Friends with a couple who've now broken up, Ok to be friends with both?

[BigB]

This thread sorta goes along the lines of that old un-written code us guys have about not dating your homeboy's ex's.

 

I was recently contacted online by my buddy's EXGF. I've known them both the same amount of time, but I'm closer to the guy. She found my profile on myspace, and recognized my picture and decided to contact me. So it wasn't a calculated, "I need to contact BigB" kinda thing.

 

I've got this big group of friends, about 20-30 of us I guess. roughly 50/50 guys/girls. It's kind of complicated, but it's mainly focused around a smaller group of about 8-10 of us guys who've been friends since we were young, some from school, some from scouts, etc.

 

There are a few other small groups of friends that we've absorbed over time by throwing big parties of a regular basis, most were girlfriends, ex girlfriends, sisters or girlfriends, friends of girlfriends, acquaintances from various jobs, school, etc.

 

Many come and go, many we don't see for months at a time, but it's always been a tight group of us guys at the center.

 

Anyway, one of these guys (I'll call him D), was dating this girl (I'll call her C) for a few years, the entire time I've known them. They broke up a few years ago, she broke it off, and then distanced herself from the group. There are some in the group that are still a little angry at her for hurting D, and I think she's been reluctant to come around because she doesn't want to see him. She move out of town for a while, so did he. He's now living out of town but hangs out with us whenever he's around. She's now living nearby.

 

I don't think she has any romantic intentions behind her contacting me, but I'm a little nervous about spending too much time talking to her, or hanging out with her, and hurting D's feelings. I'm told he took the breakup hard, but I was in the hospital during that time so I didn't witness any of it first hand.

 

So, bad idea to make friends with her again? Would talking online be ok if we don't hang out? should I keep the contact short and see if it fizzles out? Should I tell him about it?

 

So far it's just be 3-4 "how've you been? what are you and the guys up to?" type email's.

 

thanks,

BigB

[westernxer]

Always a sticky situation...

 

If you're concerned about your buddy, keep the conversations short and sweet. Or don't talk to her at all.

 

A "friend" of mine was in a similar situation, and now he's seeing the girl. The other guy still doesn't know about it. However, my friend was waiting on the sidelines for over a year, silently hoping that she'd break up with him. I have a feeling he's going to lose both of them, and I don't want any involvement, period. I haven't hung out with him for nearly two months, and I have no intention of doing so for the forseeable future, because he'd have done the same to me had I been her ex.

 

Of course, if you find yourself attracted to her and can't resist the opportunity, you have every right to make yourself happy. It's just a matter of deciding what's worth more in the long run.

 

Don't you love gray areas?

[BigB]

thanks for the reply dude.

 

I guess I'll just be cautious, and see where it goes. I was never interested in her, she's cute, and she's cool, but I wouldn't go near it if it would hurt him. I'd probably loose 90% of my friends if it did.

 

If it comes close to it, I'll ask him about it, I'd never go behind his back.