I feel like I won't find a fit like her again...

[inrepair]

Not sure if this belongs in here or in the dating section, since it technically is dealing with each topic.

 

My girlfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me a little over a month ago, pretty much out of the clear blue (and didn't really give me a concrete reason). For the first week or so, I had a really hard time handling it and accepting it. After a week, I went no contact, unfriended her on Facebook, etc, etc. She ended up blocking me on all social media. After that, I felt sort of free. I realized that as much as I loved her (and as much as I know she loved me), she struggled with giving me what I needed.

 

Here's where I am struggling.

 

I truly believe I am over her. Yes, I still love her (but I always will) and, if ever she did come around, I honestly think I would (correctly or incorrectly) give her a second chance. However, I am all about moving on. I have made all the proper steps to move on and am enjoying my life. In fact, I have started dating again. So far, I've been on some great dates where we have good conversation and talk for several hours pretty effortlessly. However, I am just not feeling a spark with any of these women and I'm not sure why.

 

With my ex, our first date was fantastic. It was flawless. It clicked. We clicked. She was the love of my life. I met her on an online dating site and she was the first, and only, one I dated off of it. Then we got into our relationship. Perhaps that's why (as I'm now trying the same site again), but I just keep going on these first dates where I don't feel anything towards these women. I'm not thinking about my ex during the date and I'm giving these women my full attention, but I just don't know what's wrong.

 

I sort of feel like my ex permanently dented my self-confidence or something.

[sbk24]

IMO you don't feel anything for these dates as you are not truly over your ex. Please don't force yourself to be over her as you will not heal properly. I am in the same position, got with a girl at a club but felt guilty, even though my ex cheated on me and is already with a fella.

 

Just be patient and maybe just enjoy single life for a bit. Don't get me wrong being in a relationship is wonderful but also single life can be too. You don't have to be insecure, paranoid or constantly informing on what you are doing etc.

 

Like you I believe that my ex was the love of my life but to be honest how can we say that if we haven't been in love with anyone else yet? We clearly weren't the love of their lives.

[StBreton]

Though you may have great dates...maybe the chemistry isn't there like with your ex. Maybe no one is measuring up to what the two of you shared. Just keep dating and see if you feel any spark.

 

If you aren't feeling any spark with anyone ...I think you're not over you ex enough to allow your heart to be open to a romantic attachment with someone new.

 

A good sign that you're over your ex might be you meet someone and "feel" there is potential ... it's almost a gut feeling ... at least that's how it is with me.

[inrepair]

Yeah, I'm not sure if it's just because it happened so quick and was so easy with her or what. I mean, I had loved before her, but she was definitely the love of my life, my longest relationship and someone I did see myself marrying. And she seemed to want those things as well, which was why the breakup was hard at first.

 

Then I got to thinking about things and learned from a third party that she had been questioning our relationship almost two months longer than she told me during the breakup. So I felt hurt when I found out that basically the last four months of our relationship were her questioning her feelings (though not communicating that) and she also said she could have made more time to see me during stressful times, but for whatever reason didn't try as hard to.

 

That sort of helped me get over it quicker.

 

Still, she was the perfect personality match for me and deep down I do know that. I guess maybe I'm prematurely reacting to only several dates of not feeling that immediate spark, but I still wonder.

[Satu]

It's too early for you to be over your ex, and too early for you to be dating.

 

Spend some time by yourself and on yourself.

[mightycpa]

I truly believe I am over her. Yes, I still love her (but I always will) and, if ever she did come around, I honestly think I would (correctly or incorrectly) give her a second chance.

BY DEFINITION, you are not over her. If you were, you wouldn't entertain the idea, and you'd no longer be in love.

 

I just keep going on these first dates where I don't feel anything towards these women. I'm not thinking about my ex during the date and I'm giving these women my full attention, but I just don't know what's wrong.

Nothing's wrong. Even if you'd never met your ex, it is completely unreasonable to assume you're going to feel something for every girl you meet, or even one in a string of the last 10 or 20. Stop looking for love. You'll never find it. Just go out and have a good time, and if nothing clicks for you, then nothing's clicking right now. That's all.

 

I sort of feel like my ex permanently dented my self-confidence or something.

Self-confidence has very little to do with feeling something for someone. Are you sure nothing else is going on with you?

 

I think maybe you need to re-examine your emotional state.

[inrepair]

It's too early for you to be over your ex, and too early for you to be dating.

 

Spend some time by yourself and on yourself.

 

Based on? People heal at different paces. When I discovered some of the things I did, it really helped speed up the process. Knowing that she had starting losing interest almost four months prior to breaking up with me irritated me and helped speed up the process a lot.

 

I don't feel as though I really have anything I need to work on, other than things people are always working on/striving towards.

 

BY DEFINITION, you are not over her. If you were, you wouldn't entertain the idea, and you'd no longer be in love.

