Girlfriend is mad at what I did, but I think she should be happy

[Saviorraze]

And what has she replied?

 

Well, whenever I say any of that stuff, she's pretty much unresponsive. I don't feel like there's anything I can say to her. All she says is what a jerk I am and how she's considering walking out and leaving me with our son.

[smackie9]

Just reading what you did so gutted me, that someone could do such a thing.

 

She will be angry, in shock, and possibly leave you.....show your damn remorse, and keep showing it and take it like a man. Harden up this is only the beginning of her wrath.....you can't stop it.

 

Me personally would never forgive you and walk out the door for I could never live with such a selfish person.

[TaraMaiden2]

We live at my house. But even if we didn't, it would be up to her to ask.

 

No, actually, it wouldn't. It's up to you to offer to do WHATEVER IT TAKES.

 

Even if it means renting an apartment for her so that she can move out in comfort and freedom.

[Gaeta]

We live at my house. But even if we didn't, it would be up to her to ask.

 

I don't think so. I think after what you did YOU need to completely humble yourself. Ask her if she wants you to move out, not as a definitive break up but as a way to give her space and time to process what you did. I don't care it's YOUR house. You did not hesitate to use HER BODY and change the course of HER LIFE, how can you come up with excuses like it's your house!

[TaraMaiden2]

Well, whenever I say any of that stuff, she's pretty much unresponsive. I don't feel like there's anything I can say to her. All she says is what a jerk I am and how she's considering walking out and leaving me with our son.

I hope she does.

Offer to rent an apartment close by for her, so that she can have her liberty, and you take care of the son you so carefully engineered the existence of.

Breathing space may be exactly what she needs right now.

[Saviorraze]

I don't think so. I think after what you did YOU need to completely humble yourself. Ask her if she wants you to move out, not as a definitive break up but as a way to give her space and time to process what you did. I don't care it's YOUR house. You did not hesitate to use HER BODY and change the course of HER LIFE, how can you come up with excuses like it's your house!

 

If she wants to leave she can very easily go back to her place. I would totally understand.

[Saviorraze]

I hope she does.

Offer to rent an apartment close by for her, so that she can have her liberty, and you take care of the son you so carefully engineered the existence of.

Breathing space may be exactly what she needs right now.

 

No I mean permanently. She has said that she doesn't know if she could raise a son that she didn't plan. Me, I have no problem raising him. It wouldn't be a burden at all, even on my own.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I agree with the underlying sentiments here.

 

 

The OP should break-up with the girlfriend just as a preemptive measure.

 

 

The top priority from this point forward simply must be that child, and in order to let the child live and evolve without the toxic father in the immediate environment, the OP should leave the relationship and the household at once.

 

Not only is the person untrustworthy enough to do such a thing, but he compounded the obvious by disclosing that he was fool enough to reveal it too. What chance can there be for the little kid's mind?

[Gaeta]

If she wants to leave she can very easily go back to her place. I would totally understand.

 

Your son does not need to be uprooted because of your mistake !!! YOU screwed up!! You go get a small place somewhere for 1 month and let her think. Your son does not need to be moved around and out of his bedroom, out of his neighborhood and away from his little friends!! Your son does not need to see his mom broken down by what you did PLUS broken down by moving out.

[Saviorraze]

Your son does not need to be uprooted because of your mistake !!! YOU screwed up!! You go get a small place somewhere for 1 month and let her think. Your son does not need to be moved around and out of his bedroom, out of his neighborhood and away from his little friends!! Your son does not need to see his mom broken down by what you did PLUS broken down by moving out.

 

I agree, he should stay where he is. If my girlfriend wants to leave, she has her own place close by. It would be silly for me to move. And I need to add that our son is a lot closer to me than he is to her. Honestly I think he's better off with me if we split up. Not to mention that she's starting to resent him, for obvious reasons, which by the way I think is wrong, because it's not his fault.

[thecrucible]

Wow I don't condone what you did but you should never have told her. You should have taken that secret to your grave - it's not just the impact on her, but the consequences for your son and his relationship with his mother.

 

This is why I take care of my own contraception. If a guy tried to pull this on me, I'm backed up by the contraceptive implant in my arm.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I'm aware of all that. I feel terrible and that's why I told her.

 

 

 

No, the reason you told her was to try to reduce the internal pressures of your own guilt... which is still another selfish move on your part.

[anna121]

Why don't you divorce her and sue for sole custody?

 

You can tell the court what an unfit mother she is, because of how badly she is responding to your betrayal.

[Saviorraze]

No, the reason you told her was to try to reduce the internal pressures of your own guilt... which is still another selfish move on your part.

 

I don't think I would have been able to keep it to myself much longer. imagine how much worse it would be if I tried and then 10 years down the line I can't take it any more and I tell her. What then? It would be worse.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I think he's better off with me if we split up.

