TheLoveBelow92 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Been on loveshack quite a while had my heart torn and broken in more ways than words could describe and felt pain on a scale I never knew existed. Im asking a question I really already know the answer too but I need your advise. You can read the heading of a few threads I made to kind of judge my path so far but anyway My ex broke up with me 4 months ago and have been in NC for 5 or 6 weeks no maybe longer shes always on my mind even when I see this new girl. This new girl is great and really likes me and I like her but there is no even a slight feeling of what I had with my previous ex. No butterflies, No desire. I dont know whats wrong with me. The girl I once truly loved threw me away like I was just another person while she was in a way and feeling the center of everything including my happiness, I got to the acceptance stage of the break up nearly 2 months ago. Maybe im just trying to move on by masking myself in a new relationship even if im not wholeheartedly in it. I dont feel like I can give this new girl all of me because theres still something holding onto the last. Anyone any advise or been in a similar situation. The hardest part is I dont know what to do like the last couple of months and even then either answer always resulted in hurt. just feels like ever decision im faced with only has a negative outcome no matter what as I feel, I dont know what I feel anymore.
Ami1uwant Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Sounds like you were not ready to date. Maybe you are comparing new girl to old girl. You shouldn't do that. 1
kismetkismet Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 yaaa it doesn't seem like you are ready to date at all from the sounds of it. It's not fair to the new girl at all, and I don't think that it's good for you either.. I know that when I tried to date too soon after i broke up with one of my exes it actually made me feel worse about the breakup because i would compare the two of them and it would just make me miss my ex more. Before you date again it's important to be ok with being single again. Be happy with your life and your situation.. Right now I would focus on self improvement stuff, that is what helps me the most in those stages of the break up. Really take the time to self evaluate and figure out who you are and what you want.. focus on work and/or school, exercise or hobbies, that sort of thing. Do things that make you feel like you're building your life and moving forward. Not with another person, but on your own. Once you've sorted yourself out and feel whole and accomplished again meeting someone will come much more easily 1
lilmissjava Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Your break up was 4 months ago, but you have only been NC for 5 or 6 weeks? IMO that is not enough time to begin to date. Had you went NC from the get go, you might have been ready to genuinely date and open yourself up to the possibilities dating offers. You should wait a little longer if you are comparing your dates to your ex. Not fair to the girl, or to yourelf. You might be missing something better by allowing your heart and mind to continue in misalignment. 1
Httm Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 6 weeks is not neaely enough. Why in the world did you continue to contact your ex? People are their own worst enemies. 1
Author TheLoveBelow92 Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 (edited) 6 weeks is not neaely enough. Why in the world did you continue to contact your ex? People are their own worst enemies. Because I was foolish and convinced she cared as much as I did for the first 2 months, then it slowly hit my she didnt and by the 3rd month I got the message "just let go and move on" My first relationship, ended up living together way to soon so we had our own house car bills and the works, found it to hard to accept and holding on was probably the only thing I felt I could do, I know im not over her, I just wish I was. I want to go back being me and having fun again. I knew myself by coming here and posting that I subconsciously knew my answer Edited November 9, 2015 by TheLoveBelow92 Bag Of Emotions
kismetkismet Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I know that it feels right now like you will never get there or that it's forever away, but you WILL get back to feeling and being yourself. That's why i think it's good to focus in self improvement things, it makes it easier to get back to yourself sooner, and then when you do you also feel accomplished in what you've done with your time. Rather than trying to patch over the pain with empty and failing rebound relationships. Breakups actually have a very strange way of skewing how you experience time. My therapist told me this once.. It's like time slows down and you feel that you will never get through it. That the pain in the moment is unbearable and thinking about feeling that way for another month seems impossible. But once you are through that terribly rough bit, it feels like it wasn't really all that much time at all. You'll get through it, we all do! 1
Httm Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Because I was foolish and convinced she cared as much as I did for the first 2 months, then it slowly hit my she didnt and by the 3rd month I got the message "just let go and move on" My first relationship, ended up living together way to soon so we had our own house car bills and the works, found it to hard to accept and holding on was probably the only thing I felt I could do, I know im not over her, I just wish I was. I want to go back being me and having fun again. I knew myself by coming here and posting that I subconsciously knew my answer Still makes no sense... If she cared, it wouldn't have ended. It also really bugs me when people selfishly date before they are ready. They are wasting other people's time.
kismetkismet Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Still makes no sense... If she cared, it wouldn't have ended. It also really bugs me when people selfishly date before they are ready. They are wasting other people's time. That's a bit harsh.. love is hard and confusing and it makes you a crazy person.. Sometimes breaking up is a process, you need to fully feel and understand why it ended. Sure it can drag it out, but it can also help you fully register that the relationship is dead, where otherwise you might have always held on to a shred of hope. Then it's easier to fully move on. MOST breakups involve some sort of back and forth afterward. Clean breakups are extremely rare unless both parties were expecting it. It doesn't mean that it's always smart, but we're human... And besides the whole point of life isn't to avoid pain, it's to experience life, and to learn and grow from it. Dating before you're ready IS a selfish though. It sounds like the OP wasn't sure whether or not he was ready, it's his first major breakup and it can be very confusing and disorienting. Hopefully though you realize now that you're not ready, and that the girl doesn't deserve to be strung along while you're still preoccupied with the pain of losing someone else.
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