hannahsmith Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 FYI I don't really have much experience with dating, I have only really had very short term boyfriends, mostly because I am impatient or can't be bothered with the games. I met a guy on online dating and found that we actually had a common interest that I was going to get involved with anyway. The first date was ok, but I didn't think it was amazing. Afterwards I organised another date for a day, but didn't organise a time. By the time the day arrived I text him and he said he had made plans. So I didn't text him again and he text me a week later. I was already out drinking with friends and so was he, so he invited me along afterwards. There was a lot more chemistry on this date. Then we had another one alone the next day watching a film which led to other stuff. Then the next date, which I asked for was a week later (and I stayed over) and the last one was another 2 weeks later, which again I planned. When he texts, they are very short, like 3 word replies (sometimes longer though) and he never puts a kiss. He sometimes texts first, other times it is me. He is very affectionate in person though. Am I reading too much into this? He is also very busy atm with uni and work/hobbies, but I would like to have a date a week without feeling like I am pestering him. Is this pace very slow for a new relationship and should I be concerned by the texts? I feel that we should be seeing each other a bit more regularly by now
ExpatInItaly Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 So you've seen each other only a handful of times in about 90 days? That would be too slow and too little for me too. I don't think he's that interested.
KatZee Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 (edited) 5 dates and three months? This guy is barely interested, at best. Also guarantee he's dating other people. This is not "slow" this is "not interested" "stringing you along" and "occupying his left over free time." You've initiated most of these 5 dates, and one date he didn't even remember. Come on. Edited November 8, 2015 by KatZee
Author hannahsmith Posted November 8, 2015 Author Posted November 8, 2015 Actually I have just checked and it was actually 6 weeks (over 3 calendar months :s). He suggested another 2 meetups which I said no too - too late notice and I suggested one which he said no too - too busy with work. Is that still as bad?
thecrucible Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Whether he's interested or not, it doesn't seem like there's enough momentum to keep this going.
xcupid Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Way too slow and casual for a guy if he is really interested in a woman. Doubtful this will go anywhere.
smackie9 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 You have to have a look at what you want and expect from a guy, like how often you see each other, how much substance in those texts, how often they text, how much attention you receive when he isn't with you and when he is with you, does he compliment you, does he want to participate in your life, and have you a part of his, etc. If he is sucking at a lot of these then you ditch him and move on, simple as that. You hold on hope because he is affectionate on the rare occasion he sees you....this is not why you keep seeing someone. Tip: if a guy is interested in you, he would make time for you, would be interested in having conversations with you, text you regularly. It's a no brainer.
Author hannahsmith Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 What do you think I should do? Do you think I should tell him I want to see him more often? Wait for him to organise something? Or just explain that I want a bit more from it and walk away? He does text nearly everyday even if they are short. I don't want to just give in like I normally do, so I don't know whether I should just carry on and see if it develops. I find faults so easily, which is one of the reasons why I have only had short term relationships. I haven't got anyone and I am pretty sure he isn't seeing anyone else, even if he might like other people more.
kismetkismet Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 It doesn't seem like he's looking for a relationship. Seems more like he's into more of a casual dating sort of situation. If you aren't interested in that I'd just tell him straight up that you're looking for a more serious relationship/something to develop, but that you've had a lot of fun with him and let him go. possibly he will step up and not let you go.. but I would also prepare for the probability that he'll just move on. I wouldn't just carry on as is expecting it to develop because it won't. But I also don't really think that telling him you want to see him more often is going to really work either.. i think that if it were going to happen then it would have by now. From my experience anyway 1
Redhead14 Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 FYI I don't really have much experience with dating, I have only really had very short term boyfriends, mostly because I am impatient or can't be bothered with the games. I met a guy on online dating and found that we actually had a common interest that I was going to get involved with anyway. The first date was ok, but I didn't think it was amazing. Afterwards I organised another date for a day, but didn't organise a time. By the time the day arrived I text him and he said he had made plans. So I didn't text him again and he text me a week later. I was already out drinking with friends and so was he, so he invited me along afterwards. There was a lot more chemistry on this date. Then we had another one alone the next day watching a film which led to other stuff. Then the next date, which I asked for was a week later (and I stayed over) and the last one was another 2 weeks later, which again I planned. When he texts, they are very short, like 3 word replies (sometimes longer though) and he never puts a kiss. He sometimes texts first, other times it is me. He is very affectionate in person though. Am I reading too much into this? He is also very busy atm with uni and work/hobbies, but I would like to have a date a week without feeling like I am pestering him. Is this pace very slow for a new relationship and should I be concerned by the texts? I feel that we should be seeing each other a bit more regularly by now You aren't reading enough into it -- the guy has very low interest and comes around because there isn't anything or anyone better to do. If nothing else, stop initiating and see if he comes to you more and if/when he does, have a conversation about what each of your dating goals are. but I would like to have a date a week without feeling like I am pestering him. -- In the very beginning of a new dating scenario, it's best to sit back a little and be receptive not proactive. It's the only way to really gauge his interest. If you are doing all the work, you can't be sure if he would have upped things on his own. And, if you are doing all the work anyway, it's a one-sided thing. Step back and see what happens. Like I said, if you like him enough, just be receptive and responsive. That's your job for now. If he doesn't reach out to you again, let it go. 1
Author hannahsmith Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 You aren't reading enough into it -- the guy has very low interest and comes around because there isn't anything or anyone better to do. If nothing else, stop initiating and see if he comes to you more and if/when he does, have a conversation about what each of your dating goals are. but I would like to have a date a week without feeling like I am pestering him. -- In the very beginning of a new dating scenario, it's best to sit back a little and be receptive not proactive. It's the only way to really gauge his interest. If you are doing all the work, you can't be sure if he would have upped things on his own. And, if you are doing all the work anyway, it's a one-sided thing. Step back and see what happens. Like I said, if you like him enough, just be receptive and responsive. That's your job for now. If he doesn't reach out to you again, let it go. I think you are all right. I think he is interested, but in a casual basis, as a way to fill up his spare time, but he has no interest in becoming serious. I think I am going to take a step back and see of he organises something. Be did suggest that we meet up again once, but didn't organise anything. I am going to leave it open and maybe ask him what he is after when we go out again (it was already organised). But you are right, I shouldn't have to do all of the organising and feel that I am almost taking his time, he should want to see me. I don't think this is going to go anywhere thinking it over, but I will see if he becomes proactive if I don't do anything before giving up straightaway.
oberkeat Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 There are a lot of men out there who do not deserve the women they are with. This guy is not making you feel the way you feel you deserve. You need to cut ties and find someone who does. Someone who actually seems interested in spending time with you. There are tons of high quality men out there who need a gf.
Ic1 Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 He's keeping you on a backburner as a backup! Others are his priority, so don't make this guy yours.
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