PureAppleJuice Posted November 6, 2015 Posted November 6, 2015 What sort of damage do they cause to a person, the person who is the rebound?
Seeker12 Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 Depends how they see it, if to them its a bit of fun, getting to know someone new, then it wont cause much of an issue, and the relationship will go as quickly as it arrived. However, if they decide to invest in it and take it seriously, then it can damage and traumatise them.
Truth34 Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 Is catastrophic accurate enough? The problem with many of the rebounds I've known is that it is such a sudden break. The person who gets left behind rarely gets any real answers because the truth is the dumper wasnt looking for a real relationship in the first place. And so often even if they were, they start to seep back towards their ex which leaves them confused and unsure what to do. And since the rebound doesnt usually have nearly the bond that the ex had, the choice is usually the ex. And then the vague reasons and halfass apologies from the dumper make it even harder to cope with. Yeah, it can be terrible if the other person was intoxicated with just holding hands and looking into the others eyes. Ask me how I know. 3
OldRover Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 Probably not much different that any other relationship, except the odds of success are not as good. Rebounds need the time for the rebounder to get over the past relationship, sometimes fairly easy and sometimes very hard. To intentionally string someone along without an explanation isn't fair (but no different that being strung along in any dating situation... sometimes not as bad.
just-moi Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 Is catastrophic accurate enough? Ask me how I know. YES! I've had 2 10+ year relationships, I am still on good terms with both & wish them well.. My last relationship of 2 years was 'looking for long term' & 'totally over the ex who used him'. We had an awesome relationship & were about to move in together. The ex clicked her fingers & he was gone (after cheating & many lies) He didn't even have the backbone to be honest, just suddenly changed his phone# & blocked me everywhere else, including IM & email in the job-from-home, which *I* got him! Unless you're going to be honest that you want something casual, & you are dating someone on the same page, DON'T ever do that to anyone!!! It's been over a year since that POS disappeared, but I will never trust so easily again
Truth34 Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 YES! I've had 2 10+ year relationships, I am still on good terms with both & wish them well.. My last relationship of 2 years was 'looking for long term' & 'totally over the ex who used him'. We had an awesome relationship & were about to move in together. The ex clicked her fingers & he was gone (after cheating & many lies) He didn't even have the backbone to be honest, just suddenly changed his phone# & blocked me everywhere else, including IM & email in the job-from-home, which *I* got him! Unless you're going to be honest that you want something casual, & you are dating someone on the same page, DON'T ever do that to anyone!!! It's been over a year since that POS disappeared, but I will never trust so easily again Jeez, that's completely heartless. What a coward.
Truth34 Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 (edited) My story is long in the tooth and not all that different from thousands of others, but I'll try and do an abbreviated recap. Met girl in Sept of 2013 on a chat site. Had a four year age gap on her, but somehow we talked all night and had a really good time. Non sexual. At the end we exchanged numbers and social media accounts. From then on she would txt me once a week or so for a few months. Always seeming platonic, I never hit on her. Time went by and after a month and a half of not hearing from her she txtd me out of the blue. I joked about her finding a man and she laughed and explained that she had. So we talked about that and I expressed happiness for her. We continued talking on and off without as much gap until she txtd me last winter asking for advice. He broke it off and she just wanted to talk and I was all ears. A few months later we txtd and she made an offer to cuddle with me, which was the first "move" id noticed. Another month goes by and I joke about being in her college town driving through and she later explains how she remembers exactly where she was and how she was hurrying to get ready to see me as I had offered to pick her up for lunch. Things led on at this point and a month later she drove up to spend the weekend with me. It was the first time we met but it felt like we had known each other forever. We had an amazing weekend followed by another great month of communication and a few visits to meet her at home. I met the family and all that. Then she just txtd me one night early in July saying how she felt weird. And that started her fade while still trying to salvage our friendship/relationship. I got a myriad of reasons to why we were no longer on the same page, many of them made sense. But im almost 100% that there was still feelings