salparadise Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Christmas is just around the corner and I'm in a new relationship of only two months. At Christmas it will be just over three months. I need to come up with an appropriate gift and I'm sort of at a loss. I really care about her and want the relationship to progress, so I want to get this right... not punt by getting something safe (boring). Criteria: not too cheap, not too expensive. Not something utilitarian like a toaster oven. Not symbolic of commitment, like a ring. It should be personal, it should say "I adore you." It should not be about value per se, more about thoughtfulness and appreciation. Ladies, what would resonate this way to you? Or what's the best gift you've received when it was time for an expression of feeling, but not quite time for the grand gesture? Guys too- what have you given at this stage that went over well? 1
d0nnivain Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Define not too cheap. I'm going with around $100 so if that's off. . . 1. butter soft leather gloves 2. a handbag or wallet 3. a bracelet 4. fabulous bottle of good champagne with lovely flutes (hint you will be drinking it with her on NYE) 5. a cashmere sweater (usually about $125 on sale at big department store on Black Friday) 6. a silk or cashmere scarf 7. a gift set of her favorite fragrance (shows you pay attention)
acrosstheuniverse Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Well, what little things has she mentioned she likes so far? Small thoughtful gifts are the ones that you remember into the future. My partner's Mum knitted me a jumper that had the symbol of one of my favourite bands in the middle, which was by far the coolest thing ever! I'd only been with boyfriend a week when I had my birthday, he wasn't sure what to get me but I had mentioned previously I wanted to get hold of some music by a particular artist, whose records aren't easily available in our country. He paid for a couple of albums by this guy to be imported in, don't think it even cost him all that much (and the CDs turned out to be so bad it's an in joke now haha) but the thoughtfulness of him listening to what I said was the loveliest thing. Or the friend who, when I got into nice coffee, got me an Italian espresso maker for the stove top and a bag of really nice Brazilian coffee. None of those things cost that much but they all meant a lot. So, what sort of things is she into? If all else fails, ask her best mate. But by this time you should know of plenty of hobbies she's into or things she's mentioned casually she'd like. Ultimately though, I wouldn't put too much worry into this. Getting her a lame cheesy gift like a teddy and some chocolates isn't gonna put her off you if she really likes you. Getting her literally nothing at all might, though. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Define not too cheap. I'm going with around $100 so if that's off. . . 1. butter soft leather gloves 2. a handbag or wallet 3. a bracelet 4. fabulous bottle of good champagne with lovely flutes (hint you will be drinking it with her on NYE) 5. a cashmere sweater (usually about $125 on sale at big department store on Black Friday) 6. a silk or cashmere scarf 7. a gift set of her favorite fragrance (shows you pay attention) $100 after a few months! We only spend about that on each other after a couple of years and living together. Each to their own and depends on personal budget but don't be afraid to spend less if that's what your budget allows. Thoughtful trumps expensive every time. Good gift ideas though. An experience is a good option too, OP. Maybe tickets to a concert she wants to go to, a spa day, a massage voucher, or something like a bungee jump if she's the adventurous type!
jen1447 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Two things - - Practical - something she's told you or hinted she wants. (We do this reliably, just pay attention.) This can't go wrong bc she'll have picked it, essentially, and you won't have to worry about is it her style or color or whatevs. - Inspirational - something that you showed thoughtfulness and motivation to get her. Can even be cheesy and/or inexpensive as long as it's meaningful, and something you made yourself (depending on what your talents are) can be deeply meaningful. Get her both.
Author salparadise Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 Define not too cheap. I'm going with around $100 so if that's off. . . That's about right. I was thinking $100, max of $200. You have some good ideas. Thanks. So, what sort of things is she into? If all else fails, ask her best mate. But by this time you should know of plenty of hobbies she's into or things she's mentioned casually she'd like. She really hasn't dropped any good hints. We don't talk much about "stuff." She earns good money, so she buys what she needs/wants for the most part. She likes to dress nicely but not sure I could choose clothes for her. Ultimately though, I wouldn't put too much worry into this. Getting her a lame cheesy gift like a teddy and some chocolates isn't gonna put her off you if she really likes you. Getting her literally nothing at all might, though. I'm trying not to worry about it too much but I do, and the sooner I decide and make the purchase the sooner I can quit worrying. I definitely don't want to get into a time squeeze. She won't have high expectations and will appreciate whatever I do, so that's something of a comfort, but I do want to give her something memorable for our first holiday together.
d0nnivain Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 $100 after a few months! We only spend about that on each other after a couple of years and living together. Which is why I defined a dollar amount. A personal gift that says I adore you is tough to come by at say $20-$30 but it could include 1. a wool scarf 2. gloves 3. a clearance bracelet from someplace like overstock 4. a silky t-shirt type garment 5. a pashmina 6. a lesser bottle of champagne & cheap flutes (check out second hand stores for 2 stems; wash / sterilize thoroughly) 7. a CD of romantic love songs 8. a gorgeous set of taper candles 1
VeveCakes Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 What about tickets to a show? Day at the spa together?
d0nnivain Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 What about tickets to a show? Day at the spa together? While both are lovely & thoughtful, I think they might exceed OP's maximum budget. Also OP I would caution against the spa. At 3 months in. . . that may be a tad too intimate. Maybe next Christmas.
