Moving too fast

[TheCatInTheHat]

I'm a guy who got broken up with last summer. Since I usually go from one relationship to the other really quickly (not short relationships mind you) I figured it was time to be choosy this time, and date really slowly and carefully.

 

The problem is the girls I meet seem to develop feelings much faster than me (like after the first date). So I feel like a jerk keeping them around not knowing where I am with them. "Don't play with me" they say, and yea I really want to be a good person.. but at the same time: No, I can't be a boyfriend to someone I just met, even if I see them as possible gf material.

 

I'm know this sounds really silly, but I often feel like some kind of "toy". Yea, I know some guys would love to be in my shoes, but trust me it isn't nice when you know the girl can't possibly want _you_ but only some idea of who they think you are.

 

So yea, I seldom take the initiative and things always move too fast for me.

 

That means I end up with a ton of guilt because I'm not feeling it like they do. Also, women I turn down become really nasty. I know part of this is because I don't set boundaries, but at the same time it feels nice to be physical with someone who wants sex. I guess I'm a guy version of a girl who can't say no.

 

Anyone with similar experiences? What did you do?

[thecrucible]

but trust me it isn't nice when you know the girl can't possibly want _you_ but only some idea of who they think you are.

 

A lot of women go through this too. I agree, you want to feel that they are interested in you as an individual not just in the idea of having anyone to be in a relationship with. There must be something that's happening to give this impression and put you off.

 

That means I end up with a ton of guilt because I'm not feeling it like they do. Also, women I turn down become really nasty. I know part of this is because I don't set boundaries, but at the same time it feels nice to be physical with someone who wants sex. I guess I'm a guy version of a girl who can't say no.

 

Well you need to make sure that they want the same thing as you if you are going to have sex with them. If they want something more and a real relationship, then I don't blame them for feeling a bit annoyed. Although sex doesn't guarantee anything, it's good to check that you are on the same page/not using anyone.

[xUnknown]

I'm a guy who got broken up with last summer. Since I usually go from one relationship to the other really quickly (not short relationships mind you) I figured it was time to be choosy this time, and date really slowly and carefully.

 

The problem is the girls I meet seem to develop feelings much faster than me (like after the first date). So I feel like a jerk keeping them around not knowing where I am with them. "Don't play with me" they say, and yea I really want to be a good person.. but at the same time: No, I can't be a boyfriend to someone I just met, even if I see them as possible gf material.

 

I'm know this sounds really silly, but I often feel like some kind of "toy". Yea, I know some guys would love to be in my shoes, but trust me it isn't nice when you know the girl can't possibly want _you_ but only some idea of who they think you are.

 

So yea, I seldom take the initiative and things always move too fast for me.

 

That means I end up with a ton of guilt because I'm not feeling it like they do. Also, women I turn down become really nasty. I know part of this is because I don't set boundaries, but at the same time it feels nice to be physical with someone who wants sex. I guess I'm a guy version of a girl who can't say no.

 

Anyone with similar experiences? What did you do?

 

 

I've had many similar situations with this after I broke up with my last ex a bit over a year ago. I started to take things slower, and met a lot of great girls. But, either I wasn't into it, or they were WAYY too into it for where we were at as far as dating.

 

Usually if your gut tells you something, its right. I'm not saying dump every girl from the get go if you're not feeling it - try to see how things go. But if you have to second guess yourself again, move on to the next one.

[TheCatInTheHat]

Usually if your gut tells you something, its right. I'm not saying dump every girl from the get go if you're not feeling it - try to see how things go. But if you have to second guess yourself again, move on to the next one.

 

Yea I guess, shucks... I just want a longer tryout period. Thanks for taking the time.

[d0nnivain]

If you genuinely want to take your time getting to know a woman, that's great but keep sex off the table then. Think PG rated displays of affection not sex.