Author K2z Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 What on earth is a "pre wedding photo"? It is presumably for the invitation, or something similar. Suffice to say it is a breathtakingly beautiful professional glamour shot, and I can't imagine her doing it outside of some kind of marriage context. So, I'm stuffed.
Author K2z Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 OK people riddle me this: Is it appropriate to email her, or her sister, to ask for final confirmation on the wedding plans? These people have put me through 6 months of hell but I will be polite. I just want to know. (For sure.)
minimariah Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 sweets, if it's important to you... go ahead and ask. if you need that last contact... do it. sometimes you can't force NC and that additional contact is actually needed in order to person to really face the reality. e-mail her and ask her - be polite and tell her that you just want to know the truth in order to move on.
Survivor12 Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 It is presumably for the invitation, or something similar. Suffice to say it is a breathtakingly beautiful professional glamour shot, and I can't imagine her doing it outside of some kind of marriage context. So, I'm stuffed. I have yet to see a wedding invitation with a photo & engagement photos are of the couple. You are grasping at straws to feed your fear. It's a glamour shot according to you--perhaps she's wanting to attract other contestants for her husband competition. Pure conjecture, perhaps but every bit as valid as what you contend. Look, I understand that you are grieving. As painful as it is, it's part of the healing process. The thing is that if you've lost the love of your life you've already got plenty to be agrieved about--you don't need to look for or come up with reasons to make it worse. She was/is eager to get married. You were in no hurry. You both had your reasons. It is what it is. To beat yourself up for not marrying her "when you had the chance" is foolish. If you had been ready, you would have proposed. If she loved you more than the idea of being married, she wouldn't have given up and moved on so quickly. It sucks & it hurts. The fact that you are no longer together & you miss her is plenty of reason. There's no reason to add fuel to the fire unless you are trying to hang on to the pain or increase your suffering. 1
Blanco Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 OK people riddle me this: Is it appropriate to email her, or her sister, to ask for final confirmation on the wedding plans? These people have put me through 6 months of hell but I will be polite. I just want to know. (For sure.) It's not any of your business, though. And trust me, either way, it's not going to be good for you. If she is getting married, you will be crushed. If she isn't, then you will continue to hold out hope that she might come back and continue to put your life on hold. Do you really want to do that? 2
lana-banana Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 With all due respect I think you're wildly off-base here. No couples' photo, no comments of congratulations or mentions of a wedding? All you have is a professional photograph? That's ridiculous. Lots of women like to get dolled up and take glamor shots; in the city where I live, there are many specialty photographers who do this. A few years ago I paid to have some PG-rated boudoir photographs done because I was about to have a major surgery and was feeling decidedly unsexy. I was single at the time, too; I did it for me. It's evident this is an unhealthy obsession. You need to block her before this spirals out of control. 1
dumbass2 Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 OK people riddle me this: Is it appropriate to email her, or her sister, to ask for final confirmation on the wedding plans? These people have put me through 6 months of hell but I will be polite. I just want to know. (For sure.) You truly need to back off now and leave her alone. It is none of your business. Man up and be mature about this, even if you don't think she has been. I know it's a tough loss and you seem to have some regrets, but don't. Just learn from you experience and be better prepared for your next relationship. Live and learn. She is a chapter in your life, just one of many to come. 1
Author K2z Posted November 12, 2015 Author Posted November 12, 2015 The most I would do is send a one liner asking if she's getting married. And maybe it's not my business, but knowing would be a mental health milestone. (Good or bad one, can't say.) Who knows if she even can receive my emails anymore. Maybe I send from an alternate address. Yecch. In response to a previous comment, yes-- if I confirmed it was not an engagement photo I would continue to "hang on." That's not a statement of intention, it's a statement of self-knowledge. I'm stubborn. It's a weird sort of hell seeing how beautiful she looks, and knowing that some of that energy comes from not being with me. I didn't predict I'd be in this space a year ago. You should have seen me, I was actually a pretty energetic and robust guy. Sweet Lord.
