thecrucible Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I'm not one to wallow in self-pity but it's really not good at the moment. It's hit home because I'm turning 26 and I'm the only single one of my friends. The only guys interested in me are exes; my driving instructor who's old and married and keeps trying to flirt me and the odd sleazy guy I meet on a night out. My last ex from 2 years ago who I blocked on Facebook sends me messages on virtually every other social media profile of mine. He's now created a new Facebook profile and sent me another message. He also found on online dating and sent me a message there. They are messages always asking us to be friends but I've always ignored them as it's very difficult to know how to respond. It upsets me because I just want to put it all behind me. I've been single for a while but I've got more of my life together. I have a job, albeit a part-time one. I wish I wasn't living back at home with my parents but I'm not earning much money at the moment. I know I can be happy on my own but it's only recently that I've started to get an urge to be in a relationship again, for the first time in years. The thing is I live in a small town and it's really hard to meet people I don't already know. Can anyone recommend places I could meet single men of the same age group as me? I'm not gonna give up trying with dating. But it's really hard. I'd rather be with the right guy than anyone just to tick a box. I would really like to be in a great relationship. I'm looking forward to hearing your tips Don't want to moan, just needing some words of inspiration to give me a boost.
empresario Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 The notion of 'I have to be settled down in my 20s' is a dying sentiment. There is so much to do, and a relationship is only a small part of that. I, myself am 29 and not settled down. And I'm OK with that. But, there's nothing wrong with craving that relationship either. But do it for yourself, not because of social pressures (feeling left behind). As far as where you can meet men. Literally everywhere. I would rant off the inevitable clichés but you've already heard them all. Just find a hobby that is outside the home. Involve some friends. Friends always have other single friends. 1
Author thecrucible Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 The notion of 'I have to be settled down in my 20s' is a dying sentiment. There is so much to do, and a relationship is only a small part of that. Oh yeah I agree. I don't feel the need to settle down. But I would like to have some male companionship as it's been 4 years of just dating and I feel ready for the next thing and have worked through a lot to feel ready. So it's not about social pressures. I have had opportunities but it didn't feel right so I haven't got involved with anyone yet. As far as where you can meet men. Literally everywhere. I would rant off the inevitable clichés but you've already heard them all. Just find a hobby that is outside the home. Involve some friends. Friends always have other single friends. I actually have a fairly busy social life - only issue is most the people I hang out with are married or in relationships and older than me, so I don't encounter potential dates through these hobbies. I go to the gym a lot but I haven't met anyone through there yet. None of my friends know of single guys unfortunately - they are all women or married couples. I have met a few guys through friends recently but we didn't see each other for long as we didn't have much in common. I am trying to find new hobbies to meet guys my age but there is nothing to do in my small town. I am thinking I'll have to travel to a nearby city to open my social network. Then again this'll be difficult because I am 50 miles away from the nearest one and after work, I kind of just want to crash. I had a look at meetup.com but there aren't a lot of groups nearby - the ones that are nearby meet in the evenings, which is difficult for me as I don't drive as the last train home would be leaving too early to justify me traveling there. I will apply to jobs in different places as I feel really restricted in what I can do and who I can meet. Sorry don't mean to sound too down . I really value your advice and am completely on board with it. It just gets frustrating after trying lots of avenues so far but not having got anywhere yet. Thank you and I really enjoy reading your posts.
