Confusedovo Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I went on a date Saturday. It was the best. We had such a good time. Laughed, chatted, the chemistry /attraction was strong. We kissed and held hands towards the end. Before we had even met, admittedly we were very into each other (o posted about him a few days ago) but I knew we might not like each other in person. But it went brilliantly. Earlier today we got on the subject of pof. He said he's been thinking of deleting his profile. "i don't think I'll be needing it now" I told him that's up to him and o might do the same. Now I know you might think I'm silly for that, but I don't mind dating one person for now. It's more common here in the UK. Anyway we haven't done that yet. But honestly I was quite happy when he said that. We were not long ago saying our goodnights (texts) and he said "love you sweetheart" I was shocked. I was NOT expecting that. I told him "you don't love me yet" he said "well I like you sooo much....but ;)" I was like but what? He called me and said "I feel like I love you. You know about love at first sight?" I said "yeah you believe in it?" Je said "yes its happened to people I know maybe that's what happens to me" I told him it worries me his feelings will die just as quick. Of course he said no. This is a good looking, fit, employed man. The only thing that made me pause a bit on the date was him saying maybe he will spend Christmas with me and my family. I just thought it was one of those if we are still dating things. The only other thing is if I don't reply to texts after maybe 20 mins, he will text again like "hello" atlough he doesn't blow my phone up or anything, its just something I have noticed. I know he doesn't love me. Well I'm pretty sure. But I think he really likes me and is getting carried away. I like him too. He compliments me all the time, makes me feel wanted, attractive, and he is kind, funny, gorgeous and the chemistry. But I also know its soo soon to say I love you. I'm kinda disappointed and annoyed he did that. As id want it to be a special thing said in a special moment. And of course I'm wondering what it all means. I'm 99% sure he isn't jisy tryna get laid. He's been very gentlemanly and hasn't mentioned anything sexual at all. I really don't think its that at all. I don't want to stop seeing him, he's really making me smile. But i wish he hadn't said that. He's 26 btw. Thoughts?
smackie9 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Just come out and tell him straight that you don't find it an appropriate time to express such feelings. Be firm and tell him that you want to take your time and get to know one another and not talk about the future yet. Slooow down. 1
dumbass2 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Sorry, I'd be a bit concerned about someone saying "I love you" so soon. For me at least, those words don't come easily. I could tell someone within a month or so that I'm falling for them, but it takes more for me to say that I truly do love someone before I tell them that. I don't throw them around, but everyone's different. 2
Shanex Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I would be creeped out to be honest. I never say the L word before months.
Author Confusedovo Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 He said "I will slown down" at the end of the convo.
katiegrl Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 (edited) Men like him thrive on fantasy. Which is all you are at this point, a fantasy. I mean what else *could* you be, he doesn't even know you. Once you start dating (regularly) and get into the inevitable routine, the REALITY of you and your relationship will hit, and he will be off and running to his next fantasy.... Listen to smackie and tell him it's too soon for I love you's, you are uncomfortable with the fast pace, and need to slow things down. That is the only way your relationship stands a chance. If you go along with his fast paced agenda, I can almost guarantee that he will disappear as fast as he swooped in... BTDT many times, in fact I had to tell my own fiance to slow down for the same reason. It's too much! And I don't think he's thinking clearly right now to know what he's feeling. He is infatuated and getting all caught up in the fantasy of you! It's up to you to keep it REAL! Edited November 9, 2015 by katiegrl 2
joseb Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Yeah he is infatuated. Deleting the profile after one date? Well, I for one am OK with serial dating, but I'd just leave the profile and not log in - deleting it implies something more. "love you sweetheart" honestly, I really struggle to see how someone after one date could a) be using petnames like that b) saying they love you. "him saying maybe he will spend Christmas with me and my family." Yeah after one date? I don't think so. "if I don't reply to texts after maybe 20 mins, he will text again like "hello" He seems super needy. The whole thing is just way too much. Has he ever actually been in love/in a serious relationship? 2
