Texting/talking every day to mysterious silence?

[h57zf]

I'm an expat living in a foreign country. Last year or thereabouts I met a girl who was an exchange student from two countries over at the time at a social event. After we were acquaintances for a while she let her interest in me be known to a mutual friend, who communicated the message to me.

 

The first time we met in a planned way (as oppose to just happening to be in the same place) we went out in a small group as is common over here so there's no pressure. We had a good time and a good conversation, and exchanged numbers/contact info. The second time we met up (still called it a meetup at this point) was alone. By the third time I jokingly said "Can I call this time a date?" and she said yes. We met eight or nine times in total over a period of 2.5 months, before she went back to her own country (3 hours by plane to her city).

 

Since then we've been chatting almost every day. If not every day then maybe there's a one day break at the most. Mainly about ordinary stuff like how our day was, and sometimes about other stuff like if I plan to return to my own country, what I'd look for in a wife, if I plan to have kids and so on. Usually she was very talkative with me, sometimes even asking about my religious studies and hinting at a desire to convert. There were only two breaks in our conversation. One when There were only two breaks in our conversation. One was I had to go out of town for a week, so I didn't get to reply. Our mutual friend (the person who introduced us) called me up when I got back and said "Is everything OK? You didn't message or reply to so-and-so for a few days and she is a little worried." The second was when according to her her iPad broke and she couldn't use the messaging app and we were out of contact for 3 days.

 

At one point about 3 weeks ago we were making plans to meet up again either in her city or in a third city. Last week though she seems to have disappeared and stopped responding to messages.

 

What gives?

[emi]

Try ask your mutual friend if he/she has a clue.

How you guys maintain contact? If you use facebook, whatsapp its possible to know if they online or not...or atleast when she was last online

[Michelle ma Belle]

I'm not sure where you're from or what background you and this girl are but using a friend as a go-between already seems very odd to me. Feel free to explain. Also how old are you both?

 

Just reading it as it, I'd say that she's behaving like she's less interested these days. That's not to say she's completely over you but it's that whole out of sight out of mind kind of thing. Life takes over, things happen, she may have met other people or have other distractions in her life and the lapse in responding, particularly to meet again, might be her way of delaying the inevitable whatever that may be.

 

LDR are very challenging and difficult to navigate at the best of times. If you're concerned with her lack of communication why not connect with the "friend" - she seems to know everything anyway. You'd probably have much better luck getting an answer from her than from anyone on here.

 

Good luck.

[h57zf]

I'm not sure where you're from or what background you and this girl are but using a friend as a go-between already seems very odd to me. Feel free to explain. Also how old are you both?

 

Just reading it as it, I'd say that she's behaving like she's less interested these days. That's not to say she's completely over you but it's that whole out of sight out of mind kind of thing. Life takes over, things happen, she may have met other people or have other distractions in her life and the lapse in responding, particularly to meet again, might be her way of delaying the inevitable whatever that may be.

 

LDR are very challenging and difficult to navigate at the best of times. If you're concerned with her lack of communication why not connect with the "friend" - she seems to know everything anyway. You'd probably have much better luck getting an answer from her than from anyone on here.

 

Good luck.

 

Our friend hasn't really been involved in the relationship since we set up the first date. The only thing our friend did was say that this girl asked about me, and then suggested that maybe I give her a call and set something up. A bit strange, I'd say but maybe she didn't feel right approaching me.

 

How you guys maintain contact? If you use facebook, whatsapp its possible to know if they online or not...or atleast when she was last online

She doesn't have facebook. I've confirmed she doesn't because we have a few mutual friends. We use a different messaging app. It lets you see if a message was read but not the last time they were online, unfortunately.

[tronprogram]

This is the part I hate about LDRs. The silence. There comes a time when Occam's razor (the simplest explanation is the most likely one) just doesn't cut it after a certain period of time. Of course, since you went a whole week without telling her where you were, maybe she thinks you're slacking on your end too?

