lemonadekiwi Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 (edited) I need to rant and get this off my chest. Living with my bf, I love him very much despite problems I've even spoken about on this board. My bf is physically affectionate, always got an arm round me etc. And that's nice. But, For example I'm stressed with my job, but he never listens to me.. He's always on his game, doesn't look at me. I write for a living for a company, and he won't read one thing because he "doesn't care" about the subject. Yeah, it's boring. But it's important to me. But he doesn't want to. I don't ask him often, the odd occasion when I've had good feedback and want to show someone it. I always show an interest in his work even though it's completely different to mine and frankly, not even one I'm that bothered about. But I listen because I'm interested in what he does and like to share. Thing is it's not just my job. That's one aspect. It's everything. He just doesn't listen to me on anything. I feel like I have no one to talk to. Not emotional support to pick me up, just to listen. I feel in that respect, alone. I feel like he doesn't listen to me. I end up saying stuff like "you really could care less couldn't you" and I feel awful saying stuff like that. Yet it appears he doesn't bat an eyelid. Last night he said I was temperamental. I just feel like rubbish. I'm too temperamental, wear my heart on my sleeve. That's just me. What you see is what you get. Why don't I just feel good enough or uninteresting to him? Even though I know he is. I think. Argh. Sorry. Edited November 8, 2015 by lemonadekiwi Edit
TaraMaiden2 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 I really don't get why women persist in staying with men who do not make them feel they way they feel they deserve. What are you waiting for? For him to suddenly, miraculously do a 180 and change for you? Do you expect that if you remain in this relationship, things will miraculously improve and modify to a degree that will make you feel the rest of your life will be better? What is it you want him to do? And do you expect him to comply? If the answer's no, then what are YOU going to do about it? 4
Author lemonadekiwi Posted November 8, 2015 Author Posted November 8, 2015 I guess I don't know if I'm just unreasonable and should just be happy with how things are. If I'm honest. I never know if I'm right to feel the way I do anymore.
Glitters Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 He seems to be emotionally closed off.Putting an arm around but being closed off otherwise means that the arm is just a formality.Maybe needs a support to stand ! I need affection, physical and emotional
Glitters Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 I guess I don't know if I'm just unreasonable and should just be happy with how things are. If I'm honest. I never know if I'm right to feel the way I do anymore. Yes, you are being unreasonable IF you are expecting him to suddenly change from what he was initially ( except the first few months when you started).
TaraMaiden2 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 I guess I don't know if I'm just unreasonable and should just be happy with how things are. If I'm honest. I never know if I'm right to feel the way I do anymore. Why not? What has knocked your sense of self-worth so far off centre, that you don't know what you deserve? Complacency? Depression? At work, if you think about coming home, and your shoulders drop in disappointment - this situation is wrong. At work, if you think about coming home, and you're buoyed up and eager to see him, yet once you're home you deflate and feel let down - this situation is wrong. And judging by your first post - this situation is definitely wrong. 2
Myragal Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 I find it disturbing that you live together. Why? ' I love him very much'. Again. why? He takes no interest in supporting you in day to day needs. A bell will go off in his brain? Scenario I would bet money on. You will have had enough. Threaten to end it. He will seem to have a wake up call...be there for you (for a couple weeks), then...back to same old same. Hint. You should not be living together and he is not going to change. I want my partner there when I need him. He 'wants' to be there for me as this gives him worth. I want to be there for him gives me worth.
Buddhist Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 You have a different love language to him. His is physical touch and yours would be quality time. What you need to is find out the order of preference each of you has with the five love languages and discover the one you have in common and work from there. Don't take passive aggressive digs at him, he's done nothing wrong and that will ruin your relationship. Instead learn to ask for what you want without confrontation. If he loves you he will make little efforts here and there to communicate affection on your terms. But you also have to do the same for him. He probably doesnt want an indepth conversation about his work, he probably just wants a cuddle, massage or some sexual touch. 1
mystikmind2005 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 You have a different love language to him. His is physical touch and yours would be quality time. What you need to is find out the order of preference each of you has with the five love languages and discover the one you have in common and work from there. Don't take passive aggressive digs at him, he's done nothing wrong and that will ruin your relationship. Instead learn to ask for what you want without confrontation. If he loves you he will make little efforts here and there to communicate affection on your terms. But you also have to do the same for him. He probably doesnt want an indepth conversation about his work, he probably just wants a cuddle, massage or some sexual touch. This is a good perspective to try on for a while.... but don't waste years trying all these things with this guy if nothing is working. I can say this much, i am the type of guy who shows love with random hugs, chasing, tickling, etc etc. Buying gifts, doing errands, things like that don't speak to me as love, either giving or receiving, i don't know why? It is just the way i am wired i guess? My ex was an errand type of person.... It is interesting that one of my friends of my ex said to me that she "did everything for you". But the truth is, she did everything i did not need her to do and nothing that i did need her to do! - and it is fair to say the reverse is true!! But.... i always listened to her about work,,, that is a no brainier in any relationship, your BF is an idiot.
LoveRefreshed Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 (edited) Well I don't think its just men who can be like this (I'm looking at tara's generalized response) I have lived with a woman and dated her for six years. My work was beyond her but my personal interests included nerdy things she never cared to learn about, house music was always her favorite bands.and she would rip on or turn off my music (because if some reason, excuse not that she would say that she didn't like it) and even refused to learn a card game that my family always plays! I got sick of it too. It sucks. I felt like she was my lover but not my friend. I told her this. She made a d and d character but that was it. She appeased ne for 1 day. And again back to nothing but the beatles and no interest in playing board games with me or my friends.. but we would sit and watch stupid romantic comedies all day long. Edited November 8, 2015 by LoveRefreshed
smackie9 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 My take on it is you are not compatible. There is something to say when you can share your passions and interests together....to be able to have intellectual conversations, which creates a strong emotional bond. Compatibility/sharing interests is a crucial part in a relationship to last for the long haul. You are being emotionally rejected....this relationship will not last. 2
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