Virgin26 Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 I have been dating a great guy for 6 months now. He's been taking me out on dates (paying most of the time), he's kind and funny. Overall, we hit it off really well. There is only a tiny problem, I never get any flowers or gifts from him (like ever) I'm a girly girl, and I love when a guy surprises me with flowers and a small gift. It doesn't have to be anything expensive, but it's the thought that counts. Even a single rose would make my day (if not week). Now this guy is not stingy, but he just never thought of any romantic gesture. I tried hinting that I really like flowers, but I don't think he got the hint Now how do I get a man to get me flowers and be more romantic? is it not that important as it is in my mind? should I let it go? I don't want to have to ask him because that would take away the meaning from the whole idea. I'm torn!
Ami1uwant Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 Are you saying flowers=romantic but other things aren't? He has paid for most dates..does that not matter at all? Yet you want glowers/gifts.
Author Virgin26 Posted November 7, 2015 Author Posted November 7, 2015 Are you saying flowers=romantic but other things aren't? He has paid for most dates..does that not matter at all? Yet you want glowers/gifts. is paying for a date romantic? Not for me I guess :-/ I don't mind paying now and then. But I feel like offering flowers and small gifts is more romantic. i.e. he thought of your when you're not around and wanted to do something to surprise you/make you happy. No?
carhill Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 Now how do I get a man to get me flowers and be more romantic? Men vary in sensory density so sometimes what you think is a strong hint doesn't register on their mate-meter. In my demographic I was used to women not being interested in things like flowers so I got out of the habit because, well, it saved me a ton of money and time for a gesture which wasn't valued. However, when I dated ladies from the FSU/CIS, where flowers are an important part of culture, I not only brought flowers to the lady but also to her mother. Different demographics, different actions. Also, different man with different sensitivities. All of us males are unique. You're dating one. Is it not that important as it is in my mind? Apparently not. Should I let it go? I don't want to have to ask him because that would take away the meaning from the whole idea. I'm torn! Well, there's a fine balance of one's wants, desires, needs, boundaries and how and when and where to communicate them. There's no perfect answer. Myself, I gleaned a lot of information about a woman's personal preferences when going 'shopping' with her, like a typical day date drive to the beach and wandering the shops and eateries and walking the beach one to one. If she had a particular interest, whether in something or a style or a behavior, it would come out. All that remained was paying attention to it. Of course, that works both ways, which indicates another avenue of interaction, noting and acting on a personal preference your dating partner exhibits. Lead by example. 2
katiegrl Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 I think for some people, flowers, gifts, are important, not for everyone though. Personally, I don't place much value on such material things, ironically though my fiance often surprises me with flowers, a pair of pretty earrings he think I might like, etc. Which I appreciate, but if truth be told, I don't need him to buy me *things* to feel happy and loved. But you do, so let's address that.. Are you familiar with the five live languages? They are: Receuving Gifts Quality Time Physical Touch Words of Affirmation Acts of Service Clearly one of yours is receiving gifts. Your boyfriend's isn't though so he doesn't understand this need. No need to read anything into that, like he doesn't love you or cherish you.... I am sure he does, his love language is just different from yours that's all. Perhaps you can buy the book and read it together! Explore the different languages and discuss it! Let him know your love language is receiving gifts, what's his? Mine is Quality Time. I place a lot of value on spending quality time with my fiance. He works two busy jobs, including a start up business, so we don't have much time together (mostly at night after 7:00) ...but the time we do spend is extemely special! Most people have more than one, my second language is Acts of Service. Words of Affirmation and Receiving Gifts are last on MY list. But everyone is different. Anyway, buying the book and reading together might be a good way to introduce the subject....without demanding he start buying you gifts and flowers, otherwise you will be one unhappy camper!
Ami1uwant Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 is paying for a date romantic? Not for me I guess :-/ I don't mind paying now and then. But I feel like offering flowers and small gifts is more romantic. i.e. he thought of your when you're not around and wanted to do something to surprise you/make you happy. No? What romantic things do you do?