makemineamac Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 (edited) For your own sake, let it go. It's nor appropriate to ask, nor is it your business anyway, right? It doesn't matter anyway. Look after yourself most-importantly, and none of these actions, or the energy you're burning on this would constitute looking after yourself. I think you've seen here that the vast majority here do not support you asking this question, but do it or don't and be done with it. This is getting redundant. Edited November 12, 2015 by makemineamac
Author K2z Posted November 18, 2015 Author Posted November 18, 2015 She is married. I emailed her a few days ago, and we had some really raw and deeply communicative exchanges. She said she would marry soon. The wedding pix went up today on Facebook. That sure happened fast. I feel like my entire torso has been hollowed out with an ice cream scoop.
Captivating Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 K2Z, I know what you are going through, I've been there once. We don't know what the future brings though, so don't get too sad over this. She rushed into something, who knows why. Peer-pressure, self-esteem issues, wanted to prove it to everyone (including you) that she is worthy of love or trying to fit in?? Rushed relationships rarely last. My ex, who rushed into a marriage, tried to reconcile 3 times, after 2 years into the marriage, 7 and 13 !!!! He is still married because he has a kid and I wasn't interested taking him back. My feelings for him were gone after a year of breaking up. His behavior was the culprit, being cheated on, lied to etc. Him reaching out was an ego boost though I met my husband since then who cannot even be compared to my ex. Good things will happen K2Z, keep your chin up, un-friend her on FB.....you will feel liberated. Take care!
Mikeyfreedom Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 I originally posted in late August. You will all scold me for peeking at her FB page but I did. On the cover: a breathtakingly gorgeous professionally shot pic of her sitting on a staircase in a pink formal dress with professionally styled hair and makeup, shiny high heels, and some photoshop to improve face and body features to boot. Social media comments on the pic, though they don't confirm 100%, are very convincing that this is a marriage prep photo. Maybe something for the invitation or whatnot. I spent yesterday man-crying in that undignified heave-bark way that we do, when there is no other alternative but to break down. Over and over. So she is marrying someone that she ostensibly met six months ago, when I spent three years with her building towards marriage. I am the fool in this equation: my caution was folly. I am in the deep deep woods of sadness, abandonment, and absolute despair. The tears come spontaneously. Mate I feel for you massively, I am having similar emotions, I was building up to marriage and a family also, I am 40 at the moment and thought even though I had personal issues to address my path was set. It is TOUGH, I am getting through day by day, and even though I cant advise like these wise owls as I am in the middle of it, I know what your feeling. Being on this forum and people talking to me about it has really helped me though. Its great to know you are not alone in the world with what you are going through. The only thing I can say at the moment is I have looked at myself and what I needed to change in my life for me and I am going to be a better person for it. That is the only thing that is giving me happiness inside currently. Acceptance has been step one for me and I am still only there. but it can only get better. But that is a massive hurdle to get across first. And self control,
Popsicle Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 Why did you stay NC if you wanted to reconcile?
Popsicle Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 Given that you didn't want to marry her and had other reservations on top of that, I think that breaking up was the best thing. You should accept that truth too. You will find someone else.
mtnbiker3000 Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 You're a tough nut, but insightful, mightycpa. I would shudder to think of you and Taramaiden locked in verbal combat. You're both expert wielders of tough love. Well, I think both would agree that it's simply your thoughts, actions, behaviors and words are very common on this forum. And we all have been there ourselves, and also have read hundreds of similar posts to yours over the past few years... It's like like being in a car crash, and then later yelling at people to slow down and be careful. It becomes very clear to the outside observer whose been through similar experiences and all of their outcomes!!
mtnbiker3000 Posted November 28, 2015 Posted November 28, 2015 You said it yourself: She's now married. No longer has anything to do with you. Move on. This should help make it easier!!
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