Triggs1234 Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 (edited) New to this site, but have been struggling quite a bit to understand my situation. I was friends with a girl for 2+ years and during that time we became very close and became pretty much best friends. We had both been in separate relationships when we initially met and supported each other through hard times like friends would do. Both of our relationships ended, pretty much because they didn't work out. The past 14+ months we became closer and closer, and had talked about dating etc. We both thought it was a good idea being that we had always been close and very attracted to each other physically and emotionally. Initially, i did not want a relationship because I believed I needed time to clear my head after my previous relationship and to just be on my own and focus with my graduate work etc. She asked for a relationship back in November of last year and I just was not ready at that time. She was upset that I didn't want one and felt like I only wanted to remain as friends for good. Not the case... So fast forward a few months and we began dating. We had a lot of great times and everything seemed natural. She was moving to NYC to start her career this past August when she told me that nearly 8 months prior after I said I did not want a relationship, she had slept with one of her ex boyfriends. She said she didn't tell me, because she didn't want to "lose me" and was being selfish. She said she was very sorry and that she would "make it up to me". It was a difficult thing to grasp, but I had to view it that we weren't "together" at that time, so she was free to make her own choices. Regardless, she told me 1 week before she left to move. It was difficult at first. I visited her once for a week when she moved into her new place back in September and I thought we had a very good time. She was excited about the future etc. A week+ later we had a small fight that led to her saying she needed time alone and space. She said she was "hurt" by how she hurt me and how she hid that from me for so long. She needed time to work on herself, and be able to be happy with herself. I didn't really understand all of this at the time. She started to try to get space from me and distance herself. Initially she stated we would remain together and this "space" was temporary. She began going out a lot and enjoying her time in NY. She has a lot of friends and close friends in NY, and has been keeping busy on weekends hanging with them. A few weeks later, she said she couldn't be in a relationship anymore, because she could not "give me what I deserve". I was completely surprised by that especially for how much she promised me that she would make efforts to make things work etc. Regardless, I tried remaining friends with her while she needed time alone, but everytime I talked to her it felt like i was a burden on her and that I was bothering her. She started to blame me for her being stressed and said she was unhappy to talk to me etc. She even mentioned to me that her friends didn't understand why she didn't just "block me" and end things for good. Well, now I have not talked to her in 3+ weeks mainly due to the fact she has started the no-contact and has completely blocked me from all aspects. I did reach out to her three weeks ago and just said I would like to remain friends and what not, and she replied back with that she did not think I could "handle being friends". I wasn't sure what that meant exactly because we were best friends before we started dating etc. Now 3 weeks later, she suddenly blocked me from Facebook and deleted my family off as well. I just feel that the whole time alone and to make herself better was almost like a ploy to cover up reality that she maybe did not want this as much as i thought. She said she had never been out of a relationship a while and always relied on a guy to make her happy and that has left her with no self worth? Although I have not talked to her personally in a few weeks, she had been in contact with my sibling and had mentioned that "I try too hard" and that cannot "emotionally risk being together". Just very confused that we went from being best friends, to now her completely throwing me out of her life, when all I have done is support her decisions. And I think deleting someone on FB is just one way of coping, but the timing suggest that her initial "I need time alone" has turned into her being with someone else. Edited November 7, 2015 by Triggs1234
mightycpa Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 Supply and demand. When there's too much of something people want, it loses value - fast. When there's too little of something people want, it rises in value - fast. Way too much supply of you, so you lost value, and she lost interest - fast vs. far too little supply of her, and you can't seem to get enough. 1
Author Triggs1234 Posted November 7, 2015 Author Posted November 7, 2015 Supply and demand. When there's too much of something people want, it loses value - fast. When there's too little of something people want, it rises in value - fast. Way too much supply of you, so you lost value, and she lost interest - fast vs. far too little supply of her, and you can't seem to get enough. I am not sure what you mean by too much supply of me? Would you be able to explain a bit more? I appreciate the response.
crederer Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 I am not sure what you mean by too much supply of me? Would you be able to explain a bit more? I appreciate the response. I think he means you made yourself too available. She got bored with it and even a little annoyed. You were too clingy, basically. 1
Author Triggs1234 Posted November 7, 2015 Author Posted November 7, 2015 I think he means you made yourself too available. She got bored with it and even a little annoyed. You were too clingy, basically. Ahh, understandable. I'm not sure if the having me blocked is temporary until she feels she could be friends and what not. Not sure if I should give it another month and try to reach out or just let it rest at this point.
sandylee1 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 I think she wants to explore what else is out there. NYC is a big place and she doesn't want to be in a relationship while she's moving to the next chapter of her life. You seem like a nice guy. ....leave her to do what she needs to... and know that you haven't done anything wrong...she probably wants to be single and free to do what she wants. I wouldn't advise getting back with her should the opportunity arise in the future. Being friends, then lovers really can complicate things. It happened to me once. ... friends then we got into a relationship. We broke up and haven't talked since. I ignored a friend request from him on FB recently. Too much history. Remain NC and try and get on with your own thing. Spend time on hobbies to distract you and in time...you'll feel better. Go out with friends and don't put your life on hold.
Author Triggs1234 Posted November 8, 2015 Author Posted November 8, 2015 Thank you for the response sandylee1. Truly appreciate that. It is a bit tough for me to venture out and go out etc especially the timing of preparing to pass my board exam and starting my career. I also live in quite a small town where most people I have known since HS are still going to the same bars and still doing nothing with their lives and I try to refrain from doing that. Nearly all of my great friends do not live here or remotely close. It has definitely been a hard thing to go through. I completely agree with that once you become emotionally invested and step into the boundaries of being lovers it is tough to return to something less. She stated to me originally that it did indeed have nothing to do with me and that just where she was in her life she needed to be alone and be able to experience life. She is very outgoing and beautiful girl, only 25, so I definitely understand that she wants to experience new things in a big city. Just a tough thing to swallow that while we were in grad school together and living close by, I was good enough but now she feels she no longer needs me to be there for her support. Maybe I am over analyzing things, time will tell.
Author Triggs1234 Posted November 9, 2015 Author Posted November 9, 2015 She reached out to me and informed me that she has moved on and has started seeing someone else. She says she is sorry for how she has handled this, but "wishes" I would understand how hard it is being away from each other to make things work ever. I replied with a simple text, and said I wish you nothing but the best. Quite sure she was expecting me to flip out. Took the high road. 1
crederer Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 She reached out to me and informed me that she has moved on and has started seeing someone else. She says she is sorry for how she has handled this, but "wishes" I would understand how hard it is being away from each other to make things work ever. I replied with a simple text, and said I wish you nothing but the best. Quite sure she was expecting me to flip out. Took the high road. Now don't follow up with anything else. Especially when you've been drinking.
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