for her ex and that she came to a place that she couldnt avoid any longer. I do believe she tried to keep things how they were but she was no longer on the same page. We shared so much in two months and a handful of visits. We both explained how happy and grateful we were to have met. Towards the end she couldnt look me in my eyes, she would actually look away and ask me to stop in a laughing way but I could sense she wasn't really joking. We kept in contact on good terms with her doing all the initiations, until she txtd me a few weeks back. I said I couldn't continue having these dry convos, it is a slap in the face to how authentic it was with us throughout our time spent in contact. I asked her to not speak to me unless she is ready to hop in my truck and go get something to eat. I dont want to "catch up" when we have nothing to talk about. So do I know I was the rebound? Not truly. I know she had very real feelings for me. And I know she feels bad for how it ended up. But its obvious she wasnt ready, and with college and distance between us it just caved in one day. I miss her, she was a great friend and a really happy person. Her eyes made me feel like I was in heaven, cheesy I know. Great experience but at the cost of losing her altogether, im not sure it was what we should have done. /novel I should add that she was crying one night so I called her to try and help. She was going through her diary, no doubt reading some of her entries during her relationship with the ex. But she said guess what I found on such and such date? I said what? She went on to read to me how she had met a really great boy (which was me) and that she really enjoys talking to him and all this and that. I was blown away because we were really nothing to one another at that point (fall of 2013), but thinking back obviously I was something to her even early on. Stuff like that makes it hard to not txt her or let her know I miss her. But I can't. Edited November 7, 2015 by Truth34
Armageddon Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 My ex-girlfriend broke up with me on the 22nd September and 3 days later, she had a new boyfriend. However, 10 days before our break-up, she was acting very cold and distant to me. Is this still considered a rebound?
makemineamac Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 It could be. Depends how long you were together and other things, but that's a pretty quick turnaround.
Armageddon Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 It could be. Depends how long you were together and other things, but that's a pretty quick turnaround. I was with her for 5 months, I'd say close to the 6 months mark but I officially became her boyfriend in June and our relationship lasted till end of September and from June to early September, it was a long-distance relationship. I don't know how long she knows her new boyfriend but I just don't understand after breaking up with me, she can move on so quickly and get into another relationship 3 days later. After everything that I've done for her...
drseuss Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 Well I was a rebound and at the time it's distroyed me because in thought I loved this woman but looking back it was always just a bit of fun , sex , nights out ect and it was never going to work . But the point of it is when emotions get ivolved people get badly hurt , so listen to red flags and be clear about your intentions
OldRover Posted November 7, 2015 Posted November 7, 2015 My ex-girlfriend broke up with me on the 22nd September and 3 days later, she had a new boyfriend. However, 10 days before our break-up, she was acting very cold and distant to me. Is this still considered a rebound? No way a rebound... been your GF for 6 mo in a LDR, you just can't get that close with that time and the distance. She had someone else before she dumped you. That happens, sorry. I've known a women that would rebound in a day or two to get over a relationship that lasted for some 3 years... clearly a rebound and it was totally predictable that it wouldn't last, and it didn't... not for two months, and then the next few failed, too, and I'll bet the current BF won't last much longer.
Armageddon Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 No way a rebound... been your GF for 6 mo in a LDR, you just can't get that close with that time and the distance. She had someone else before she dumped you. That happens, sorry. I've known a women that would rebound in a day or two to get over a relationship that lasted for some 3 years... clearly a rebound and it was totally predictable that it wouldn't last, and it didn't... not for two months, and then the next few failed, too, and I'll bet the current BF won't last much longer. I know she used to date a guy before me, who was in a relationship with her for 6 months but it was also pretty much a long-distance relationship and he was working in Sydney most of the time and would only come to see her once every 3 months so they spend very little time together. I'm fairly sure I spent more time with her than that guy. She dated 5 guys before me and this new guy is her 6th boyfriend. So you're saying I was a rebound? And this new guy is also a rebound? I'm really confused.
