one thing I don't understand

[Odinani]

I like OLD because as a woman it allows me to choose and message men of my choice whereas offline I have no control over the men who approach me and ask me out.

 

But I've noticed quite a few guys will put up a profile that either doesn't specify what sort of relationship they are looking for, or it suggests they are looking for dating. But then they quickly reveal they just want "fun", i.e. casual sex or a ONS. That's all fine. But when I politely tell them I don't do casual sex and ONS instead of just being like "fair enough" they almost always try to pressure me into meeting them for sex anyway.

 

Recent exchange

 

Him [after initially pretending to be seeking dating] "To be honest I just love to f*ck and I want fun. Relationships are too restricting, plus I've got my son to think about."

 

Me "Oh, ok, that's not what I'm looking for. I'm only interested in dating. Good luck in your search Bye."

 

Him "You really think you're going to find men to do courtship and all that crap in this day and age. Good luck with that. Let's get real. You look like you've got a great body. How tall are you? How about we meet for drinks and if we get along let's enjoy each other's bodies."

 

From then on I simply ignored his messages He sent me I think 5 more messages trying to persuade me to meet him for sex. I then blocked him.

 

If casual sex is the norm and most women are DTF immediately, why do these guys feel the need to keep trying to cajole me into changing my mind and having sex with them? If it's the norm, surely they have loads of women out there already who'll be happy to have sex with them right now. Why hassle me when I've already made it clear I'm not into that?

[GemmaUK]

why do these guys feel the need to keep trying to cajole me into changing my mind and having sex with them? Why hassle me when I've already made it clear I'm not into that?

 

Because most women who are looking for someone serious and also respectful would block them immediately after they received this:

 

Him "You really think you're going to find men to do courtship and all that crap in this day and age. Good luck with that. Let's get real. You look like you've got a great body. How tall are you? How about we meet for drinks and if we get along let's enjoy each other's bodies."

 

Just one, only one message like that and I block someone.

I don't understand why you wouldn't do the same.

[thecrucible]

I'm actually quite stoic about OLD messages now. I'm not phased by it. I treat it like I am a customer service rep. lol

[Odinani]

Because most women who are looking for someone serious and also respectful would block them immediately after they received this:

 

 

 

Just one, only one message like that and I block someone.

I don't understand why you wouldn't do the same.

 

So what you are saying is that I am at fault for not blocking the guy. Wow. Victim-blaming is clearly alive and well. As I stated, I ignored him (having already clearly and calmly informed him that I'm not interested) and I simply didn't reply. That should be enough and it's reasonable behaviour on my part. The person who is at fault here is the guy sending the inappropriate, aggressive messages, not me.

[GemmaUK]

So what you are saying is that I am at fault for not blocking the guy. Wow. Victim-blaming is clearly alive and well. As I stated, I ignored him (having already clearly and calmly informed him that I'm not interested) and I simply didn't reply. That should be enough and it's reasonable behaviour on my part. The person who is at fault here is the guy sending the inappropriate, aggressive messages, not me.

 

No, t's about taking responsibility for yourself.

If you don't want junk mail in your inbox you unsubscribe, same with OLD.

[xxoo]

They want what they can't have. Enjoy the challenge.

[phineas]

Because most women i've met from online that state they want a relationship will sleep with me on the first date or at least go as far as 3rd base.

 

Some say "I want a relationship or you won't get any more"

But most just disappear on me for a few months to a whole yr then text me when they want to have sex again.

 

I imagine most men doing online dating experienced the same but have gotten ahead of themselves assuming all women are like this.

 

I don't and hardly ever mention anything sexual when talking to them on the phone or text because you never really know what a woman really wants until you go out with her.

[StBreton]

I like OLD because as a woman it allows me to choose and message men of my choice whereas offline I have no control over the men who approach me and ask me out.