 

 

While it is unsurprising that you think as much, it is becoming clear to the rest of us that the kid would have no chance if staying with you.

[Saviorraze]

Why don't you divorce her and sue for sole custody?

 

You can tell the court what an unfit mother she is, because of how badly she is responding to your betrayal.

 

We're not married.

[Saviorraze]

While it is unsurprising that you think as much, it is becoming clear to the rest of us that the kid would have no chance if staying with you.

 

I may be a jerk but I'm a good dad. My son wouldn't have any problems with me. We're very close.

[Giggle]

Yknow.. I married a guy...who had told me he was sterile. I was happy with this because I already had 4 kids and didn't want another. He got me pregnant on purpose. Because he wanted to be a dad. It took me months to work through that betrayal. I had huge problems being pregnant with a kid I hadn't wanted. Severe prenatal depression. Then I had a baby who was dependent on me and I struggled to bond with him. I struggled to not resent him. It was months of hellishness. I forgave him for it but the trust was thoroughly destroyed. I love my son to pieces, but it took time.

 

She is struggling. Shut the hell up. And no, it will probably never be repaired. My ex still doesn't conceive of what a complete betrayal that was and how huge. A completely life altering decision you and he made behind our backs. And don't be a fking ass about having sole custody. My ex thought that direction too. She thoroughly loves that kid, but good lord.. Go stay with your mom.

[PrettyEmily77]

This thread makes me sad beyond words, both for the child and his mother.

 

I don't think you actually care about the mother of your child at all. You have breached her trust to cruel levels and are happy to not only make her a potential single mother, but you have clearly already thought it through in terms of custody.

 

It seems so cold and totally premeditated from the start. No wonder you don't want to be judged.

 

Were I in her shoes, I'd take it to courts.

 

If you had wanted the situation sorted for the benefit of all, you wouldn't have waited a whole month. She must be torn as to what to do now.

[basil67]

I'm aware of all that. I feel terrible and that's why I told her. But what do I do now? I know she's angry, and I'm letting her vent, but it's been a month and I'm wondering if she'll ever reach a point where we can try to move on somehow.

 

The fact that you think she should be happy about it shows that you're not even beginning to understand your level of betrayal

[Saviorraze]

Yknow.. I married a guy...who had told me he was sterile. I was happy with this because I already had 4 kids and didn't want another. He got me pregnant on purpose. Because he wanted to be a dad. It took me months to work through that betrayal. I had huge problems being pregnant with a kid I hadn't wanted. Severe prenatal depression. Then I had a baby who was dependent on me and I struggled to bond with him. I struggled to not resent him. It was months of hellishness. I forgave him for it but the trust was thoroughly destroyed. I love my son to pieces, but it took time.

 

She is struggling. Shut the hell up. And no, it will probably never be repaired. My ex still doesn't conceive of what a complete betrayal that was and how huge. A completely life altering decision you and he made behind our backs. And don't be a fking ass about having sole custody. My ex thought that direction too. She thoroughly loves that kid, but good lord.. Go stay with your mom.

 

If she wants to leave I would understand, as I've said already. She has her own place half a mile away. Me moving out is unnecessary.

[Saviorraze]

The fact that you think she should be happy about it shows that you're not even beginning to understand your level of betrayal

 

What I mean is that she shouldn't resent our son. It's not right, and it's not fair, as he hasn't done anything.

[Gaeta]

What I mean is that she shouldn't resent our son. It's not right, and it's not fair, as he hasn't done anything.

 

 

She should not?

 

I don't think you're in a place to dictate how she should feel. She feels the way she does, she has no control over it. You have a poster here who explained to you how she had a hard time bonding with her son for the same reasons.

[Saviorraze]

She should not?

 

I don't think you're in a place to dictate how she should feel. She feels the way she does, she has no control over it. You have a poster here who explained to you how she had a hard time bonding with her son for the same reasons.

 

So you think it's ok for her to resent her own son? Criticizing me is fair enough, but our son is blameless and doesn't deserve to be ignored and disregarded by his own mom. That's what she's doing now, she's started to ignore him. She's even started to refer to him as that little ****. Not in front of him but it's still wrong. There's no excuse for that.

[Gaeta]

So you think it's ok for her to resent her own son? Criticizing me is fair enough, but our son is blameless and doesn't deserve to be ignored and disregarded by his own mom. That's what she's doing now, she's started to ignore him. She's even started to refer to him as that little ****. Not in front of him but it's still wrong. There's no excuse for that.

 

That is all anger she feels toward you, your son is an extension of you. She is hurt, she feels betrayed and played to a level you cannot understand and she can't fully grasps herself. She doesn't make the conscious decision of resenting her son.

 

What you did is a considered rape. She is going through the same resentment a woman delivering a child born out of a rape is experiencing.