Iceshowers Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 If someone you have been dating for a few months all of a sudden dropped off the face of the earth, what would be your initial thoughts? Especially if you were hitting it off right and enjoyed each other? And you have tried to contact them from different sources? How long would you wait until you figure they're either dead or they don't want you? How do you find closure for yourself?
CarrieT Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 You find closure within yourself - ALWAYS. Closure never comes from another human being but is always internal anyway. Another's words or actions (or, in the case, INACTION and SILENCE) should be closure enough. 1
pidgeon1010 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 (edited) The writing is on the wall. You've already tried to contact him from different sources (cringing). Sounds like he is no longer interested but didn't have the decency to let you know. If you two weren't exclusive, he was probably dating other women and decided on someone else. Probably didn't want to deal with any emotional outbursts/questions. My initial thoughts would be he wasn't interested (vs. he had died). I am sure someone would have responded to one of your inquiries to let you know if he had died or something else had happened to him. Time is your friend. Try to find activities that you enjoy to occupy yourself. When you're ready, get back out there on the dating scene. I had something similar happen and I just let it go. I didn't reach out and about a year later, he texted me out of the blue. "Hi [my name], this is [name]. Not sure if you remember me." When I didn't respond, he sent another text a week later "I know this is random but would you be interested in getting together?" Silence from me. I haven't heard from him since. Good riddance. Edited November 8, 2015 by pidgeon1010
Author Iceshowers Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 Thank you for the advice. We were exclusive and he obviously was lying. I saw his FB and he's now in a relationship with some other chick. He changed it the day he went ghost on me. And here I was thinking his ass was dead, probably would have been better off lol.
dumbass2 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Yep, he is dead....to you now. Be thankful it didn't go on very long and never let him back in in case he ends up getting dumped in his current relationship. Not acceptable to vanish like that. Never. 1
lollipopspot Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Since it was ascertained that he's not dead, and he was just a coward who didn't have the guts to just break it off with you, then the mature thing would be to leave him to his cowardly life. And yet...it would be tempting to say something to him, "Hey coward..."
BC1980 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Since it was ascertained that he's not dead, and he was just a coward who didn't have the guts to just break it off with you, then the mature thing would be to leave him to his cowardly life. And yet...it would be tempting to say something to him, "Hey coward..." Yes, it is tempting, but doing something like that never results in anything good. For one, he might have you blocked or not even read what you write. He might read it and not answer (most likely), and then you will feel more the fool. Even worse, he might spin a story about you being the crazy ex because you contacted him. You probably won't get the reaction you want, which would be him admitting wrongdoing.
Author Iceshowers Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 I have already messaged him before I realized what has actually happened (wondering what's going on and if he's ok). Then I sent a last "hey *******" message when I found out the truth thanking him for doing me a favor pretty much. I'm good now. I have been talking to other potentials since then.
lollipopspot Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Yes, it is tempting, but doing something like that never results in anything good. For one, he might have you blocked or not even read what you write. He might read it and not answer (most likely), and then you will feel more the fool. Even worse, he might spin a story about you being the crazy ex because you contacted him. You probably won't get the reaction you want, which would be him admitting wrongdoing. I know, but it can be cathartic. As long as you're not expecting anything from him. I wouldn't let myself feel like a fool for saying something to a person who blew me off after dating me for months.
Author Iceshowers Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 Last night, after a week of ghosting/no contact, he sends me a longggg text message. Saying how he doesn't appreciate me labeling him as a monster, that he didn't have his phone at all because it was broken and he didn't have the money to get it fixed. Mentioned twice how we weren't in a relationship, just getting to know each other, and that he wasn't seeing any other woman at all.. yet doesn't even mention his fb and the relationship status. I did respond to him, but kept my cool. Didn't even bother arguing or throwing ****s his way. Told him don't bother explaining anymore and "just do you". But in some weird way, I felt more calm after that. I didn't need him to text me, but knowing it bothered him what he did, enough for him to mention a couple of times in his long text how he's not a monster and he doesn't like being pegged as a bad person, made me feel better lol
sandylee1 Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 He's not worth your headspace. I'm sure he could have found a way to contact you if he wanted to. What happened to using a computer and emailing you or sending a message via FB. Consider him a childish fool who is now someone else's headache.
candie13 Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 I am sorry to hear that you had to go through this, OP..If there's any consolation, he'll be pulling the exact same stunt to the new chick. This sort of people are fakers, emotionally unavailable. Knowing is always better than not knowing! If I were you, I would have written that "hello, bastard" text to him, on fb and with his new gf in copy. She needs to Know. You would have known better if the previous chick would have warned you, even if he is right and from his perspective, you were only getting to know eachother. It's called leading a person on and sheds big light on other more important personality shortcomings. 1
VeveCakes Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 It's not easy. Myself I went on vacation to Cuba, it helped ease the pain. I dated someone for 4 months, spent every day with him, he told me he loved me, wanted to marry me. Etc. Then POOF one day he was gone and wouldn't return any of my calls. I didn't handle it well. We ordered cabs and pizza to his place for months lol. I really went into a dark hole. As time went on I healed. The hardest thing is not knowing why or why they couldn't have just said they didn't want to date you. Three years later he reaches out to me on Facebook. Divorced twice, two kids with different women. It was a blessing in disguise. Just remember that, it could be helping you out in the long run. 4
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