Author Virgin26 Posted November 7, 2015 Author Posted November 7, 2015 I think for some people, flowers, gifts, are important, not for everyone though. Personally, I don't place much value on such material things, ironically though my fiance often surprises me with flowers, a pair of pretty earrings he think I might like, etc. Which I appreciate, but if truth be told, I don't need him to buy me *things* to feel happy and loved. But you do, so let's address that.. Are you familiar with the five live languages? They are: Receuving Gifts Quality Time Physical Touch Words of Affirmation Acts of Service Clearly one of yours is receiving gifts. Your boyfriend's isn't though so he doesn't understand this need. No need to read anything into that, like he doesn't love you or cherish you.... I am sure he does, his love language is just different from yours that's all. Perhaps you can buy the book and read it together! Explore the different languages and discuss it! Let him know your love language is receiving gifts, what's his? Mine is Quality Time. I place a lot of value on spending quality time with my fiance. He works two busy jobs, including a start up business, so we don't have much time together (mostly at night after 7:00) ...but the time we do spend is extemely special! Most people have more than one, my second language is Acts of Service. Words of Affirmation and Receiving Gifts are last on MY list. But everyone is different. Anyway, buying the book and reading together might be a good way to introduce the subject....without demanding he start buying you gifts and flowers, otherwise you will be one unhappy camper! Thank you! I will definitely get the book. Sounds like we express love in different ways.
Author Virgin26 Posted November 7, 2015 Author Posted November 7, 2015 What romantic things do you do? He mentioned that he likes home-cooked meals, and I'm a horrible cook I took a weekend cooking class and I surprised him with a home cooked meal. He likes sweet pastries, so I get him some whenever I can. I pay for some dates, I take care of him when he's sick, etc... He does show a lot of affection and love, and he makes sure that I have a good time whenever we're together. He is also a good communicator and always checks up on me (Which I greatly appreciate). It's only the minor "flower" problem that but bugs me. I feel like it shouldn't be a big deal, but somehow, it still bothers me. Makes me think there is something wrong with me for even thinking about these things
Qboro90 Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 I have been dating a great guy for 6 months now. He's been taking me out on dates (paying most of the time), he's kind and funny. Overall, we hit it off really well. There is only a tiny problem, I never get any flowers or gifts from him (like ever) I'm a girly girl, and I love when a guy surprises me with flowers and a small gift. It doesn't have to be anything expensive, but it's the thought that counts. Even a single rose would make my day (if not week). Now this guy is not stingy, but he just never thought of any romantic gesture. I tried hinting that I really like flowers, but I don't think he got the hint Now how do I get a man to get me flowers and be more romantic? is it not that important as it is in my mind? should I let it go? I don't want to have to ask him because that would take away the meaning from the whole idea. I'm torn! I've always loved getting flowers for the girls I date... Especially randomly, once or twice a month. It's such an easy thing to do and has always gotten great reactions and appreciations from the girls I was with. Even though it was something I did previously, my current gf, now fiancée told me early on in our relationship "one of my favorite things in the world is flowers, any kind of flower. If you ever wanna make me smile.... There's your hint" So she came flat out and said that she enjoyed it. Even though I had gotten her flowers before a bunch of times, it was nice of her to let me know how much she loves it and how it makes her smile. Try doing that casually while you're with your BF. Can be out at dinner and ask him "what's something a girl can do for you randomly, non sexual, that you'd really appreciate or get you to smile?" That will do 2 things . 1 - it will teach you something about your BF and fill you in on an area you may not have known about. 2 - clue him in on what would mean a lot to you. It's no different than telling him what you'd like for Christmas or your birthday this year. And don't think that you're telling him to do it. Chances are it's just never crossed his mind or he might think you'll think he's corny if he shows up with flowers. Let him know it's not at all and you'd love it. 1
lilmissjava Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 If a guy showed up at my door with flowers, I would probably swat him with them. Not really, but I would let on in early conversation that I don't like flowers. It's just a personal preference and I feel as strongly against them as you feel for them. Since you have proclaimed yourself to be a "girly girl" and if you feel so strongly about receiving flowers and gifts and the like, ask him. Maybe he's just not the type of guy to buy flowers and gifts. But you are right, small surprises now and again are generally accepted love principles.
