Author Fashhy Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 I would explore absolutely every other option before resorting to this. Even then, I doubt I could do it. Surely you have some things you can sell? Find a temporary side job? I broke up with someone a few months ago, and had a lot of upfront expenses moving into my own place again, while also going through one of the slowest spells in my business/income in a long time. My ex offered to help me out if I needed it, but I really didn't want to take money from him. So I made a list of all the ways I could generate more income, and cut expenses. Working my way down the list, I stirred up some new income within a few weeks. But if that hadn't worked, the last option on my list was to get a short-term side job doing whatever - retail, admin work, etc. Asking him for money is the easy way. But I'm sure that if you exert a little effort on your own, you can solve this problem without taking money from him. Thanx! I applied everywhere I could think of, even jobs I never thought I would do. As retail and admin. They just say my resume is way too much for them and don't have the budget to pay me accordingly. Now i'm removing most of the experience from the resume so it would look...basic.
carhill Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Heh, one thing about such folks is that, very rarely, do they get that way by giving it away. Sure, when they're old and spending down to the grave they might, or if they're Bill Gates, but these guys aren't an ATM no matter how they might come across. Everything has an angle. That's how they get to where they are. IMO, you'll have better fortunes, all around, if you genuinely like the guy and demonstrate yourself to be a healthy and, at some point, loving partner. If money ever comes up, or stuff related to it, focus on your philosophies and ideas, not numbers. Your personal situation will resolve itself, one way or another. You could easily plow through a BK and this guy would never know or, heck, do like the Donald did and trumpet it from the rooftops and spin it as being a 'better you'. Be creative. Money likes creative. Good luck!
Gaeta Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Ya I don't think I'm gonna have to ask. I am sure he's gonna suggest it eventually. I guess I just wanted to vent a little. EVENTUALLY? You mean you will SIT there and wait for him to offer money eventually?? instead of digging yourself out of this hole by other means? 1
Author Fashhy Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 You mentioned ***you "don't mind" working**** ... That's not asking him what openings he has and you'd like an interview or put in a good word with the HR person. Why did he think you were joking? Does he respect you professionally? His comment leads me to think he does not. Your grammar on this thread leads me to think you aren't educated ... Maybe he doesn't think you're qualified to work at or represent his companies? Sorry ... Please do not shoot the messenger ... Just an observation. Does your guy think you want to work? Maybe he's happy with you not working? A lot of guys who are well off like the person they are dating to have a lot of flexibility for travel and to be there for them. That could also be the reason he thinks you're joking. He could be saying, "sweetie you don't have to worry about working ... you're with me now:)" Thanx for noticing my grammar. I in fact don't live in the states and English isn't my first language I do however speak 4 languages fluently, if you were wondering. 1
Gaeta Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Thanx! I applied everywhere I could think of, even jobs I never thought I would do. As retail and admin. They just say my resume is way too much for them and don't have the budget to pay me accordingly. Now i'm removing most of the experience from the resume so it would look...basic. If you apply at Wal Mart then you fix your resume for Wal mart. If you apply at Bank of America then you bring back all your impressive experiences and references. 1
Author Fashhy Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 If you apply at Wal Mart then you fix your resume for Wal mart. If you apply at Bank of America then you bring back all your impressive experiences and references. That's what I started doing as of last week. I know some places found my resume intimidating.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Now i'm removing most of the experience from the resume so it would look...basic. Good idea. I did exactly the same thing when applying for a position during this time, so as not to appear "overqualified," and it got me in the running.
StBreton Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Ok OP ... I typed my new post as a lot of these others came through. So are you back from the "mother country" and able to do your own thing now? Sounds like you've been through a lot ...sorry to hear you've had such a hard time of it. I would absolutely share your troubles with your bf if you're serious about each other. Do your best not to overwhelm him as I'm sure he has a lot on his plate and you do not want to be a burden to him. Helping you out would, I'm sure, be fine with him and he'll be glad to help.
Author Fashhy Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 You mentioned ***you "don't mind" working**** ... That's not asking him what openings he has and you'd like an interview or put in a good word with the HR person. Why did he think you were joking? Does he respect you professionally? His comment leads me to think he does not. Your grammar on this thread leads me to think you aren't educated ... Maybe he doesn't think you're qualified to work at or represent his companies? Sorry ... Please do not shoot the messenger ... Just an observation. Does your guy think you want to work? Maybe he's happy with you not working? A lot of guys who are well off like the person they are dating to have a lot of flexibility for travel and to be there for them. That could also be the reason he thinks you're joking. He could be saying, "sweetie you don't have to worry about working ... you're with me now:)" And yes he might think that way, but that s not how I think.
J21 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Ya I don't think I'm gonna have to ask. I am sure he's gonna suggest it eventually. I guess I just wanted to vent a little. Well good luck. I don't know how you're so sure he's gonna just suggest it, but I don't know you, the guy or the relationship.
stillafool Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Thanx for noticing my grammar. I in fact don't live in the states and English isn't my first language I do however speak 4 languages fluently, if you were wondering. Perhaps you could get a job as an interpreter. Maybe you could tutor students in one of the 4 languages you speak. Isn't McDonalds starting pay $15/hr? You could try there also.