Miss Peach Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 (edited) I'm in the same boat thinking ahead for my BF. At 3 months in it was both our birthdays so we just exchanged cards with nice messages. At 3 months in I wouldn't have huge expectations as a woman. That along with something thoughtful I would be happy with. I am more into experiences than things so I do recommend it by what you have posted. I know for me I tend to buy what I want/need. I really dislike receiving anything to wear (unless I have stated it's something I need) because I rarely find people choose the correct size, my style preference, etc. I also caution against wallets and purses unless you know her preference(s). I do like the spa recommendation. I would love a certificate for a massage or a facial. That should fall in your budget. There are usually lots of small day spa places around. Another idea is where I live they do these painting with wine type classes. Basically they provide a canvas, paint, and an instructor who shows how to paint something. They are usually at wine shops around here. They would be within your budget and it seems like it would be an unusual date. Edited November 9, 2015 by Miss Peach
jen1447 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 ^ I agree about the spa - if it's a trip for her and not "let's go get naked rub downs together" it shouldn't be too early-stages presumptuous. (Altho I do believe you've crossed the getting-to-know-you boundary w/her already ....but giving a "go get pampered, on me" gift is always nice and communicates security and independence.
d0nnivain Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Be careful. While the women here seem to think a go get pampered gift from a new man would be a desirable thing, if a man I didn't know all that well gave me a spa gift I would take it the wrong way & wonder what about me he hates so much that he is wiling to pay for me to change it. It would be a very negative thing for me early on. Is he saying I'm fat? Hairy? tense / bitchy? ugly & in need of a facial? I'd be insulted.
jen1447 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Be careful. While the women here seem to think a go get pampered gift from a new man would be a desirable thing, if a man I didn't know all that well gave me a spa gift I would take it the wrong way & wonder what about me he hates so much that he is wiling to pay for me to change it. It would be a very negative thing for me early on. Is he saying I'm fat? Hairy? tense / bitchy? ugly & in need of a facial? I'd be insulted. Let's just say he knows her pretty well. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Be careful. While the women here seem to think a go get pampered gift from a new man would be a desirable thing, if a man I didn't know all that well gave me a spa gift I would take it the wrong way & wonder what about me he hates so much that he is wiling to pay for me to change it. It would be a very negative thing for me early on. Is he saying I'm fat? Hairy? tense / bitchy? ugly & in need of a facial? I'd be insulted. Oh, I mean a spa day like where you go chill out in the sauna and swim, have a nice massage or something, not to go for intensive treatment. Spas are pretty much just about relaxation in the UK, you don't go out looking much different to when you get in! Would be totally inappropriate if he'd bought her like a waxing package or something lol. Either way you're probably right about it exceeding OP's budget. Spa days ain't cheap. 1
todreaminblue Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 (edited) my ex bought me a gift once it wasnt a xmas gift though it was a gift because i was in hospital......it was a photo album and he had started it for me.......it had photos of my kids and a glorious sunset on a holiday we were on and a photo of a sunrise from the same holiday over the bluest waters....pictures of the beach we stayed at..it had pictures of birds i had spotted on my travels, flowers and trees and all my favourite things....wrapped up in one albumn i could drag around with me and fit snugly in my handbag......i used it when i felt anxious or upset or overwhelmed...the point being.....that albumn cost maybe ten bucks.....but the thought behind it was priceless.....he knew what was important to me ....knew what i loved and what i held onto ...and gave me that gift with love and thoughtfulness attached...... any gift you buy her regardless of monetary value.......will be special if you put thought and knowledge of her behind the gift giving...the answer you need well.....it is in questions you should be asking her...what her favorite flower is...what her favourite scent is...favourite color...favorite material.......what her fave hobby is....does she write letters.....you could give a stationary set and an engraved parker pen to writer them with...if she is a write maybe an embossed journal maybe to write her memoirs in....that sort of thing... the more you know about her intimately the easier present giving becomes...and honestly...the more you know...the more love can grow.....ask her subtle questions get to know her favorite things music she likes....maybe concert tickets to a favourite band...a special day somewhere beautiful with you.....you will have your perfect gift to give if you ask the right questions to her.......deb Edited November 9, 2015 by todreaminblue
Miss Peach Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Oh, I mean a spa day like where you go chill out in the sauna and swim, have a nice massage or something, not to go for intensive treatment. Spas are pretty much just about relaxation in the UK, you don't go out looking much different to when you get in! Would be totally inappropriate if he'd bought her like a waxing package or something lol. Either way you're probably right about it exceeding OP's budget. Spa days ain't cheap. Where I live a massage is about $1/minute or less. With a generous tip it would come in budget. I would love a little me time and pampering. Yeah totally agree about getting a waxing package or something like that - not a good message to send.
