ExGirlfriend of 2 years moving on after she tried getting back with me for 6 months

[jorgepy]

Long Story short, My Exgirlfriend

and I were in a relationship 2 years. We lived together, partied together, traveled together, we even had the same birthdate, both of us confessed to each other we had never had a bond with anyone like the one we had. However we started having problems in the end of 2014, I could tell she was distancing herself from me, I had also made some mistakes. before christmas I left and went back to my home country as I am not from the US. While I was there I discovered she had started seeing a guy she had mentioned in the past. I was really upset about it and we fought via skype and phone, she blamed me and said that her actions was a result of me hurting her earlier that year, when i told her what she wanted to do she said she was confused. I got fed up and cut contact with her. After i Did this she dumbed the guy and started begiing my forgiveness and even flew over to my Country in March and stayed there for a week. We tried to fix things but i was really hurt over her having dated that guy. After she left I told her I didnt want to be with her anymore. She stayed in touch with me all the way since march up until the end of august, always saying that she wanted to get back with me. I came back to the US in July and she wanted to come see me in LA. I dissed her and acted cold to her. In august she told me she had started seeing the same guy from before again. I got angry and cut contact with her again. In october i reached out to her via facebook, she acted cold and told me she had changed her phone, she also told me she and the guy where serious now. I told her I wanted to see her and talk to her, she told me it wasnt a good idea. Last week I called her up to her work, and told her I loved her that i was sorry about taking too long to realized it but I didnt want to lose her, that i was going to fight for her. She cried over the phone but also told me it was too late, and hung up. The next day I didnt care and drove up 6 hours to the place she works at. I wanted to surprise her at work so i bought a rose and attached a note on it asking her to come out. I asked a couple passing by if they could go into the stores she is a manager at and give it to her.

 

I had the bad luck that she was not there, they said she was out on her lunch break. Somehow she must have been notified of what happened because the next thing i know she starts texting me by facebook asking me what the hell im doing there and telling me to leave. Her reactionn was incredibly hostile, and then i start getting texts from her new guy who was obviously with her in her lunchtime. He starts to insult me and she starts texting that she loves him and to leave them alone.

 

I drove back to LA this past friday night I sent her this message

 

“I'm going to tell you something and thats it. I dont give a **** about that guy youre with, but I know that is not the life you want. I know you, I am building something really good here in LA, and i want you to be with me for it, Move with me to LA, we will build everything you always wanted and i offer nothing but being with you for the rest of my life. I dont want to lose you but if you dont cut this bull**** i will move on too. Think about it. I am done with the parties i am done with the bull****, be done with your bs and lets fix this!”

 

after that i havent contacted her at all. I want her to know that I want her back but will not be needy and beg her either. She saw the message and didnt reply, and saturday morning i saw that she had blocked me from facebook. However Today she unblocked me and i dont know what to think. Its the only way I can reach her at this point other than calling her work. If she really wanted to cut contact why would she block and unblock the only channel of communication? is there hope?

 

Im hoping that she will react to my offer of her coming to live with me, see that I want her back forever? What do you guys think?

I am planning to not contact her at all until she reaches out to me?

 

I really love this girl it took me a while to forgive her but I really dont want to lose her, against all odds we always swore we would love each other I know she feels something strong for me too she was after me for months. I will not contact her for a while do you guys think it will have any effect especially since i havent seen here even in the past 8 months. Thoughts are welcome

[Qboro90]

You're behavior is unacceptable and needs to stop. You had your chances over the summer to reconcile with her and you chose not to. Instead you did the opposite and were cold and cruel to her. Now that all of a sudden you see she's with someone else you feel jealous and want her back doesn't mean you can just talk her into dumping this guy and running back to you. Leave her alone. When a girl blocks you, changes her number and isn't around when you drive 6 hours to see it.... She doesn't want to see/talk to you. Move on.

 

And FYI.... The message you sent her where you basically say "I don't care about who you're with, I know he's not what you want, I'm the only one who knows what you want and need and am the only one who can give it to you. You won't be happy unless you move to LA with me and leave him. Oh by the way, I'm gonna be doing really well and if you don't listen to me and cut the bull**** then screw you I'm gonna move on. So just listen to me and move here because I'm done being a ****ty boyfriend and I'm telling you well be together forever. But if you don't come here then I'll be fine without you."