OldRover Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 I know she used to date a guy before me, who was in a relationship with her for 6 months but it was also pretty much a long-distance relationship and he was working in Sydney most of the time and would only come to see her once every 3 months so they spend very little time together. I'm fairly sure I spent more time with her than that guy. She dated 5 guys before me and this new guy is her 6th boyfriend. So you're saying I was a rebound? And this new guy is also a rebound? I'm really confused. Armegeddon, Sounds confusing... but to have a REAL rebound, you really have to start with a reasonably established relationship that really hurts when it ends. The hurting party dates other as a substitute for the ex partner, and often thinks more of the ex than the new date. And, if it develops into a relationship and other ex comes back, the new partner can get hurt. However, just dating without the rebound has risks that end in pain, but the likelihood of a rebound lasting long just after a LTR has broken up is small. There's nothing wrong with going out in the dating world after a break up, contrary to lots of advise. But there's a strong argument to do it casual, and be up front with the other so they understand where you're coming from and they can decide if they wish to accept the risks. Also, it would be nice to find another also in a rebound, then you have some common goals. Sitting at home after a serious break up, is probably the worst thing to do.
Survivor12 Posted November 8, 2015 Posted November 8, 2015 A rebound occurs when someone is looking to "replace" a prior relationship & is focused more on the "relationship" than the person they become involved with. It's not about feelings FOR the new partner but about the new partner's feelings for them. Sometimes rebound relationships end quickly; other times, the rebounder actually catches feelings themselves and what began as a rebound can actually develop into a longer lasting relationship. Someone choosing to leave one relationship because they have feelings for someone else is not a rebound. 1
Armageddon Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Armegeddon, Sounds confusing... but to have a REAL rebound, you really have to start with a reasonably established relationship that really hurts when it ends. The hurting party dates other as a substitute for the ex partner, and often thinks more of the ex than the new date. And, if it develops into a relationship and other ex comes back, the new partner can get hurt. However, just dating without the rebound has risks that end in pain, but the likelihood of a rebound lasting long just after a LTR has broken up is small. There's nothing wrong with going out in the dating world after a break up, contrary to lots of advise. But there's a strong argument to do it casual, and be up front with the other so they understand where you're coming from and they can decide if they wish to accept the risks. Also, it would be nice to find another also in a rebound, then you have some common goals. Sitting at home after a serious break up, is probably the worst thing to do. So back to my question. Is her new boyfriend actually a rebound? She didn't leave me for him according to her. She broke up with me and 3 days later, she was with him. However, a week before our break-up, she was acting very cold and distant to me. All her relationships also never lasted more than 6 months and most of her relationships were around 2 to 3 months. A rebound occurs when someone is looking to "replace" a prior relationship & is focused more on the "relationship" than the person they become involved with. It's not about feelings FOR the new partner but about the new partner's feelings for them. Sometimes rebound relationships end quickly; other times, the rebounder actually catches feelings themselves and what began as a rebound can actually develop into a longer lasting relationship. Someone choosing to leave one relationship because they have feelings for someone else is not a rebound. I can see where you are coming from but honestly, I think that anyone who got into anther relationship so quickly after a breakup is a rebound, whether you are the dumper or dumpee but it seems like most dumpers got into a rebound especially female dumpers.
OldRover Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 So back to my question. Is her new boyfriend actually a rebound? She didn't leave me for him according to her. She broke up with me and 3 days later, she was with him. However, a week before our break-up, she was acting very cold and distant to me. All her relationships also never lasted more than 6 months and most of her relationships were around 2 to 3 months. I can see where you are coming from but honestly, I think that anyone who got into anther relationship so quickly after a breakup is a rebound, whether you are the dumper or dumpee but it seems like most dumpers got into a rebound especially female dumpers. Armageddon, Your situation is a bit confusing, hard to tell. But a short relationship to start with, and was turned off before she left you.... if that's a rebound, it's not much.
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