Valkyria Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Hey all, Looking for advice from people who have experience with mental illness either themselves or with a loved one. My boyfriend of a year and a half has finally gotten an actual diagnosis, and since he's started on a mood stabilizer, has completely withdrawn from friends, family, everyone. I haven't actually spoken to him or seen him in over a month now. People close to him keep getting in touch with me because they're worried about him and he doesn't answer. I get a text maybe once a week. I know he's overwhelmed, trying to figure it out, and dealing with some not so great side effects of his new medicine. Respectfully, I'm not interested in the "get out while you can" type of advice. I've thought about it, and I've even tried to convince myself that it's the right thing, but I don't believe it. He's been bipolar since I met him, and I've loved him the whole time. Nothing's really changed except that he's getting treatment, which can only be a positive thing. I'm trying to figure out what I can do to help. He's staying with his mother right now, and she has no idea what's going on. She's completely oblivious and thinks he's fine. I know he's not fine, but I don't know what to do. I thought space would help and he would start coming around, but it's been much longer than I expected already. I know that in the past I've been able to help some when his moods are off, but without talking to or seeing him, I feel really powerless and don't know what the best thing(s) to do might be... Do I just wait until he comes around? Do I wait longer? Do I try to push him? I don't know. I've been reading more bipolar disorder, and it's not really clear to me what would be the most helpful things to do (or not do, I guess).
LostOnes05 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 I agree enigma...A bipolar woman will make your life a living hell. Ask me how I know : )
dragonfire13 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Firsly, props to you for willing to stick by your boyfriend. I sometimes wish these boards weren't so cynical and quick to discard people who are flawed. Mental health is like any other disability: does that mean people who are less-than-perfect aren't deserving of love? I think I take issue to it as mental health problems run in my family: bipolarity, schizophrenia etc. I too suffer from depression and mood swings, though Ive learnt to get a handle on them. However, I do understand it takes a tremendously patient and kind-hearted person to take on that kind of baggage. But back to what you should do, the fact that he's seeking treatment is a good sign. I think he deserves a bit of space while he gets his sh*t together. Having said that, you have your own happiness to think about. You can only be patient for so long. I have episodes where I completely withdraw from everyone but it only lasts a couple of weeks. When I was on medication though, I was completely numb and didn't really care about anyone or anything. Ultimately, I don't think he's in the best phase of his life to be in a relationship. If this stage of your relationship continues for an extended period of time, I would still check-in on him now and again but I would also start seeing other people. Perhaps you guys can give it another go when he's in a more stable period in his life. Trust me, I was a complete mess a year ago but I'm a lot more emotionally stable and content now. Timing can be so important. 1
todreaminblue Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 I have been on mood stabilizers.....if being stable means not feeling...thats what i felt.unfeeling..i became withdrawn......didnt really want people around at all ...my head always felt like it was full of cotton wool...until the very end of day.......when i would be due to take another dose of zombieville...so just when i felt a little normal....i would be dosed again......while they were trying to stabilize me.it was a roller coaster ride...i was normally in hospital for over 21 days normally three months......and it was a period of experimenting with different drugs......adn combinations...bi polar normally involves combinations as well.....i am not bi polar by the way.....but i do have a mental illness....and i have made the decision to remain unmedicated..... it was hard on me...harder on those who love me......mental illness is a trial for all who surround the person with mental illness not just the person with the illness.........its not easy and i cant give you any affirmations on if it will get better......or worse...i think realistically you will have good and bad days just like everyone else in a relationship.....i feel....(being unmedicated now i can actually feel)....that you should follow your heart on what is right for you......seeking counselling for partners of people with mental illness may be really helpful for you...also support groups or talk therapy especially for loved ones of people with mental illness...my family have had these tools and groups......and it has helped them immensely....i wish you well....deb
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