HansonGirl Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 This is a serious question. There is a guy we know who has become known as a creep. One time we were all out, and a friend brought a friend along, and he said something like how the friend owed him a kiss. it was something weird. like he said she owes him a kiss for going down the stairs ahead of him. we all thought that was weird. Another time a bunch of us went out and it was an unlimited drink deal, he arranged this get-together with his roommate. he kept trying to flirt with our friend monica the whole time, and the roommate talked to rebecca. well then they both insisted they continue the party and it was as if they tag-teamed them, and he wouldn't let up. Another time he "dared" another friend of ours to bring him home with her. that time he was definitely drunk. The next day he came up to her, unsolicited, told her he can't remember what happened at all, and that he blacked out and told her he doesn't want a relationship. He may have been drunk all the other times too, who knows. That was months ago. He now has a rather homely looking girlfriend who posts pictures of him praising the ground he walks on. WTF? anyways, is this guy a creep, and how does he get some girl to think he's the most amazing person ever? Another weird thing is that his ex-girlfriend was gorgeous with long blonde hair. We can't ignore the fact that this current girlfriend is not exactly the bombshell he last called his girlfriend. Anyway, that's just an aside, the most important thing is who would go out with this creeper?
Shining One Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Your mistake is thinking that "creep" can be objectively defined. One woman's creep is another woman's knight in shining armor. 4
Author HansonGirl Posted November 8, 2015 Author Posted November 8, 2015 Your mistake is thinking that "creep" can be objectively defined. One woman's creep is another woman's knight in shining armor. He's also a complete narcissist, i mean certifiably. I guess it just makes me mad, where are the good men, and how come people like him get relationships? He also did some really terrible thing. One girl slapped him because he went out with her, led her on, and then made out with someone else right in front of her. This is the kind of person he is. He seems to enjoy the attention and the drama. so naturally we are all scratching our heads. A part of me sort of assumed he was using girls because they weren't his caliber, so that's why i am surprised to see him get serious with someone who isn't exactly a supermodel. that's all. i admit i don't know too much about his personal life. just interesting.
Zapbasket Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Shady people can always find partners because there are plenty of people with low self-esteem and poor boundaries who will gladly put up with being treated like crap rather than be alone. It's not rational but low self-esteem is by definition skewed logic about one's worth. The thing is, too, that low self-esteem is a subtle monster and often exists in people who seem, from the outside, highly capable, desirable and confident. That's why often you'll see smart, lovely women with complete d*ckheads. Or nice, strong men with absolute disrespectful nightmares for girlfriends/wives. The thing is, sure, the creeps might get into a relationship...but how good can such a relationship be? It is super-pukey, I agree, when you see someone get involved with a creep. 2
Qboro90 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 He's also a complete narcissist, i mean certifiably. I guess it just makes me mad, where are the good men, and how come people like him get relationships? He also did some really terrible thing. One girl slapped him because he went out with her, led her on, and then made out with someone else right in front of her. This is the kind of person he is. He seems to enjoy the attention and the drama. so naturally we are all scratching our heads. A part of me sort of assumed he was using girls because they weren't his caliber, so that's why i am surprised to see him get serious with someone who isn't exactly a supermodel. that's all. i admit i don't know too much about his personal life. just interesting. Sounds like you're still young so something to keep in mind is that just because a guy hooks up with a girl and "leads her on" and then hooks up with someone else , doesn't make him a creep. It just makes him a deuche and quite honestly..... Your typical teenage/college male. Making up stupid games and bets to get girls to kiss or hang out with him is probably how he gets girls to hook up with him. It may seem silly and absurd to you, but you'd be surprised how after a night out, there will usually be a girl who will fall for those immature moves.
frus69 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Shady people can always find partners because there are plenty of people with low self-esteem and poor boundaries who will gladly put up with being treated like crap rather than be alone. It's not rational but low self-esteem is by definition skewed logic about one's worth. The thing is, too, that low self-esteem is a subtle monster and often exists in people who seem, from the outside, highly capable, desirable and confident. That's why often you'll see smart, lovely women with complete d*ckheads. Or nice, strong men with absolute disrespectful nightmares for girlfriends/wives. The thing is, sure, the creeps might get into a relationship...but how good can such a relationship be? It is super-pukey, I agree, when you see someone get involved with a creep. Were people born with either high or low self esteem? Or do you get it from life experience? You say often highly desirable people have low self esteem, but if people all desire them why would they think themselves are just not worth it?
