Girlfriend is mad at what I did, but I think she should be happy

[Saviorraze]

My girlfriend and I have a 4 year old son. He was an unexpected surprise. Unexpected to my girlfriend, but not to me. The thing is, I kind of tampered with a condom in order for her to get pregnant. The reason why I did it was because I really wanted to be a dad and I was in a good place financially and a part of me at the time was worried that she might split up with me. I wasn't thinking straight and I know that. It was silly I know, and I'm not proud of it.

 

A month ago I told her and it's been nothing but arguing ever since. I guess I can't blame her for being mad but I don't see why she can't look at the positive side, which is our son. I know she has the right to be mad, I get it, but surely at some point the arguing has to end so we can move on and look at the bright side.

 

It's ongoing. It's totally disrupting our relationship. I had no idea it was going to be like this. I didn't exactly expect her to be like "oh? ok, don't do it again", but her reaction is worse that I could have imagined. Again I'm not excusing myself but I really want us to be able to move past this.

 

I keep telling her to focus on the fact that we have a son and to forgive me, but she's just always so mad at me. I can't say or do anything to get us to a point where we can somehow bring some closure. She should be happy that something good came of it even if I was a jerk for doing what I did.

[LoveRefreshed]

In brutal honesty man that is a sick manipulative life changing deceptive move you pulled. I would leave you on principle. That is messed up that you did that to someone.. let alone some one you love.

 

You should seek help to think that someone should be happy for that. Seriously you need therapy.

[CarrieT]

I would leave you on principle. That is messed up that you did that to someone.. let alone some one you love.

 

I would leave you too.

 

To subject another human being into a life of servitude - to a child AND a parent - without their knowledge and consent is beyond cruel.

[Empyrea]

Why would you even tell her? If you want a relationship not based on deception, then you shouldn't have done it in the first place, bro. I mean, it's a given that you have to live with what you did (totally crazy, btw), but why would you expect her to, or for your relationship to survive this?

[ScienceGal]

I would be completely repulsed and would leave immediately.

 

Relationships are based upon trust and what you did is not only supremely selfish and inexcusable, it makes me question your mental stability. And you involved not just one, but two other people in your sick deception (her and your son).

 

You don't have the right to manipulate, lie to, and use people to get what you want in life. Shame on you.

[Saviorraze]

I didn't come here to be judged. I know what I did. I want to resolve this.

[Odinani]

Please tell me you are joking:sick::sick:

[ScienceGal]

I didn't come here to be judged. I know what I did. I want to resolve this.

 

I don't think you will be able to. Your behavior shows that you cannot be trusted. To start with, you should back off and give her space. I suggest counseling too, but I'm not confident it will be enough.

 

Good luck.

[LoveRefreshed]

I didn't come here to be judged. I know what I did. I want to resolve this.

 

I am trying to help you by seeing g what the real problem is in this situation. I didn't call you names or a bad person. I said you did a very unforgivable deceptive deed and if you want to resolve this, the first step is to realize the magnitude of your lie and that you are deluded to think it isn't a big deal. You probably in all seriousness should see a therapist.

[Tayla]

Since you are new here and wish some absolution for this error in action, Im sure You'll stop back to respond. Til then be well and welcome to Ls.

 

A soap opera years ago had this very drama, i think the paternity test showed that it wasn't his kid! talk about a twist of fate!! she had been sleeping with his best friend... ahhh that was such good drama writing.

[dental]

Seriously, on what planet do you live? This is the worst lowlife narcissitic trick you've pulled on the last person you should have done such a vile thing to. What repulses me even more is your reaction to her reaction, you seriously haven't got a clue what you've done. Pathetic. Tell your mother what you've done, see how she reacts. Disgusting.

[basil67]

If you want resolution, first you need to understand why she's so angry with you. At present, you're a long way from that point of understanding.

[Gaeta]

I didn't come here to be judged. I know what I did. I want to resolve this.

 

There is no way to fix this. You broke something forever. It's like a vase you break. You can glue it back together but will always be a broken vase.

 

The only thing I can think of is for you to offer you move out to help her work things through.

[Redhead14]

I didn't come here to be judged. I know what I did. I want to resolve this.

 

You committed maybe the biggest relationship crime you could possibly commit. To me this is worse than cheating.

 

And, telling her that she should be happy that your deception and manipulation resulted in a beautiful son puts her and your son in an awful position -- now she will likely end up being a single parent and your son will have an absent father and even worse yet, she may grow to resent that baby because if she had any plans for her future that are now going to be unfulfilled, she will be giving those dreams up. If you stay together, she will resent you as well for taking her out of that decision process forever.

 

You cannot resolve this -- you should set up a trust fund for the baby and see an attorney about setting up an account for her and the baby to live on in your absence and put yourself in counseling immediately.

[TaraMaiden2]

I didn't come here to be judged. I know what I did. I want to resolve this.

 

You may want to resolve this, but frankly, I actually don't think you completely get the massive hugeness of what you did.

