cottom Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 How can I explain to my partner that she's making a bad choice?? She is planning to move to the capital city, 200 miles away from here to London. It's something she says she's always wanted to do... she us planninh yo move in with her friend from uni lives in London with her parents and works handing out leaflets for scientology conventions or something like that. My girl has her heart set on moving there and promised this friend that she would do it this year. She doesn't know what career path she wants when there but is adamant that the only place she can further her career in the creative industry is moving there (she got a 3rd class degree in photography - the lowest pass available <50%). She is currently working a 20k a year job as a receptionist and living with parents paying no rent (age 21). I moved here for work and then met her, this is the only area that my chosen career is located so can't move anywhere else. I try and talk to her about her move but she gets defensive and closes up and tells me to not get involved, she knows what she's doing etc. She hasn't even thought about how it would affect us, it would cost 100 to get to her and back which I can't afford on top of a mortgage, I can only see her on a weekend and that's If we boh have nothing on, she's living with a friend so of course they will want to do stuff on a weekend together. Not to mention her financial situation, she won't book holidays or do anything with me cause she is saving all her money to afford to move, so it's hindering our relationship right now. I try and talk through it with her and she gets angry saying I'm just going to try and stop her and be controlling (her evidence, she said she found a place in the murder capital and most crime ridden part of the UK for £900 a month and I told her she can't live her life in a dump scared for her safety everytime she leaves the house). I don't know how I can approach this, she has set her heart on this move and I don't know how to tell her wait a year, get finances sorted get a career sorted etc because she promised her friend who is pushing her to do it now (her parents are pqying everything for her to do it) I told her that it's hurt me to know that I met someone, fell for them only t be told she's leaving forever because she promised her friend they are going to live together in this far away town. She told me I'm being selfish and only caring about myself etc and she's clearly doing me a favour moving away cause I don't care about her and only self so I can leave her then. But she won't see that it's also selfish to be so concentrated on this one idea because she said to her friend years ago that she will hurt other people to get it.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Sorry this is still an issue, OP. As most of said in your other threads, there really isn't a lot more you can do. She's an adult and free to do what she wants. You've tried to explain to her why it's not a great idea but that's not her opinion. You don't have much other choice here. Sadly, your goals are not the same and if she's also got the support of her parents, she isn't likely to change her mind. Let her go. Give it a couple months and see how things pan out. It might just be that you're not compatible in the long-run.
xcupid Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 "How can I explain to my partner that she's making a bad choice??" You can't. She's made her mind up and nothing you say will change it. 1
PegNosePete Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 You have explained it, and she has listened. The problem is not that she won't listen or that she doesn't understand your viewpoint. The problem is... well, as far as she's concerned there is no problem, other than you're hassling her. The problem is you're not accepting her right to free will. 1
Author cottom Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 The problem is she won't listen, she said that living in the area with the highest crime rate is a sacrifice she will make to live in London She said that she always thought I was going to move down to, not to live with her but to live on my own there while she lives with her friends.
d0nnivain Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 She's 21. this is the point in her life when she is supposed to live in a crappy apartment, on her own for the 1st time, eating Raman noodles & scraping by for every penny. She wants to have that adventure. Although you have a different vision for her life, your view point fails to realize it's HER LIFE 1
BlueIris Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 (edited) The problem is she won't listen, she said that living in the area with the highest crime rate is a sacrifice she will make to live in London She said that she always thought I was going to move down to, not to live with her but to live on my own there while she lives with her friends. She's decided to move. It's what she wants. You don't get to decide what she does just like she doesn't get to decide what you choose to do. It's exciting to her. You could choose to encourage her and hope for her success, but you choose not to. Like her you get to choose what to do. Edited November 9, 2015 by BlueIris
PegNosePete Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 The problem is she won't listen No, she has listened. The problem is that you won't accept her decision. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 The problem is she won't listen, she said that living in the area with the highest crime rate is a sacrifice she will make to live in London She said that she always thought I was going to move down to, not to live with her but to live on my own there while she lives with her friends. You can't force her to agree with your opinion. You guys want different things. Just as you probably don't want to live there and she can't oblige you to do so, the same applies to her. Pressuring her and putting up endless protests is going to push her away pretty quickly, though. She's already clearly tired of hearing it. Don't badger her into walking away before she even moves.
smackie9 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 You got me at Scientology.....she is brainwashed forever.....it's a done deal, move on. 1
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