Author HansonGirl Posted November 8, 2015 Author Posted November 8, 2015 Sounds like you're still young so something to keep in mind is that just because a guy hooks up with a girl and "leads her on" and then hooks up with someone else , doesn't make him a creep. It just makes him a deuche and quite honestly..... Your typical teenage/college male. Making up stupid games and bets to get girls to kiss or hang out with him is probably how he gets girls to hook up with him. It may seem silly and absurd to you, but you'd be surprised how after a night out, there will usually be a girl who will fall for those immature moves. Ok, then why would someone go out with a "deuche"? and we're past college.
frus69 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 To the op, maybe he was a douche but now he doesn't behave like a creep anymore to his gf? maybe that's why he got a gf?
Zapbasket Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Were people born with either high or low self esteem? Or do you get it from life experience? You say often highly desirable people have low self esteem, but if people all desire them why would they think themselves are just not worth it? You begin to develop a sense of self-worth in early childhood, though the repeated, and highly patternistic, interactions with your primary caregivers. Then as you grow older, that initial sense of worth becomes further ingrained or gradually adjusted based on interactions with peers, teachers, other caregivers, and your continued and again, highly patternistic, interactions with your family of origin. Because your initial sense of worth begins to develop at such an early age, by the time you reach adulthood much of how you really perceive yourself is unconscious. That means it can direct life choices like the kinds of partners you choose, etc. without a person being consciously aware of it. As for why desirable people would have low self-esteem despite being desired, humans are brilliant at self-fulfilling prophesies. We like to hold on to our beliefs, even if they hurt us. So, if we have a deeply ingrained sense of low self-worth, we might, again unconsciously, be driven to choose the very experiences and relationships that will serve to validate that low self-worth. In this way, we don't have to go through the pain of changing our beliefs about ourselves. We tend to prefer what is familiar, even if it is toxic. 3
Author HansonGirl Posted November 8, 2015 Author Posted November 8, 2015 You begin to develop a sense of self-worth in early childhood, though the repeated, and highly patternistic, interactions with your primary caregivers. Then as you grow older, that initial sense of worth becomes further ingrained or gradually adjusted based on interactions with peers, teachers, other caregivers, and your continued and again, highly patternistic, interactions with your family of origin. Because your initial sense of worth begins to develop at such an early age, by the time you reach adulthood much of how you really perceive yourself is unconscious. That means it can direct life choices like the kinds of partners you choose, etc. without a person being consciously aware of it. As for why desirable people would have low self-esteem despite being desired, humans are brilliant at self-fulfilling prophesies. We like to hold on to our beliefs, even if they hurt us. So, if we have a deeply ingrained sense of low self-worth, we might, again unconsciously, be driven to choose the very experiences and relationships that will serve to validate that low self-worth. In this way, we don't have to go through the pain of changing our beliefs about ourselves. We tend to prefer what is familiar, even if it is toxic. You are so smart - are you a professional psychiatrist? and to the person who said maybe he's no longer a douche, well that is possible but highly unlikely.
frus69 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 (edited) As for why desirable people would have low self-esteem despite being desired, humans are brilliant at self-fulfilling prophesies. We like to hold on to our beliefs, even if they hurt us. So, if we have a deeply ingrained sense of low self-worth, we might, again unconsciously, be driven to choose the very experiences and relationships that will serve to validate that low self-worth. In this way, we don't have to go through the pain of changing our beliefs about ourselves. We tend to prefer what is familiar, even if it is toxic. You mean if you have a ingrained low self worth, you will be looking for every single sign of people mis-treating you and think "yep, that just again confirms I'm not worth it" and ignore all other times when people treat you right? And it will be hard/painful for you to see a bigger picture and realise people actually desire you? Edited November 8, 2015 by frus69
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Because life is not fair OP, deal with it, i struggle to deal with it but it's a fighting tooth and nail battle 1
Author HansonGirl Posted November 8, 2015 Author Posted November 8, 2015 Because life is not fair OP, deal with it, i struggle to deal with it but it's a fighting tooth and nail battle that's depressing :-/
Empyrea Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Maybe that "homely girl" isn't exactly a catch either? Or maybe she thinks she isn't. Or maybe that douche is actually a nice guy when he's not trying to impress or show off (albeit poorly) in a group, or maybe some girls find that kind of obnoxious flirting attractive. Who knows! The zoo of mankind is full all sorts of creatures and, on a positive note, there's always someone out there willing to put up with your crap, it's just a matter of adjusting your standards.
loveweary11 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 He's obviously doing something that works... you are thinking about him too. 1
thecrucible Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 There's really no point in analysing why people do things. You will never know.
GoodOnPaper Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 He's obviously doing something that works... you are thinking about him too. Yes. A lesson I wish I had learned . . . although it seems very counterintuitive, being noticed in a negative way is usually better than not being noticed at all.
Author HansonGirl Posted November 8, 2015 Author Posted November 8, 2015 He's obviously doing something that works... you are thinking about him too. I agree with you. It clearly is working in that he wouldn't be on my mind if it wasn't for his weirdness.
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