Protec Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 I am not shy per se, but when it comes to approaching women, i am SHY. I have always met people from online only. When i was younger i asked this one girl out, and got rejected. After that i have never asked anyone out in real life. I have dated, i've had 5 girlfriends so far. But i am really attracted to this cashier woman that works in the shop nearby where i live. I even talked with her last summer in OLD site...but we never actually met. She answered me in OLD site, which is good. And also we talked in the shop where she works. Then i met my ex...so i kinda forgot about her but now i am single again and well...to be honest. I've been attracted to her for many years now. I really want to ask her out. I missed my chance though. Couple days ago she was in this shopping mall, and i saw her there. But i was too shy to ask her for a cup of coffee. She was alone there...i was alone too. It would have been perfect place to say "oh! So you are here too for the opening of this new mall? Are you alone, wanna have a cup of coffee with me, i'll treat". But no.... I was too shy. ¨ I mean...she is awesome looking woman. How do i ask her out? 2
StBreton Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 (edited) How do you ask her out? Go to the shop she works. Say to her, "Nice to see you the other day" mention something about the mall. Chat her up a bit. Then, "If you have any free time this week, would you like to go for coffee?" Don't take up too much of her time at work. If she wants to meet, then mention a few definite times ... not open ended. Simple as that. Don't let that one rejection define you. Life is full of rejections but also acceptances:) Maybe she's been waiting for you to ask her out... Edited November 7, 2015 by StBreton 2
thecrucible Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 You never know what will happen unless you try. You could build up courage by starting conversation with her next time you're in the shop - just about anything. That will break the ice and should give you more confidence when it comes to asking her for a coffee. Good luck I hope you'll come back here and let us know how it goes. 1
kitty12345 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Hi, bye Small talk , to increase comfort level Then bold. Jump to bold straight up = setting yourself up for problems
Author Protec Posted November 8, 2015 Author Posted November 8, 2015 Maybe i could say something like "Hey, i saw you on the opening of the new shopping mall but i lost track of you. I was supposed to ask you for a cup of coffee. So how about it? If you're free later this week" Something like that.
thecrucible Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Maybe i could say something like "Hey, i saw you on the opening of the new shopping mall but i lost track of you. I was supposed to ask you for a cup of coffee. So how about it? If you're free later this week" Something like that. Sounds good. Could only be pulled off with confidence though.
oberkeat Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 I am not shy per se, but when it comes to approaching women, i am SHY. I have always met people from online only. When i was younger i asked this one girl out, and got rejected. After that i have never asked anyone out in real life. I have dated, i've had 5 girlfriends so far. But i am really attracted to this cashier woman that works in the shop nearby where i live. I even talked with her last summer in OLD site...but we never actually met. She answered me in OLD site, which is good. And also we talked in the shop where she works. Then i met my ex...so i kinda forgot about her but now i am single again and well...to be honest. I've been attracted to her for many years now. I really want to ask her out. I missed my chance though. Couple days ago she was in this shopping mall, and i saw her there. But i was too shy to ask her for a cup of coffee. She was alone there...i was alone too. It would have been perfect place to say "oh! So you are here too for the opening of this new mall? Are you alone, wanna have a cup of coffee with me, i'll treat". But no.... I was too shy. ¨ I mean...she is awesome looking woman. How do i ask her out? You're definitely not the only one with this problem. I could have written this myself. I was in a room full of women yesterday, and I couldn't approach any of them. I expect rejection or that the woman will be taken, so I just do nothing.
Author Protec Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 You're definitely not the only one with this problem. I could have written this myself. I was in a room full of women yesterday, and I couldn't approach any of them. I expect rejection or that the woman will be taken, so I just do nothing. Yeah, and i don't understand what i am afraid of basically? Rejection? So what? Now i just think "oh, i wonder would she go out with me..." I keep thinking and dreaming...dreaming and thinking. Just need to do it But then i cannot dream anymore...so maybe i am just keeping the dream alive?
Author Protec Posted November 13, 2015 Author Posted November 13, 2015 Darnit! Finally she was working this evening but the shop was so filled with customers i really did not find a good break to ask her... It's a grocery store. Small one. Damnit! One of these days!!!
truth_seeker Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 Yeah, and i don't understand what i am afraid of basically? Rejection? So what? Now i just think "oh, i wonder would she go out with me..." I keep thinking and dreaming...dreaming and thinking. Just need to do it But then i cannot dream anymore...so maybe i am just keeping the dream alive? I'm in the same boat as you currently. I'd like to approach a woman I'm interested in but suddenly find myself nervous around her. I'm actually more worried about not being able to show my face where she works again, than the possible rejection. Is this store the place you go all the time to shop? If not, then you can be bold and ask her out. If this is your main store, then do the slow build.