empresario Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Oh yeah I agree. I don't feel the need to settle down. But I would like to have some male companionship as it's been 4 years of just dating and I feel ready for the next thing and have worked through a lot to feel ready. So it's not about social pressures. I have had opportunities but it didn't feel right so I haven't got involved with anyone yet. I actually have a fairly busy social life - only issue is most the people I hang out with are married or in relationships and older than me, so I don't encounter potential dates through these hobbies. I go to the gym a lot but I haven't met anyone through there yet. None of my friends know of single guys unfortunately - they are all women or married couples. I have met a few guys through friends recently but we didn't see each other for long as we didn't have much in common. I am trying to find new hobbies to meet guys my age but there is nothing to do in my small town. I am thinking I'll have to travel to a nearby city to open my social network. Then again this'll be difficult because I am 50 miles away from the nearest one and after work, I kind of just want to crash. I had a look at meetup.com but there aren't a lot of groups nearby - the ones that are nearby meet in the evenings, which is difficult for me as I don't drive as the last train home would be leaving too early to justify me traveling there. I will apply to jobs in different places as I feel really restricted in what I can do and who I can meet. Sorry don't mean to sound too down . I really value your advice and am completely on board with it. It just gets frustrating after trying lots of avenues so far but not having got anywhere yet. Thank you and I really enjoy reading your posts. Appreciate the compliment. The other thing you could consider doing, as you mentioned, is looking into a more urbanized area. There are a lot of places in the world, and it's very easy to relocate anymore. That's scary...but if it makes you happier then it's worth it. You rarely look back and say "damn, I shouldn't have taken that risk". It's normally the other way around. Hang in there! Worst case, take up online gaming. Lots of guys there, haha. 1
Author thecrucible Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 Appreciate the compliment. The other thing you could consider doing, as you mentioned, is looking into a more urbanized area. There are a lot of places in the world, and it's very easy to relocate anymore. That's scary...but if it makes you happier then it's worth it. You rarely look back and say "damn, I shouldn't have taken that risk". It's normally the other way around. Hang in there! Worst case, take up online gaming. Lots of guys there, haha. Yeah it looks like I'll have to apply to jobs until something comes up in a more urban area. I'm also learning to drive. I'm thinking of deleting online dating or signing up to a paid site. haha online gaming is not for me but I know what you mean- my friend met some boyfriends through that previously. I think the main thing is the lack of dates I've been having. I don't necessarily feel like I have to be shacked up - would just like to meet some more men and have opportunity for some romance. I'll hang in there. Just need to be a woman with a plan
TheCatInTheHat Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I'm not one to wallow in self-pity but it's really not good at the moment. It's hit home because I'm turning 26 and I'm the only single one of my friends. The only guys interested in me are exes; my driving instructor who's old and married and keeps trying to flirt me and the odd sleazy guy I meet on a night out. You are 26. Trust me there are a ton of great guys out there looking for you, and there will be for many, many years to come. You mentioned OLD. No interesting people on there? Tinder? /TheCatInTheHat 1
Author thecrucible Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 You are 26. Trust me there are a ton of great guys out there looking for you, and there will be for many, many years to come. You mentioned OLD. No interesting people on there? Tinder? /TheCatInTheHat I use OKCupid and POF but haven't tried Tinder. I have been on a few dates from OKCupid and POF but taking a break from it at the moment. One of the things I'm doing wrong is that I'm not reaching out to enough men myself so I'm going to bite the bullet and do that. It gets a bit annoying with the messages from guys obviously only after one thing. Do you recommend Tinder?
StBreton Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Maybe it is time for a big change OP...I moved to the city I live in now and hands down one of the best things I could have done...I was in my early 30s and single... met the guy I married 2 months after moving here. I only knew a few friends of friends here but got in on a house rental with 2 other single girls who were about my age...instant friends. If you do move think about doing that. Take a chance...you can always go back home:) Treat life as an adventure! 1
Ami1uwant Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Unsure where you live. Generally if you live in small cities people tend to marry younger than if they live in the heart of larger cities ( like London) Here in the states at 26 you could still meet people thru bars or some other social club/activity based group. Also use online dating to try and find someone.
TheCatInTheHat Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I use OKCupid and POF but haven't tried Tinder. I have been on a few dates from OKCupid and POF but taking a break from it at the moment. One of the things I'm doing wrong is that I'm not reaching out to enough men myself so I'm going to bite the bullet and do that. It gets a bit annoying with the messages from guys obviously only after one thing. Do you recommend Tinder? I installed it two weeks ago, and it has been kind of crazy. Like you describe; many women I texted complained about guys in general being too pushy. So if you can live with the annoying bad apples yea its a nice and fast way to meet new people. /TheCatInTheHat
Author thecrucible Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 Maybe it is time for a big change OP...I moved to the city I live in now and hands down one of the best things I could have done...I was in my early 30s and single... met the guy I married 2 months after moving here. I only knew a few friends of friends here but got in on a house rental with 2 other single girls who were about my age...instant friends. If you do move think about doing that. Take a chance...you can always go back home:) Treat life as an adventure! I totally want to do that . I just need to find the job first. I'm a pretty fresh university graduate (two years) and have done a variety of part-time jobs. I'm waiting to see if my contract is going to be renewed in my current job. I'm also hoping it can be a spring board to a new job that will be permanent, hopefully in the city. I would love in the city! It's my ultimate goal but I will probably need to build up some more work experience to apply for the jobs I am interested in. @Ami1uwant - I live in a small town in Scotland (c.10,000) people but between two cities. I've met men out in the pubs before (last 3 guys I dated I met in pubs). I am trying to find/think of a hobby I can take up which will have eligible men of my age range in it.
