounds like you are competing against this women over your friend? I mean, can't you just not go to lunch with him, not text him, not talk relationship problems with him? You have other friends to do these? One day if he breaks up with her, you guys can do all you want? 1
MovingOnIsHard Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Ugh.. If my bf shared details about our relationship problems with a female friend who is single, I wouldnt like it either. I wouldnt act crazy or throw a fit but i would let my bf know how i feel about it. However, if it was a close friend who has a partner, that would be ok. I believe there is unspoken ettiquete when it comes to things like this. One must be careful in who they choose to confide in. IMO this guy sounds like he loves the drama between the three of you. A guy who has lots of female friends, among those he used to date, seems like trouble. Why dont he confide in a male close friend instead? 1
Ic1 Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Well, he doesn't have to, as she snoops through his phone when he is in the shower! Now why people don't lock their phones is a total mystery to me. It's a shame anyone would benefit from locking their phone in their home. If a girlfriend was looking through my phone for such reasons; goodbye. "You don't trust me enough to believe my words, and I no longer trust you."
Author Gaeta Posted November 12, 2015 Author Posted November 12, 2015 I mean, can't you just not go to lunch with him, not text him, not talk relationship problems with him? You have other friends to do these? People you don't share lunch, text or talk with are strangers not friends lol. That's kind of silly. And how are we suppose to maintain a friendship? by posting a letter? Of course I have other friends, and guess what? I do the same thing with my other friends, we text, we grab lunch, we help each other with stuff, and yes we confine in each other. If I don't do all that with someone I don't call them friends, I call them acquaintances.
katiegrl Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 (edited) People you don't share lunch, text or talk with are strangers not friends lol. That's kind of silly. And how are we suppose to maintain a friendship? by posting a letter? Of course I have other friends, and guess what? I do the same thing with my other friends, we text, we grab lunch, we help each other with stuff, and yes we confine in each other. If I don't do all that with someone I don't call them friends, I call them acquaintances. This is true G, but when you know that doing these things is causing issues in your guy friend's new relationship, then you graciously back off a bit (not all the way)... so as to allow your friend's relationship to blossom without any outside influences (or jealousy) such that your close friendship with him might cause. Is that not something a good friend would also do? IMO it is... just me. Edited November 12, 2015 by katiegrl 1
Author Gaeta Posted November 12, 2015 Author Posted November 12, 2015 Ugh.. If my bf shared details about our relationship problems with a female friend who is single, I wouldnt like it either. I wouldnt act crazy or throw a fit but i would let my bf know how i feel about it. She doesn't, she has hysterical fits. The night of the Halloween he threw a party (she was there) and I was invited. Unfortunately I was busy and could not go. The following day he told me after the party she got all drama on him and 'broke up' with him because of the way he greeted his guests, that he had no business kissing his female guess. We are French, we kiss on both cheeks, it's automatic, we do this with everyone. It's cultural. However, if it was a close friend who has a partner, that would be ok. What difference does it make? Because people in relationships don't cheat? IMO this guy sounds like he loves the drama between the three of you. A guy who has lots of female friends, among those he used to date, seems like trouble. Him and I never dated. There is no sexual vibe between us. Also I am 10 years older than her, I'm a little short brunette and she's a tall thin young blond and she's jealous of me?? Why dont he confide in a male close friend instead? Maybe he prefers confining in me because he finds more comfort in me. You know male friendships isn't like female friendships. We're more nurturing.
Author Gaeta Posted November 12, 2015 Author Posted November 12, 2015 This is true G, but when you know that doing these things is causing issues in your guy friend's new relationship, then you graciously back off a bit (not all the way)... so as to allow your friend's relationship to blossom without any outside influences (or jealousy) such that your close friendship with him might cause. Is that not something a good friend would also do? IMO it is... just me. Yes of course and from the day he started seeing her I asked him if his friendship with me would be a problem and he said no, nothing changes. Then after her first fit I asked him again am I a problem? and he insisted no, I was not. He's the one calling and offering lunch, offering to shop together, so I am thinking everything is dandy.
