Fashhy Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 First time posting here. Please be nice. I have been dating this guys exclusively for nearly 3 months. We met at my work in June and he pursued me really hard before I accepted a date with him. We get along super well, he's a mature man in his early 40's, has a kid who lives solely with him. I met his child. I see a future with him. I am a single mom as well, and right now have no financial resources as I lost my job not long ago. I am struggling tremendously, financially. I don't have money to pay my bills. I can't seem to be able to find a job for some odd reason even if I have a lot of experience. My divorce cost me a lot financially, and I don't get alimony. Now this man I am dating is extremely well off financially. He has multiple companies, owns a huge huge house( no mortgage to pay) can pretty much afford anything he wants. Our dates consist of going to the chicest restaurants in the city. And although I am in deep S*** financially, you could never tell looking at me. I present my self very well. My question is, should I ask him for help. And how? I mentioned that I m looking for a job and it s stressing me out. But that was the length of it. I don't feel comfortable doing it, as I never borrowed money from nobody and don't even owe money through credit cards. Thank you for your answers.
stillafool Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Don't you get child support? I really don't think it's a good idea to ask for money from this man. You have only been dating 3 months. Don't you have relatives or friends you can ask? 1
Httm Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 The fact that you for some reason know that he has no mortgage and that you go to only fancy money means that he wants to impress you with money. This guy is in your face about it(no mortgage? Tacky). Feel free to explain your situation since he has no problem throwing the money in your face.
Gaeta Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 NO. If you don't owe money on your credit cards then they're cleared up so you can use them. 6
acapelo_dp Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 No, you should not ask him for help financially. You need to figure this out on your own and it isn't his problem unfortunately. 1
Author Fashhy Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 He never ever talks about money. And he lets me choose the restaurants which happens to be places I am used to going to before him. Let's just say I had a certain lifestyle and now I am struggling thanx to my divorce. I found out by myself that he has no mortgage, he never told me. And no I don't use credit cards. I don't believe in buying things you can't really afford.
J21 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 He never ever talks about money. And he lets me choose the restaurants which happens to be places I am used to going to before him. Let's just say I had a certain lifestyle and now I am struggling thanx to my divorce. I found out by myself that he has no mortgage, he never told me. And no I don't use credit cards. I don't believe in buying things you can't really afford. What "lifestyle" you're used to and what your current reality of your situation is not any of his problem. So no, you shouldn't ask him for money. You need to figure out a way to stand on your own, If you start relying on him and he leaves, what are you gonna do? You're still in the same position anyway. If some person I was dating asked me for money 3 months in I would definitely consider dropping her. So yeah, there's a chance of that happening too. And how the heck do you find out he has no mortgage without him not telling you? That's so ........ excuse the bluntness but gold digger-ish? 1
Gaeta Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 And no I don't use credit cards. I don't believe in buying things you can't really afford. You don't use your credit cards or you don't have credit cards? I am sorry but if you don't want to live with credit cards and that puts you in a difficult situation it's YOUR philosophy and your problem. He doesn't have to land you money because you have these principals. These principals are yours so own them....on your own. You remind me of my friend and her boyfriend. He has credit cards but they're cleared. When they go somewhere he makes her pay by saying OH my credit cards are cleared and I want them to be cleared. My idiot friend falls for it. SO, if you cannot afford using credit cards then you cannot afford money from him. They're both the same darn thing 'borrowed money'. 2
Author Fashhy Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 My lifestyle is that I had to pay a lot of money to be able to get my divorce. My ex cleaned out MY account. None of it was his money. Also, this is just a temporary situation. I could never ask him straight off for money, I was thinking I would just imply that I am really struggling since up until now, I didn't wanna tell him. I avoided the subject actually.
Gaeta Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 My lifestyle is that I had to pay a lot of money to be able to get my divorce. My ex cleaned out MY account. None of it was his money. Also, this is just a temporary situation. I could never ask him straight off for money, I was thinking I would just imply that I am really struggling since up until now, I didn't wanna tell him. I avoided the subject actually. This cannot be serious. Ask your parents, ask your siblings, ask your best friend. 2
StBreton Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 You say you're in deep sh*t financially but don't have credit debt ... So how does that work? You say your divorce cost you a lot and you're used to more upscale dining places ...so maybe had some means before the divorce ...just wondering why your divorce cost you so much and you don't have financial assets from this high priced divorce? Why did it cost so much and nothing to show for it? Since your guy has companies ...how about asking him for a job? Still ... You could say you are struggling right now and see if he offers financial help. A lot of people help each other during times of trouble. 1
BLND Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I'd suggest to mention it to him. I am sure he wouldn't want the girl he's dating to be struggling like that. It will only take a toll on your relationship. And he seems to be able to afford it. I doubt he'll take it a loan but rather just helping out the person he is in a relationship with. If i was in a relationship and the person I'm dating was in such a bad situation I would definitely help them out. It's normal and natural. Or else what's the point in being with them if in the bad times they don't help out. 1
J21 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 My lifestyle is that I had to pay a lot of money to be able to get my divorce. My ex cleaned out MY account. None of it was his money. Also, this is just a temporary situation. I could never ask him straight off for money, I was thinking I would just imply that I am really struggling since up until now, I didn't wanna tell him. I avoided the subject actually. Again, that really has nothing to do with the new guy. 3 months in, you're not in any position to ask the new guy to help you financially. Don't bring your problems and make it the new guy's problems. That's selfish. The divorce has nothing to do with him, so why are you putting him in that position? Let's say he says no, he won't lend you money, you know that'll most likely kill the relationship, right? It puts you both in an awkward position, so what's the point in continuing further? I'm sure it'll fizzle out if he declines. 3
Zippy2000 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 HELL, NO! If you see a future with this man then do NOT ask him for help. That looks like you`re going for him for his money. You should see help herself and find a way out. Get help from a debt advisor or Citizens Advice Bureau if you have any. If he thinks you are after his money he will walk. Be warned. It would put me off. 2
Author Fashhy Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 This cannot be serious. Ask your parents, ask your siblings, ask your best friend. You say you're in deep sh*t financially but don't have credit debt ... So how does that work? You say your divorce cost you a lot and you're used to more upscale dining places ...so maybe had some means before the divorce ...just wondering why your divorce cost you so much and you don't have financial assets from this high priced divorce? Why did it cost so much and nothing to show for it? Since your guy has companies ...how about asking him for a job? Still ... You could say you are struggling right now and see if he offers financial help. A lot of people help each other during times of trouble. I can't ask anybody, because I don't have anybody to ask. My ex forbid me from having any friends or seeing my extended family. I mentioned I don't mind working in one of his companies. He thought I was joking.
