HansonGirl Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 (edited) i'm on OLD, and i went out with a guy once, it was very casual for coffee. he contacted me saying if i ever wanted to invite him out again, he "just might accept." It seemed weird, why do i have to ask him out? why can't he just ask me out? is that weird or am I wrong? something about the way he phrased it. Edited November 9, 2015 by HansonGirl
Zapbasket Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Definitely weird. But not much of a head-scratcher: he's insecure, and took that odd loophole of putting the ball in your court to avoid a direct rejection of him asking you out and you saying, "No, thanks." Increasingly I feel that when someone shows such a lack of confidence from the very get-go, it's just not worth it pursuing anything with them. Let this one go. Don't ask him for a second date; problem solved!
Inaa Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 He already invited you out again saying that he's into it. You just need to choose time and place.
scorpiogirl Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Ew, no. That's so wishy-washy. Of course you should ask potential partners on dates too but it seems he wants right of refusal and keeping the ball in his court all the time. No. You're better than that. And yes, even if it's a lack of confidence issue, same answer. I like men who are confident.
Author HansonGirl Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 Ew, no. That's so wishy-washy. Of course you should ask potential partners on dates too but it seems he wants right of refusal and keeping the ball in his court all the time. No. You're better than that. And yes, even if it's a lack of confidence issue, same answer. I like men who are confident. he certainly did NOT seem like someone lacking in confidence. He seemed as though he had plenty of it.
PegNosePete Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 He organized (and presumably paid for) the first date. He wants you to take the responsibility for the 2nd. Gender equality and all, right...? Anyway, if you want to see him again, you know what you have to do. If not, just do nothing. 3
Zapbasket Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 he certainly did NOT seem like someone lacking in confidence. He seemed as though he had plenty of it. Sometimes the over-confident are paradoxically the ones with the least confidence. A truly confident guy would just be straightforward about *his* interest. He'd say, "I'd like to see you again. How about dinner one night next week?"
Zapbasket Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 He organized (and presumably paid for) the first date. He wants you to take the responsibility for the 2nd. Gender equality and all, right...? Anyway, if you want to see him again, you know what you have to do. If not, just do nothing. Gender equality isn't a game of tit-for-tat, e.g., "He pays; she pays. He asks her out; she asks him out." It's about BOTH sexes being allowed to be subjects and not objects. And most of all it's about upending centuries upon centuries of cultural objectification of women. All of us, men and women, still are conditioned by longstanding cultural habit to objectify women. I highly, highly doubt that this man is so sophisticated in his ability to place women collectively as subjects in their own right that this is what motivated his comment. OP, the guy sounds like an arrogant dipstick, from the little you've said so far.
PegNosePete Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I highly, highly doubt that this man is so sophisticated in his ability to place women collectively as subjects in their own right that this is what motivated his comment. No, what motivated his comment is probably the fact that he organized and paid for the first date, and wants OP to take responsibility for the 2nd. But many women are of the mentality that the man must pay for the first X dates, or whatever. They objectify themselves. 2
Wewon Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 i'm on OLD, and i went out with a guy once, it was very casual for coffee. he contacted me saying if i ever wanted to invite him out again, he "just might accept." It seemed weird, why do i have to ask him out? why can't he just ask me out? is that weird or am I wrong? something about the way he phrased it. No, its not a bad sign. If I had to guess, this was an attempt to not appear pushy or over eager or at the very least, give you an out if you weren't interested. I could easily see a guy asking right then and suddenly there is a thread asking "Why are men so thirsty?" with a full discussion of how the guy couldn't relax and go with the flow. Yes, its nice when he ask, but outside of the ideal, why not look at less harmful reasons to explain behavior? What's the benefit in punishing every faux-paus especially a relatively minor one?
TheBathWater Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 i'm on OLD, and i went out with a guy once, it was very casual for coffee. he contacted me saying if i ever wanted to invite him out again, he "just might accept." It seemed weird, why do i have to ask him out? why can't he just ask me out? is that weird or am I wrong? something about the way he phrased it. If you want to go out with him again, then I would invite him out. Worst scenario is that you decide on the second date you don't like him after all. If you don't want to go out with him again, then listen to the advice of random internet strangers trying to work through their issues on an online forum.
katiegrl Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 i'm on OLD, and i went out with a guy once, it was very casual for coffee. he contacted me saying if i ever wanted to invite him out again, he "just might accept." It seemed weird, why do i have to ask him out? why can't he just ask me out? is that weird or am I wrong? something about the way he phrased it. Sounds to me like he was teasing you ....making a joke. A little cocky banter... I would be flattered ... teasing indicates attraction! It was his way of letting you know he'd like to see you again... in a fun playful teasing sort of way. That said, since you didn't pick up on it, and chose to take his comment seriously and took offense instead of teasing back, you're probably not compatible anyway. Best to move on.