 

But I've noticed quite a few guys will put up a profile that either doesn't specify what sort of relationship they are looking for, or it suggests they are looking for dating. But then they quickly reveal they just want "fun", i.e. casual sex or a ONS. That's all fine. But when I politely tell them I don't do casual sex and ONS instead of just being like "fair enough" they almost always try to pressure me into meeting them for sex anyway.

 

Recent exchange

 

Him [after initially pretending to be seeking dating] "To be honest I just love to f*ck and I want fun. Relationships are too restricting, plus I've got my son to think about."

 

Me "Oh, ok, that's not what I'm looking for. I'm only interested in dating. Good luck in your search Bye."

 

Him "You really think you're going to find men to do courtship and all that crap in this day and age. Good luck with that. Let's get real. You look like you've got a great body. How tall are you? How about we meet for drinks and if we get along let's enjoy each other's bodies."

 

From then on I simply ignored his messages He sent me I think 5 more messages trying to persuade me to meet him for sex. I then blocked him.

 

If casual sex is the norm and most women are DTF immediately, why do these guys feel the need to keep trying to cajole me into changing my mind and having sex with them? If it's the norm, surely they have loads of women out there already who'll be happy to have sex with them right now. Why hassle me when I've already made it clear I'm not into that?

 

You know what the "tell" is that he's FOS ... That he attempted to "level" you with the whole "do you really think any guy wants a relationship?"

 

Sounds like a bitter frustrated dater ...who hasn't "closed enough" of his sh*tty come ons. He thought he had a hot one on the line ... He obviously doesn't get many to even talk with him otherwise he wouldn't have been so desperate.

 

Where do you find these guys?! There was one guy in 100 that mentioned casual sex ...next ...and one guy who sent me a full pic of himself ...yikes. They aren't at all representative of my OLD experience. I think of them as the dregs of society and feel sorry for them and just move on ...you deserve better so don't even give these guys a thought other than a moment of disgust

[xcupid]

...why do these guys feel the need to keep trying to cajole me into changing my mind and having sex with them? If it's the norm, surely they have loads of women out there already who'll be happy to have sex with them right now. Why hassle me when I've already made it clear I'm not into that?

 

 

Because that's the way creeps are.

[xxoo]

Think about it. They don't seek your respect, so they literally have nothing to lose by fishing for sex as long as you'll engage with them. Why wouldn't they? Can you think of any reason at all?

[StBreton]

Because most women who are looking for someone serious and also respectful would block them immediately after they received this:

 

 

 

Just one, only one message like that and I block someone.

I don't understand why you wouldn't do the same.

 

Exactly. I don't engage with any of the crazy business. I'm clear in my profile what I want ...if a guy says anything untoward ...I assume he has boundary issues ... and he'll have zero problems saying something mean ... I just block.

[J21]

Do you have very provocative photos on your profile page?

 

If so, maybe that's attracting those kind of guys.

[thecrucible]

I asked a male friend about perceptions of women's profiles online. It was quite insightful. So the advice I got was to not say anything about not wanting hook-ups as the guy just thinks you're easy to manipulate, don't have pictures which are too revealing; and don't have pictures of you drinking alcohol or mention anything about alcohol or nights out in your profile (again the guy just thinks it's easy game).

[Odinani]

Because most women i've met from online that state they want a relationship will sleep with me on the first date or at least go as far as 3rd base.

Some say "I want a relationship or you won't get any more"

But most just disappear on me for a few months to a whole yr then text me when they want to have sex again.

 

I imagine most men doing online dating experienced the same but have gotten ahead of themselves assuming all women are like this.

 

I don't and hardly ever mention anything sexual when talking to them on the phone or text because you never really know what a woman really wants until you go out with her.

 

Why are they in such a hurry to fellate a stranger? Normal people typically only kiss on a first date, if even that.

[Odinani]

Do you have very provocative photos on your profile page?

 

If so, maybe that's attracting those kind of guys.

 

Not at all. Just regular pics of me crawling on all fours wearing just a thong and a smile.

