Renae77 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 My husband and I have been married for 9 months and we just had a daughter. I love my husband very much and I feel that we have a pretty good marriage besides the fact of his porn use. Now let me say first, I watch porn too. I like porn and I see nothing wrong with watching porn. But my husband chooses to watch porn than to have sex with me. I'll make a move and he will say that he's tired, but then go in the bathroom and watch porn and take care of it hisself. I feel like I have to beg him to have sex with me. This has been going even before we were married. I have a pretty high sex drive and I'm always in the mood. So he can't say he does it because it's the only way he can get any. I have such a hard time understanding why he wants that more than me and this has made me feel horrible about myself. I told him last night that if he couldn't stop watching porn so much that I wanted a divorce. But I feel so guilty over this. I just want him to have sex with me more. He says he's not horny a lot or in the mood...but yet he's always in the mood for porn!! I've offered to just watch it together..he refuses. I don't know what to do anymore.
TigerCub Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 (edited) My husband and I have been married for 9 months and we just had a daughter. I love my husband very much and I feel that we have a pretty good marriage besides the fact of his porn use. Now let me say first, I watch porn too. I like porn and I see nothing wrong with watching porn. But my husband chooses to watch porn than to have sex with me. I'll make a move and he will say that he's tired, but then go in the bathroom and watch porn and take care of it hisself. I feel like I have to beg him to have sex with me. This has been going even before we were married. I have a pretty high sex drive and I'm always in the mood. So he can't say he does it because it's the only way he can get any. I have such a hard time understanding why he wants that more than me and this has made me feel horrible about myself. I told him last night that if he couldn't stop watching porn so much that I wanted a divorce. But I feel so guilty over this. I just want him to have sex with me more. He says he's not horny a lot or in the mood...but yet he's always in the mood for porn!! I've offered to just watch it together..he refuses. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm sorry for what you're going through, I really am but that part in bold kind of says it all. You knew this about him and you still married him - why? Judging by how long you've been married and that you just had a child together - did you just marry because you were pregnant? How long were you together before that? Why did you think anything would change after you got married? He most likely has a porn addiction, but that's such a tough thing to get through because he doesn't see it as a problem and he wont want to give it up. Unless he is willing to admit that it is a problem, nothing will get better. I'm sorry that my reply doesn't send any hope. I've been where you are, but I broke up with the guy, I didn't marry him. If you stay with this guy and nothing changes, it will just destroy your self esteem. Maybe you guys can seek couples therapy, or if he's willing he can get individual therapy to get past it, but if that doesn't happen, it probably would be best to just leave. Edited November 9, 2015 by TigerCub 1
mystikmind2005 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Most guys are forced to use porn because their partner doesn't want much sex... so we are all really pissed off at a guy like that!!!! He may as well go and burn money in front of a homeless guy, that is what it looks like from our perspective. 1
frogs88 Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Most guys are forced to use porn because their partner doesn't want much sex... so we are all really pissed off at a guy like that!!!! He may as well go and burn money in front of a homeless guy, that is what it looks like from our perspective. Who cares? As if the notion that the world is full of horny wankers will consolidate the OP. It's irrelevant. To OP: Is he aware that the use of porn if of problematic proportions and that its substituting actual intimacy? Don't just assume yes or no. There's a possibility that the ignorance is faked and just a facade to avoid confrontation. It's very hard to discuss porn let alone when it's negatively breaching in the fundamentals of the relationship. 1
mystikmind2005 Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Who cares? As if the notion that the world is full of horny wankers will consolidate the OP. It's irrelevant. To OP: Is he aware that the use of porn if of problematic proportions and that its substituting actual intimacy? Don't just assume yes or no. There's a possibility that the ignorance is faked and just a facade to avoid confrontation. It's very hard to discuss porn let alone when it's negatively breaching in the fundamentals of the relationship. Thanks for demonstrating how irrelevant my post is by showing me how to make a far more irrelevant post!!? lol 1
Gloria25 Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 (edited) Two questions: 1-Why do some people plow on full force with marriage and kids after clear red flags in the RL then threaten and/or do divorce and destroy an innocent child's life? 2-Why do some people think marriage and/or kids are gonna cure the red flags they saw before the marriage? IMO, I suggest you both go to a sex therapist or he goes on his own cuz the sex therapist will get to the bottom as to why he prefers porn over real life sex and/or intimacy. I don't believe in "addictions" cuz "something" is driving the person to do what they do. A crack head can stop using crack...ok? Some people prefer porn cuz they don't want real intimacy; some, cuz they are selfish in bed...they just want to jack off; some are getting something they want in the porn that they cannot get in real life (ie perfect breasts). Plead with him that for the sake of this new family you just started that he address this. If he refuses, I don't think it's cool that you subject your child to a divorced home cuz you knew what your husband was before bringing an innocent chile into this world and as much as people think divorce is like switching underwear, it destroys children and is messing up the fabric and stability of our society/community. Edited November 10, 2015 by Gloria25 1
spiderowl Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 My husband and I have been married for 9 months and we just had a daughter. I love my husband very much and I feel that we have a pretty good marriage besides the fact of his porn use. Now let me say first, I watch porn too. I like porn and I see nothing wrong with watching porn. But my husband chooses to watch porn than to have sex with me. I'll make a move and he will say that he's tired, but then go in the bathroom and watch porn and take care of it hisself. I feel like I have to beg him to have sex with me. This has been going even before we were married. I have a pretty high sex drive and I'm always in the mood. So he can't say he does it because it's the only way he can get any. I have such a hard time understanding why he wants that more than me and this has made me feel horrible about myself. I told him last night that if he couldn't stop watching porn so much that I wanted a divorce. But I feel so guilty over this. I just want him to have sex with me more. He says he's not horny a lot or in the mood...but yet he's always in the mood for porn!! I've offered to just watch it together..he refuses. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know why you feel guilty over giving him an ultimatum. It doesn't sound like much of a marriage if he can't get round to making love with you. If it were me, I would be offended and hurt. I get the impression you are too. You need to think about whether you want the security of your marriage but will do without sex (and won't mind that he's pleasing himself instead of you) or whether you want a chance of a different future. The different future holds uncertainty but it looks like it is pretty certain that you are unlikely to get a normal marriage with your husband.
Recommended Posts