Author Confusedovo Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 Ugh... He managed to calm me down (I was shouting at him) he said he knew something was suspicious when she msged him. That he was playing along. And when he said he wants to get to know her, he said that cause he wanted to know who she is and why as he knew i was testing him by the way she asked questions. He said he said he we wasn't serious so that she would talk. And that if he was interested in her why would he have even mentioned me in the first place? He would've just said he hasn't met anyone. He sounded upset and pleaded for a chance "I won't do anything like that again. You're listening to your friends too much. Don't let them come between us" Now he wants to come "get me" tomorrow to stay at his for a few days! I cant sleep not knowing what to do. A big part of me wants everything to be ok and to see him" ugh.
Gaeta Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Ugh... He managed to calm me down (I was shouting at him) he said he knew something was suspicious when she msged him. That he was playing along. And when he said he wants to get to know her, he said that cause he wanted to know who she is and why as he knew i was testing him by the way she asked questions. He said he said he we wasn't serious so that she would talk. And that if he was interested in her why would he have even mentioned me in the first place? He would've just said he hasn't met anyone. He sounded upset and pleaded for a chance "I won't do anything like that again. You're listening to your friends too much. Don't let them come between us" Now he wants to come "get me" tomorrow to stay at his for a few days! I cant sleep not knowing what to do. A big part of me wants everything to be ok and to see him" ugh. Confused, hon, all he does is swimming himself out of this mess. His excuses are bogus. It's written 'bad player' all over him. He's taking you on a ride. It's not true, he did not suspect it was you and he did not play along, he had no clue this messages was related to you. If he suspected this was a friend or you then the right answer would have been ' Yes I met a woman and she is amazing!! she rocks my world and I want to concentrate on her' THAT'S what a man is suppose to answer whether it's a stranger OR whether he suspects it's his gf in disguise. Second, and listen closely please please. All this love bombing is about getting you to bed fast. He's got you!! Don't you see it? he's gonna come and get you for a few days??? I beg you to not fall for this!! This man needs to prove himself to you now, he certainly does NOT deserve the reward of having you by his side and in his bed for days...you understand?? If he is genuine he will court you like a lady!! He will invite you to a second date, he will treat you and bring you back home and kiss you good night. He will repeat for 3rd date!! and so on. My money is on he won't last 5 dates!!!! if you make him wait for sex. 3
katiegrl Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 (edited) Confused, hon, all he does is swimming himself out of this mess. His excuses are bogus. It's written 'bad player' all over him. He's taking you on a ride. It's not true, he did not suspect it was you and he did not play along, he had no clue this messages was related to you. If he suspected this was a friend or you then the right answer would have been ' Yes I met a woman and she is amazing!! she rocks my world and I want to concentrate on her' THAT'S what a man is suppose to answer whether it's a stranger OR whether he suspects it's his gf in disguise. Second, and listen closely please please. All this love bombing is about getting you to bed fast. He's got you!! Don't you see it? he's gonna come and get you for a few days??? I beg you to not fall for this!! This man needs to prove himself to you now, he certainly does NOT deserve the reward of having you by his side and in his bed for days...you understand?? If he is genuine he will court you like a lady!! He will invite you to a second date, he will treat you and bring you back home and kiss you good night. He will repeat for 3rd date!! and so on. My money is on he won't last 5 dates!!!! if you make him wait for sex. ^^This! And what everyone else said too. But yeah love bombing.... THAT's the term I was searching for! And OMG, if this ever happened to me, it would be NEXT in less than two seconds flat! But sometimes people have to learn things the hard way.... through experience. So Confused.... go ahead and believe his BS .... get involved with him... and you'll find out for yourself what a lying douchebag he is. Especially when, after he has sex with you, he starts to fade or ghosts you. But if that what it takes, then so be it. Only thing is....by then you'll be much more invested emotionally than you are now.... so good luck with that. Edited November 11, 2015 by katiegrl 1
salparadise Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 (edited) Granted, he said too much too soon and he only got a C+ on the girlfriend test. But that doesn't make him the devil incarnate, and Confusedovo likes him. She is looking for a relationship with a guy who can attach and this fella probably can. There is no doubt that he was trying to use his words to draw her in a bit fast, but he may also attach fast himself. Confusedovo knows to proceed wth caution. I think we have to give her credit for having some sense and judgement. On the test... he said he was seeing someone, he didn't ask for a hookup or try to get the friend to go on a date, he only suggested they keep in touch, and this after only one date with OP. So he was creating a backup plan- not something a woman would ever do, right? Employing a backup strategy when you're married or engaged is wrong, obviously, because those are forever commitments. One date- tenuous at best. For women, the ideal situation is to start out with multiple guys in pursuit, and when they do choose they don't typically burn their bridges. This guy was merely asking the friend to hang around as option #2 in case it didn't work out. Confusedovo, you have the information you need, and you know damn well that the guy wasn't actually in love after one date (saying that was his only real mistake). The other women are calling him a scoundrel, but they probably have a guy to come home to and it's easy for them to tell you to kick yours to the curb. You have hopes and feelings pulling you the other way, and you thought this might be opportunity knocking. You're not wrong for wanting what you want. Just go slow and be the rational half of this equation for awhile... until you're able to make some determinations. As Patsy said to Loretta, "you got to run your own life, sweetie." It's good that you're not eaten up with cynicism- just be smart and in control to some degree. Edited November 11, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Response to redacted quote removed. 1