 

You didn't say how old she was, so that could have something to do with it. I say if she's in her early to mid 20s, this is about right. I feel like girls don't really learn relationship/communication manners until they're a little bit older. Then again, some of them never learn them. *shrug* In LDRs, it's a rule that you should tell your SO what you're doing. One day, my GF Skyped with her mom all morning and didn't talk to me until like 1pm that day (and I'd ALWAYS heard from her by 11 at the latest). I tried not to think much of it, but I still might've done a Google news search to see if she'd been identified in some kind of accident. But again, this proves that Occam's razor is a helluva thing. Maybe your girl will come around at some point?

[h57zf]

This is the part I hate about LDRs. The silence. There comes a time when Occam's razor (the simplest explanation is the most likely one) just doesn't cut it after a certain period of time. Of course, since you went a whole week without telling her where you were, maybe she thinks you're slacking on your end too?

That was a few months ago and we got over that already.

 

You didn't say how old she was, so that could have something to do with it. I say if she's in her early to mid 20s, this is about right.

I just realized I forgot to mention this. We're both in our late 20's.

 

Sometimes in the back of my mind the simplest explanation is that she's found somebody else, which is always possible given the fact that we're 1,700 miles apart. I hope it's not the case but with these things they do happen.

[Brady_to_Moss]

LDR i am finding is....not...that great. I am in one now and i love this girl..but i am in a similar situation...contact is slowing a lot

[h57zf]

This is the part I hate about LDRs. The silence. There comes a time when Occam's razor (the simplest explanation is the most likely one) just doesn't cut it after a certain period of time. Of course, since you went a whole week without telling her where you were, maybe she thinks you're slacking on your end too?

 

You didn't say how old she was, so that could have something to do with it. I say if she's in her early to mid 20s, this is about right. I feel like girls don't really learn relationship/communication manners until they're a little bit older. Then again, some of them never learn them. *shrug* In LDRs, it's a rule that you should tell your SO what you're doing. One day, my GF Skyped with her mom all morning and didn't talk to me until like 1pm that day (and I'd ALWAYS heard from her by 11 at the latest). I tried not to think much of it, but I still might've done a Google news search to see if she'd been identified in some kind of accident. But again, this proves that Occam's razor is a helluva thing. Maybe your girl will come around at some point?

 

She suddenly reappeared today and said that her iPad was stolen.

 

Am I being a bit paranoid in thinking it's a bad excuse?

[TMichaels]

She suddenly reappeared today and said that her iPad was stolen.

 

Am I being a bit paranoid in thinking it's a bad excuse?

 

No Internet cafes in her neck of the woods? No one she knows has a smartphone, computer, or other Internet device she could have borrowed to send you a quick message?

 

Dunno, but in this day in age doesn't take all that much effort to reach out and stay in touch even if your main/usual communication media is lost/stolen/broken.

 

Best,

TMichaels

[h57zf]

No Internet cafes in her neck of the woods? No one she knows has a smartphone, computer, or other Internet device she could have borrowed to send you a quick message?

 

Dunno, but in this day in age doesn't take all that much effort to reach out and stay in touch even if your main/usual communication media is lost/stolen/broken.

 

Best,

TMichaels

 

I suppose it's a bit odd, but at the same time not that unbelievable.

 

Well our main mode of communication is a mobile messaging app. Problem is that accounts are tied to your device (i.e. if you get a new device you need both on hand to transfer them). Also we live in different countries so calling/texting is prohibitively expensive.

[ExpatInItaly]

I suppose it's a bit odd, but at the same time not that unbelievable.

 

Well our main mode of communication is a mobile messaging app. Problem is that accounts are tied to your device (i.e. if you get a new device you need both on hand to transfer them). Also we live in different countries so calling/texting is prohibitively expensive.

 

All you can really do now is see what happens from here on out

 

If she continues to be spotty with contact, then it's not just a stolen iPad problem.

[h57zf]

All you can really do now is see what happens from here on out

 

If she continues to be spotty with contact, then it's not just a stolen iPad problem.

 

Seems that contact has resumed its normal pace even if I'm slowing down because I've been busy.

 

She's passing through my city en route for a business trip and we're planning to spend a day together before she continues on. And she'll be here on the way home as well, so we'll see each other then as well.