xera Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 This is a lesbian+straight relationship btw I am literally alone. My family has migrated to UK and I live alone in asia since I was 18. It was due to a decline of my application for migration because I turned 18. Now, I have had quite a few relationships even if I lived alone. (literally) I probably had at least 2 quite serious ones and a few flings. But this last one, lasted for three years and she's a girl which is new to me. (im straight, but fell in love). We also lived together which gave me a lot of memories of our past. I used to immediately go home after work so I can spend time with her. I loved her so dearly. We would go out, eat together on a same plate, we literally did everything together. Because there is no one else. Her family is in the US, and mine in the UK. But suddenly, she had to migrate to US to change her nationality. She cant return back to asia. We tried to keep the relationship alive.. we couldn't. Its been a year, and it was rough. Weve been breaking up many times through the year but never really losing contact as we would still send messages online or talk via video call. And then, one day I got fed up with her and told her parents should never to contact me because we have broken up. She decided to move on and found another girl online. She is apparently better than me because she can admit to her parents that she is in a relationship with a lesbian, and I cant. cos im straight. I love my family and I was afraid to disappoint them, so I never told them about her until I knew I was ready. I never had the chance to tell them. We lasted for three years.. but now, she said she moved on and is happy with the new girl. Worse, she told me this via video. I truly regret everything. I feel like a lunatic praying an entire rosary out loud by myself, pleading for healing because I am so hurt! I just cannot believe that she would do that to me, after all I have done for her. Can someone help me because I am really hurting. I don't know what to do. I am trying to keep myself from doing the things I do whenever we broke up, but this time it just hurts so bad knowing I cannot call her or contact her because her gf says to stop talking to me It hurts a lot!
mystikmind2005 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 well, it seems like your feeling alone in that country, and you have made such a strong connection to this woman out of that. It is not healthy to put so much dependence on another person for your own happiness... And what you are going through must be so tough, i cannot imagine, so sorry. I know it is hard to believe tomorrow will be a better day, but Somehow you need to achieve happiness in your own single life, and that will give you the solid foundation, and confidence to build fantastic new relationships upon
jen1447 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 You'll make it thru and things will get better. We always do and they always are. Just hang it there. (Or I should say hang on for dear life bc it's a sucky ass ride but it does end at some point. ) 1
Author xera Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 thank you all for your reply. I was so desperate and depressed. I have been crying for full 3 days. No sleep for 28 hours now. Only ate 2 spoonfuls. I spoke to my mom because I need help and finally told her about us. She disapproves because it wasnt the normal straight relationship. After that, I spoke to my ex... and told her about it. That I had no choice but to move on because my mom disapproves. My ex is still available for me to call because she wants to help me. I told her that I will stop calling her and use my mom's advice and disapproval to move on. I am so afraid for my health. I cant sleep or eat! Im subconsciously killing myself!
jen1447 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 There's not much you can do about sleep (absent medication), but you can force-feed yourself to an extent. Please do that hon - your body still needs nourishment even if you have no appetite. 1
Author xera Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 I went to the doctor to get a medication. Ive been up this week, friday to saturday 20 hours. Sunday to Monday 31 hours. I had to go to the doctor and she prescribed me an anti anxiety tab with antihistamine. It made me sleep soundly for 9 hours. I am glad. I think I have anxiety from this break up.
jen1447 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 You very likely do have anxiety, and it's usually a perfectly normal reaction and goes away after a while. Something very upsetting happened to you so that's naturally gonna cause worry and stress - anxiety. Glad you got some sleep. 1
Author xera Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 Thank you Jen. I am cleaning my facebook account and its so hard seeing photos of us and my videos for her. Its so painful and so hard! I would fight for her through my parents.. but, she chose to find someone else! I definitely want to win her back and fight for her. But for my dear life. I don't take I can take another heartbreak if she says she persists with that other girl.. Id rather go on... maybe loving her was a mistake. :'( Sometimes I find myself crying while eating, crying while washing dishes, crying while cooking. Its so hard living alone and stuck with our memories together in this house.