Buddhist Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 On the test... he said he was seeing someone, he didn't ask for a hookup or try to get the friend to go on a date, he only suggested they keep in touch, and this after only one date with OP. So he was creating a backup plan- not something a woman would ever do, right? Employing a backup strategy when you're married or engaged is wrong, obviously, because those are forever commitments. One date- tenuous at best. For women, the ideal situation is to start out with multiple guys in pursuit, and when they do choose they don't typically burn their bridges. This guy was merely asking the friend to hang around as option #2 in case it didn't work out. Yeah this is pretty much how I see it too. They only had 1 date, what did she really expect? And she was lukewarm with him in returning affections, of course he's going to walk away and think, okay nothing serious right now. Did she really expect he was going to tell her friend....oh I'm in a serious relationship blah, blah, blah....Sure the OP is disappointed that he said that, but as I said before he's 26. He's going to say some stupid things because he's not actually mature enough to know much better. 1
Lois_Griffin Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Thoughts? Just exactly how fast CAN you run?
Lois_Griffin Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 He replied. She asked how pof is. He said "its ok but hard to find someone with real intentions" she said "have you met anyone" " yes and its going well so far. But I'm just getting to know her. Nothing serious yet" and she said "ill leave you alone then, as I'm sure she wouldn't like you talking to other girls" he said "nooo I would not be here of I have really found a gf. I would really like to know you more" Haaaaaaa. What do I do with this loser? Tell.him I know? Just ignore him? I'm not gonna lie....im hurt. He LOVES me, I'm his queen etc. Yet it's nothing serious... Think I will just stay single forever. Cant handle this shyt. LOL. I hadn't read the whole thread when I asked just how fast you could run. So I'll ask again - just how fast CAN you run?
Gaeta Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Confusedovo, you have the information you need, and you know damn well that the guy wasn't actually in love after one date (saying that was his only real mistake). The other women are calling him a scoundrel, but they probably have a guy to come home to and it's easy for them to tell you to kick yours to the curb. You have hopes and feelings pulling you the other way, and you thought this might be opportunity knocking. You're not wrong for wanting what you want. Just go slow and be the rational half of this equation for awhile... until you're able to make some determinations. As Patsy said to Loretta, "you got to run your own life, sweetie." It's good that you're not eaten up with cynicism- just be smart and in control to some degree. Mistake ?? The man FED her a basket of lies to blind her and you call it a mistake? NO. Lying with no scruples is not a mistake it's a devious plan to get a woman in bed asap. He was capable of having a normal interaction with her friend online so why couldn't he have a normal interaction with OP on their first date? We know now he has it in him to have a normal contained interaction with a female. He did it with OP to deceive her. How does he intent to fix is lies? Not by treating her to a perfect date and show her how a gentleman he can be NOOOOo he is wanting to fix his <mistake> by inviting her to screw for 2-3 days...really???? SO He gets to lie and deceive and on top of that to screw the girl? 1
kendahke Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 is it bad enough for you to block him and quit dealing with him altogether?
clia Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 You shouldn't be crying over, trying to trick, and shouting at a man who you've only had one date with. You are way too invested in this guy already. And this is crazy behavior. There's just too much drama already. Maybe he's a player, maybe he's just a guy who said something stupid. Maybe he did just get carried away. Who knows? The better way to handle it would've been to brush it off, continue dating him and others, and watch his actions. Time always tells the truth. I mean, you didn't really think he was in love with you, did you? You didn't really think you two were exclusive, did you? That said, please don't tell me you are even considering going to his place for a few days. If you want to see this guy again, go out with him somewhere in public. No sex. 4
Gaeta Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 You shouldn't be crying over, trying to trick, and shouting at a man who you've only had one date with. You are way too invested in this guy already. And this is crazy behavior. There's just too much drama already. Maybe he's a player, maybe he's just a guy who said something stupid. Maybe he did just get carried away. Who knows? The better way to handle it would've been to brush it off, continue dating him and others, and watch his actions. Time always tells the truth. I mean, you didn't really think he was in love with you, did you? You didn't really think you two were exclusive, did you? That said, please don't tell me you are even considering going to his place for a few days. If you want to see this guy again, go out with him somewhere in public. No sex. Did this love bombing ever happened to you? It happened to me a couple of times. It's not something you can just brush off. It's very aggressive to have someone tell you they love you and make long term plans with you when you only had 1 date and you know it's not normal. You tell them to tone it down but they don't and every time you talk to them you have to hear their BS on how wonderful you are, how much they love you, etc etc.