Qboro90 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 If a guy showed up at my door with flowers, I would probably swat him with them. Not really, but I would let on in early conversation that I don't like flowers. It's just a personal preference and I feel as strongly against them as you feel for them. Since you have proclaimed yourself to be a "girly girl" and if you feel so strongly about receiving flowers and gifts and the like, ask him. Maybe he's just not the type of guy to buy flowers and gifts. But you are right, small surprises now and again are generally accepted love principles. Just curious.... What's with the disdain for flowers? Even "non girly girls" are allowed to enjoy/appreciate a nice bouquet.
anduina Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 The next time you watch a movie or TV show together and the guy gives flowers, make a big deal about how romantic a gesture it is and how you love flowers. He'll either get the smacked in the face hint or make a comment about how he dislikes giving flowers.
StBreton Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 (edited) He mentioned that he likes home-cooked meals, and I'm a horrible cook I took a weekend cooking class and I surprised him with a home cooked meal. He likes sweet pastries, so I get him some whenever I can. I pay for some dates, I take care of him when he's sick, etc... He does show a lot of affection and love, and he makes sure that I have a good time whenever we're together. He is also a good communicator and always checks up on me (Which I greatly appreciate). It's only the minor "flower" problem that but bugs me. I feel like it shouldn't be a big deal, but somehow, it still bothers me. Makes me think there is something wrong with me for even thinking about these things Invite your guy for a home cooked meal ... beforehand buy a vase...tell him the only thing you need him to bring is some flowers for the new vase you bought for the table. This will be a conversation opener during dinner...that you love flowers and they make you happy. I'm a big flower person OP ... every guy that I've dated has brought me flowers. I think you're guy might be clueless or dated someone who didn't like flowers and turned him off to the whole thing. You need to let him know how much this fills your love cup. Edited November 8, 2015 by StBreton
StBreton Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 Just curious.... What's with the disdain for flowers? Even "non girly girls" are allowed to enjoy/appreciate a nice bouquet. I'm wondering the same thing
kendahke Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 (edited) You need to tell him point blank to buy you flowers if getting them means that much to you. He tells you what he likes, but you want to drop hints and play "guess what I'm thinking". Own your voice and speak up for what you want. That is the fastest way of either getting it or finding out he's not the kind of guy who wants to drop money on flowers. Having said that, when you say "flowers", do you mean a mixed bouquet of lillies, etc., or are you talking a dozen roses? I have to ask how serious are you two? Have you both told one another "I love you"? What kinds of life plans is he discussing with you--not thinking out loud in earshot, but had a pointed discussion with you about concrete life plans? For some men, roses can carry a heavy meaning that they are very serious and he might not be there with you yet. While he may enjoy spending time with you, and is enjoying the pace right now, giving you roses could give you the impression that he's farther along in his feelings for you than he really is--and it opens a door to expectations he might not be ready to take on, emotionally. StBreton has the best idea to broach the subject. Edited November 8, 2015 by kendahke
Wewon Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 He mentioned that he likes home-cooked meals, and I'm a horrible cook I took a weekend cooking class and I surprised him with a home cooked meal. He likes sweet pastries, so I get him some whenever I can. I pay for some dates, I take care of him when he's sick, etc... He does show a lot of affection and love, and he makes sure that I have a good time whenever we're together. He is also a good communicator and always checks up on me (Which I greatly appreciate). It's only the minor "flower" problem that but bugs me. I feel like it shouldn't be a big deal, but somehow, it still bothers me. Makes me think there is something wrong with me for even thinking about these things Did he actually say that he likes homecooked meals and sweet pastries or did he drop a series of hints? My point being is you were clearly prompted on how to do things he found pleasing, he's only getting hints, you might extend him the same courtesy. 1
Gaeta Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 I have been dating a great guy for 6 months now. He's been taking me out on dates (paying most of the time), he's kind and funny. Overall, we hit it off really well. You're complaining on a full stomach. Do you know how hard it is to find a man like yours? You have a genuine man in your life that gives you time and attention, takes you out, and you complain because he doesn't offer you flowers? Like really? 4
Snakechammah Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 You're complaining on a full stomach. Do you know how hard it is to find a man like yours? You have a genuine man in your life that gives you time and attention, takes you out, and you complain because he doesn't offer you flowers? Like really? LOL Gaeta! Best post ever!! 1
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