blind_otter Posted June 8, 2005 Posted June 8, 2005 Originally posted by Stone I went to Alanon and learned all about "DETACHMENT" so I have detached myself from him. I come home whenever I want, don't nag about him drinking and emotionally not taking his crap anymore. Now he is freaking out go fuigure. I have been at my mom's a few nights a week, but I won't leave my home, I won't let my son live out of a suitcase. In counceling I stated that I am finished trying in this relationship and we agreed to "co habitate" untill Sep after the baby is born and ready for Daycare so I can work, I am sticking to it and put my foot down I'm happy for you Heather. You deserve the best in life. You are one strong mamacita...
lilmoma1973 Posted June 10, 2005 Posted June 10, 2005 Hey Stone, If i was you i would dump his a$$ and quick .. You have to think about the welfare of you and the baby and he obviously isn't trying to change ..If he is a drunk then he might hit you and hurt you or the baby don't risk it get out.. Alcohol can make you violent if you consume to much .. Please think long and hard and what is best for you and this baby.. Good luck
Evilia Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Hi Stone, I know this was written awhile ago...but i'm wondering what ya did and if it helped. I am in the SAME situation as you. I am 35, he is 36. He has lost his other FIVE children due to his alcoholism. He has gone to meetings, then drinks, then goes, blah blah blah. I am five months pregnant. I just put my foot down and said you go into rehab or give me reciepts STAMPED 7 days a week from AA or im backing out. I can't take the pain this has caused me anymore. I KNOW this threat won't work...but at least I tried. I am then going to walk away and he will never know his son. I will not have someone in and out of his life. (He is an X addict as well, and I think he has been doing that as well) It breaks my heart that he ADMITS he is a full Blown alcoholic, yet there is nothing that is good enough to KEEP him sober. Luckily I don't live with him. Even more luckily I am moving 30 min away.
Author Stone Posted June 21, 2005 Author Posted June 21, 2005 Evilia- YOu should go to Alanon and dump him when you are ready. I am due in 2 weeks and he is still here but we are in seperate parts of the house I had to learn how to detach myself from him and learn that I CAN NOT CHANGE HIM! either will the baby. my selfesteem has been very low since I have become pregnant sounds like yours has to, because I would usually not deal with this crap but knowing that I won't be pregnant forever and after the baby is her I will straited my crap out gives me a huge releif. you do have a ways to go now, seek counceling, and talk to your doctor about your situation I probably should have spoke up sooner sO I could be on anti depressants, but didn't I wish I did because I have had a very depressed pregnancy. Is this your 1st child?
Lil Honey Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Stone: I have read your post, read most of the other posts, skimmed some. Unfortunately, I haven't been at this site often enough to know your story's details, however, I have a couple questions for you. If you are going to leave him, why does it matter what he does? Why does it matter that he goes off after Seaworld? Are you under the impression that he is actually going to make it to the baby's birth, but he might miss it if he goes away? Are you worried about another woman? (Let her HAVE him.) I think that going to Seaworld without him is an excellent idea. So your mom is going and you don't want to tell her the details. That's okay. Just tell her that he couldn't make it . . .