marcusdevilliers Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Be very cautious. lol after the first date wow. i mean u could feel love but dont just drop it on someone, and someone youve been on a date once. be careful with this guy. im no professor but i smell a player. so be careful. 4
Zippy2000 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Confusedovo...................i love you too!! lol 2
Acacia98 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 (edited) I’m leaning towards “red flag”, and I think you are too (and so is joseb). Read your own words: 1. We were not long ago saying our goodnights (texts) and he said "love you sweetheart" I was shocked. 2. The only thing that made me pause a bit on the date was him saying maybe he will spend Christmas with me and my family. 3. The only other thing is if I don't reply to texts after maybe 20 mins, he will text again like "hello" atlough he doesn't blow my phone up or anything, its just something I have noticed. The first issue one alone could have been shrugged off as a guy being too enthusiastic. The other two change that and make it seem like he has a certain pattern of behavior. He seems to have inappropriately high expectations, considering you only just started dating. On the Christmas thing, you were surprised that he was assuming you would still be together. Personally, I was surprised that he was assuming that you would want to spend Christmas with him and invite him to spend time with your family. That’s a huge assumption to make. And it’s not his place to decide how you spend Christmas and when to introduce him to your family. It’s yours. Somebody who doesn’t get that fundamental fact probably doesn’t have a proper sense of boundaries. Then there’s the phone issue. Sending one message and waiting for a response at the other person’s convenience is enough. Seeking attention because you didn’t get a response within 20 minutes sounds like something that a tantrum-throwing child or an adult with an inflated sense of self-importance would do. Edited November 9, 2015 by Acacia98
Buddhist Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 (edited) Stop over analysing. Just let it go. He didn't ask you to marry him just made a sweet remark hoping to create some intimacy. Just pray you didn't make him feel all awkward about it so he clams up forever second guessing himself. This is not a red flag, its just a guy being excited. You like everything else about him, so give him a break. When he starts turning up on your street after hours then get concerned...lol! He's 26, guys are stupid at that age. My 27yr old bf told me he loved me after we had sex for the first time. Sweet but just stupid. Edited November 9, 2015 by Buddhist 4
Siquijor Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 The L word could be down to him getting carried away. The Christmas comment is overbearing and presumptious and the texting is abnormal. He's either immature or a potential wacko IMO. The Xmas remark is especially uncomfortable. 1
Gaeta Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Here is my experience with a man saying he was in love after 1 date. Enjoy the reading. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/547967-he-fell-love-after-1-date 1
Author Confusedovo Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 I turned 27 last month and he turned 26. Today he seems distracted. Has been taking hours in between texting which isn't like him. I assumed he was working like usual, but he told me he took a day off cause he is tired and needed to rest. Do people do this?! He did record a song for me and sent me it. Its about love and wanting to marry. Yeah I have a bad feeling atm. I so wanted this to be real, but I'm just not sure. Something isn't feeling right. Yet when I was with him it felt so good.
Author Confusedovo Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 My friend has send him a message on pof. She wants to test him. So lets see how in love he really is...
Httm Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 My friend has send him a message on pof. She wants to test him. So lets see how in love he really is... Seems like you are the perfect match for him. 1
Author Confusedovo Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 I turned 27 last month and he turned 26. Today he seems distracted. Has been taking hours in between texting which isn't like him. I assumed he was working like usual, but he told me he took a day off cause he is tired and needed to rest. Do people do this?! He did record a song for me and sent me it. Its about love and wanting to marry. Yeah I have a bad feeling atm. I so wanted this to be real, but I'm just not sure. Something isn't feeling right. Yet when I was with him it felt so good. Seems like you are the perfect match for him. And why is that? It was her idea but yeah I agreed. Cause if it stops me being played or abused again so be it. If he sends another girl mushy msgs, then I know his feelings are fake. I've never done that before in my life. But this one time im going with it. Let me just add I've been nothing but lovely to him. I've not let him know I'm suspicious.
