Odinani Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 On OLD particularly so many guys come across as very thirsty. There's one guy I exchanged messages with yesterday. He seemed OK. We have a lot in common in terms of interests I think but from his photo he's not that attractive. He messaged me first, I messaged him back, he messaged me back once more. That was yesterday afternoon. By last night he'd messaged me again [i think it said "how are you this evening?"] And now he's just messaged me yet again. [This one says, "Hope to hear from you soon."] There are two other guys I'm texting back and forth with who seem to get very upset if I haven't replied within half an hour. And on top of that another guy keeps insisting on calling me (for idle chit chat really) and he seems very put out when I don't answer. I can't really sit around while at work having idle chit chat with this guy. Can't guys chill? Link to post Share on other sites
lilmissjava Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 There is absolutely nothing wrong with letting these guys know that you are in fact busy. Don't be so available, they will get the hint. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Odinani Posted November 7, 2015 Author Share Posted November 7, 2015 There is absolutely nothing wrong with letting these guys know that you are in fact busy. Don't be so available, they will get the hint. If I was available I'd be replying to their messages and answering their calls. Their irritation is with the fact I'm not limitlessly available to them. Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 I don't do OLD but from my understanding women get tons of responses while men have to send out 50 some odd messages before getting a response so a lot of men just send out mass messages in hopes of getting a response. It's a numbers game for men. Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 I've had a few "impatient" ones ... learned these are Red Flags and immediately dismiss the guys. I am not sure if the feeling behind the impatience is anger, entitlement, or something else. I really don't want to know as my experience has been that these types are too "needy" and have the tendency to go off the deep end. My mental health and stability is too important to allow anyone in my life who puts forth this kind of agenda. It is important to get back to people involved in my life in a timely manner ... but I owe nothing to people I haven't met or just went out with a time or two...they do not qualify as "involved" ... merely acquaintances. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Karine26 Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 I think some guys just want to know right away if you are flakey or not. I have had guys ask me for my number after one email because they want to hear my voice and make sure I'm not "fake" (whatever that means). I guess some men just don't want to get excited about something that is not worth getting excited about. But since you said you were messaging a guy that wasn't that attractive he was probably just excited and overwhelmed that someone actually responded to him and got overly eager. As far as the guys who got upset because you didn't reply in a half hour, red flag to me. I wouldn't bother writing them back. They sound like they could be a little bitter by the Online dating process and taking you being busy with ignoring them (because they have probably gone through that situation over and over again) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Odinani Posted November 7, 2015 Author Share Posted November 7, 2015 I agree with you! I've had a few "impatient" ones ... learned these are Red Flags and immediately dismiss the guys. I am not sure if the feeling behind the impatience is anger, entitlement, or something else. I really don't want to know as my experience has been that these types are too "needy" and have the tendency to go off the deep end. My mental health and stability is too important to allow anyone in my life who puts forth this kind of agenda. It is important to get back to people involved in my life in a timely manner ... but I owe nothing to people I haven't met or just went out with a time or two...they do not qualify as "involved" ... merely acquaintances. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Odinani Posted November 7, 2015 Author Share Posted November 7, 2015 I think some guys just want to know right away if you are flakey or not. I have had guys ask me for my number after one email because they want to hear my voice and make sure I'm not "fake" (whatever that means). I guess some men just don't want to get excited about something that is not worth getting excited about. But since you said you were messaging a guy that wasn't that attractive he was probably just excited and overwhelmed that someone actually responded to him and got overly eager. As far as the guys who got upset because you didn't reply in a half hour, red flag to me. I wouldn't bother writing them back. They sound like they could be a little bitter by the Online dating process and taking you being busy with ignoring them (because they have probably gone through that situation over and over again) Actually that is another bugbear. Guys who ask for your number after just one message or so. Link to post Share on other sites
harcourt Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 Are you done with the guy that you went on nine or so dates with? Link to post Share on other sites