Evilia Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Thanks Stone. I'm curious, at these alanon meetings do they back you up? I mean MOST people would say, he is the Father. blah blah. (MOST people...not people who know him though) Lil Honey...I can't speak for Stone but in my situation, I care about him changing because WITHOUT alcohol he is a normal person. Add alcohol, then he is completely opposite. He is a big, fat, bald headed, gangster mexican, who packs his..(throw away) gun, and is bound to do anything. Complete opposites. I can NEVER have his drunk side around my child. My child as ALREADY been affected by this completely and totally. I don't mean this guy drinks on the weekends...or even gets severely slobbery drunk and puts a good one on. He is an admited alcoholic. He is 37 years old, and lives with his parents. Why? He has never really held a job down. His career was even trashed due to alcoholism. (He has been working since my pregnancy but BFD) When I got pregnant. (a definate ooooooppppssssss) He was sober for almost 4 months. In that time he got a new vehicle. He hasn't had one since 86!! He was excited of his accomplishments and was on the road to continuing them....BUT... The minute he found out I was pregnant he decided to "celebrate," and thats where the drinking again started. This baby means the WORLD to him for he is completely and totally obsessed with me. Unfortunately I need to always keep him arms legnth close to avoid a future murder sucicide. (I can hear it now..."Run girl, run!!") <<<Hard to understand, but I concider myself protected at all times. I don't know....its hard to understand. If he dosen't clean up NOW and until the birth (and after of course) and STAY clean...he will never see his child. He can't be trusted. He was to start his meetings yesterday. I have a lvl 2 ultrasound scheduled for today at 2. I told him if he has a reciept he can attend. (seeing the baby might wake him up) So we'll see. In one way I hope he shows...in another way I hope he dosent. I need to just go one way or the other. NOW. Thanks for listening to my vent. Lol. Evilia
blind_otter Posted June 21, 2005 Posted June 21, 2005 Originally posted by Evilia This baby means the WORLD to him for he is completely and totally obsessed with me. Unfortunately I need to always keep him arms legnth close to avoid a future murder sucicide. (I can hear it now..."Run girl, run!!") <<<Hard to understand, but I concider myself protected at all times. Don't make the mistake I did and think that you are protected at all times. Obession is a frightening , terrible, thing -- to joke about a possible murder/suicide is even worse. My exBF was obsessed with me. I miscarried the unplanned baby I was carrying and we broke up and he went crazy and broke into my house, tried to kill the friend who was staying with me because I was scared of my ex, and the only thing that saved me from being assaulted was my dog. In any event, I can't sit idly by if I see warning signs like this just to make myself feel better I have to tell you that you can't control him. Nothing will make him get better, not you, not a baby -- only HE can make himself better. Now my ex is sitting in jail. The trial is in 2 months. I am the state's key witness. You want to risk raising your child around someone that you describe as "obsessed with you"?? Please reconsider...
Author Stone Posted June 21, 2005 Author Posted June 21, 2005 Don't let him stress you out, I went to have a "Nonstress test" today because my baby is underweight, the only conclusion I can come up with is stress and it is due to him. I thought once my b/f seen his baby he would come around to, actually last week he made me 1 million promises that he is going to change and today he is drunk on the coutch An alcholic won't change for anyone but themselvs, check out some of ScarleyJones posts in this thread they may wake you up. Just because he is "THE" father doesn't mean he will be A father. Keep your head up don't let him disipoint you and please stay stress free.
shamen Posted June 22, 2005 Posted June 22, 2005 Hi Stone, I'm glad that you finally went to an Al-Anon meeting... definitely helps put things in perspective. I hope that you can walk away from him soon. I'm sure that it's maddening. Leaving my alcoholic drug-addict exbf was the best thing that I've done for myself in years and I still miss him. Weird, but I know that it was the right thing to do. It's been 6 months now. Try to stay sane. Many hugs!
Evilia Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 Thanks Blind...I know I am not actually "protected." I keep him arms legnth away at all times. Unfortunately due to HORMONES...some days I am like he can go to hell....other days I cry for my child that his father is a ugly a$$ drunk. Since I recently found out that he has been at his second home (bar) throughout this pregnancy, I completely feel betrayed, and all that I thought he was accomplishing...(with slips) was a bunch of bull. I feel good today. Thank GOD. I feel strong. I feel like I don't care if he is drinking as I type. (gosh...if I could feel this way daily!!!) Stone....Every time he sees a new pic, or even has heard the heartbeat he claims...."Thats it!!!" "The crap stops NOW...I am devoted to my child!" Every time I actually had hope. I am at a 75% thinking that there is no chance, no hope...not for who he is but what he is...an alcoholic. Alcohol is his teacher, his lover, his best friend. I can't compete with alcohol, and unfortunately either can his son....shoot his other FIVE kids couldn't either. I thought my son was different for the fact that he loves me so much....I now realize he is just obsessed with me. (well I knew that all along, lol) I continuously go through this "mourning" period. I hit the anger part....call him exclaiming my anger to him, and he then says or does something that gives me hope. I actually go weeks without contacting him...he will contact me via message just saying he is praying for me, he loves me blah blah blah. Not talking to him makes me feel sooooooo much better. Then I wake up...I realize what is happening....I say to myself, "He ain't gona get away with this!" I call him, and it starts all over again. I just want his ass BEAT for doing this to my son. BAD. With a BRICK. Lol. Well i'm going out of State for like a week to breathe. Hopefully it helps. Leaving for Az. tomorrow....bringing the laptop so i'll check back in. Thanks for all of your help. Prayers to you and I. Oh Stone...I failed to answer your question before...this is not my first child. I have two...12 and 5 in which I have full custody of. Peace. Evilia
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