Gaeta Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 I find myself in this very childish situation. Well I think it is childish. I have a male friend. There was never anything between him and I. We met about 2 years ago. We have a really cool fun friendship based on intellectual connection and common interests. So this friend has a new girlfriend. And today my friend told me that his new girlfriend thinks that him and I talk too much, too often. oops eh ! I don't think we talk too much, we don't talk every day. We get together maybe once a month so I think it's reasonable. Him and I were suppose to grab a bite together tomorrow but I don't know if he will be 'allowed to' I want to offer him to meet her. And when I meet her I would bring someone with me, someone male. But is it going to even help the situation? or there isn't much to do to appease these women? Do I back off or wait for him to decide if I should be backed off? I don't know on what foot to stand.
acapelo_dp Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Tell your friend to invite his gf to lunch/dinner so you can get to know her a bit and introduce yourself. She most likely just needs to meet you to understand you aren't a threat to her relationship. Maybe you can even get a new friend out of it. 3
ExpatInItaly Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Tell your friend to invite his gf to lunch/dinner so you can get to know her a bit and introduce yourself. She most likely just needs to meet you to understand you aren't a threat to her relationship. Maybe you can even get a new friend out of it. I was about to post the same thing. Try to get to know her a bit and she will probably relax.
frus69 Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 It would be great you girls grow to like each other after meeting together. However if she still insists the guy and you should cut it, then I'm afraid you just have to cut it...
Glitters Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 There was a recent thread on a similar issue. I guess, you should take a step back.She is not crazy.Their relationship is in the developing phase where they need to bond with each other before someone ( you) comes in to picture.If that doesnt happen, its bound to create issues between all involved. Your friend has told you straight up. You dont want to be the cause of conflict in his developing love interest, if you really are his friend. 3
Author Gaeta Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 There was a recent thread on a similar issue. I guess, you should take a step back.She is not crazy. Well, yes she is a bit crazy. She jumps on his phone to spy it each time he goes to the washroom, she watches his FB like an awk, this weekend she dropped at his place unannounced at 6 a.m. Saturday and Sunday to verify he was alone and a week ago she had a jealous hysterical fit and was yelling on his front steps. She definitely has some craziness happening in the attic. That's why I wonder if it's worth meeting her. Maybe meeting her will just give her more fuel to annoy him with. 1
PegNosePete Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 I would leave it up to him to handle. If he wants to introduce her to you then all good but if not then just carry on as you are. 2
joseb Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Well, yes she is a bit crazy. She jumps on his phone to spy it each time he goes to the washroom, she watches his FB like an awk, this weekend she dropped at his place unannounced at 6 a.m. Saturday and Sunday to verify he was alone and a week ago she had a jealous hysterical fit and was yelling on his front steps. She definitely has some craziness happening in the attic. That's why I wonder if it's worth meeting her. Maybe meeting her will just give her more fuel to annoy him with. She sure does sound a bit like a loon! My concern would be she is really realky crazy (bpd maybe) and this is the start of her cutting him off from friends and family.
frus69 Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Well, yes she is a bit crazy. She jumps on his phone to spy it each time he goes to the washroom, she watches his FB like an awk, this weekend she dropped at his place unannounced at 6 a.m. Saturday and Sunday to verify he was alone and a week ago she had a jealous hysterical fit and was yelling on his front steps. And how do you know all these?
Author Gaeta Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 And how do you know all these? He is my friend. Friends confind in each other. He knows about my dating, i know about his.
frus69 Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 He is my friend. Friends confind in each other. He knows about my dating, i know about his. So he complained to you with all these details? If she's really crazy like he said then why is he still with her? He must quite enjoy her company then? There are always two sides of the story, who knows what's really going on? I don't think you are in the position to judge( her, or your friend's relationship). Leave it to him. But I would back off a little, meaning I wouldn't initiate contact. It's just not worth it to be the conflict of their relationship 3
Glitters Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 He is my friend. Friends confind in each other. He knows about my dating, i know about his. He is doing a big disservice to his girlfriend and the relationship itself. 1
frus69 Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 He is doing a big disservice to his girlfriend and the relationship itself. I agree. I would be hella pissed if my bf complained about me to his female friends. Who wouldn't? 3
Author Gaeta Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 Lets clear something here. It's not because a friend is going through something difficult and he confines in a good friend that he is 'complaining' about his girlfriend. He does so for the same reasons people come on here and talk about their situation so they get a 3rd party opinion. If a man I had been dating for 6 weeks pulled that crap on me you bet I would share my concerns with a good friend. It's human nature. Also, he is not bad mouthing her to me. He is exposing his situation and he doesn't know what to do. I've offered suggestions and he'll decide. If he wants to stay with her I will support him in anyway he wants, if he wants to break up with her I will support him too. I did not tell him to break up, I did not tell him she is crazy (even if I think so in silence). All I say to him is 'Can you deal with this' - 'is this the relationship you want'.
