jcamp Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 **Sorry Long Post*** My brother recently got married and I realized how he met the absolutely perfect girl for him. My dad loves her, my mom loves her (this is a tough feat), and obviously my brother loves her. I even get along with her (hell even I love her, don't tell her that, in a non-sexual way). I was the best man at their wedding and half way through my best man speech (I had half the crowd crying including the bride thank you) I realized how I want what my brother now has. They get along so well, have almost all the same likes, and even things they don't share in common they agree on. I talk to my brother on a daily basis (we are separated by 18 hours) and every time I bring up his now wife I can literally feel the big **** eating grin on his face that he is married to her. I want that! So anyways about me. I am 28 am fed up with dating. On paper I am a good catch (at least my mom says so). As a single guy I actually do my laundry, including washing my bed sheets, cook, and clean. I really don't need someone to help me with that. I also would like to think I am successful. I have a bachelors in biology and chemistry. I got a masters in public health and an MD. I am now almost half way through my residency in Emergency Medicine. The problem is I feel that I meet two types of girls. The first is the "OMG your a Doctor" girl. They often look at the cash and not me. They want expensive things and dream of being able to sit at home in a nice house. The next is the good girl. They often don't care what I do and are just as independent as I am. Still they often get tired of my schedule and me when I can't be around. Usually they leave after the second canceled date when I get stuck at the hospital. I can't change my career and I don't want to. If I go on a date with a girl I never mention my career as I think it attracts the wrong girls and puts of the right girls. Still I will work insane hours for the next year and a half. By that time I will be 30. It's not old but I am not sure I want to put of dating entirely for that time. Then comes the idea of where the heck do I actually meet a decent girl. I spend most of my time in the hospital and while dating a nurse, fellow resident, or other employee seems easy it can be messy. I am not sure where to go from here which is why I ask for your help. Thank you
d0nnivain Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Your schedule can be a bit of an impediment because right now your best bets are people with your crazy schedule. Finding true love is a bit like getting your advanced degree. You have to want it & work for it. Use various methods to meet people. Get yourself appointed to a charity board. Attend continuing education classes (so you can meet other medical professionals who understand your schedule). Ask friends & family if they know anybody to fix you up with. Don't overlook smiling at the person you find attractive when you see them where you get your coffee. 1
kpl Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Be real about what you can offer a girl. I would not care that you're a doctor but I would be bothered that your schedule could be demanding. Having real time to devout to a relationship (especially in the beginning) is important. It is going to take some work to find someone who understands that you have obligations. I think finding someone who is just as busy as you are would help. You may not be in a place yet to have something serious. 1
StBreton Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 What area of the country are you in? Do you have an alumni assoc. in your town?
Httm Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 The reality is that you are not at a place in your life where you have the time to devote to a real relationship. I agree with finding someone that has a busy life too might work, but when you eventually have time, that busy person may still not. You chose this path. You knew the time commitment. It won't be this way forever. 4
Ruby Slippers Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Finding true love is a bit like getting your advanced degree. I agree. It's a big quest. Just keep searching.
Glitters Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Its not going to be easy. Actually very difficult. Not to sound pessimistic but doctors, many, get divorced after few years because of the tight schedules.Being unable to give time a relationship needs, is something doctors dont have. OTOH, dont stress.It will happen in its own time.
Zippy2000 Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Real love takes time to find. Its not something that can come instantly. Its good how you`re looking up to your brother. For those girls who cancel on the second date? They realise you work long hours or its because they want someone thats more available. Keep looking and never give up. Im 40 now and I alos work long hours and have done OLD for 10 years. Ive had about 2 semi successful relationships during that time. Ultimately it takes 2 people to be in a relationship but they have to want the same things and be in the right place in life to have what the other one wants. Theres nothing wrong with you or what you do. You just havent met her yet thats all.
PinkLipStick Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Don't most people do their own laundry?
KatZee Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 The reality is that you are not at a place in your life where you have the time to devote to a real relationship. I agree with finding someone that has a busy life too might work, but when you eventually have time, that busy person may still not. You chose this path. You knew the time commitment. It won't be this way forever. This. I'd put myself into your "good girl" category. I'm looking for a real relationship. I can't tell you how many dates I've been on with guys, 2nd dates, 3rd dates, where it turns out they have schedules just like yours. Why they even decided to go on those dates, and act like they wanted a real relationship was beyond me. You can say you want something all you want, but when it comes down to it, if you can't follow through, you're never there, you're always working... what is that? That's not a relationship. I want a relationship with someone who is consistent. Who is able to be around to see me, spend time with me, able to cultivate an actual relationship. As a woman who is 31 now, just being dragged along and having to basically be a lackey to a guy and HIS career, is not attractive. I have needs, and wants, and desires, and same goes for the women who are bouncing after a 2nd cancelled date. It's a waste of time. So again, you knew the commitments regarding your career. Ride it out and look for a relationship once it's over. 1
clia Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Women who work a standard 40 hour week are not going to understand your work schedule. If you want to date, your best bet is to look for women who are career driven and working long hours like you do. Bonus points for women whose work schedules can be unpredictable. This will bring its own scheduling challenges, but these types of women will be understanding if you have to cancel because they will likely have to cancel on you sometimes due to their own work schedule. Look for attorneys (litigators in particular), consultants, possibly sales, or other business/executive career path type women.
Author jcamp Posted November 12, 2015 Author Posted November 12, 2015 Thanks everyone for the responses. It gives me a lot to think about. I totally get that this is not a great time for me to have a serious relationship but heck I have been saying that for quite some time now (probably 7-8 years now). Now that i am close to the end I know I will have more time and much more flexibility in a year and a half. It is a side note but, man this has been a lonely experience. Don't get me wrong I love going to work and I love taking care of patients. Still I feel I have sacrificed much of my life to do this. It is an unbelievably lonely experience to come home at 2 am to a very dark apartment. It is also very lonely to be over 15 hours from any family. Sure I get to talk to them on the phone but it has been over 6 years since I have spent a thanksgiving, easter, or christmas with them. Now we head into the holiday season and again I work thanksgiving and christmas. I have 3 days off for new years. That would mean i could maybe spend 24 hours with family if I bought a close to $600 plane ticket to get home and back. 2
seekingluck Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 The guy I am into at the moment is a lot like you. Not sure how it will work out, but I think he is worth the ride, so I'll see how it plays out. We are just really really connected and that is super rare.
Versacehottie Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 so i think you should be realistic. You should try to date girls with busy, unpredictable schedules like you. They will get less frustrated so it's your best chance. OR obviously people you work with. My suggestion would be to start as friends with any of those and build slowly that way you are more sure before you take the leap in a work situation. Realistically if you have a 1.5 year left of this, you probably won't be able to date girls too much outside of other with busy careers and co-workers until then. I think you have to put some habits in place so that as your hours wind down or become more stable, you will have a lifestyle that serves your goal of finding a gf. You could also do some hobbies and become friends with someone slowly--just be fair in how you handle that. You don't really have the time now that it would take to start something real relationship. But you could put patterns in place, plant seeds, make new friends--get as much as you can lined up so that when you can spend more time, your lifestyle will support your goal. Good luck.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 I think the right woman for you will understand. When the connection is really tight and solid, you can forgive complications like a busy schedule. If you find the right match, you find ways to get around the distance and make it work. 1
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