ThisisIt606 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 (edited) I've been dating this guy for a little over 5 months. We are exclusive. He has met some of my friends (once for a trivia night and then more for my bday). He hasn't met any of my family because I'm not interested in that at the moment/just my parents live locally but still annoying to get to because it's out of the city. Anyways, I haven't met any of his friends. In fact I've met NO ONE in relation to him. He talks about his family, when his mom is coming to visit, certain relatives that are a bit loopy and he actively avoids. He also talks about his friends, coworkers and things they are going through. (most recently his best friend's mom died which really effected my guy and he was out of state with his friend for a week). My guy's bday is coming up next week. I asked if he'd like to go out to dinner (2 of us) and he said yes. So I made reservations at a place I thought he'd like. Before I did this I asked "what do you normally do for your bday?" He said not too much, maybe go out with a few friends for dinner, but definitely not a huge party. From what I know of him, he's not a big party type... He definitely drinks with friends but not any type of over the top rager. Once his co-worker/friend had a bday at a bar near me. My guy was not very interested in going and said he'd much rather have a quiet night at home bc there would be a bunch of "bros" there. He also said he would have invited me (especially because I lived so close to the bar) but he wanted to "find a better situation for you to met my friends." Basically he was not looking forward to how they would act and didn't want to expose me to that. He got a long well with my friend when he met them. He told me he thought they were very nice and my friends liked him as well. They talked and laughed a lot together and he definitely seemed comfortable/at ease. I only want to meet his friends, because I feel it makes a relationship more secure, intertwinded, plus I have no idea if any of his friends, coworkers, or relatives know about me. Should I just ask to meet his friends? Should I ask if he's having a bday dinner with his friends and ask to attend that? I'm not sure how to go about this... Edited November 8, 2015 by ThisisIt606
SwordofFlame Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 I would think it's a red flag that he's never invited you out with his friends yet. Is he ashamed of you? Does he even have friends? Is he trying to keep you a secret? There's definitely a reason why you haven't met them yet. You shouldn't need to ask. 2
gustia Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 You should have met his friends and even family several times by now, in my opinion. Simply tell him you want to meet them soon and see how he reacts. Perhaps he's shy or not very social?
ExpatInItaly Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 After 5 months, I would be a bit suspicious as to why you've never met anyone in his circle. I would say that since my friends liked him so much, I would love to meet some of his friends too. Suggest arranging a night out with a couple of them (perhaps invite a friend or two of yours along too) and see what he says. 1
Author ThisisIt606 Posted November 8, 2015 Author Posted November 8, 2015 (edited) Well as far as family it's hard because most of them are at the compete opposite end of the country. He has some family in state but about an hour drive away. Divorced parents and has had no contact with his father for years/ intends to keep it that way. I like what expatinitaly suggested... I will say something like, my friends enjoyed meeting you, it would nice to meet your friends some time.... Then just stop talking and see what he says/ how he reacts. I feel like that will be very telling. I will see him his week for his bday dinner ( just us 2) is his something to bring up then? Maybe ask if he had any other special bday plans... Then mention how my friends enjoyed meeting him/ would be nice to meet his friends some time. Should I inquire if he's embarrassed by me or wants to keep me a secret? Maybe not initially but only if he balks or makes any excuses... Edited November 8, 2015 by ThisisIt606
lemoncello Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 It's simple: you haven't met his friends or family at 5 months of dating because he doesn't see you as long-term in his life, and he has control issues. I think you're wasting your time dating him. I think he's going to disappoint you. If a guy doesn't bring you home to meet his parents or introduce you to his friends within a couple months of dating, it's because he's not that serious about you.
Glitters Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Maybe he doesnt have any close friends? Many dont. 1
lemoncello Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Well as far as family it's hard because most of them are at the compete opposite end of the country. He has some family in state but about an hour drive away. Divorced parents and has had no contact with his father for years/ intends to keep it that way. I like what expatinitaly suggested... I will say something like, my friends enjoyed meeting you, it would nice to meet your friends some time.... Then just stop talking and see what he says/ how he reacts. I feel like that will be very telling. I will see him his week for his bday dinner ( just us 2) is his something to bring up then? Maybe ask if he had any other special bday plans... Then mention how my friends enjoyed meeting him/ would be nice to meet his friends some time. Should I inquire if he's embarrassed by me or wants to keep me a secret? Maybe not initially but only if he balks or makes any excuses... He's keeping you hidden away because he doesn't see you as someone he wants to seriously date. By now, at 5 months, there's no excuse justifiable that he can give you, to explain why he's keeping you out of his social network. If I were you I'd be pissed off about that. It's a huge red flag. If he wanted people to meet you, he would have already introduced you to his friends by now. Even his parents who don't live close by. Even if you ask him (do it before the birthday dinner or he'll accuse you of ruining his birthday - to avoid answering your question), be prepared for more deflection and evasive maneuvers. I think you're banging your head against a wall here with this guy. Cut yourself loose if you can. After all, it's only been 5 months, not 5 years. Imagine being kept hidden away from his social network for years, only to spend time with him and no one else in his life. Do you want that kind of future with him?
SwordofFlame Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Well as far as family it's hard because most of them are at the compete opposite end of the country. He has some family in state but about an hour drive away. Divorced parents and has had no contact with his father for years/ intends to keep it that way. I like what expatinitaly suggested... I will say something like, my friends enjoyed meeting you, it would nice to meet your friends some time.... Then just stop talking and see what he says/ how he reacts. I feel like that will be very telling. I will see him his week for his bday dinner ( just us 2) is his something to bring up then? Maybe ask if he had any other special bday plans... Then mention how my friends enjoyed meeting him/ would be nice to meet his friends some time. Should I inquire if he's embarrassed by me or wants to keep me a secret? Maybe not initially but only if he balks or makes any excuses... Objectively speaking, are you the reacher or settler in this relationship? 1
TunaCat Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Maybe he doesnt have any close friends? Many dont. This was what I was thinking. I don't have close friends. Actually I have no real friends that I hang out with on a regular basis, but that's another issue for another thread. My point is, maybe these guys he has drinks with are not really his friends, more like acquaintances. And why would you bring a girl around people that are just acquaintances. I would straight up ask him about it, but I'm a straight shooter. 1
Author ThisisIt606 Posted November 8, 2015 Author Posted November 8, 2015 Maybe he doesnt have any close friends? Many dont. I'd say this is a true statement.. his closest friends (my guy said they were inseperable during college) One lives out of state- 2+ hour drive and his mother was terminally ill/actively dying for sometime now and passed away last week. The other of his closest friend lives in another country/rural country with spotty wifi. My guy says he will message him and it will be weeks until he hears back.
Author ThisisIt606 Posted November 8, 2015 Author Posted November 8, 2015 Maybe he doesnt have any close friends? Many dont. This was what I was thinking. I don't have close friends. Actually I have no real friends that I hang out with on a regular basis, but that's another issue for another thread. My point is, maybe these guys he has drinks with are not really his friends, more like acquaintances. And why would you bring a girl around people that are just acquaintances. I would straight up ask him about it, but I'm a straight shooter. This also seems accurate from what I know. The friend that was having a bday party with "bros" was a co-worker of my guy's. The "bros" that were at this party were friends of the co-worker that he played college sports with. aka not a group of people my guy knew well.
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