frus69 Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 People you don't share lunch, text or talk with are strangers not friends lol. That's kind of silly. And how are we suppose to maintain a friendship? by posting a letter? . When a male friend enters a relationship, often times you just cannot maintain the same kind of friendship you guys had before. Sometimes you even will "lose" this male friend! (so to speak..)And we all know it, don't we? His GF is now his best friend, not you anymore. And quite frankly, he shouldn't always ask to talk to you and see you...
katiegrl Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 She doesn't, she has hysterical fits. The night of the Halloween he threw a party (she was there) and I was invited. Unfortunately I was busy and could not go. The following day he told me after the party she got all drama on him and 'broke up' with him because of the way he greeted his guests, that he had no business kissing his female guess. We are French, we kiss on both cheeks, it's automatic, we do this with everyone. It's cultural. Well I am beginning to think HE is the one with the problem here.... I mean why the hell is he still choosing to date a chick who throws hysterical fits and causes such drama? Would that not be HIS problem at this point, for choosing to stay with her? I think, instead of thinking badly of her for behaving psycho, you should be questioning HIM and his character for choosing to stay with such a psycho. To me this speaks more to the type of man he is....than anything about her. Oh sure she's obviously not right in the head, but he is YOUR friend. You should be asking him what the attraction is and why he is choosing to stay. I STILL think he is interested in you as more than a friend and attempting to spark some jealousy or competitiveness in you.... JMO though.
joseb Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 It's a shame anyone would benefit from locking their phone in their home. If a girlfriend was looking through my phone for such reasons; goodbye. "You don't trust me enough to believe my words, and I no longer trust you." I didn't mean locking it away. I just mean having a screen lock. I dont even have a partner but I'd never consider having an always unlocked phone. Not trying to hide anything, it's just common sense. I agree about the snooping being bad. She sounds like the type that would demand I give her my phone password. At which point I would say goodbye too.
Author Gaeta Posted November 12, 2015 Author Posted November 12, 2015 When a male friend enters a relationship, often times you just cannot maintain the same kind of friendship you guys had before. Sometimes you even will "lose" this male friend! (so to speak..)And we all know it, don't we? His GF is now his best friend, not you anymore. And quite frankly, he shouldn't always ask to talk to you and see you... Yes when a male friend (or female friend) enters a romantic relationship the friendship slows down but I don't think the dynamic changes, we don't hang out as often, we don't talk as often but if you've build trust and confidence it stays there. I have other friends who have entered romantic relationships and our friendship survived just well. Also you may think your boyfriend or girlfriend becomes your best friend, I don't think so. It's often an idea younger people have but no you cannot confine everything in your boyfriend or girlfriend. A BF or GF is not a shrink. Example I have a long time male friend who's been in a romantic relationship for 2,5 years. She knows about me and she has no problem what so ever. This man owns his business and is experiencing serious problems these days. Who does he confine into? me. Just yesterday he was telling me how he's too embarrassed to tell his GF how his business is sinking and how his ego is getting a hit he cannot treat her as he used to. I encouraged him his relationship will be just fine and offered him a couple of contacts professional contact I have.
Author Gaeta Posted November 12, 2015 Author Posted November 12, 2015 Well I am beginning to think HE is the one with the problem here.... I mean why the hell is he still choosing to date a chick who throws hysterical fits and causes such drama? Would that not be HIS problem at this point, for choosing to stay with her? I think, instead of thinking badly of her for behaving psycho, you should be questioning HIM and his character for choosing to stay with such a psycho. To me this speaks more to the type of man he is....than anything about her. Oh sure she's obviously not right in the head, but he is YOUR friend. You should be asking him what the attraction is and why he is choosing to stay. I STILL think he is interested in you as more than a friend and attempting to spark some jealousy or competitiveness in you.... JMO though. He broke up with her yesterday morning after she snooped in this phone and had a fit, it's somewhere in this thread. Like anyone else at first he thought it was an isolated incident so he let it go, then he realized it's repeating quite often, then he asked my opinion, then etc etc. I don't think he's interested in me in that way. There is zero sexual tension between us.
Recommended Posts