Woon Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Hello all! Any and all advice would be appreciated! Wednesday morning, after a few weeks nc, my ex whatsapp'd me. Asking how i am, how my family is etc etc. Then proceeds to ask me if ive met anyone special (weve been broken up 5 months). Then proceeds to tell me that she has met someone, they are friends and that she is not looking for a relationship. She soesnt want me hurt, ao she wanted to tell me herself before i hear it from someone else. Then tells me how shes been thinking about me alot and still cares about me deeply (her exact words) but it didnt work between us, as hard as it is for her to say. I handled it well, wished her the best and told her i wouldnt be messaging her again first, as her new bf wouldnt like it. She responded jokingly that he doesnt mind and that they are not serious yet. My question is just that why would she want me to know? To get a rise? A response? Help a guy out!
lchf Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 She soesnt want me hurt, ao she wanted to tell me herself before i hear it from someone else. Help a guy out! I don't really see how her telling you makes it any better. I mean, why bother telling you? Could be trying to get a rise, or not. I doesn't really matter. I would't keep her on whatsapp or any social media. The fact you posted here asking what the deal is with her telling you means it affected to you enough to post about it, so clearly you aren't over it entirely. I would distance myself, not text her again, and work on yourself. That advice has held me in good stead in situations like these.
pidgeon1010 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Ego boost. Block her on whatsapp and move on. After 5 months, she still knows she has a hold on you. She is coming back to her injured puppy to deliver the bad news and lessen the blow before someone else does. How great to have someone pining for you while you move on to the next one *rolling my eyes*.
TaraMaiden2 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 She was testing the water. She wanted a modicum of jealousy from you, something that would tell her you were still pitching her corner... "Telling you before anyone else does..." who cares? Why should you know anyway? What business of hers is it to make you know, when she's the one who dumped you and clearly wanted to have nothing more to do with you relationship wise? 'Doesn't want you hurt' indeed.... In your shoes, I would have asked her what on earth made her think you cared any more? You're both moving on, right? What she does is not your concern. Her life is her life. It's what she chose. When she dumped you she wasn't so concerned with whether she hurt you... so right now, she has even less interest in 'not hurting' you. "Thanks so much for your apparent 'concern' but actually, I don't really give a sh-ovel-it what you do." 9
Author Woon Posted November 8, 2015 Author Posted November 8, 2015 Thanks so much for all the quick responses guys. You all will never understand how much i appreciate it all. I thought it was an ego boost and a thing to make me jealous as well. As she made sure i knew that it wasnt serious *yet*. Make no mistake, i would date her again, we were engaged after all, but after 3months of me making all the classic mistakes, she wouldnt need to make me jealous to take her back. Maybe just trying to get me to make a grand gesture of love, she always loved those
TaraMaiden2 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 You need to go No Contact and not respond to her, ever. Block her, delete her, and don't ever reply or react, again. Sometimes, dumpers come out with the classic (along the) lines of: "So, you going to grow up and respond to me?" or "Oh, now you're playing 'No Contact' games, are you?" or "Please reply, I need to say something important" or "I can't believe you'd be so childish as to ignore me!" Which are all basically different ways of saying "My feelings and wishes are more important than yours, so here's a poke in the chest to get you going." Which is exactly what she was doing by letting you know she's 'casually' dating.... Delete, rebuff, deny, ignore, erase, forget, move on. (The 7 dwarves in the life of "Snow White cures her broken heart") 2
Zapbasket Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Delete, rebuff, deny, ignore, erase, forget, move on. (The 7 dwarves in the life of "Snow White cures her broken heart") "Thanks so much for your apparent 'concern' but actually, I don't really give a sh-ovel-it what you do." [Off-topic: TaraMaiden2, you are on a ROLL! These are hilarious. I'm going to have to steal them. "I don't give a sh-ovel-it," Love it. ] On topic: And, I agree with everything TaraMaiden2 has said here. Marshal those seven dwarfs, OP, and honor yourself. Don't read into her motives--they're childish at best and not worth a thought.
opalant Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 My ex did something similar, although he did it in person as I used to have to see him for work. I think he did it simply to see if he still had a hold on me, to see if I could be his back up if the new relationship didn't work out, but most importantly to make me jealous and feel s**t about myself. It gives them an ego stroke, so I think this is probably the reason why she did it. However I coolly brushed it off like you did. Block her, don't be there for her to message when she's bored or her new boyfriend is busy.