Wewon Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 I don't do OLD but from my understanding women get tons of responses while men have to send out 50 some odd messages before getting a response so a lot of men just send out mass messages in hopes of getting a response. It's a numbers game for men. I think that this line of thought deserves to be fleshed out more, particularly because its a good contrast to the "clawing and grabbing" image that is currently being portrayed. OLD is a completely different experience for women, it simply can't be compared to men's experiences. Think of differently you approach something when you seem to be flushed with options versus when you have to hunt for everything you get. Its human nature for your sense urgency to change. Its only wise for a man to figure out how serious a woman is versus if she is simply getting her ego stroked by collecting messages. Now, don't confuse that with excusing rude or crass behavior from men, that will never be okay. But a lot of prolonged messaging and fading in and out are usually signs that a woman's attention span has met its limit and she's moving on to the next shiny object. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Httm Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 On OLD particularly so many guys come across as very thirsty. There's one guy I exchanged messages with yesterday. He seemed OK. We have a lot in common in terms of interests I think but from his photo he's not that attractive. He messaged me first, I messaged him back, he messaged me back once more. That was yesterday afternoon. By last night he'd messaged me again [i think it said "how are you this evening?"] And now he's just messaged me yet again. [This one says, "Hope to hear from you soon."] There are two other guys I'm texting back and forth with who seem to get very upset if I haven't replied within half an hour. And on top of that another guy keeps insisting on calling me (for idle chit chat really) and he seems very put out when I don't answer. I can't really sit around while at work having idle chit chat with this guy. Can't guys chill? So, you chose not to respond to him last night before bed, even though you got the message, and chose not to do it this morning when you got up... So, you are rude to people, yet are complaining about THEM!? Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 I've heard the same from other women I've met online. I think the reason I do actually get first dates from online is because i'm patient. I message a woman. Then I move onto the next woman to message. If they don't respond I don't message them again. I never double message either. Why? If she is interested she will respond. eventually. Also, i've found that if a woman doesn't respond if I message her again a few months later when my pics are different, they may respond because they simply don't remember me. LOL! I'm glad to know my patients leaves me forgettable instead of persistence making me annoying. Link to post Share on other sites
Httm Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 I think some guys just want to know right away if you are flakey or not. I have had guys ask me for my number after one email because they want to hear my voice and make sure I'm not "fake" (whatever that means). I guess some men just don't want to get excited about something that is not worth getting excited about. But since you said you were messaging a guy that wasn't that attractive he was probably just excited and overwhelmed that someone actually responded to him and got overly eager. As far as the guys who got upset because you didn't reply in a half hour, red flag to me. I wouldn't bother writing them back. They sound like they could be a little bitter by the Online dating process and taking you being busy with ignoring them (because they have probably gone through that situation over and over again) But it wasn't a half hour. He messaged her in the afternoon and she still hasn't responded to him a day later, though she clearly got the messages. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 A couple of days ago a man messaged me while I was online so I replied right away. Then he messaged me but I was off line, I deactivate my phone notification, I don't want to be bothered during the day that I got a POF messages, so he sends me a message and I replied the following day. He sent me a message accusing me to be a player. Really..... There are 2 times of impatient men. There is the insecure impatient, and there is no BS impatient. The insecure ones are the type in my above example. The No BS type are like the one man I have a date with tonight. We exchanged 3 messages online the day before, he asked for my number yesterday, we have a date tonight. That's the way I like it ! Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 But it wasn't a half hour. He messaged her in the afternoon and she still hasn't responded to him a day later, though she clearly got the messages. Although I "see" I have messages ... my life can get pretty hectic with work, kids, activities ... if I'm on the run and I've messaged back and forth with someone I feel a connection with...I'll say "I'm on the run message later" just so they know. If it's a random person ... I don't take the time out during my running around. It's difficult to do on an iphone as well so I may see a message and not message back till I'm on my laptop. Maybe it is different for women ... we do get soooo many messages. I don't leave my profile up anymore because I only want to converse with a few people at a time. That way I only have to respond to a few ... even then there are days when I am on the run ... especially during my "kid weeks" I expect guys to understand this ... my time with my kids is more valuable than some random person or anyone I meet on line ... those people come and go in life...my kids, family, friends, etc. are the mainstays. I think if people didn't "ghost" on one another ... people would feel more inclined to take time out of their day to respond ... I used to actually stop what I was doing and take time last year when I first started dating again ... I learned quickly that the whole dating thing is easy come easy go ... OL people are, for the most part, a blip in my life ... though they may want to get to the point of meeting me ASAP ... if I don't meet their criteria ... poof (vice versa too). Dating didn't used to be that way. So OL people are way down on my priority list. My investment is pretty low these days. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 I usually ask women out after 3-5 messages. Don't really care how long they take to respond. The ones that say no and want to message more back and forth...I never end up meeting them. They still expect me to know when the right time to ask them out is and I don't have a clue when that is. I even asked one are you going to ask me out when you're ready? She said no and you'll just know when to do it. I clearly don't know when to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