Popsicle Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 I'd back off and follow his lead and let him set the boundaries. 2
Author Gaeta Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 Well nothing of that will happen. Him and I had plans for yesterday. His car is in the shop and he asked me for a ride somewhere and when he's done he's treating me to lunch. Which is a nice gesture to thank me. This morning when he was showering she read our texts and had a hysterical fit, so bad he had to ask her to leave. I am no more interested in meeting that woman.
xcupid Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Let him decide what to do but be sure he's okay with it. He's the one who will get flack from his crazy girlfriend and he has to live with that. Sounds like she might become an ex pretty fast.
Ic1 Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Like everyone is stating, let him deal with it. But it does sound like this guy is getting into a trap/cage. What I would do is tell him: 'I don't want to be an issue in the relationship (or adding too one). So I have to back off, but I still want to be a friend. As a friend, I have to say I don't think this relationship is a good one with this story.'
Wewon Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 I'm going with most here and say that this is the nature of male friendships. Girlfriends tend to take a certain priority on things like this, most guys know that if you fight this that the only person that pays for it will be him. He'll catch it from both sides. As far as the bad mouthing goes, unfortunately, bad-mouthing someone doesn't always start with, "Let me tell you what this a-hole did today..." some of the worse ways that we destroy a person's reputation is through showing "concern". You shouldn't know as much about her weird habits and paranoia that you do; he knows that he behavior is off.
kitty12345 Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 He should not be sharing these details with you, nor should you be encouraging him in any way.
katiegrl Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 (edited) Gaeta, I'm wondering if he's been hiding his true feelings about you ... and now is using this relationship with this new girl as a way to spark some jealousy in you.... so you will realize YOUR true feelings for him as well. I mean you guys seem awfully close for just friends and the fact he deems it necessary to share each and every little sorted detail with you about this chick ..... something seems a bit off. I think he wants more with YOU, and is using this RL to spark some jealousy in you so that you will realize that you want more with him as well. :bunny: Edited November 11, 2015 by katiegrl
GemmaUK Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 If he were my friend I would be bunt and tell him what I think. She sounds needy, jealous, possessive and controlling - all abusive traits. I would want a friend of mine to know that. I would also back right off once that has been said but let him know I am there for when he needs me. I wouldn't keep up the lunch meetings though. I wouldn't want to be 'involved' to that extent if she actually is a nut.
Author Gaeta Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 I mean you guys seem awfully close for just friends and the fact he deems it necessary to share each and every little sorted detail with you about this chick ..... something seems a bit off. You think so? But isn't what friendship is about, you share and seek advice and support from your friends? When we've been single for a long time we do end up with a lot of friends and friends from both genders. When I was married I didn't have male friends and would not have seek a friendship with a male but I think when someone as been single for a long time it's normal they have close friends.
Author Gaeta Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 So I have learn today that her main complain is that he has too many female friends and these females friends know too much about his personal life. Like I said above, he's been single for a long time as well, he does have a lot of female friends he met through work and dating and through friends, just like I have a few male friends I would not part from. He has been through some very difficult stuff since the summer, lost his job, his insurance were denied, he had to move because he could not afford his rent, he got really really depressed and I was there for him every day to encourage him like a real friend would. This woman comes in last minute and says 'This Gaeta woman knows too much about you'. And he should discard me?
katiegrl Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 So I have learn today that her main complain is that he has too many female friends and these females friends know too much about his personal life. Like I said above, he's been single for a long time as well, he does have a lot of female friends he met through work and dating and through friends, just like I have a few male friends I would not part from. He has been through some very difficult stuff since the summer, lost his job, his insurance were denied, he had to move because he could not afford his rent, he got really really depressed and I was there for him every day to encourage him like a real friend would. This woman comes in last minute and says 'This Gaeta woman knows too much about you'. And he should discard me? My guess is he talks about you A LOT, more than the others and she feels threatened by you. So why does he talk about YOU so much? To his new girlfriend? Meanwhile, he's telling YOU every little dysfunctional detail about HER! No ..... friends don't behave this way. Something's not jiving here. Think about it. 1
Recommended Posts