HappyAlone Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Hi there. I'll try to keep this brief(ish). First, I'm a 25 yr old single mom of 3. After a pretty rotten relationship, I've spent the last year & 1/2 figuring myself out. I've grown quite fond of myself lol and of the independence that comes with being single. Recently, I became re-acquainted with an old friend. I've known this man since I was 14. We're not "bffs" and it's always been known between us that he fancies me. At 16 we dated briefly, he went oversees and I couldn't hack it. He came back, was upset and we didn't talk for a year ish. Since then we talk a few times a year, hanging out once or twice every 2/3. I've been in a relationship the majority of the time and he had a couple along the way so we stayed pretty platonic. Now, we're both single. He's made it clear he's still game to give it a go. On one hand, I think he's a wonderful guy, who's always been patient, kind and understanding towards me. We're the kind of close where we dont always talk often but those 2/3 times a year, it would be long, meaningful conversations. I don't know his favorite candy but I know his biggest fears type of the thing. So, there's some back story. Basically I'm struggling with three things- 1)I LIKE being single and I'm not sure if that will change. I don't get a "spark" feeling about him, nor anyone really. So I don't know if that's telling that maybe I'm trying to force something or if I'm just a little pessimistic about relationship + having known him for awhile is more to blame 2)I feel like he's a little too clingy. While that might be remedied by me simply telling him I'm a bubblespace type of person, I worry if that's an indicator of a controlling nature I haven't seen from the friend side of the things and 3) my kids. He doesn't have any and hasn't spent a lot of time around kids-no nieces/nephews and such. I trust him and I truly believe he'd be a positive influence in their lives but at the end of the day I, of course, don't KNOW how'd they'd get along. I haven't really done the single mom dating thing. Anyways, I hope that makes sense. In a nutshell-I'd like opinions on dating long time friends, not feeling a "spark" at the beginning of a relationship and maybe some single parent dating tips. Thanks!
smackie9 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 I would reject his advances, tell him even tho he is a great guy, you feel no romantic connection or chemistry with him. It wouldn't be fair to him if you don't feel the same way. Just offer friendship. As for being a single parent...it would be better to date a single parent....someone that has their own kids so it clears up any doubts about working around schedules, and the importance of raising children. It a tough one to date when you have children....you have to be very cautious who you let into their lives.
smackie9 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Trust me on this.....save yourself for someone that makes your toes curl, your heart race, and feel like you are walking on air.
Author HappyAlone Posted November 8, 2015 Author Posted November 8, 2015 Thank you for your reply I should mention, I am attracted to him and I had a great time when I saw him recently. It's just not that can't-wait-for-calls/always-on-my-mind type of feeling. I guess slightly indifferent when he's not physically with me. I agree with the kids, not wanting them to be around just anyone. That's part of my dilemma. I like that I've known him so long and trust him. The idea of dating someone new and eventually bringing that person around my kids is terrifying to me. My relationship with my kids' father wasn't a particularly good one and I'm sure that's part of those feelings and also the weariness of being in a controlling relationship. My ex was suffocating with his jealousy and manipulative tendencies. The friend was always concerned about this and I don't see him being the same type of controlling but I could see down the road where he might be the type that likes to spend A LOT of time together.
Httm Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 "I, of course, don't KNOW how'd they'd get along" You will never "know." That is just part of life. Uncertainty.
smackie9 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I wouldn't jump into something so soon.....you should just date other people, without expectation of finding a man that will get along with your kids. I get you want find someone to, but you are putting too much pressure on yourself. Give yourself a break from being in a relationship and just enjoy meeting new people.
xcupid Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I think you're overthinking this. You're attracted to him. You know him. Stop worrying about all the other 'stuff' right now and instead see if there's something there.
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