Redfisher Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 You know what you have to do! Just do it....Good luck.
smackie9 Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 Darnit! Finally she was working this evening but the shop was so filled with customers i really did not find a good break to ask her... It's a grocery store. Small one. Damnit! One of these days!!! Still had room for small talk.
PogoStick Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 Just be straightforward and lose the fluff talk. None of the "hey I saw you at..." Try this one. "I'd love to chat with you sometime over coffee. When are you free?" 1
Author Protec Posted November 13, 2015 Author Posted November 13, 2015 Well...i've been shopping there for years. 7 years at least. I laid my eyes on her the first time i saw her. Last year i talked with her in OLD site (she recognized my face...) and after that i talked with her in the store too. But then i met my ex and i kinda forgot about the shop girl...
Author Protec Posted November 19, 2015 Author Posted November 19, 2015 Damn it. I am not man enough!!! I had the perfect chance. She doesn't smile at me the same way she used to before... Hmm. She was filling the shelves at the shop today. She talked with her co-worker so that was no good. Then she moved to the milk section, so i decided to get a carton of coffee drink. I even had this great line in my head "I need to get used to coffee sometime. I need to start carefully..." But just when i was closing in, she moved!! RATS! And then i was not man enough to follow her. DARN IT.
katiegrl Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 Damn it. I am not man enough!!! I had the perfect chance. She doesn't smile at me the same way she used to before... Hmm. She was filling the shelves at the shop today. She talked with her co-worker so that was no good. Then she moved to the milk section, so i decided to get a carton of coffee drink. I even had this great line in my head "I need to get used to coffee sometime. I need to start carefully..." But just when i was closing in, she moved!! RATS! And then i was not man enough to follow her. DARN IT. TBH, I get the sense you are somewhat relieved. Perhaps your real fear is was what would happen if she said yes. Dating her, a relationship with her. Do you think it's possible what you really fear is an actual relationship? So you hide behind your shyness ...using it as a way to justify why you don't ask girls out, thus avoiding your true fear -- a relationship. Just a thiught. 1
katiegrl Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 Yeah, and i don't understand what i am afraid of basically? Rejection? So what? Now i just think "oh, i wonder would she go out with me..." I keep thinking and dreaming...dreaming and thinking. Just need to do it :DD **But then i cannot dream anymore...so maybe i am just keeping the dream alive***? ^^Bingo! You would rather live in the fantasy than the reality. Yup, that is a symptom of relationship/commitment fears. Not shyness!
Author Protec Posted November 19, 2015 Author Posted November 19, 2015 ^^Bingo! You would rather live in the fantasy than the reality. Yup, that is a symptom of relationship/commitment fears. Not shyness! No, i am really shy when it comes to breaking the ice. I actually talked with her last summer, but i broke the ice in the internet (in that OLD site).
katiegrl Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 No, i am really shy when it comes to breaking the ice. I actually talked with her last summer, but i broke the ice in the internet (in that OLD site). Have you ever been in a long term relationship?
fred123 Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 i dont approach women who are probably good looking and cute. i know i will never have them and they are out of my league. I'm talking form experience. i am shy but i also learnt not to go for girls like
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 I am not shy per se, but when it comes to approaching women, i am SHY. I have always met people from online only. When i was younger i asked this one girl out, and got rejected. After that i have never asked anyone out in real life. I have dated, i've had 5 girlfriends so far. But i am really attracted to this cashier woman that works in the shop nearby where i live. I even talked with her last summer in OLD site...but we never actually met. She answered me in OLD site, which is good. And also we talked in the shop where she works. Then i met my ex...so i kinda forgot about her but now i am single again and well...to be honest. I've been attracted to her for many years now. I really want to ask her out. I missed my chance though. Couple days ago she was in this shopping mall, and i saw her there. But i was too shy to ask her for a cup of coffee. She was alone there...i was alone too. It would have been perfect place to say "oh! So you are here too for the opening of this new mall? Are you alone, wanna have a cup of coffee with me, i'll treat". But no.... I was too shy. ¨ I mean...she is awesome looking woman. How do i ask her out? Your shy to ask a girl out but yet how have you had 5 girlfriends so far?
lino Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 If you spoke with her in the past and have also spoken with her online, the ice is already broken. Does she know your name and you hers? In the previous small talk you had, did you learn any small details about each other? Does she smile at you and look interested in you at all? If yes to the above, then you need to ask her out if you're interested in her. There isn't anything else left to do. 1
truth_seeker Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 If you spoke with her in the past and have also spoken with her online, the ice is already broken. Does she know your name and you hers? In the previous small talk you had, did you learn any small details about each other? Does she smile at you and look interested in you at all? If yes to the above, then you need to ask her out if you're interested in her. There isn't anything else left to do. I agree. Once the introduction is out of the way, there should be no problem in asking the person out.
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