[Odinani]

You know what the "tell" is that he's FOS ... That he attempted to "level" you with the whole "do you really think any guy wants a relationship?"

 

Sounds like a bitter frustrated dater ...who hasn't "closed enough" of his sh*tty come ons. He thought he had a hot one on the line ... He obviously doesn't get many to even talk with him otherwise he wouldn't have been so desperate.

 

Where do you find these guys?! There was one guy in 100 that mentioned casual sex ...next ...and one guy who sent me a full pic of himself ...yikes. They aren't at all representative of my OLD experience. I think of them as the dregs of society and feel sorry for them and just move on ...you deserve better so don't even give these guys a thought other than a moment of disgust

 

Guardian Soulmates and OKCupid

[phineas]

Why are they in such a hurry to fellate a stranger? Normal people typically only kiss on a first date, if even that.

 

Honestly?

I have a nice penis.

Seriously.

It isn't gigantic but every woman who has seen it has said they liked it and they showed that with actions.

 

Once I get their boobs out I just pull it out and put their hand on it and that's it.

[lino]

Believe it or not, there are no laws stating you can't approach who you want in real life either

 

Also, assuming it's you in your profile picture... If you happily display you a$s cheeks to potentially hundreds of strangers online, not sure why it's a surprise you get messaged from the 'just want sex' crowds. Pretty obvious I'd think.

[Odinani]

Believe it or not, there are no laws stating you can't approach who you want in real life either

 

Also, assuming it's you in your profile picture... If you happily display you a$s cheeks to potentially hundreds of strangers online, not sure why it's a surprise you get messaged from the 'just want sex' crowds. Pretty obvious I'd think.

 

It's Sports Illustrated model Adaora Akubilo in my profile picture. So, calm down please.

 

http://rhodiesworld.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/Adaora-Akubilo3.jpg

 

[Odinani]

Honestly?

I have a nice penis.

Seriously.

It isn't gigantic but every woman who has seen it has said they liked it and they showed that with actions.

 

Once I get their boobs out I just pull it out and put their hand on it and that's it.

 

Are you serious? What if they don't want to see or handle your penis? Do you then just stuff it back into your pants? Seems very presumptuous of you, at best.

 

[J21]

Not at all. Just regular pics of me crawling on all fours wearing just a thong and a smile.

Oh ok cool

[smackie9]

The way they see it if you respond, you have some interest in them and that is a foot in the door. Don't respond to their messages, and avoid anyone with a suspicious/vague profile.

 

A lot of those guys are married or in a relationship anyways and they use OLD just to get some strange.

[oregon0011]

I notice this in online dating

 

Girl posts photos of her ass hanging out. Boobs hangin out.

 

Then they are all offended if a guy mentions this or wants sex

 

However these girls are using sex to get replies. Then at the same time complaining about it.

 

So here is the solution. Just post a face pic, get fewer replies, but they will be less sexual. But then you might not get as much attention

[Zippy2000]

I like OLD because as a woman it allows me to choose and message men of my choice whereas offline I have no control over the men who approach me and ask me out.

 

Yes you do! Offline you still have control by saying yes or no.

 

Ive done OLD for 10 years now. Yes! Ten years. Out of all those years I ve managed to find only 2 real relationships. The other girls I dated either flaked or didnt know what they were looking for and some were after a bonk.

 

I now prefer to ask girls out offline. I just find it heart breaking when I do like someone and after a couple of dates theyre still online and talking to other people online.

 

Hate it when that happens!

[almond]

The negative responses towards OP are surprising.

 

We are all well aware that men messaging on OLD just wanting sex is common. Why are so many of you now stating that it must be something she is doing to attract this unwanted attention?

 

How silly.

 

OP - there are creeps everywhere. You handled this well. Keep your sense of humour and thick skin - the guy was clearly just bitter and threw a little tantrum upon being rejected. He probably didn't get enough hugs from his mother while he was young.

 

Don't take it personally