kismetkismet Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 I would definitely keep my guard up a bit in this situation. My current boyfriend has also been trying to shuffle things along much more quickly than I'm used to so I feel you a little bit on that - though he has not been as extreme as that (he waited 3 weeks to make it official, 5-6 weeks to say i love you.) I was really afraid that he was just in love with the IDEA of being in love, or with a fictional character that he had imagined me to be (he had a crush on me from afar before we started dating). I think that is the main thing to be concerned about in these situations.. sometimes people that rush so much are doing it because they have a hole in their lives they need to fill or because they just got out of a relationship. I have had several talks with him throughout about how I like/love him as much as is possible at this stage, but that we need to take things slow and get to know each other before we start making assumptions and get ahead of ourselves. the saying 'easy come easy go' is there for a reason. My bf has tried to tone things back and give me some space and time, and backed off on texting me too much after I said those things. I found that comforting though because it meant he was listening to me - you should too. My feelings for him developed super rapidly though as well.. normally it takes me quite a long time to warm up to someone and about 6 months to fall in love... with this guy I started to feel like I was in love with him on the second date. Of course I didn't tell him this at the time.. Try to just be open with him about all of this.. tell him you want to build something real, rather than just run on the fumes of infatuation and then have things fall apart when the initial rush wears off. That was how i framed it so that my boyfriend wasn't offended by my wanting to take things slow - that i was doing it so that things would last and because I wanted to be with him for real, not just as a fling. It's been 2 months for us now and it's been absolutely fantastic, even though his initial rushing into things terrified me (even though it's STILL very new). So I wouldn't necessarily run from the situation - just try to get him to slow it down, and keep your head about you. Recognize that nothing stable can exist at this stage and adjust your approach accordingly. Get to KNOW each other before you get too deeply involved. Love makes you crazy and a bad judge of character, so try to get to know him before you fall in love so you can make a somewhat rational decision. 1
Gaeta Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 My friend has send him a message on pof. She wants to test him. So lets see how in love he really is... Good for you!! We have to watch our back, no one else will do it for us. If he's so much in love why is he still on pof .... I am looking forward to this update. 1
Author Confusedovo Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 Thanks Gaeta. It might sound mean or weird or whatever. But at the end of the day, I've got to protect myself. And how he responds to the msg will be quite telling I think. So far he's not read it. To be fair, he said about deleting his profile. I said the same thing, but we just...haven't yet. Anyway I think I'm gonna fall back a little. Still be nice but go a bit slower. I don't like that he's been distant today. We are supposed to being seeing each other this Saturday.
Author Confusedovo Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 (edited) He replied. She asked how pof is. He said "its ok but hard to find someone with real intentions" she said "have you met anyone" " yes and its going well so far. But I'm just getting to know her. Nothing serious yet" and she said "ill leave you alone then, as I'm sure she wouldn't like you talking to other girls" he said "nooo I would not be here of I have really found a gf. I would really like to know you more" Haaaaaaa. What do I do with this loser? Tell.him I know? Just ignore him? I'm not gonna lie....im hurt. He LOVES me, I'm his queen etc. Yet it's nothing serious... Think I will just stay single forever. Cant handle this shyt. Edited November 10, 2015 by Confusedovo 1
Gaeta Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 He replied. She asked how pof is. He said "its ok but hard to find someone with real intentions" she said "have you met anyone" " yes and its going well so far. But I'm just getting to know her. Nothing serious yet" and she said "ill leave you alone then, as I'm sure she wouldn't like you talking to other girls" he said "nooo I would not be here of I have really found a gf. I would really like to know you more" Haaaaaaa. What do I do with this loser? Tell.him I know? Just ignore him? I'm not gonna lie....im hurt. He LOVES me, I'm his queen etc. Yet it's nothing serious... Think I will just stay single forever. Cant handle this shyt. I'm really sorry BUT I am not surprised. Take a super sexy selfie with lots of cleavage post it as your main profile picture and get on there and be in his FACE. The best revenge is looking good !! NEXT!
Author Confusedovo Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 He text me "hello" again. I text him "bye". He calls immediately and I decline. Now he's blowing up my phone. He's an ahole right? I'm not overreacting?
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