 

- awful way to communicate. Telling a girl what she wants and needs is arrogant and self centered on your part. If you cared about this girl at all you would've showed her when you had the chance.

 

And if you couldn't get over the fact that she dated someone else while you were broken up the last time you split up then what makes you think you're going to be able to do so this time. I bet that even if this girl did leave her BF for you (she won't), but if she did, you would eventually start making jabs at her and getting offensive at how she was with another guy which would deteriorate quickly.

 

Be the mature adult for once and let this girl live her life however she wants to. Don't interfere, don't contact her.

[didithappen]

I do feel for you OP but what did you expect? She tried getting back together for you (something many ex's do not do even though some of us wish they did...me) and you ghosted her.

 

After a while she was bound to move on and not keep waiting for you for years. So she did, and you unfortunately missed your chance.

[jorgepy]

I know I should have reacted sooner. to be honest with you I did have hopes of getting back with her but I have been extremely busy with launching a business venture here in LA. Timing was off and i admit i should have done something sooner. You guys reckon there is still a chance to get her back anything at all i can do that might help. Regardless if you think I should leave her alone understand that I do love her and want a solution....Any suggestions are welcome.

[ExpatInItaly]

I think you're too late. You had a chance. She moved on and you frankly have no business telling her what she wants with her life. I would find it extremely off-putting to be told by an ex-boyfriend what I want. You can't bulldoze over her boundaries by showing up at her workplace and then sending a message like that. So inappropriate.

 

Time to let go.

[jorgepy]

Wow i really thought in this forum I might perhaps find some degree of solutions for my specific situation. If there is a ethical dilemma and you dont agree with my actions and the only thing you have to tell me is that its too late please abstain yourself from commenting. I believe there is nothing in this world that doesnt have a solution, including my situation, Sometimes its hard to know what to do when its your own personna in the middle of the action, and that is why i came to this forum, I truly want to get my ex back, I love her and made a mistake , and am in need of viable courses of action, that is all I am asking for. "ceteris paribus" if I made a mistake and didnt resolve my issues with my ex at the most convenient time. I love her and am trying to get her back. Constructive solutions and criticism are very accepted, strategies, etc. If you have nothing to say other than I was wrong and leave her alone, abstain from commenting please.

[mightycpa]

You can purchase a spell that is guaranteed to get you your girlfriend back HERE. Only $12.

 

Failing that, I'm not sure anything else will work, other than a good old-fashioned headbonking and dragging her back to your cave.

[Qboro90]

Wow i really thought in this forum I might perhaps find some degree of solutions for my specific situation. If there is a ethical dilemma and you dont agree with my actions and the only thing you have to tell me is that its too late please abstain yourself from commenting. I believe there is nothing in this world that doesnt have a solution, including my situation, Sometimes its hard to know what to do when its your own personna in the middle of the action, and that is why i came to this forum, I truly want to get my ex back, I love her and made a mistake , and am in need of viable courses of action, that is all I am asking for. "ceteris paribus" if I made a mistake and didnt resolve my issues with my ex at the most convenient time. I love her and am trying to get her back. Constructive solutions and criticism are very accepted, strategies, etc. If you have nothing to say other than I was wrong and leave her alone, abstain from commenting please.

 

 

Are you able to step back and see how what you're writing comes across? When everyone is telling you the same answer it's not because we're trying to be malicious and dont want to see you back with this girl.... It's because at the current moment in time.... You need to stop contacting her. She has another BF in her life. You are that obsessive ex right now with the route you're taking who didn't realize what he had until it was gone and now isn't patient enough to wait for her to be single again.

 

What you're basically saying is "I want things to go my way and no matter what I will find a solution in order to make my needs be fulfilled."

 

Smothering this girl and being the begging ex BF is going to do 1 thing. It's going to make her lose respect for you and realize she can mess with your head and keep you in the palm of her hand if she wants to. The only way to get her back is to continue to grow your business venture, pretend like you're doing fine without her, and wait for her to split up with her current BF. Anything other than that is going to hurt your chances of ever getting her back.