J21 Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 The thirsty guy gets the drink? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 Some guys are so impatient! from his photo he's not that attractive. Perception rules. Link to post Share on other sites
oregon0011 Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 On OLD particularly so many guys come across as very thirsty. There's one guy I exchanged messages with yesterday. He seemed OK. We have a lot in common in terms of interests I think but from his photo he's not that attractive. He messaged me first, I messaged him back, he messaged me back once more. That was yesterday afternoon. By last night he'd messaged me again [i think it said "how are you this evening?"] And now he's just messaged me yet again. [This one says, "Hope to hear from you soon."] There are two other guys I'm texting back and forth with who seem to get very upset if I haven't replied within half an hour. And on top of that another guy keeps insisting on calling me (for idle chit chat really) and he seems very put out when I don't answer. I can't really sit around while at work having idle chit chat with this guy. Can't guys chill? Why are you giving your info and number out to atleast three different guys? This is nothing compared to how girls act. If a girl texts me from online dating and I don't text back quickly, they often times send nasty messages. Something like "I don't play games". Etc Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 (edited) There is a couple of things going on A lot of guys online are indeed impatient and maybe a little needy. But the other thing you probably dont get is that you probably have tons of other guys to message. Likely he had just you. So your perception will be skewed by all the messages you are dealing with. Where as he is just thinking of this one nice woman he met online. Throw in multi dating a bunch of guys, and I can see why you would see these guys contact as excessive. Edited November 7, 2015 by joseb Link to post Share on other sites
Author Odinani Posted November 7, 2015 Author Share Posted November 7, 2015 But it wasn't a half hour. He messaged her in the afternoon and she still hasn't responded to him a day later, though she clearly got the messages. I don't have to reply to him at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 Since you'll never have a shortage w/OLD, you just stop talking to any guy when they showcase needy tendencies. No need to deal with it at all. If anything, I think it's a great way to feel those types of guys out. You purposely wait to respond. If a guy is patient and allows you to get back to him, keep talking to him. If he freaks out and complains about your lack of response time, he's done. It's that simple. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
oregon0011 Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 Since you'll never have a shortage w/OLD, you just stop talking to any guy when they showcase needy tendencies. No need to deal with it at all. If anything, I think it's a great way to feel those types of guys out. You purposely wait to respond. If a guy is patient and allows you to get back to him, keep talking to him. If he freaks out and complains about your lack of response time, he's done. It's that simple. Lol And the other guys who are laid back are married, have a gf, just want sex, are talking to 25 girls at once etc. Guys send out so many messages in 10 minutes that you just see who replies. There isn't much that is needy or impatient. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 Since you'll never have a shortage w/OLD, you just stop talking to any guy when they showcase needy tendencies. No need to deal with it at all. If anything, I think it's a great way to feel those types of guys out. You purposely wait to respond. If a guy is patient and allows you to get back to him, keep talking to him. If he freaks out and complains about your lack of response time, he's done. It's that simple. Pretty much. One of my female friends was over at my place for a party. The next morning we were having coffee (she was drunk & I wouldn't let her drive so she crashed on the couch) she showed me two texts. One was at 5 from a guy asking when he could buy her a drink. Then she got another from him at 10 saying "fine, don't answer me" That man may buy her a drink but he'd be wasting his money because he pretty much killed any chances he had with her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Odinani Posted November 7, 2015 Author Share Posted November 7, 2015 Many of the guys who are laid back simply have more of a clue about how to approach women without coming off as needy IME Lol And the other guys who are laid back are married, have a gf, just want sex, are talking to 25 girls at once etc. Guys send out so many messages in 10 minutes that you just see who replies. There isn't much that is needy or impatient. Link to post Share on other sites
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