Girlfriend is mad at what I did, but I think she should be happy

[Tayla]

Saviorraze, please scroll for my earlier response. The community here is varied as the day is long. I sincerely believe you are seeking suggestions that ease this matter without breaking up a bond you have with this child. Ignore the tongue lashing statements and projections, you deserve a level form of guidance . Have you sought a mediator ( counselor?) . I really think you need to have support and reconcile the magnitude of this action you partook in. I sincerely do think you love your child ... The childs mom? not so much, but none of us here know her or even her character... so best I can say is... get some counseling... and be prepared to see all sides .

[Redhead14]

Red: You don't think enough boys are raised without fathers in this world? Any kind of dad is better than no dad.

 

The Effect on Men That Grow Up Without a Father Figure | Everyday Life - Global Post

 

Gaeta: Read some of the things he's said more closely -- this is all about HIM. He is incapable of doing what's best for anyone else, no matter what he says. He will be his own #1 priority always.

 

And, if he loved this woman -- why didn't he marry her before having the child? And, he said upfront that he did it because he was afraid she would leave him. He purposely did this for the sole purpose of having the baby. She was just a disposable egg donor. Is this the kind of person who deserves to have a child and doesn't this child deserve to have a father that can be trusted?

 

Frankly, I think the baby should be put up for adoption because the family unit is compromised. The mother resents him and the father is a _____ (fill in the blanks). Neither parent may be suitable.

[TunaCat]

I for one will not coddle this guy.

 

Yes, I for one, am in total agreement with you.

[Blade96]

You say that like it would be some kind of punishment. I went to extreme lengths to create him, why wouldn't I enjoy raising him?

 

Not at all a punishment. I said you wanted him, so you raise him. I thought the same as you, why wouldn't you enjoy it? You wanted him, she didn't, so she shouldn't be forced to raise him if she doesn't want and already feels hostile to him. That said, if she does decide she wants a kind of relationship with him later, years from now when he is a teen or older and she has had time to feel in a better place - IF she wants to see her son at all, do not keep him from seeing his mom. That would come back to bite you. If he asks, tell him that we separated because sometimes in life thing just don't work out between two people. This way it's not a lie and you can avoid saying what really happened, cause he shouldn't be forced with such issues at the age of only 4.

 

But for now, I think it in the boy's best interest - and the mom too - that he stay with his dad. You two separate, Dad's ok, boy's ok. The mom needs a lot of healing. So if you have a shred of any feeling to the mom at all, this way is probably the best way to go, if the mom is alright with the son living with you for some time.

 

I don't know you, but I have a feeling you aren't going to be a danger to your son. Yes I wonder what someone such as you could possibly teach him, but for here and now, I think he should stay with you for a time.

 

Yeah I'm done bashing you now The ugly deed has been done, we need to suggest ways to help the boy and his mom so they can go through life with as little pain as possible.

 

So this is what I suggest.

Edited November 10, 2015 by Blade96

[Robert]

Since this thread has completely derailed, it will be closed. Thanks for your contributions. ~ V