 

 

Not to mention, you're telling her that you would be with her forever in your last message. Let's say she miraculously decides to date you again... Guess what... Now you're locked into marrying this girl and she is going to hold it over your head very quickly. That's not how you want to get her back. Promising her things, hounding her, telling her what she wants... That's all for YOUR benefit. Maybe for once show this girl that it's not all about you and when you're ready. Tell her you hope she's happy and you'll regret not doing your best to hold onto her but you don't want to continue to intrude in her life... You'll always be there for her if she needs" . And then leave it at that.

[NoLeafClover]

Wow...just wow...

 

Backbone out the window.

 

The old you, was on tact. The guy who wouldn't take a cheater back..that was the real deal.

 

This guy now who is moving backwards and is being ignored by a cheater..and now looking like a stalker and actually is being a stalker...dude get a grip will ya. Stop acting like she is THE ONE. She has been screwing both of you at the same time as far as you know.

 

Move on and find someone else. This one has burned down its bridges on both ends.

 

And btw, your message to her is redic. How the hell can you tell someone who they are and how they feel. You are not them. Stop acting so desperate maah gaaad

[jorgepy]

I am Leaving her alone at this point in time, that is my strategy i put my heart and intentions out on the table with my last message, simple, now I want to wait for her to contact me, i dont know if it will work, thats why i came here for feedback and /or other possible strategies. I know how my messages may be perceived and its not my intention to come accross as an ******* who wants things to happen right now but truth be told I am sad and love her. I am 30 years old I am not an idiot I am not a caveman, I am not forcing her to do anything but I am willing to fight for her and thats it.

 

You are right in regards to me setting myself up to marrying her. I actually do want to do that. and that is what i insinuated to her. I already have the ring. If i wrote to her about moving with me to a new city is because she always told me she wanted to move out of the place she was living in. Im not telling her what to do , i am speaking out of what she told me.

 

Thank you for your comments leaving her alone and waiting for her to react to my offer , or break up with the other guy is what i was pushing for, but if there are any other alternatives they are very welcome.

[Blanco]

She is not a possession to be won. She is a free-thinking person who is fully entitled to pursue what and who she wants out of life.

 

People are just trying to level with you here. You had a second chance, something many people here would have KILLED for in their own situations. You did not pursue it. If this girl is as vital to you as you now claim, then nothing would have stood in your way from reuniting with her when she made the effort.

 

The reality is, there are no tricks or tactics to get her back, which is what you seem to be after. Instead, you're attacking the people who are just trying to shoot straight with you. You had your second chance. You didn't take it. If you love her as much as you claim to, don't try to obstruct something that has made her happier just because it's not what you want. That's definition of selfishness.

[jorgepy]

My rational self agrees with everything you stated here. However I am fuc ked up about it and at the moment feel like ****. I lost an opportunity with a great girl and i know it. But i have hope, I am not someone who bows down to losing , and especially losing someone i love , which is why this is so hard for me right now. Thanks for your honesty

[mightycpa]

I am willing to fight for her and thats it.

Who exactly would you have this fight with? What is the nature of this fight? Do you have to convince her what a great catch you are? Or merely that you're utterly devoted?

 

You'll have a much better chance if you buy that spell I mentioned to you.

[jorgepy]

Mightycpa , cut your condescending comments dude i dont really give a **** about what you have to say, but ok, woooohh youre so slick I am mistaken you got me. Happy?

 

That spell youre recommending i reckon you can place it in a place inside you where "the sun doesn't shine"

[ExpatInItaly]

My rational self agrees with everything you stated here. However I am fuc ked up about it and at the moment feel like ****. I lost an opportunity with a great girl and i know it. But i have hope, I am not someone who bows down to losing , and especially losing someone i love , which is why this is so hard for me right now. Thanks for your honesty

 

You're neglecting the importance of free will and respect for her choices. If she doesn't want you, it's done. You'll know how she feels when and if she responds. If she doesn't respond, you really need to leave her alone.

 

You've done all you can do; I'm not sure what type of strategies or solutions you're looking for, realistically. She knows how you feel. She got your message. What else do you feel you can do? If you were an observer, what would you recommend?

 

I ask this because short of the steps you've already taken, I don't see any other solutions.

