Mrlonelyone Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Could I be aiming too low? Is it possible to be hurting myself by going for people who think they could not have me and keep me? Be it known that I am bisexual/sapiosexual and transgender/bigender. That said I have had some success in real life dating. I was the "lucky" guy who got to be with the "hot" female teacher and the "lucky" girl who got to bed the big handsome jock. Yet I was left not feeling great about myself from these relationships at the time. It was so much sneaking around. I have exes I drone on about here ergo I have had relationships. That said I must have some degree of physical attractiveness that I am only now really starting to believe in. Lately in online dating I have tried messaging a wide variety of people from 3's to 9's. Only 7's and above ever reply much less want to arrange a date. Could I be wasting my time trying with people who may just may rate me highly then write me off? More generally in online dating if a guy or gal notices that they are getting responses from conventionally attractive people should they focus their energy there?
theredpill Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 (edited) Absolutely punch above your weight all the time, same thing for the ladies, but make sure you do your research, watch out for red flags and take at least 90 days or so before doing the couple thing - don't just ignore the showstoppers because she or he is hot! There are good and bad matches no matter what someone's physical appearance is to the consensus, of the three women I've dated in the last 7 years, definitely loved the first more, although most men and women I know say the second was prettier. Clearly still dislike the third, so she's not on the list yet!!! I think women are a lot less bound by looks as a priority, perhaps more looking for a deep emotional connection - dunno if any of the fairer sex will add to this statement. Edited November 10, 2015 by theredpill 1
Buddhist Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Could I be aiming too low? Is it possible to be hurting myself by going for people who think they could not have me and keep me? That said I must have some degree of physical attractiveness that I am only now really starting to believe in. Lately in online dating I have tried messaging a wide variety of people from 3's to 9's. Only 7's and above ever reply much less want to arrange a date. Could I be wasting my time trying with people who may just may rate me highly then write me off? More generally in online dating if a guy or gal notices that they are getting responses from conventionally attractive people should they focus their energy there? Yes to all of these. People are terrible at judging their own attractiveness. They either rate themselves too low due to self esteem issues or are completely delusional and rate themselves too high. If you are dating in the wrong gene pool however it usually results in really bad relationships because one of you is insecure and attempts to manipulate the other. That's how you know. In my younger years I rated myself really low and dated in the wrong pool. The result was one of the most manipulative and abusive relationships of my life. The guy just could not love me at all because he was too busy trying to break my self esteem so I would never leave him.... The last two relationships I've been dating in the right gene pool. I received a lot of pretty upfront affection and my partner never felt insecure about their attachment with me, hence they are comfortable to be affectionate rather than with-holding. It's pretty simple, insecure mates do everything they can to be total arses in relationships because they are held hostage by their own anxiety and act in bizarre ways. This idea that lowering your standards will give you a mate who adores and appreciates you because they can do no better is one of the more stupid pieces of common wisdom out there. No, in fact only someone who feels secure will love and appreciate you. 1
Author Mrlonelyone Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 Thanks. It is nice to see that I am not totally insane. I've tried everything else when it comes to OLD. I might as well try this.
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