TunaCat Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 The last time my ex contacted me was the day he went FB official with the new girl (3 weeks after he dumped me) I did not even read the message he sent me, but I'm pretty sure it was giving me a "heads up" about the new girl since she was a mutual acquaintance of both of us.
Wewon Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I'll be the first to say it, that was pretty mean. There was no reason, after 5 months of NC, to contact you with this information. My guess is that she wanted to see your reaction. Was she tad on the mean side when you were dating? Anyway, I would go onto her facebook page and 'like' her relationship status and all pictures of them as a couple. 1
mrwigand Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I'll be the first to say it, that was pretty mean. There was no reason, after 5 months of NC, to contact you with this information. My guess is that she wanted to see your reaction. Was she tad on the mean side when you were dating? Anyway, I would go onto her facebook page and 'like' her relationship status and all pictures of them as a couple. I agree. Regardless of what was in her mind, in my opinion going out of your way to let your ex know you're seeing someone new is pretty thoughtless and hurtful. This notion of it being better for you to hear it from her is preposterous. It was either purposeful or seriously ignorant of your feelings. Either way, you're better off moving on to better things, because you can certainly find someone who is more considerate of your feelings than that.
mightycpa Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Hi Woon, it's me! How are you doing? Have you met somebody special yet? I met somebody, but we're just friends, and I'm not looking for a relationship. I just wanted to tell you myself before you hear it from someone else, because I didn't want the news to hurt you.That makes no ****ing sense whatsoever. In fact, I think that would have been my response: WTF? That makes no ****ing sense whatsoever. Why would I care if you met somebody you don't want a relationship with? I'm so glad that I don't have to try to interpret this nonsensical madness on a daily basis anymore. OMG! Thank you for that validating little bit of insanity. You made my day.
Author Woon Posted November 12, 2015 Author Posted November 12, 2015 Hey guys, after alot of thought, ive sorta/semi come to a conclusion. You guys are right. Its her way of keeping me interested and still trying to win her back, without writing her off completely if i did find out eventually that she is seeing other people. Last night it hit me that its already been almost 6months since the breakup. How time flies. Saddened me how much im still affected by it all and she seems happy and moving forward. Guess thats the result she wanted though huh?
PegNosePete Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Wednesday morning, after a few weeks nc, my ex whatsapp'd me. My question is, why on earth would you respond to that in the first place? Weren't you in NC? Didn't you BLOCK her? If not, why not? Unfortunately this is what happens when you break NC. You get confused, upset, stressed. Back to square 1. Go back to NC and next time, DO NOT RESPOND!
Author Woon Posted November 12, 2015 Author Posted November 12, 2015 My question is, why on earth would you respond to that in the first place? Weren't you in NC? Didn't you BLOCK her? If not, why not? Unfortunately this is what happens when you break NC. You get confused, upset, stressed. Back to square 1. Go back to NC and next time, DO NOT RESPOND! Thats me being foolish enough to still care about her and her well being. 3years together, i will still care about her, even if we are not together. She and her family were good to me, so writing them off completely feels wrong. Even if it the very thing i should have done months ago 1
PegNosePete Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 She and her family were good to me, so writing them off completely feels wrong. But she has clearly written you off. Sorry but you're being a total schmuck!!
Itspointless Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Many people act as if they are living in a soap opera. Like you were waiting for that news. But better tell you before others do, because I am that interesting. I have much more respect for people who dare to stay alone for a while and really work on themselves: a year or even a couple of years. But no, usually they (most of the time women) jump on the best next horse as soon as possible: easy boy. Try not to compare yourself with her. It is totally natural to still hurt. Be kind to yourself.
mightycpa Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Many people act as if they are living in a soap opera. Like you were waiting for that news. But better tell you before others do, because I am that interesting. I have much more respect for people who dare to stay alone for a while and really work on themselves: a year or even a couple of years. But no, usually they (most of the time women) jump on the best next horse as soon as possible: easy boy. Try not to compare yourself with her. It is totally natural to still hurt. Be kind to yourself.I like this advice, and really, if you think about it, it was inevitable that she'd end up with someone else, whether it was 6 hours, 6 days, 6 weeks or 6 months later. It was going to happen, and so you might as well try to get used to that idea on Day 1.