Let's see if I can give you some perspective:

 

You deliberately, wilfully and deceptively completely altered the planned trajectory of someone else's life.

You shattered all her dreams, plans, ideals and principles.

You deliberately made her an incubator, for 10 months, of a child she really never planned to have in the first place.

You put her through 10 months of hormonal twists and turns, compelled her to tolerate physical changes to her body she never banked on going through, and put her through the ordeal of childbirth - which changes a woman for ever.

 

Now?

 

Now she has a son by you that apparently she was tricked into having, and she will grow to resent him and see him in a different light, because he is a son born literally via subterfuge, deception deceit and covert, sly and selfish motives. #

And you seriously think cajoling her into getting past this is going to be that easy?

 

Who cares for the child most, during the day?

Who is the primary parent when it comes to attending to the child's physical and practical needs?

 

If it is she, then you have, in her mind, condemned her to a life of parenthood she - did - not - either - want - or - plan - for.

 

In her shoes, I'd leave and give you full custody.

See how that changes YOUR life plan, friend.....

[Siquijor]

If this isn't a wind up, you should be ashamed of yourself young man.

[Redhead14]

If nothing else, I hope you both can operate as responsible parents at least and be there for the baby and keep his best interests in mind. And, it would not be in his best interest to have parents that are at odds with each other all the time. Even at this very early age, the tension and animosity that must exist in the household probably is felt in some way by that baby.

[sandylee1]

Why should she be happy that you did this?

You thought she was going to leave you - so you got her pregnant..

 

I'd kick you out straight away /end the relationship. If you can do this you can do anything. You can't be trusted.

 

You should have taken it to your grave - but now she knows.

 

This is the reverse of a woman getting pregnant deliberately..except this is worse. You put her body/mind through something she wasn't ready for...it's quite simply unforgivable.

[Saviorraze]

You may want to resolve this, but frankly, I actually don't think you completely get the massive hugeness of what you did.

Let's see if I can give you some perspective:

 

You deliberately, wilfully and deceptively completely altered the planned trajectory of someone else's life.

You shattered all her dreams, plans, ideals and principles.

You deliberately made her an incubator, for 10 months, of a child she really never planned to have in the first place.

You put her through 10 months of hormonal twists and turns, compelled her to tolerate physical changes to her body she never banked on going through, and put her through the ordeal of childbirth - which changes a woman for ever.

 

Now?

 

Now she has a son by you that apparently she was tricked into having, and she will grow to resent him and see him in a different light, because he is a son born literally via subterfuge, deception deceit and covert, sly and selfish motives. #

And you seriously think cajoling her into getting past this is going to be that easy?

 

Who cares for the child most, during the day?

Who is the primary parent when it comes to attending to the child's physical and practical needs?

 

If it is she, then you have, in her mind, condemned her to a life of parenthood she - did - not - either - want - or - plan - for.

 

In her shoes, I'd leave and give you full custody.

See how that changes YOUR life plan, friend.....

 

I'm aware of all that. I feel terrible and that's why I told her. But what do I do now? I know she's angry, and I'm letting her vent, but it's been a month and I'm wondering if she'll ever reach a point where we can try to move on somehow.

[TaraMaiden2]

I'm aware of all that. I feel terrible and that's why I told her. But what do I do now? I know she's angry, and I'm letting her vent, but it's been a month and I'm wondering if she'll ever reach a point where we can try to move on somehow.

Have you tried asking her what it is that you can practically do to make it up to her?

Have you said to her:

 

"I know you're angry. You have every right to be angry. You have every right to never forgive me for doing this. You have every right to demand whatever it is you want from me.

What DO you want, from me?

What do you want me to do, to make it up to you?

I can't reverse the situation, but what do you want me to do, right now, to make this a better situation for you?"

 

And whatever she comes up with - whatever it is - whatever it takes - do it.

[Gaeta]

I'm aware of all that. I feel terrible and that's why I told her. But what do I do now? I know she's angry, and I'm letting her vent, but it's been a month and I'm wondering if she'll ever reach a point where we can try to move on somehow.

 

You need to offer her that YOU move out.

[Saviorraze]

Have you tried asking her what it is that you can practically do to make it up to her?

Have you said to her:

 

"I know you're angry. You have every right to be angry. You have every right to never forgive me for doing this. You have every right to demand whatever it is you want from me.

What DO you want, from me?

What do you want me to do, to make it up to you?

I can't reverse the situation, but what do you want me to do, right now, to make this a better situation for you?"

 

And whatever she comes up with - whatever it is - whatever it takes - do it.

 

Many times. Words to that effect.

[TaraMaiden2]

And what has she replied?

[Saviorraze]

You need to offer her that YOU move out.

 

We live at my house. But even if we didn't, it would be up to her to ask.

[TaraMaiden2]

You need to offer her that YOU move out.

 

What - and leave her quite literally holding the baby?

That's rubbing salt in the wound....