Boyfriend's POS friend

[smackie9]

Obvious your BF doesn't have moral values, because if he did he wouldn't associate with this guy anymore. Sometimes you just grow out of your friends because they haven't grown up. Your BF needs to grow up.

[dreamingoftigers]

The sarcastic tone didn't go over my head.

 

Good.

 

You cannot compare a car accident to an affair. A car accident is just that - an ACCIDENT. it's not intentional , nor is is personal. There is a sense of public duty to report an accident where a life can be saved. The same cannot be said of an affair especially when she's not *involved*. Might sting to hear that but it's true.

 

Exactly. An ACCIDENT is an ACCIDENT as in not an INTENTIONAL, PLANNED OUT behaviour to disrespect and impinge upon others. I am glad you added some fuel to my argument.

 

And BTW, during pregnancy a whole crapload of STDs can be impressively hard to treat and cause birth defects ranging from blindness to mental disability. I once worked in a group home where I witnessed the result of this behaviour, the young man was deaf-blind and severely disabled. He used to hit himself and self-abuse. He couldn't speak anything intelligible and was constantly in a rage. Lucky guy.

 

Plus, who condones bringing other women to the house?

 

Her boyfriend did by allowing it. That's CONDONING.

No one has said that. We can all agree it's her house and she can allow in who she sees fit. But to directly interfere into the affair especially when she's not even friends with either of them....not really her business.

 

If I throw shyteballs at your house, guess who's business it became that I throw shyteballs.

 

Yes, being cheated on is the terrible - whether your preggo, married, engaged, gay, straight, whatever. But here's what you didn't read: preggo gf knows and STILL is with the man. So did her interference help? Not one jot. Does that mean affairs should be condoned? No. It just means that they really are Something for the couple to work on - a 3rd party is not really going to help UNLESS that's what the couple involved WANT and that 3rd party agrees.

 

Clearly the pregnant girlfriend is asking for help in confirming whether she's being told the truth or being lied to again. Now she is aware that there WAS a problem. Probably trying to trust douche-monster again, and getting snowed in by lousy friends that cover for his cheating arse. CLEARLY girlfriend is ASKING for a 3rd party to help her realize that "she's not crazy" because you can get douche-monster is telling her that she is. Plus, she's young. Probably totally not equipped to deal with this. And yes, get cheated on while pregnant is WORSE than the usual schlock.

 

I understand it's a polarising subject and I can respectfully agree to disagree with people but it does help when they actually read I have written.

 

It also helps when you read what others have written in response, such as when I mentioned it was her boyfriend condoning this. Not yourself.

[dragonfire13]

I think I would politely tell the pregnant gf that I'm sorry for her but I cannot get involved in her personal business and to direct those questions to John.

 

This, 100%.

 

I've been treated like counsellor before. You want to be there for people, but it just ends up causing you more aggro and usually ends up being thrown back in your face.

 

Especially if she keeps taking back a guy who is clearly a douche...she's needs to get her big girl pants on and handle the situation with self-respect...or at the very least, keep others out of it.

[insert_name]

Wow I didn't expect such strong responses against my bf. Do you guys really think it's worth throwing away the year we have over this? I mean he hasn't cheated on me, hit me, none of the cardinal "rules" have been broken. But again this is my first serious relationship so I don't know.

 

There is a seam of self righteousness running through this forum that colours responses and results in the answer to everything on here typically being 'split up with them- you can do better!!!!11' no matter what the context. If that is how people really think in every day life no wonder relationships have become so disposable.

 

Your boyfriend is in a difficult position. I certainly wouldn't turn on a friend I had known for the best part of my life because he chooses to cheat. In fact I have been in that situation before and I said nothing to his wife, her happiness is not my concern at the end of the day. But that does not automatically equate to me having a cheating mindset myself. Life is very subtle and nuanced and it feels like the posters in this thread are trying to make it black and white and coming up with all sorts of ridiculous leaps of imagination to make it so.

 

You should tell your boyfriend how you feel and ask him to communicate this to his friend, making sure that you do not unduly pressure him to resolve this. Being caught between your girlfriend's opinion and your best friend's behaviour is an unemviable place for a man to be. Be realistic about this and see how it is for him: he could piss his friend off to the point where they don't speak again and then you and him go your own ways a few months later and he loses out completely. Tread carefully.

[Httm]

There is a seam of self righteousness running through this forum that colours responses and results in the answer to everything on here typically being 'split up with them- you can do better!!!!11' no matter what the context. If that is how people really think in every day life no wonder relationships have become so disposable.

 

Your boyfriend is in a difficult position. I certainly wouldn't turn on a friend I had known for the best part of my life because he chooses to cheat. In fact I have been in that situation before and I said nothing to his wife, her happiness is not my concern at the end of the day. But that does not automatically equate to me having a cheating mindset myself. Life is very subtle and nuanced and it feels like the posters in this thread are trying to make it black and white and coming up with all sorts of ridiculous leaps of imagination to make it so.

 

You should tell your boyfriend how you feel and ask him to communicate this to his friend, making sure that you do not unduly pressure him to resolve this. Being caught between your girlfriend's opinion and your best friend's behaviour is an unemviable place for a man to be. Be realistic about this and see how it is for him: he could piss his friend off to the point where they don't speak again and then you and him go your own ways a few months later and he loses out completely. Tread carefully.

 

He isn't in a difficult position whatsoever. Let him hang out with his friend. Under what kind of friendship should a friend be bringing along third parties anyhow?

 

Also, why is he friends with such a despicable human being? It speaks to who he is as a person.