Author Woon Posted November 12, 2015 Author Posted November 12, 2015 Many people act as if they are living in a soap opera. Like you were waiting for that news. But better tell you before others do, because I am that interesting. I have much more respect for people who dare to stay alone for a while and really work on themselves: a year or even a couple of years. But no, usually they (most of the time women) jump on the best next horse as soon as possible: easy boy. Try not to compare yourself with her. It is totally natural to still hurt. Be kind to yourself. Thank you very much for that. That is exactly what i have been trying to do. Focus on myself. Im the strongest physically and financially that ive ever been. I'll start dating again once im happy with myself and satisfied with what i have achieved. I must say, looking back, im a much different person than i was the first few months after the breakup, so i have definitely gotten better. I just have to stick with NC, as hard as it is. Getting there. Slowly. 2
Silver_star Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 She sounds a bit emotionally immature. Most people are not so obtuse as to fill their exes in on their current dating situation and definitely not on purpose. Sorry you had to hear that. However, maybe a positive out of this negative thing is it will help you move on faster? It highlights one of her character flaws for sure. Time will heal you, and you will move on to someone who loves the hell out of you.
TexasMan68 Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Your correct response should been "Oh you must have me confused with someone that gives a ****".
Author Woon Posted November 12, 2015 Author Posted November 12, 2015 She sounds a bit emotionally immature. Most people are not so obtuse as to fill their exes in on their current dating situation and definitely not on purpose. Sorry you had to hear that. However, maybe a positive out of this negative thing is it will help you move on faster? It highlights one of her character flaws for sure. Time will heal you, and you will move on to someone who loves the hell out of you. She was/is. Would throw tantrums over the smallest things. From leaving a shirt on the ground, standing outside chatting with our neighbor without telling her all the way to me wanting to spend more time with my family, who i only saw 2days a month. Didnt realise just how bad it was till you mentioned it now, love makes you oblivious to alot of things, doesnt it?
Silver_star Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Love does make us blind Woon. Appreciate the past for the good it brought out in you, but let it go because looking back now you can see how it wasn't a healthy relationship. Dodged a bullet. Now you are free.
Chi townD Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Hello all! Any and all advice would be appreciated! Wednesday morning, after a few weeks nc, my ex whatsapp'd me. Asking how i am, how my family is etc etc. Then proceeds to ask me if ive met anyone special (weve been broken up 5 months). Then proceeds to tell me that she has met someone, they are friends and that she is not looking for a relationship. She soesnt want me hurt, ao she wanted to tell me herself before i hear it from someone else. Then tells me how shes been thinking about me alot and still cares about me deeply (her exact words) but it didnt work between us, as hard as it is for her to say. I handled it well, wished her the best and told her i wouldnt be messaging her again first, as her new bf wouldnt like it. She responded jokingly that he doesnt mind and that they are not serious yet. My question is just that why would she want me to know? To get a rise? A response? Help a guy out! Okay, Look at the bold and I'll make it plain and obvious to you. After the general questions of "How are you?" and "How's your family?" What is the FIRST serious question she asked you? "have you met anyone special?" She was hoping beyond hope that you would have told her you were dating. Because it would have eased her guilt about her hooking up with this guy. She could have said to herself, "Oh look! I've got this new guy and he's dating someone as well. Plus, we can still talk civilly to each other. I guess the break up was for the best! All is right in the Universe again!" And she would have went on her merry little way. But, she found out that you weren't dating. Then what happened? She started to down play this guy. That he's just a "friend" that she's seeing. And it wasn't that serious. And that she wasn't looking for a relationship. Well, if he's just a friend and nothing serious is going on and she's not looking for a relationship. Then, what was the purpose of the call? Or even tell you about someone that isn't a factor in her life? It was total BS to save your feelings. Dude, block her and move on. HARD NC!
lolablue17 Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Im the strongest physically and financially that ive ever been..... im a much different person than i was the first few months after the breakup, so i have definitely gotten better. There's your answer... She like very much the situation in which you were weak and insecure, begging and trying to have her back. When you got better and stronger, she didn't like it. Her wish is to make you weak and bring you back to misery again. The opposite interest of yours. I think it was more then nasty on her side. it's disgusting.
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