Phasor Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I wish there was a magic bullet answer to this. I am in my mid twenties and women just want to be my friend and nothing more. Recently I was told "you have no idea you are like my best friend".. Not quite what I was after. I am in college and have my own business, a lot of hobbies, but not much of a social life (is that a deal breaker for women?) I just meet women at the college. I am 5'7" very muscular (no one really notices because im not the bragging type that wears super small shirts). I take care of myself, do my best to look presentable, and women admire my intelligence. I am the guy that parents want to date their daughter. Problem is, the daughter never wants to date me! (they are usually dating the jail guy, or the drug addict) There was one girl that I really liked and I took her on a really nice date. It was an adventure and something she had never done before and she really enjoyed it. She didn't seem that interested and it seemed to me that she wasn't ready to date because of past experiences. I backed off for a little bit, just texting her funny things every now and then and making small talk.. Then she randomly tells me she met someone with the same name as me and she really likes him. She knew it would bother me, but we talked about still hanging out as friends. I don't want to make this thread extremely long with stories, but that is basically the gist of it. I can never figure where I go wrong and I end up blaming my physical appearance because I know the rest of me is great. I feel like im falling way behind for my age. This never bothered me until I started college, before that I could care less about women because I was busy with work and my hobbies.
loling123 Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 "She knew it would bother me, but we talked about still hanging out as friends" this line alone hints to me that you may be too nice. its the dumbest concept but very few women in their 20s appreciate a man who plans out nice dates, listens and is considerate. You should have cut her off the moment she brought up another guy, not agree to be her friend. Women in their 20s like alpha males and someone with a back bone. Its not until we get dragged through the mud by *******s that we finally appreciate men like you but by then we are damn near in our 30s and most men like you would have found a decent woman. read the book the art of seduction. Unfortunately, dating is a game. a game you must learn how to play. When you first meet a woman, express interest but back off if she is not reciprocating the same amount of interest or enthusiasm. It has nothing to do with your looks, any man can get any woman. Its all about respect. Make women respect you from day 1 and watch things change. The moment a women senses you are a push over, its a wrap. Try to spend very little money and effort on women until they prove they are worthy .TRUST me on this! Ive let go of so many good men because they were just putting way too much effort than I was and it translated as desperation. But of course i am growing and learning the hard way. Until we a ll grow the hell up....play the game. 1
angel.eyes Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Problem is, the daughter never wants to date me! (they are usually dating the jail guy, or the drug addict) What type of women are you going for? Being a convict or drug addict are absolute deal breakers for most women. Maybe start by examining your choices and what you find attractive? 1
Glitters Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 The difference could be sexual tension which you either dont feel yourself towards them or they dont feel it. If you feel it, then you need to show them
TaraMaiden2 Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 You don't approach a lady with the intention of befriending her, or that's what you'll end up with. A friend. You don't take an intended romantic connection, out on a non-romantic outing. There's nothing remotely connective about an 'adventure'. There's something extremely romantic about a romantic gesture. So you really need to modify your approach. Step up the assertiveness a little, be a bit more 'forward' without being pushy. Make decisions but give her options. "I thought we could perhaps do one of two things.... we could either <list option one> or perhaps we could <list option two> I'm happy either way. Which most appeals to you?" If the date goes well, you can propose the alternative option as the second date event... But be romantic, not practical. You have to make it obvious this is a date with something in mind, and it's not being their friend (first and foremost).... 2
WaitingForBardot Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 You don't approach a lady with the intention of befriending her, or that's what you'll end up with. A friend. ... You don't take an intended romantic connection, out on a non-romantic outing. ... You have to make it obvious this is a date with something in mind, and it's not being their friend (first and foremost).... This, in a nutshell. Make your intentions clear from the start. There will be plenty of time later for adventures and non-romantic dates, once you've established that romantic connection.
TaraMaiden2 Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 May I swiftly point out that when I said this: You have to make it obvious this is a date with something in mind, and it's not being their friend... I didn't in any way mean you should strongly imply you want to have sex. I meant that you have to make it clear you're seeking a relationship. Just to be crystal clear.
empresario Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Though you speak of your intelligence, and I'm not doubting you...I question your social awareness. There are definitely different types of wisdom. Life is always about expectations. Business. Love. Friendships. If you are clear about your expectations and approach things with a dose of confidence then there can be no confusion of your intent. You, in the story you told, acted very passively because you assumed you needed to back off. What type of message does that give her about you? Also, you tend to have a high opinion of yourself. A 'nice guy', if you will. There is a bad epidemic in our society of 'nice guys' confused as to why they can't find success. Look into the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. It's a (good) awakening for someone that thinks their 'nice' attitude should get them success in love. It changed my life years ago. Good luck! I doubt it has to do much with your appearance, because with the right amount of charisma anyone can find a woman. You just have to get past your own insecurities. 1
Ic1 Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Problem is, the daughter never wants to date me! (they are usually dating the jail guy, or the drug addict) What type of women are you going for? Being a convict or drug addict are absolute deal breakers for most women. Maybe start by examining your choices and what you find attractive? Some women do solely like the "bad boys". More frequently at younger ages. (Hollywood stories a factor). Don't bother with those ones! But it sounds like you're dating a way where you're "too easy to get." Everybody has less of an attraction to what they can easily get, or already have. James Bond is attractive because he's a gentleman, but still attractive in a way of "you can't get to me". Another example is the cost to get into a club, and the line outside of it. It's just a dark-messy place with bad music played too loud, but the fact only so many can get in...
Wewon Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 It sounds like you're not treating yourself like much of a prize; and there's a big difference between knowing that you have some things going for you and being arrogant. I would bet that this is coming out in your actions. And in this regard I agree with loling, you're probably paying for this dearly in the age range that you're dating. Two ways of dealing with this: 1) Date older women, seriously. If you're in your mid 20s you would be suitable for dating someone in her late 20s or early 30s. At that point a lot of this non-sense is done. 2) Assert your romantic interest right out of the gate. I mean date 1 or the preliminary conversations leading up to date one. That doesn't mean sex, reading love poems or standing outside her house with a boombox, but there should be no doubt that you're not in the market for a buddy. And if she's not interested then move on...quickly.
thecrucible Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 I have rejected guys before who seemed nice enough and had nothing wrong but I didn't feel that spark. It was mainly because they didn't make their romantic intentions clear. I like when it's clear that the guy is interested in me romantically and not just him awkwardly acting like a friend while secretly wanting more. As Wewon said, a man making his romantic interest doesn't mean being creepy or crazy.
Recommended Posts