[jorgepy]

You're neglecting the importance of free will and respect for her choices. If she doesn't want you, it's done. You'll know how she feels when and if she responds. If she doesn't respond, you really need to leave her alone.

 

You've done all you can do; I'm not sure what type of strategies or solutions you're looking for, realistically. She knows how you feel. She got your message. What else do you feel you can do? If you were an observer, what would you recommend?

 

I ask this because short of the steps you've already taken, I don't see any other solutions.

 

I am not contacting her anymore, I know the ball is in her court I am not going to beg her or harass her i am not the type of guy that begs. But I am curious if she will write to me as our birthday is coming up in 10 days, we spent our last three birthdays together , last year in lake tahoe it was amazing I also have been cooking the Thanksgiving Turkey for the past three years too for her and her family...... this month is full of memories i had with her its f'''ing hard to keep myself in check knowing she is going to share these times with someone else

[Shock148]

Dude you screwed up big time. Yes you should have fought sooner and yes you should have not pushed her away but guess what? It is over. The ONLY strategy left is to not contact her. I am 100% positive she does not respect you, she does not care for you, and she finds you extremely unattractive for sending that last message to her, for being a stalker, for being a creep, and acting as if you are her daddy and she is a 5 year old who does not know what she wants. Sounds to me that she is happy with her new boyfriend who treats her right, when she thinks about you it is not in a good way, and is probably feeling good about herself knowing that the tables have turned because she was the one begging and pleading and getting rejected, but now you are the guy begging and pleading and she is rejecting you.

 

The only strategy as I mentioned before is to leave her alone. The more you try to contact her, the further away she will want to be with you. She probably unblocked you because she felt that it was not really necessary to do so, but if you contact her again she might go ahead and reblock you but this time permanently. Just live your life, heal, and try to do the best for your business. I know you do not want to hear this but she is most likely never going back into your arms again. However, anything is possible but you cannot do anything other than leave her alone. No amount of sending her messages or visiting her will work because you have tried that already and all you got was her telling you to back off because she loves her boyfriend and does not want you.

 

You just need to move on.

[Shock148]

I am not contacting her anymore, I know the ball is in her court I am not going to beg her or harass her i am not the type of guy that begs. But I am curious if she will write to me as our birthday is coming up in 10 days, we spent our last three birthdays together , last year in lake tahoe it was amazing I also have been cooking the Thanksgiving Turkey for the past three years too for her and her family...... this month is full of memories i had with her its f'''ing hard to keep myself in check knowing she is going to share these times with someone else

 

With what you put her through, most likely she will not send you any messages or try to contact you on your birthday. In turn, she will be scared and hope that you do not send her anything either and if you do she will just ignore it.

[jorgepy]

With what you put her through, most likely she will not send you any messages or try to contact you on your birthday. In turn, she will be scared and hope that you do not send her anything either and if you do she will just ignore it.

 

Scared why would she be scared? I havent done anything to her to give her a reason to be scared of me. other than went looking for her last week, I have had very limited contact with her,,,thanks for your opinion shock148

[Shock148]

Scared that once again you will do something drastic. She does not want you to contact her whatsoever. She basically wants you out of her life right now and if you send her a message it will probably get her a little pissed, which she does not want for her birthday.

 

And you did do something. You failed to respect her enough to not bother her when she asked you to. That stalking move you did set you back so much especially since females despise and hate that. She is scared that you might do this again especially on her birthday or thanksgiving or anytime. She just wants space, and a lot of it from you.

[jorgepy]

With what you put her through, most likely she will not send you any messages or try to contact you on your birthday. In turn, she will be scared and hope that you do not send her anything either and if you do she will just ignore it.

 

Scared that once again you will do something drastic. She does not want you to contact her whatsoever. She basically wants you out of her life right now and if you send her a message it will probably get her a little pissed, which she does not want for her birthday.

 

And you did do something. You failed to respect her enough to not bother her when she asked you to. That stalking move you did set you back so much especially since females despise and hate that. She is scared that you might do this again especially on her birthday or thanksgiving or anytime. She just wants space, and a lot of it from you.

