down_n_dumped Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 2 months ago my girlfriend(21) of 2-years broke up with me(26), and the reason that she gave me was because I couldn't articulate my feelings of love to her. I had broken up with her once before at the one year mark because we had problems with fighting and her anxiety. During that breakup I said I didn't know if I loved her. The breakup didn't last long (around a month and half) but that thought was always still in her head. Our relationship was much better after the first breakup, not many fights, our communication got a lot better, we were able to open up to each other more. There was only one problem... my parents had always been pressuring me to get married and I knew that if I started openly telling them and her that I was "in love" that marriage would be expected. This scared me, so therefore when the discussion of deep love came up between us I always shied away from it. I did tell her a good amount of times that did I love her but it was never really spontaneous like it should have been. I always showed her that I loved her by showing affection, being there for her, spending a lot of time with her(we practically lived together for a while), taking care of her, being her confidant, our sex was always amazing, giving gifts, taking her on trips, etc. But the words never could find there way out because of not only the idea of marriage, but the idea of a failed marriage. My parents almost got a divorce at one point in my childhood and out of 6 children I was the only one who ever knew about it. This scarred me and gave me the impression that even a seamlessly perfect marriage like my parents' can fail and end badly. I did and do love her so deeply and regret not telling her enough. We would talk about this at great length and the conversation would always end with her in tears because she didn't feel like she was good enough to convince me otherwise. It always made me feel terrible inside to know that I was causing her this pain, but I was always being honest with her and my feelings. The breakup was catalyzed by her going to a party and getting groped by a guy I knew she had been out with at a bar before (work colleague). I of course reacted negatively and jealously. This fight led to her saying that she want to break up. I know it is not healthy to think like this, but if I could go back in time I would say that I loved her every time. After the breakup I bore my heart to her and let her know how I felt. We both cried a lot and she said she knew and could tell that I loved her but that it caused her too much pain throughout the relationship and that she needed this for herself. That it wasnt because she wanted to be with any other guys and that she still loved me. We agreed that we both needed some space and for brief moments we tried no contact. This never lasted more than 8 days at most, one of us would cave for one reason or another. The conversations were always one-sided, with me showing that I cared and missed her and was willing to do what it took to make things right. But she grew more and more distant. During this time I HAVE worked on myself and my emotions, even without a firm NC. I have lost 17 lbs from working out, I bought a new car, I went out on a date, I quit some bad habits that I had, all for ME not for the relationship. But none of this deterred me away from talking to her when she would reach out, I just couldn't resist it. Then one day when I proposed that we should meet in person to discuss things she said "I don't know if you will like talking to me. I am not very emotional about it at this point". This crushed me. To know that we had gone from such a deep point of a relationship to her not feeling anything absolutely annihilated me. This was about a month into the breakup. Our contact has been very brief and succinct until about a week ago. She contacted me about how she owed me money that I had lent her at one point and I told her not to worry about it and to keep it, under no condition of how our relationship turned out. We talked for a full day, about what was going on in our lives and how she had gone out on a couple dates "but nothing special" I told her that she was amazing and that any guys would be lucky to have her. Things were really positive and I asked her if she would be interested in going on a drive to discuss things and she said yes. But life got in the way and she ended up having to move apartments the day that we were planning on meeting. I was understanding and asked if maybe the next day would work for her, she said yes but that "only if I have unpacked enough". I don't exactly know why but i took offense to not being a priority over unpacking asked her if this was important to her and if she could take a break from unpacking. This led to her getting angry and calling me selfish because she was under a lot of stress from the move. I felt like I was being avoided, but I apologized and let her know that I could wait and that when she was wanted to talk she could let me know. We haven't spoken since then and it has been 3 days. I feel like I have ruined my chance to get talk to her face-to-face as all our contact has been through text and so impersonal. I know, I know NO CONTACT right? I have read that just about everywhere that gives advice, but is that really the solution if a break-up was catalyzed by her thinking that I didn't love her and show her enough affection? I am obviously not going to initiate any contact with her, the ball is in her court if she want to meet up and talk. I have accepted that this relationship might be entirely over and that she may really not care anymore and that I hurt her too much for her to want to try again with me. I really don't like the thought of it, especially since it she left the door so wide open as to whether or not we could still get back together and the fact that she still loves me. But for now I am going to give her space, not initiate contact, and be as patient as I can. I feel like after 2 months though I need to start putting a time limit on my "holding out hope" and still allowing contact to happen. I have decided that if she doesn't want to go for our talk and try and reconcile before thanksgiving (2 1/2 weeks from now) that I should just cut all contact and follow NC strictly and work on getting over her. At that point I would just assume she no longer wanted reconciliation and try to move on. Is this at all a healthy plan? Is there any hope for this relationship or is it too damaged? We both loved each other, even though I couldn't readily say it. I have no idea how she really feels know, she never has said that she doesn't love me anymore but I have never directly asked her. I need some input, or just support.
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