Author Fashhy Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 I'd suggest to mention it to him. I am sure he wouldn't want the girl he's dating to be struggling like that. It will only take a toll on your relationship. And he seems to be able to afford it. I doubt he'll take it a loan but rather just helping out the person he is in a relationship with. If i was in a relationship and the person I'm dating was in such a bad situation I would definitely help them out. It's normal and natural. Or else what's the point in being with them if in the bad times they don't help out. Yes I am sure he's gonna suggest helping me. I personally will never blatantly ask for money. I am the same way, if the tables were turned I would definitely help the other person out.
Gaeta Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I can't ask anybody, because I don't have anybody to ask. My ex forbid me from having any friends or seeing my extended family. I mentioned I don't mind working in one of his companies. He thought I was joking. Your ex forbid you? Since when someone can forbid you to have friends. Listen, if he thought giving you a job was a joke then definitely do not mention to him you need help. Him laughing at your suggestion to get a job from him was his way of brushing it off as in 'not my business to give you a job'. I assure you it will end with 'not my business to give you money'.
J21 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 He lends you money -> Will think you are using him for money and will leave (sooner or later). He doesn't lend you money -> Awkwardness will ensue and relationship will come to an end (eventually). 4
SwordofFlame Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I can't ask anybody, because I don't have anybody to ask. My ex forbid me from having any friends or seeing my extended family. I mentioned I don't mind working in one of his companies. He thought I was joking. OP, was your ex husband involved in organized crime or something? Something's not right here.... 1
Author Fashhy Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 Your ex forbid you? Since when someone can forbid you to have friends. Listen, if he thought giving you a job was a joke then definitely do not mention to him you need help. Him laughing at your suggestion to get a job from him was his way of brushing it off as in 'not my business to give you a job'. I assure you it will end with 'not my business to give you money'. No he thought I was joking and that I don't NEED a job. Like I mentioned before, you would never think I am struggling if you look at me. When I say I need a job to people they generally have the same reaction as him. They think I'm rich. And yes in other cultures, husbands do forbid their wives from whatever they feel like. I had to pay a lot of money for my freedom and my kid.
Author Fashhy Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 OP, was your ex husband involved in organized crime or something? Something's not right here.... Lol no. He just came from another culture and I was living in a mother country where husbands have the right to do that. I don't want to rehash those ugly details.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I would explore absolutely every other option before resorting to this. Even then, I doubt I could do it. Surely you have some things you can sell? Find a temporary side job? I broke up with someone a few months ago, and had a lot of upfront expenses moving into my own place again, while also going through one of the slowest spells in my business/income in a long time. My ex offered to help me out if I needed it, but I really didn't want to take money from him. So I made a list of all the ways I could generate more income, and cut expenses. Working my way down the list, I stirred up some new income within a few weeks. But if that hadn't worked, the last option on my list was to get a short-term side job doing whatever - retail, admin work, etc. Asking him for money is the easy way. But I'm sure that if you exert a little effort on your own, you can solve this problem without taking money from him. 1
Author Fashhy Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 He lends you money -> Will think you are using him for money and will leave (sooner or later). He doesn't lend you money -> Awkwardness will ensue and relationship will come to an end (eventually). Ya I don't think I'm gonna have to ask. I am sure he's gonna suggest it eventually. I guess I just wanted to vent a little.
StBreton Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I can't ask anybody, because I don't have anybody to ask. My ex forbid me from having any friends or seeing my extended family. I mentioned I don't mind working in one of his companies. He thought I was joking. You mentioned ***you "don't mind" working**** ... That's not asking him what openings he has and you'd like an interview or put in a good word with the HR person. Why did he think you were joking? Does he respect you professionally? His comment leads me to think he does not. Your grammar on this thread leads me to think you aren't educated ... Maybe he doesn't think you're qualified to work at or represent his companies? Sorry ... Please do not shoot the messenger ... Just an observation. Does your guy think you want to work? Maybe he's happy with you not working? A lot of guys who are well off like the person they are dating to have a lot of flexibility for travel and to be there for them. That could also be the reason he thinks you're joking. He could be saying, "sweetie you don't have to worry about working ... you're with me now:)" 1
Gaeta Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 No he thought I was joking and that I don't NEED a job. Like I mentioned before, you would never think I am struggling if you look at me. When I say I need a job to people they generally have the same reaction as him. They think I'm rich. And yes in other cultures, husbands do forbid their wives from whatever they feel like. I had to pay a lot of money for my freedom and my kid. If you look like you're rich then take some of those extra 'something something' you have in your home and sell them. You got jewelry? Sell it. You got silverware? Sell it. A fur coat? Sell it. Is it possible you never had to take care of yourself before and that's why you don't have initiative or don't know how to survive? 1
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