Wewon Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Gender equality isn't a game of tit-for-tat, e.g., "He pays; she pays. He asks her out; she asks him out." It's about BOTH sexes being allowed to be subjects and not objects. And most of all it's about upending centuries upon centuries of cultural objectification of women. All of us, men and women, still are conditioned by longstanding cultural habit to objectify women. I highly, highly doubt that this man is so sophisticated in his ability to place women collectively as subjects in their own right that this is what motivated his comment. OP, the guy sounds like an arrogant dipstick, from the little you've said so far. I think things are far more simple and less benign this this. An argument could be made that both people are being treated like objects to one degree or another. If he doesn't fulfill his "role" he will likely be interchanged for a man that will. Or we could look at this in a less hostile way and say that this is two people simply trying to navigate dating. I'll go with the latter.
Shining One Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 OP, the ball is in your court now. It's too early to make any lasting conclusions from this statement. It's possible he's passive and he wants you to do all of the work. It's also possible that he believes in taking turns and he intends to handle the third date after you handle the second. There are other possibilities as well. You need to determine if a man not directly asking you out on a second date is a deal-breaker for you and act accordingly. 1
Lois_Griffin Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 He organized (and presumably paid for) the first date. He wants you to take the responsibility for the 2nd. Gender equality and all, right...? Anyway, if you want to see him again, you know what you have to do. If not, just do nothing. Oh FFS. It was a first meet, NOT a date. First meets aren't dates - they're a face to face get together to DECIDE if you want to go on a date. No, what motivated his comment is probably the fact that he organized and paid for the first date, and wants OP to take responsibility for the 2nd. Yes OP. Due to the astronomical amount of planning - and expense - that went into him suggesting that you meet up at the coffee joint for a $3.50 coffee, you should now turn around and plan a full-scale date with him because of 'equality.' LMAO! Well alrighty, then.
Author HansonGirl Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 Oh FFS. It was a first meet, NOT a date. First meets aren't dates - they're a face to face get together to DECIDE if you want to go on a date. Yes OP. Due to the astronomical amount of planning - and expense - that went into him suggesting that you meet up at the coffee joint for a $3.50 coffee, you should now turn around and plan a full-scale date with him because of 'equality.' LMAO! Well alrighty, then. Want to know the funnier part . We each paid for our own coffees .
xcupid Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 He was probably teasing you. But, in my opinion a MAN invites a woman out on a first date and he pays for it. He even pays for a woman's coffee on a meet and greet. Next!
Jejangles Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Hmm, I think it's impossible to tell exactly what he meant by it! I would read it as a passive way to figure out your interest. Some guys lack confidence to fully out ask you out on a second date without feeling their way a little first... So your response would depend on whether you are interested or not. If you're not interested, just ignore it. If you are interested, turn it around and say something like "Oh really, well I was going to say that if you were to ask me out, I might just say yes... So now what? ;)" That lobs the ball back to him and gives him a clear signal that if he comes up with something interesting, you would be up for it. I think we need to be careful to write people off based on one phrase or misstep in early dating. It takes a while to figure each other out and communicate effectively. 1
TheCatInTheHat Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 i'm on OLD, and i went out with a guy once, it was very casual for coffee. he contacted me saying if i ever wanted to invite him out again, he "just might accept." It seemed weird, why do i have to ask him out? why can't he just ask me out? is that weird or am I wrong? something about the way he phrased it. I dunno, that feels weird or insecure to me. How old are you both?
Qboro90 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 i'm on OLD, and i went out with a guy once, it was very casual for coffee. he contacted me saying if i ever wanted to invite him out again, he "just might accept." It seemed weird, why do i have to ask him out? why can't he just ask me out? is that weird or am I wrong? something about the way he phrased it. He's just teasing you and trying to be slick in order to get another hang out date with you. Prolly doesn't wanna come off as too interested and clingy so he's leaving the ball in your court. If you aren't that kind of girl and like to be pursued then you should've replied with "I'm the girl, you're supposed to ask me out.... So maybe if you're suave... I MIGHT accept" and flipped it on him. Don't think so much. 1
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