jen1447 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Usually you can't get them back once they go hon. I'd just focus on taking care of yourself for now. Be 'that single girl' for a while - it's actually kinda fun. 1
Author xera Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 Since our relationships been hidden from everyone (parents, friends etc) for 3 years.. Im actually like playing like a single woman ever since.. Although i did something good today, went to the gym.. I still feel emotional. This is once heck of a roller coaster ride. Thank you jen for reading, i love you for that. Youre an angel. Thank you.
mystikmind2005 Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Since our relationships been hidden from everyone (parents, friends etc) for 3 years.. Im actually like playing like a single woman ever since.. Although i did something good today, went to the gym.. I still feel emotional. This is once heck of a roller coaster ride. Thank you jen for reading, i love you for that. Youre an angel. Thank you. Jen is looking after you so well, i got a tear in my eye! where are the tissues?? lol Can i second that Jen is an angel?
jen1447 Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 Ha, thanks you two. Not an angel, just another person who's worn the shoes like everyone does sooner or later. It definitely is a crazy ride. I'm really impressed you're doing stuff to help yourself rather than crawl in a hole, so keep doing that! 2
Author xera Posted November 10, 2015 Author Posted November 10, 2015 I want to believe that she still loves me; but obviously that will not help since she is with another girl which she believes makes her happy. My mom totally hates the idea that I have a girlfriend. She doesnt believe in homo relationships. I am beginning to be afraid that I have no choice in life but to love men. I use my mom's hate over homo relationships to cope from her. I am sending her my drawings of her and christmas card. Writing my feelings saying our hope for our relationship in the future. (To be honest, I dont think it may happen-- but GOD could possibly make miracles happen.) God knows how much we loved each other then...
jen1447 Posted November 10, 2015 Posted November 10, 2015 You always have a choice, bc no matter how hard she tries, your mom doesn't have the final say. Don't 'settle' for men, but also don't just wave them off. The most successful bisexuals look at both sexes equally and date based on what their heart tells them.
Author xera Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 I miss her... I spoke to a friend about it. I feel that i want to give it another try and beg for her to come back, i really do love her. Im so sad shes letting me go just like that. And she found another girl.. It makes me so sad.
Author xera Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 What does "you never really stop loving someone; you just learn to live without them."?
jen1447 Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 I miss her... I spoke to a friend about it. I feel that i want to give it another try and beg for her to come back, i really do love her. Im so sad shes letting me go just like that. And she found another girl.. It makes me so sad. Don't beg hon, it'll have the opposite effect you want, just drive her further away. I suppose the quote's about the virtues of learning to let go.
Author xera Posted November 13, 2015 Author Posted November 13, 2015 (edited) I know ill be hurt if i heard from her. But i know i am hoping she'd come back. I dont want her to message me just to say hello. I definitely want her back, but knowing she left me for another girl makes me want to hate her. Last time we spoke she said: " im happy with her.." "Dont call me baby." "Im moving on." "Do you want me to block you, so you can move on?" How could she say these things when im crying my heart to her? Im pouring all my love and begged her to stay, but she only says "sorry." I Dont want to block her on our only means of communication, imessage. Even if im hoping she'd message me. But i feel like i need to. Nothing should hold me back from my nc. Not even a single hello from her. It breaks me to do this, but i must, for my own good. Then i find out ill have to message her before i can block her, so nvm. Edited November 13, 2015 by xera
jen1447 Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 IMO it's ok to hate. (Well hate may be a bit strong - it's ok to be very angry at someone who's hurt you.) Letting yourself feel those feelings, and owning them, helps you to process. Eventually the anger will leave your heart, but it'll take a lot longer if you deny it. It's easy for ppl to say seemingly hurtful things when they've moved on, bc they're not emotionally invested so it's like an academic discussion to them. Meanwhile you're swarmed with hormones and detoxing brain chemicals so the last thing you can be is academic. It's just one of those injustices of breakups - the dumpee is always (usually) the one least well equipped to deal with it, even tho they're the ones who desperately need the coping skills. Hugs.
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