Yookie Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I would absolutely NOT ask the guy for money or even hint around about it hoping that he offers. What you should do is be open and upfront about your situation... NOT to get "financial aid" from him but to see if he is in a position to help you network in order to find another job. If you are just pretending everything is OK then of course he will think you are joking when you ask about a job. If you have good credit, you would do better with a low interest personal loan than using credit cards. Try to join a Credit Union for the best rates. 1
Author Fashhy Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 Ok OP ... I typed my new post as a lot of these others came through. So are you back from the "mother country" and able to do your own thing now? Sounds like you've been through a lot ...sorry to hear you've had such a hard time of it. I would absolutely share your troubles with your bf if you're serious about each other. Do your best not to overwhelm him as I'm sure he has a lot on his plate and you do not want to be a burden to him. Helping you out would, I'm sure, be fine with him and he'll be glad to help. Yes I went through hell to get away from the situation I was in. Hence me leaving with absolutely nothing expect the clothes on my back and my child. As long as we were able to get away from that situation alive. This is for me starting from the absolute bottom but I know it s just temporary as I am still working so that I can at least get some of my money from overseas.
Httm Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 He never ever talks about money. And he lets me choose the restaurants which happens to be places I am used to going to before him. Let's just say I had a certain lifestyle and now I am struggling thanx to my divorce. I found out by myself that he has no mortgage, he never told me. And no I don't use credit cards. I don't believe in buying things you can't really afford. How in the world did you find out on your own about his mortgage? What in the... And so, you picked the most expensive restaurants..that you could not afford, and expected him to pick up the bills? You've already set this up to be all about finance... so it seems like your mind is already set. 1
Author Fashhy Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 Flashhy are you and him of the same culture? No but very very similar. We have the same values...
Gaeta Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Yes I went through hell to get away from the situation I was in. Hence me leaving with absolutely nothing expect the clothes on my back and my child. As long as we were able to get away from that situation alive. This is for me starting from the absolute bottom but I know it s just temporary as I am still working so that I can at least get some of my money from overseas. Again it's not HIS problem. Let me tell you. If I were dating a foreigner for 3 months only and he asked me for money and told me it's just till he gets his money back from his country there would be an UPROAR on here !! People would be screaming scammer.
Httm Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I can't ask anybody, because I don't have anybody to ask. My ex forbid me from having any friends or seeing my extended family. I mentioned I don't mind working in one of his companies. He thought I was joking. 1. No one can forbid anything, unless you were a slave in a third world country. 2. You've been divorced for a while now, since you are already 3 months into a relationship. Why haven't you reconnect with family and made some friends yet? 1
Author Fashhy Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 Again it's not HIS problem. Let me tell you. If I were dating a foreigner for 3 months only and he asked me for money and told me it's just till he gets his money back from his country there would be an UPROAR on here !! People would be screaming scammer. I don't think you get the situation. We don't live in America. And both me and him are citizens in the country where we live.
Author Fashhy Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 Again it's not HIS problem. Let me tell you. If I were dating a foreigner for 3 months only and he asked me for money and told me it's just till he gets his money back from his country there would be an UPROAR on here !! People would be screaming scammer. I never said it was his problem. I don't even go into details with him. He just knows I was in a bad marriage. Nothing more.
Gaeta Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 I don't think you get the situation. We don't live in America. And both me and him are citizens in the country where we live. But you are not of the same culture. It doesn't matter you have the same values. All the cultures of the world have the same values, we value education, work, we want the best for our children, we want to better our situation. It's all the same around the globe BUT once you get to borrowing money you can offend someone beyond repair. I had a couple of dates with a man this summer. He asked me for $500. I said no, and I don't want you to call me again. He did not understand because in his culture it's ok to borrow money left and right, there is no taboo associated to it. It was a fatal mistake to ask me, because in my culture you don't ask money to someone you've been dating short term.
Author Fashhy Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 But you are not of the same culture. It doesn't matter you have the same values. All the cultures of the world have the same values, we value education, work, we want the best for our children, we want to better our situation. It's all the same around the globe BUT once you get to borrowing money you can offend someone beyond repair. I had a couple of dates with a man this summer. He asked me for $500. I said no, and I don't want you to call me again. He did not understand because in his culture it's ok to borrow money left and right, there is no taboo associated to it. It was a fatal mistake to ask me, because in my culture you don't ask money to someone you've been dating short term. You miss the part where I said I won't ask him directly for money. If he suggests to help I won't say no. I guess the title of this thread is misleading. 1
StBreton Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 And yes he might think that way, but that s not how I think. Why didn't you clarify the reason he said, "are you joking?" If you don't think that way ... then you'd also think it is NOT ok to ask for/take his money.
CarrieT Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Start selling your belongings on eBay. I am serious. It is just STUFF. You can get it again, when you are solvent. Do NOT ask a guy you have only known for three months for money. It will end the relationship much quicker if you do. 3
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