kendahke Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 He replied. She asked how pof is. He said "its ok but hard to find someone with real intentions" she said "have you met anyone" " yes and its going well so far. But I'm just getting to know her. Nothing serious yet" and she said "ill leave you alone then, as I'm sure she wouldn't like you talking to other girls" he said "nooo I would not be here of I have really found a gf. I would really like to know you more" well, he isn't lying. It is hard to find someone with real intentions on OLD. He has met you and felt it was going well so far--for just meeting someone and just getting to know them and been on only ONE DATE. There are no expectations of exclusivity or commitment at this early stage--which is why you are taken aback over what he said during that date. It's not serious yet. You aren't his girlfriend--isn't that the whole point of your post? You're someone he's just met and has no expectations of anything with yet. The whole reason why he (and you) is on POF is to meet people you'd like to date. What do I do with this loser? Tell.him I know? Just ignore him? Put him on block and leave him alone. Life is too short for all this messy BS. 1
BlueIris Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 (edited) Why do you have to be so harsh to me? You know nothing about me and its really uncalled for. I'm hurting here, not wanting drama. Of course you don't want more drama. So be careful to not turn to the person who caused the drama and pain, or it will continue and worsen. You're hurting because of HIS actions. He caused the pain and generated the drama. Remember your spidey senses went on alert because he said he loved you. He is trying to keep you but now you know who he truly is. Edited November 11, 2015 by BlueIris
introverted1 Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 On the test... he said he was seeing someone, he didn't ask for a hookup or try to get the friend to go on a date, he only suggested they keep in touch, and this after only one date with OP. So he was creating a backup plan- not something a woman would ever do, right? Employing a backup strategy when you're married or engaged is wrong, obviously, because those are forever commitments. One date- tenuous at best. For women, the ideal situation is to start out with multiple guys in pursuit, and when they do choose they don't typically burn their bridges. This guy was merely asking the friend to hang around as option #2 in case it didn't work out. Had he not already love bombed the OP, the take on this situation would be completely different: she'd be the whacko testing the guy after just one date. But context IS everything. And, in this case, the context is that he was already telling OP that he loves her and making plans for the future. So when you compare that with his response on the test, it's quite clear that his "i love you's" are phony. And, when coupled with his proposed "solution" to the problem -- that she spend several days with him (presumably in his bed) -- the whole thing screams dishonesty, heartbreak and drama. I think this guy has sensed OP's weakness and is using that to maneuver her into early sex. Now, there is nothing wrong with early sex if that's what both parties want, but I feel pretty confident that this guy is not looking for a lasting relationship while the OP is. And I feel even more confident that OP will accede to his wishes, get dumped, and then wonder why this happened to her, rather than seeing her own active role in what is about to unfurl. 1
SoulCat Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 You're listening to your friends too much. Don't let them come between us" This alone would have me running for the hills as fast as I possibly could. Confused, DO listen to your friends! They are your friends, they've got YOUR best interest at heart. This guy....I dunno, I get the feeling he's one of those men who will sweep you off your feet, make you feel like a queen, that they love, love, love you. The kind of guy that inserts himself very quickly into every aspect of your life, like crazy tornado that you cannot stop. Before you know it you find yourself alienated, without friends and in a unhealthy, controlling and possibly abusive relationship
clia Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Did this love bombing ever happened to you? It happened to me a couple of times. It's not something you can just brush off. It's very aggressive to have someone tell you they love you and make long term plans with you when you only had 1 date and you know it's not normal. You tell them to tone it down but they don't and every time you talk to them you have to hear their BS on how wonderful you are, how much they love you, etc etc. Yes, it has. And I agree with you that it can be difficult to brush off if it's too much. However, I didn't see in her post that this guy had been as aggressive about it as you describe above. He didn't seem to be overwhelming her and she never told him to stop. They are on a chemistry infused, fun first date and he mentions spending the holidays together. Well, so what? The holidays are coming up. It's just talk. Many men future talk on great first dates. He likes her, he's excited about her, he gets carried away. How many people on this site come rushing back here after a first date talking about how they found "the one"? People get excited when they meet someone they like. Sometimes it can be difficult to distinguish that from the players. I learned to give a guy a chance before jumping to conclusions. They've only been talking a few days and had one date. I'm not saying it's not a red (or at least pink) flag. It absolutely is. But I don't agree that this guy is automatically some kind of player deadbeat who is love bombing her. Maybe he is. A couple more dates would've shown. 2
William Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Folks, I'll remind everyone to remain civil in their comments to members who start threads and that no member is required to follow advice or even read posts as part of their membership on LoveShack.org. Participation is completely voluntary. Hence, postings haranguing fellow members that 'you're not listening' and similar will garner civility and respect violations. Don't do it. Out on the big bad internet, do what you like. This is a private web forum. Thanks! 1
katiegrl Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 (edited) Yeah this is pretty much how I see it too. They only had 1 date, what did she really expect? And she was lukewarm with him in returning affections, of course he's going to walk away and think, okay nothing serious right now. Did she really expect he was going to tell her friend....oh I'm in a serious relationship blah, blah, blah....Sure the OP is disappointed that he said that, but as I said before he's 26. He's going to say some stupid things because he's not actually mature enough to know much better. Fair points but what troubles me is him announcing to the OP his intention of taking down his profile because as he put it "he won't be needing it anymore." But then after saying this, he goes back on, not just to browse, but to actually meet and pusue other women? As a back up? Why? Is he "that" needy and insecure that he needs a back up? Good gawd. Huge red flag imo. And NO, I never needed a "back up." That notion sounds ridiculous to me, especially after meeting someone you feel could be " the one" as this guy did ...or at least that is what he implied to the OP... but then he goes right back on line. Ugh. His behavior there was extremely disingenuous .... to say the least! He also sounds like a guy who is big on fantasy. He "loves" the OP after one date? Come on now. He's in love with the fantasy of her ...but yet is still inclined to search for others, even after his declaration to the OP to the contrary? How can anyone think this is okay behavior and that she should proceed forward? (Shaking head in disbelief). Edited November 11, 2015 by katiegrl 1
mammasita Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Freaking RUN. Those who fall in quickly fall out just as fast. 1
katiegrl Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Would be nice to have an update. Update: He blew up her phone, apologized up the ying yang, assured her he didn't mean it, that he was just "playing around," that she's the only one he wants, promised to never do it again.... she believed him... and they have a date scheduled for Saturday night!! LOL 1
joseb Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 (edited) well, he isn't lying. It is hard to find someone with real intentions on OLD. He has met you and felt it was going well so far--for just meeting someone and just getting to know them and been on only ONE DATE. There are no expectations of exclusivity or commitment at this early stage--which is why you are taken aback over what he said during that date. It's not serious yet. You aren't his girlfriend--isn't that the whole point of your post? You're someone he's just met and has no expectations of anything with yet. The whole reason why he (and you) is on POF is to meet people you'd like to date. While in general, I would totally agree with you that ONE date should not infer much of anything, in this case, either 1. It really does, He has told the OP he LOVES her, and he wants to spend Christmas with her. So he has found an amazing connection. or 2. He is lying - he has told OP lies in order to manipulate her (including lying about 'knowing' the second POF account was the OP). My money is on 2. He is full of shyte. He will lie and manipulate to get his way. People like this who lovebomb are even worse than hopelessly needy/clingy types. Edited November 11, 2015 by joseb 1
katiegrl Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 While in general, I would totally agree with you that ONE date should not infer much of anything, in this case, either 1. It really does, He has told the OP he LOVES her, and he wants to spend Christmas with her. So he has found an amazing connection. or 2. He is lying - he has told OP lies in order to manipulate her (including lying about 'knowing' the second POF account was the OP). My money is on 2. He is full of shyte. He will lie and manipulate to get his way. People like this who lovebomb are even worse than hopelessly needy/clingy types. It's not even the love bombing though. I mean THAT's reason enough to run....but the fact he's love bombing her AND still skulking the internet for other chicks (after telling her he "loves her"... and has NO REASON to do so now that he's met her).... clearly indicates the guy is dishonest, disingenuous and can't be trusted. I have never seen a dating situation where there were SO many red flags after ONE DATE! If she continues dating him and gets hurt....well, I'm sorry but she has no one to blame but herself.
joseb Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 It's not even the love bombing though. I mean THAT's reason enough to run....but the fact he's love bombing her AND still skulking the internet for other chicks I initially had written "fake lovebombing" but changed it as I don't think any lovebombing is really real, but I get your point.
fitnessfan365 Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 This guy seems to be the type that gets overly attached too easily. I mean w/how into you he was before meeting, as well as saying "I love you" and taking down his profile after one date..Not to mention a needy tendency being impatient over slower response times. I'd keep an eye out if I were you.
Recommended Posts