rayj83 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 (edited) I met this girl a couple of months ago. We went out maybe 4-5 times before she went off to study about a 4 hours drive from me (she's going to be gone for the next 1-2 years). Since she left she's come in to town a few times and I've seen her and things were pretty good. But to be honest I've found it difficult to maintain a "connection" with someone who I rarely see. We went one period where I saw her once and every three weeks. I definitely feel there's something there, and whenever we hang out we have a lot of fun. She's been initiating a lot (phone calls, messages, telling me she misses me) in the past couple of months. I probably wast reciprocating as much as I could - I just felt I didn't know her that well. Everything seemed to change last weekend when she came home. We saw each other, everything seemed fine, but I could really feel her pulling back. I wanted to drive and see her this weekend, but she said she was just so busy with school. And we were talking about doing something over the christmas holidays but she went recently and planned a trip with her family (so much for that!). She mentioned not feeling like "herself" when she was around me and that something was bothering her about this but couldn't put her finger on it. She mentioned it taking a while with guys to feel "butterflies" - kind of implying she doesn't feel that way with me. I tried when she was last in to get a bit closer to her by saying she should sleep over at my place (we have had sex before but she isn't one to want to sleep over). She was pretty weird/hesitant about it. I didn't pressure her or anything she just seemed reluctant. Ultimately she decided to stay over. She barely made time for me - she brought me out with her other friends and we all hung out but didn't really give much time to hang out one-on-one. Then again, the night she came back in to town, I was the first person she saw. So I get she's probably trying to juggle seeing a lot of people she hasn't seen in a while and getting to know me. After she started talking about feeling a bit off and not like her self, she agreed something had changed but she wasn't sure what - she felt the long distance thing wasn't working but also wants to see me when she's in town and talks about time we can spend together. She mentioned how amazing of a guy I am, that she really likes me and cares about me. I've tried this week to initiate things and when I spoke to her earlier told her I missed her and she didn't reciprocate (just said "thanks"). This behaviour is a sharp turn from how she's been the past two months. Honestly nothing really changed or happened. All I can think is maybe she's just lost interest or realized it was all kind of "virtual" and really we don't know each other that well? I've played it cool and respected her space and told her I understand where she's coming from. Immediately she said she felt a whole lot better and there was less pressure. I've been the farthest thing from pressuring her so maybe she's putting this on her self? I don't know. If anything she's been pushing things hard when she's been gone with the "I miss yous" and frequent calling/texting. She also wanted me to meet her family the day she left (last time I saw her) and I told her after I was confused because if you weren't "feeling it" with me why invite me out with her family? She mentioned something about having her parents give her a better idea of what she should do with me! That seems kind of crazy - to get your parents "opinion" of me to decide what to do? We're both in our late twenties! Seems kind of childish. Anyways, I suffer from depression and have some self-confidence issues and so don't take these things too well. This isn't really all that serious so it isn't eating me up like past dating/relationships ending, but it just sucks to see someone's behaviour change so drastically and knowing my insecurity and self-confidence and depression issues, it's best I don't unnecessarily drag this out and end up just getting more hurt. Which is why my instance is just to let her go, but also hate being rejected. I guess I'd like other people's opinions. I guess some might say just move on and that's fine but I take things really personally and can't help but feeling like maybe I just wasn't interesting enough or good enough for her. Part of me wants to "Step it up" and be more initiating, another part of me says "she has backed off so you should just play it cool". Either way I just feel like crap about how this turned out. Edited November 8, 2015 by rayj83
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