empresario Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Come to the U.S. Your accent would drive the guys crazy here.
xera Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Im 29 and a lady, time is ticking for me because i have this biological thing that i have to get kids asap! Youre still youn, and i know youll find the love of your life soon! It will be worth the wait! 1
FeelingFireworks Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Aw, dont let any pressure get to you. Think about what kind of man you want to meet. That can help you decide on the places to meet men. For me, it was always a highly ambitious and physically active person (I am one myself). I also wanted to indulge new hobbies. For example - gym or workout classes: get your cutest kit on and try a taster membership at a high end gym. (You'll get in tip-top shape and might meet a very fit man - I met a reasonably well-known professional athlete @ the gym once and was with him for a year). - dance class eg salsa where you need to partner up. Strictly come dancing has made this hobby popular with both sexes. - golf clubs are swarming with men, and it's a hobby popular with more well-heeled men. There must be lots in Scotland! If you can speak their language regarding the sport you're a keeper! I don't know your job, but if it's flexible want to move to a big city you could also use it as a way to increase number of admirers - air hostess (cliched, but I know a few air hostesses and the offers of dates, nevermind the places they go always seemed enviable) - hospitality (eg head of reception) always meeting people so you'll learn to be great in social situations even if you don't meet your future husband on the job. - P.A - you hear of some men marrying their PAs or secretaries cos they know them best. Big cities always have big-wig men looking for such people. Just some examples, but there are tons. Just use your imagination. At 26, world's your oyster! Remember: settle down right > settle down fast. 1
Httm Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Get out of the small town and move to a place with life. 1
Rydo Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 26 is a fine age to still be single. I assume you live somewhere between Dundee and Aberdeen? Scotland is small enough that distance doesn't have to be too much of an obstacle as long as you learn to drive... Or better yet get a motorbike
Author thecrucible Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 Aw thank you guys. The main aim is to get out of my wee town and move somewhere happening - just need to get the job first. I count myself lucky that I've got a job here because jobs are in short supply and I got mine mainly through networking with the right people. I work in a museum. It definitely builds my social skills as I work front desk and I meet people all the time. I would like to seek another job in museums but they are in short supply and quite over subscribed. But I have a degree from a good university which I hope will help me. I'm hoping that learning to drive will also make a difference. I've done lots of lessons although they get awkward now 'cause my instructor keeps flirting with me lol Thanks for the ideas, everyone. I've now got some avenues I haven't thought of before.
Author thecrucible Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 I had another question for you guys but I didn't want to start a new thread. I thought I'd rather ask here. Basically there's this ex who I haven't spoken to in over a year. I only dated him for about a month. But he was a bit dodgy - he had a short temper, and basically just treated me like a sexual plaything. He also said hurtful things to me about my appearance. After we broke up, he said he wanted to be friends and I initially agreed but he kept trying to make it into a FWB and I declined. So then I stopped talking to him and ignored all his messages and blocked him everywhere. He then found me on LinkedIn and POF and sent me messages on that to which I didn't respond. Now he has created a new facebook profile asking to be friends with me again and I don't know how to respond. I do know that I don't want to be friends with him so my response will include that if I do decide to reply to his message. For more info, he is the guy in this thread I posted. I hate how they come back. I wish it could just be a break-up and be done. Not sure if it's callous to ignore him or not.
Author thecrucible Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 I would ignore him. Sounds like a weirdo. Thanks for your advice. He sends me such long messages that I don't really want to start a dialogue as I'm trying to draw a line under the situation.
Rydo Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Any reply will encourage him, even a negative reply. He should move on and find someone that doesn't mind having abuse shouted at them and doesn't mind a lack of sexual ability.
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