 

Nothing's wrong. Even if you'd never met your ex, it is completely unreasonable to assume you're going to feel something for every girl you meet, or even one in a string of the last 10 or 20. Stop looking for love. You'll never find it. Just go out and have a good time, and if nothing clicks for you, then nothing's clicking right now. That's all.

 

Self-confidence has very little to do with feeling something for someone. Are you sure nothing else is going on with you?

 

I think maybe you need to re-examine your emotional state.

 

You never fall out of love with some people, in my opinion. She has, and will always have, a special place in my heart. Perhaps entertaining the idea of taking her back means I am not 100% over it, but I am a very firm believer in second chances, regardless of what the "standard" advice here is.

 

Perhaps self-confidence was the incorrect word. Perhaps it's more of an ego things that I am relating to the notion of not really "clicking" with someone on the first date. I have a decent dating history and for all of them aside from my most recent ex, it took a bit to "click" whereas with her, it was instantaneous.

 

I guess that is what I am now expecting and worried if I will ever find it.

Edited November 8, 2015 by inrepair

[didithappen]

Not sure if this belongs in here or in the dating section, since it technically is dealing with each topic.

 

My girlfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me a little over a month ago, pretty much out of the clear blue (and didn't really give me a concrete reason). For the first week or so, I had a really hard time handling it and accepting it. After a week, I went no contact, unfriended her on Facebook, etc, etc. She ended up blocking me on all social media. After that, I felt sort of free. I realized that as much as I loved her (and as much as I know she loved me), she struggled with giving me what I needed.

 

Here's where I am struggling.

 

I truly believe I am over her. Yes, I still love her (but I always will) and, if ever she did come around, I honestly think I would (correctly or incorrectly) give her a second chance. However, I am all about moving on. I have made all the proper steps to move on and am enjoying my life. In fact, I have started dating again. So far, I've been on some great dates where we have good conversation and talk for several hours pretty effortlessly. However, I am just not feeling a spark with any of these women and I'm not sure why.

 

With my ex, our first date was fantastic. It was flawless. It clicked. We clicked. She was the love of my life. I met her on an online dating site and she was the first, and only, one I dated off of it. Then we got into our relationship. Perhaps that's why (as I'm now trying the same site again), but I just keep going on these first dates where I don't feel anything towards these women. I'm not thinking about my ex during the date and I'm giving these women my full attention, but I just don't know what's wrong.

 

I sort of feel like my ex permanently dented my self-confidence or something.

 

Hey inrepair. I can relate to you so much right and I really sympathize with you. Like you I was with my girlfriend for a little over two years. I loved her like crazy and was in all respects a perfect boyfriend. It's been over two months and I thought I was getting better but my world got shattered again. She broke up with me for some lame reasons that I accepted but never understood. Like you she hid everything from me on social media but remained friends with me. I unfriended her. I know it hurts really bad right now; just focus on you right now, believe me. I hooked up with a girl two weeks after the fact and literally started crying after we were done. I'm a guy for ****s sake, I never cry. It's too soon for you to start dating if you still think you love her.

 

Time will heal you, it's just working it's way through the grieving process now. I know it hurts and you want her back, but try and accept that she is gone.

 

Today I learned that she was cheating on me and is dating the guy now. I lived with this guy. He was a joke and a shallow person who get's angry and is controlling; what she see's in him I'll never know. I took 10 steps backwards and have to heal all over again.

 

I almost did it before and I'll do it again.

[Protec]

Sounds like story of me and my lates ex. We really, really clicked. We met on online dating site, i sent the most stupid opening sentence ever and she replied. We talked for hours online, text messages, skype...she visited me, We talked, laughed. After our first meeting we decided that we want to date each other and get serious.

 

It was like i've known her for my entire life. We moved forward very fast and moved in together quite soon, only after a month of knowing each other.

 

We were very happy at first, everything was perfect. Then problems started arise and then she dumped me and i have never, EVER been this broken in my life.

 

I have been dumped before but i've always managed to get up on my feet pretty fast.

But this time i am a mess. I had never felt anything like that with anyone before in my life. She was something different. And i am afraid i cannot feel like that any more.

[Itspointless]

Based on? People heal at different paces. When I discovered some of the things I did, it really helped speed up the process. Knowing that she had starting losing interest almost four months prior to breaking up with me irritated me and helped speed up the process a lot.

 

I don't feel as though I really have anything I need to work on, other than things people are always working on/striving towards. [...] Perhaps self-confidence was the incorrect word. Perhaps it's more of an ego things that I am relating to the notion of not really "clicking" with someone on the first date.

Well there you have it. Your ego is bruised because how dare she. But my friend, you know what is under the emotion anger due to having a bruised ego?

 

Listen to the others, you really are not over her, sorry.