 

Are you a girl Shock148 I am just curious? I dont think its stalking when i go to see her after more than 2 years of relationship and 8 months of not seeing her. How is the 1 time I look for her stalking. I am pretty sure the only reason she reacted with hostility was because she was with the new guy and he got wind of what was happening.

 

Maybe youre right only time will tell, i know her very well so we will see how this turns out in the end. I am not a stalker nor am I a wimpy begging dude, she was and probably is still very attracted to me, but obviously my ignoring her forced her to move on. We will see at least i hope its not the end of it.

[stillafool]

You two have really hurt each other. I still think there's alot of love still on her part. If a woman has the guts to fly to another country to get a man back that says quite a bit about her love for you. The two of you thrive on the passion the other one gives. I think she'll be back. There's a reason she unblocked you on FB. I hope her bf knows she unblocked you and to get ready because she's getting ready to cheat.

[jorgepy]

You two have really hurt each other. I still think there's alot of love still on her part. If a woman has the guts to fly to another country to get a man back that says quite a bit about her love for you. The two of you thrive on the passion the other one gives. I think she'll be back. There's a reason she unblocked you on FB. I hope her bf knows she unblocked you and to get ready because she's getting ready to cheat.

Stillafool we have hurt each other i know, what do you think of my strategy? i put my cards on the table with the last message, the reason i told her to move with me to LA is because she always wanted to move somewhere with me, she hated her town always said so. Should i wait for her to reply or should i be direct with her and just speak my mind? She knows me as a go getter, I am in no way a guy that stands on the sidelines.... I am not sure if NC is the way to go since i havent seen her in 8 months....

[ExpatInItaly]

Are you a girl Shock148 I am just curious? I dont think its stalking when i go to see her after more than 2 years of relationship and 8 months of not seeing her. How is the 1 time I look for her stalking. I am pretty sure the only reason she reacted with hostility was because she was with the new guy and he got wind of what was happening.

 

Maybe youre right only time will tell, i know her very well so we will see how this turns out in the end. I am not a stalker nor am I a wimpy begging dude, she was and probably is still very attracted to me, but obviously my ignoring her forced her to move on. We will see at least i hope its not the end of it.

 

I realize this question isn't directed at me, but I'm a woman too and I once had an ex do something very similar. He turned up at my workplace after a few months of very limited contact and I will say I was not happy he did this. While I don't consider it stalking, I do consider it the wrong place and time. My workplace was not the context in which to have a conversation like that; I found it invasive and disrespectful to my professional obligations. I also had to deal with prying questions from my colleagues and a supervisor as to what was going on. It was embarrassing and unfair of him to put me in such an awkward position at work. Reading this, I hope you can understand why this was not a good idea and why she is upset you did so.

 

 

With that said, contacting her again is not going to help. You have to recognize she is with someone else and if she wants to talk to you, she will reach out to you. I am sure she loves on you on some level given the time you spent together, but that isn't necessarily enough and her feelings have apparently changed. I would not hedge any bets on her coming back - anything is possible, of course, but I would start living your life as though it's a truly done deal so that if she doesn't respond favourably, you're still doing yourself well by not hanging on to the past.

[MovingOnIsHard]

Are you a girl Shock148 I am just curious? I dont think its stalking when i go to see her after more than 2 years of relationship and 8 months of not seeing her. How is the 1 time I look for her stalking. I am pretty sure the only reason she reacted with hostility was because she was with the new guy and he got wind of what was happening.

 

Maybe youre right only time will tell, i know her very well so we will see how this turns out in the end. I am not a stalker nor am I a wimpy begging dude, she was and probably is still very attracted to me, but obviously my ignoring her forced her to move on. We will see at least i hope its not the end of it.

 

Driving 6hrs to go to her workplace without invitation is considered stalking.. Even harrassment! She has cut all communications with you yet you think its a great idea to show up with flowers and a note card. Seriously, this isnt The Notebook. Its real life.

 

I can speak from personal experience... My ex showed up at my workplace and left flowers and a note card from me.. I felt nothing but disgust and horror. Despite me saying numerous times that I didnt want anything to do with him and that i was happy with my current bf, he had the audacity to step into my workplace unannounced.

 

I work as a nurse at a hospital and my peers didnt take it lightly. I reported him to police and was issued a warning.

 

I should also add that he drove to my city just to stalk me.