Author salparadise Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 Be careful. While the women here seem to think a go get pampered gift from a new man would be a desirable thing, if a man I didn't know all that well... Jen is right, we've progressed pretty far on the intimacy scale in two months. I definitely wouldn't want to send the wrong message, but she is not likely to misread good intentions. I have long wished I could find sane, calm, emotional and exciting all wrapped in same package, and she is all that. But she's not exactly a fru-fru type. Doesn't wear much makeup, etc. She can even pee in the woods! I'm more inclined toward a finely made luxury item that she can keep and enjoy for a long time. The one thing I know she wants is a quality chef's knife. She was impressed with mind. She brought her's over this past weekend and left with it razor sharp, but it's not the right knife. But a knife is a too utilitarian I think. Maybe. What do you all think- is a high class chef's knife too much like a toaster oven?
StayingStrong123 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Personal, sentimental and ideally handmade are the best gifts and most memorable. I was given songs by a musician boyfriend. Loved that so much. Was also given poetry. And a bracelet with song lyrics from a favorite song inside. I just love sentimental gifts and would take them over a sweater or gloves any day. If you are not creative on your own, I highly recommend shopping on etsy. You can have jewelry engraved, get her a very unique phone case (my phone case looks like my favorite book and is leather) or a silver ring... something more one of a kind using what you know about her. That's my 2 cents. 2
StayingStrong123 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Of non-sentimental gifts, I love my electric blanket. I live in an area that is very cold for half of the year. A luxurious electric blanket, some candles and a movie or two.
MissBee Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 With questions about gifts, it's difficult to answer as it's a very individual kind of thing. What I may think is fabulous, another woman might not care for at all. So my advice is always to defer to what you know of her, her likes and dislikes, what she's mentioned etc. I've been in a new relationship right around Christmas, we didn't get each other anything, then Valentine's Day came around the corner and he kept saying he didn't know what to get me. I even dropped a huge hint about an Amazon wish list I had if he truly needed help in identifying my likes. I ended up getting him some fabulous gifts based on his actual preferences, things I had paid attention to him saying he wanted, needed or liked meanwhile he gave me ugly flowers and chocolates that I don't eat. It wasn't about the gift, it was that he seemed to not know anything about me at all, meanwhile I obviously took more time to listen and pay attention to him. I think many women will really find it touching if your gift reflects that you listen and pay attention to her rather than something generic that you think "women" like. If she's mentioned liking a particular color, band, food, something, start paying attention if you've not before and incorporate that into a gift. You'll win a ton of points. 1
todreaminblue Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Jen is right, we've progressed pretty far on the intimacy scale in two months. I definitely wouldn't want to send the wrong message, but she is not likely to misread good intentions. I have long wished I could find sane, calm, emotional and exciting all wrapped in same package, and she is all that. But she's not exactly a fru-fru type. Doesn't wear much makeup, etc. She can even pee in the woods! I'm more inclined toward a finely made luxury item that she can keep and enjoy for a long time. The one thing I know she wants is a quality chef's knife. She was impressed with mind. She brought her's over this past weekend and left with it razor sharp, but it's not the right knife. But a knife is a too utilitarian I think. Maybe. What do you all think- is a high class chef's knife too much like a toaster oven? if she pees in the woods she likes camping and such does she...or a hiker?...bushwalker......an engraved compass maybe.......or a two man tent a map a compass and a plan to use it together.....deb
Author salparadise Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 Of non-sentimental gifts, I love my electric blanket. I live in an area that is very cold for half of the year. A luxurious electric blanket, some candles and a movie or two. Oh that's an idea- she goes straight for the throw every time we sit down on the couch. A throw made of something luxurious perhaps, especially if hand made. It's personal since we cuddle that way often. 2
d0nnivain Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 If she wants a high end knife get her one. If she is a practical & down to earth as you describe, she will appreciate the fact that you paid attention. Because knives are cutting & sharp there is a superstition that the gift of a knife will cut the friendship. To guard against that give her a penny with the knife. She then has to give it back to you as payment. 1
Els Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 If you think she would like the knife, then go for it! As long as it isn't something wildly inappropriate (like buying makeup for a girl who is very much not a fan of makeup), it's really the thought that counts. So the chef's knife and spending Christmas with her sounds great. Be careful. While the women here seem to think a go get pampered gift from a new man would be a desirable thing, if a man I didn't know all that well gave me a spa gift I would take it the wrong way & wonder what about me he hates so much that he is wiling to pay for me to change it. It would be a very negative thing for me early on. Is he saying I'm fat? Hairy? tense / bitchy? ugly & in need of a facial? I'd be insulted. I can't identify at all... I think going down this route makes gift giving an extremely tedious procedure, like walking on thin ice, not something that's fun anymore. I mean, going by this logic, giving someone a book might insinuate that they don't read enough, giving them perfume/cologne might insinuate that they stink, giving them jewelry might insinuate that they are plain... 1
chriswatson Posted November 25, 2015 Posted November 25, 2015 (edited) My husband gifted me with such a interesting and my favourite gift collection that is stem cell skincare products on my birthday. He knows how conscious I am about my skin and personality. Actually every girl would like to look perfect and for that special and effective regiment is needed. So this is an interesting gift idea to present your wife, apart from things like flowers, rings etc. I would prefer you with this interesting skincare product. She will definitely going to like it. Edited November 25, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edited out link ~ V
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