morgala Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 (edited) I'll try to keep this short. So I've been dating this guy for a little over a month now. He is always contacting me and asks me out several times per week. I sometimes go over to his place, and we play video games or watch a movie, in addition to our other outings. He's always telling me how much he likes me, and, no, we haven't gone further than making out. I move slowly, and I don't want to rush this. Today he asked me if I would consider staying overnight at his place, and I told him that I don't sleep with someone when I'm not in a committed relationship. He then told me he didn't mean it "like that," but that he'd just like for me to sleep over there. After this, he says, "Don't get me wrong. I really like you. I like you more each time I see you." I told him it's fine and that I want him to get to know me better, which is the truth. Here is the part that's confusing me. He then said, "You know, I think I'll wait to have sex again until I'm in a relationship or on my way to one." What? I can only interpret this to mean one of two things. Either he's planning on entering into a relationship with someone else or he's not going to respect my boundaries. Am I misinterpreting that statement? I didn't know what to say to him at the time, so I said nothing. In reality, I should probably just ask him this myself, but I don't want to be a jerk, either. If there's someone else, that's his right. We're not even exclusive, although he claims there's no one else. I just find that the way he phrased that disconcerts me. I'm not particularly experienced (yet we are both in our late twenties), and I have a tendency to over-analyze things, which is why I'm here. I'm looking for advice on how to proceed. Edited November 8, 2015 by morgala 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 The way I would read that is "It would appear you want to hold off from sex? Well I think I agree with you, so I too will hold off - until I find someone more willing than you, because I don't think you're 'it'...." I must admit, I would have sought clarification, there and then.... Sounds to me like he may be 'friend-zoning' you? Yes, you really do need to have a talk with him....
Author morgala Posted November 8, 2015 Author Posted November 8, 2015 The way I would read that is "It would appear you want to hold off from sex? Well I think I agree with you, so I too will hold off - until I find someone more willing than you, because I don't think you're 'it'...." I must admit, I would have sought clarification, there and then.... Sounds to me like he may be 'friend-zoning' you? Yes, you really do need to have a talk with him.... Yeah, that's what I figured. Thanks.
Odinani Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 It doesn't sound very promising. I suggest you have sex with him the next time you see him and see how he reacts afterwards.
xcupid Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Ask him what he meant by that statement and then you won't have to wonder. Don't have sex with him until you're sure where things are going. 2
Author morgala Posted November 8, 2015 Author Posted November 8, 2015 Ask him what he meant by that statement and then you won't have to wonder. Don't have sex with him until you're sure where things are going. Exactly. I'm going to ask him because I really don't enjoy being in a state of limbo. I don't mind giving him time to get to know me, but if he sees no future, I'd like to move on and let him do the same. I will not sleep with him just to get him to POSSIBLY commit. That's not how I operate.
GemmaUK Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Definitely don't have sex with him. Either ask him what he meant or wait things out a little. Sounds to me like he might be trying some manipulation on you.
Methodical Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 It doesn't sound very promising. I suggest you have sex with him the next time you see him and see how he reacts afterwards. I've read several of your post opposing this viewpoint. Why would you suggest she have sex and see how he reacts when she's clearly wanting to take it slow and evaluate the long term viability of a relationship with him? This caused a juxtapositional double take when compared to your other posts.
Odinani Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 It would be much better to have sex with him now so you can check whether you are sexually compatible before deciding whether you even want an exclusive relationship with him. You've been dating him a month so it's quite worrying that you have not had sex with him yet. Sexual compatibility is the most important thing in any romantic relationship. Are you asexual or is he?
Odinani Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 I've read several of your post opposing this viewpoint. Why would you suggest she have sex and see how he reacts when she's clearly wanting to take it slow and evaluate the long term viability of a relationship with him? This caused a juxtapositional double take when compared to your other posts. How can the OP be expected to evaluate the long term viability of a relationship with him unless she's tried him out sexually?
One_Love Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 I am honestly in the same exact situation as your guy. From my viewpoint he does want to have sex but you can still take it slow by maybe go to 3rd base. He just wants a bit more. Just to keep things moving I guess. At least that's what I would want. But from that text he sent I would think he IS respecting your boundaries.
Robot_heart Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 It sounds more like to me that he made that statement to try to sound more like you... Like he can tell you like to wait so he's acting like that's what he's going to do as well. I doubt he meant with another girl I think he's referring to waiting for you... I found with men they are like chameleons... They adapt to their surroundings till they get what they want. 2
Author morgala Posted November 8, 2015 Author Posted November 8, 2015 (edited) It sounds more like to me that he made that statement to try to sound more like you... Like he can tell you like to wait so he's acting like that's what he's going to do as well. I doubt he meant with another girl I think he's referring to waiting for you... I found with men they are like chameleons... They adapt to their surroundings till they get what they want. That perspective never even occurred to me. I appreciate the input. Edited November 8, 2015 by morgala
SJC2008 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Why can't you give him the benefit of the doubt OP? He's still dating you in a time where maybe 50+ % of men would have checked out already after a month with no sex. Doesn't seem long to me because I don't mind waiting, the last women I dated we we're about five weeks in before sleeping together.
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